Delaying

Nana and Abriel began complaining again. At first, the whining I had had to deal with was about the other stealing the other's supplies. Now it was to me and about a lack of available space in the house to hang their paintings. They sold most of them, but the rest they wanted to keep. Of course, the two also wanted them to be on display. However, I had a large portion of works from my previous children that stretched back centuries. It was ridiculous to get a request like the one I got from Abriel. I was not going to put away the creations of my beloved deceased children just so she could hang another dot tree picture. I kept hearing complaints though. I had to threaten to take away one of the easels which would force them to share with the other to get them to stop. It was then decided by nana and Abriel that they would rent a storage shed together so that they could still keep the artwork they wanted to save. I had no idea why nana wanted to hold on to so much. Was she really planning on taking it all back with her when we returned home?

The Choice

It was hard to ignore the pressure I felt. Each day I found myself being pulled more and more towards going against what ada wanted. I tried as best as I could to think of every reason and excuse I could use to throw away what my own heart was telling me, but it was one of those things that would not be gotten rid of. It didn't help that I began to see more and more of Marty. Riverview was such a small place. We had kept running into each other and had ultimately become friends. He came around to the house a few times a week. All the children loved having him play video games with them seeing as I still wasn't interested in those things. I had hoped that our growing friendship would change Marty's mind about doing certain activities with me, but it was all too easy for me to catch those glances of desire he sent my way. They didn't disgust me. I was facing a situation similar to the one I faced in Sunset Valley where I had to wait to have children after we were forced into the small house. Though my intention wasn't to have children, I had gone on and slept with other men just because I missed the presence of that kind of intimacy. I was feeling that same kind of frustration now.

Indecisive

It was a fun few hours I spent at city hall, that's for sure. And by "fun", I mean it wasn't fun at all. I had to explain perhaps a dozen times why I needed to change Abrien's name, and I got stared at whenever I retold the story. The workers there simply couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that my mother and I had both been pregnant at the same time and that we had both gave our daughters the same name. They didn't believe me at first when I said how the names we were thinking about giving our children was something we never discussed. At the very least, they had no reason to deny me changing my daughter's name. Given that I was upset with the workers at city and hall and then with ada and nana for ruining my sentiment, I went right ahead and named my daughter directly after my grandmother. That is how Abrien became Abriel.

I had known the change was necessary the second I read my sister's name. Even calling the two Abriens by nicknames would have been confusing enough. There would have been many issues in the future regarding official paperwork when it would be seen that there were two Abrien Ithienniths born close together in the same house. Changing my Abrien's name would save all of us so much headache. I knew I could have waited until ada and nana returned with their Abrien before making the decision, but if one of our daughter's names had to be altered then I knew it had to be mine. Abrien had been born first, and I felt like ada had more right to her name given that his mother obviously played a greater role in his life than she did mine. I never even met her.

It was hard remembering to call Abriel "Abriel" in the first several days after she was rewarded her new identity, but then I grew so used to it that I began to forgot it had ever been something different. 

Envy

It was slightly awkward between nana and I for a few days. I still wasn't exactly sure how she truly felt about having another child, so I didn't know how to talk to her about it. Things changed when I was able to confirm that I definitely was pregnant as well. I didn't know why, but I somehow got the courage from that to ask questions. Nana often repeated what she had first said. She was rather pleased by the turn of events and now wouldn't change a thing. It was her wish that ada would let her and the child stay with me sometimes. I think nana continued to feel guilty over what she had done to me despite me giving her forgiveness because she kept subtly mentioning how she thought us raising our children together would help us to grow closer. Whether she remained upset with herself or not, the two of us were definitely growing closer because of our similar state. Nana and I talked more than ever. We discussed subjects we never would have brought up before. I was surprised when she was even willing to talk about being with men. It was my experiences and my feelings we mostly went over. Obviously, the only man she had ever been with was ada. The last thing I wanted to hear about was his and nana's moments.

Ironic

We found ada about to leave to jump onto a plane when we returned home to Riverview. In our joy over my memories having returned, Eloril and I might have stupidly decided not to answer ada's phone calls so that we could surprise everyone when we came back instead of telling him them. We weren't really thinking of how much he would worry. He, and nana as well, had known that we had gone to Aurora Skies last. Our sudden silence coupled with the fact that we returned home a day late because of our unplanned detour to Twinbrook to personally tell Elemir the good news must have made the two of them think something terrible had happened after we went to visit Cirabel. He and nana were understandably angry, but that anger was rapidly forgotten when they learned that the plan had worked. Ada picked me up and spun me around until I grew dizzy. Nana was smiling with happiness, and Eloril was laughing his head off at the whole thing. Even more than having my memories back, the four of us being together like that was the final piece that made everything feel right again. It had been many centuries since we had been able to gather together and share true joy. It had been hard to leave Twinbrook a second time now that I could remember it, but the chance to have ada and Eloril visit far more often was too tempting to deny. Besides, there was still a ridiculous amount of reporters left trying to get the final scoop on my kidnapping story. Moving on had been the correct choice indeed.

Riverview

It was three weeks after my return home when ada announced that the family was going to be moving.

Much to everyone's disappointment, including my own, being in the house living as normally as I could was doing nothing to help my memories. I became more familiar and aware of the things around me, but that was only because I was simply growing used to the life I was forced to be in instead of actually remembering anything. It wasn't just the house not being helpful to me that prompted the move though. Elemir had told me of how the humans were interested in my story; how they were hovering about trying to take pictures and talk to us. I was kept far away from them all. However, that made their interest stronger. Maldor still took the children to school, and ada and Eloril were making constant patrols of the yard to scare away the unwelcome visitors. It soon became too much. Ada wanted to take us somewhere quieter where we could live live with being hounded. He also wanted to bring me to a place that was closer to the elven lands.

The children, especially Ranna, weren't pleased with the announcement. They handled their disappointment and sadness with maturity though. I'm sure they were tired of the constant attention as well, and I think they didn't want to upset me since I was pretty much the whole cause for the move. I was...indifferent towards the move myself. I felt sad that my children were sad, but I continued to feel no real connection to the world around me. It really didn't matter whether we stayed or went. I simply kept on playing with Thoronton and Andethon. Taking care of them had become my main job as it was the thing that I had been the most skilled at when my parents and Eloril left me to wander about on my own to see what I could figure out. Taking care of my toddlers felt so natural. It was even better when Thoronton warmed up to me and treated me as if he had known me forever.

Blackout

I sat on my bed wondering what to do. It had been a long time, and Eloril, Maldor, and Michael had not returned. Nana and Thralas didn't show up either. I had no idea where everyone had gone or what was going to happen next. Though my head still hurt terribly and I felt unsteady on my feet, I decided to explore a little. I had grown used to the room I was in, and wanted to see more of the hospital. A quick peek down the corridor showed me that there was little else besides seats and glass doors that led to rooms appearing to be quite similar to my own. No one was in sight, although I could sense that others were about nearby. I started wandering to the right. However, I barely got anywhere. My room was on the corner, and as soon as I reached the intersection a sense of familiarity too strong to be ignored washed over me. My eyes were drawn to the room at the end of the way.

Overwhelmed

Silas was not happy with me at all that I hadn't alerted him of my labor. He rushed in when Andethon really began belting, and I thought he was going to throw a tantrum. I also began to fear that he would take Andethon away. While Silas had placed a crib in the room, he had never said just how often our son would be staying with me. I lied to Silas to calm him down. I told him that I had tried to get his attention, but the pain had just been so intense that I hadn't been able to call his name loudly or pound on the door. I had barely managed to make it to the bed.

Pretending to be absolutely exhausted and on the verge of crying did have the effect I wished for. Silas' anger eased dissipated, and he no longer blamed me. He was simply glad Andethon had been born safely. He made me rest while he took care of Andethon for a while. From the little bit of talking that we did, I was able to deduce that he planned on leaving our son with me most of the time. It did make the most sense for it to be that way. I was much more prepared and experienced to be his care-giver, and Andethon was far too young for Silas to begin his brainwashing on him. Silas also mentioned something about becoming very busy. I hoped that meant he was finally starting to be pressured by the police finding out location. I truly did not want Andethon or I to be in this place for much longer.

Long Day

I had managed to pull myself off the floor and into bed at some late hour. I had cried myself to exhaustion, and fell asleep quickly. It was a blessing that I did. The last thing I had needed was a fitful night of tossing and turning. I slipped into unconsciousness easily though, and rested deeply until the bright rays of morning light streaming through the window woke me up. I remained in bed for a good long while after that. I heard Silas come in at some point to bring me my breakfast. I continued to stay in bed for another half hour. Eventually, I forced myself to get up. My breakfast was a slice of pumpkin pie. I thought this was strange considering it was late spring, but Silas definitely wasn't a normal man. Though I wasn't hungry when I began eating, my stomach growled loudly after the first few forkfuls went into my mouth. The salad last night had been delicious, but not particularly filling. I was still hungry when I finished my slice. I hoped Silas would bring me more food than the three main daily meals otherwise I would begin to riot. Thanks to my children, I have become accustomed to snacking throughout the day. To not be able to eat at my leisure would drive me crazy.

Secrets, Part Two

Eloril led me upstairs and sat me down on my bed. I was in a daze, and he didn't say much of anything as I'm sure he was in shock too. He really only had ever known kindness from naneth. While he had been aware she and I weren't as close as we should be, he never could have imagined just how bad things had been for so long. The news of how she had treated me must have been a jolt to his system. It ruined the image of the ideal family he had pictured us being. My tears stopped when he sat me down, and left me to deal with naneth. I thought about our family. What was going to happen now? How was ada going to react when he found out what I had been through? I could just see it throwing a massive blast into my parents' marriage. Ada taught Eloril and I how to fight, but it was the horrible sights of the wars from his memories that prompted his dedication to make sure we could protect ourselves. Those horrible recollections had him otherwise convinced that physical reprimand was one of the most despicable actions on the planet. Ada had seen so much violence and how much damage it caused. He couldn't understand why anyone who loved their child would be so cruel as to hurt them in such a way.

That's when the little voice from before came back to me. Only this time, it was singing a different tune. I really did love naneth. Even now the thought of thinking that I didn't made my stomach churn with disgust and guilt. Somehow I still cared for her a lot, and I wanted her to care for me too. However, the little voice was whispering to me that she didn't. I fought back against it. Naneth had come all this way to see me. She had lovingly helped me deliver my son. She had told me she wanted to protect me. She had said she wanted me home.

The voice began its argument using my own words against me. I had been thinking about how ada couldn't understand how anyone who love their child would hurt them physically. Well, if my naneth didn't love me it would make sense then that she could continually whip my hands without fretting about it. Then there was everything else- all the horrible names she had called me, how she would have punished me to be alone forever if it had been her choice, and how she said she couldn't care less about me.

Secrets, Part One

I was glad Wesley had pushed me to become so proficient at meditation. With everything that had happened, I remembered I had that way to block everything out. Meditation became my lifesaver. Despite naneth's silent glares that were now her protest and Eloril's own suggestions, I continued to wear my lilac dress. If I wanted to wear it, then I was going to wear it. It was nice to be able to move about more easily as generally the length of my normal dress does cause some problems. With the amount of problems I already had, the last thing I needed was one more frustration to deal with. Things had become more tense still between naneth and I when it was proven that I was pregnant with Rico's son. I was relieved that I wasn't having twins again. Naneth was upset I had let such a man conceive a child with me. She couldn't believe how I had slept with Rico was similar to how I had slept with most of the men who have helped me create my children. I didn't understand how she thought it would be any other way. What, did she think I was going to go through an extensive courting-like process for each father? I would be nowhere close to finishing the task if I went about it that way. As it is, I have now truly spent more time living amongst humans than I have with my own people.

Rebelling

It might sound strange, but it got the point where I was so exhausted that night that I lacked the energy to even fall asleep. I don't know why I bothered to continue arguing with naneth. It was obvious nothing was going to come out of it. The noise eventually caught Eloril's attention. With Maldor having arrived, he came inside to break us apart again. I was sent to bed, and Eloril gave naneth a stern reprimanding. I hoped it would help. She's listened to him more than she's ever listened to me. I was in bed not a minute later, but like I said, my brain would not shut down. It was if all it could manage to do was keep me in the daze of a state which I entered. I was somewhere half between consciousness and unconsciousness. I would sometimes only just realize I was robotically getting out of bed to tend to Delerith and Delindir when they needed something. My body was definitely not my own. Eloril kept on being a right blessing. He popped in and out of the room to care for my youngest twins a lot like ada quietly looked after Sidhion the night he had been born. I didn't have to get up too often.

Being in that daze state must have relaxed me in some way. It dulled my headache considerably, and I "woke" up the next morning feeling as if I had some energy. I tried then to actually sleep, but it wasn't coming. I decided to get up despite the hour still being early. At least Naldir was awake as well. He had come back to the house much later than planned, but I couldn't have cared less. With all that naneth had done to upset me, my children could probably murder at this point and I would brush it off. He somehow found the the situation amusing when I explained what had gone on, but was happy he had gotten to skip out on it. I must repeat what I said last time- yes. How nice for him.

Headache

I didn't wait too long after Aewen and Alcarien's birth before becoming pregnant yet again. Of course the reason for the big gap between Maldor and Naldir was because of Aneviel, Anemir, and Anadien, but obviously I'm the only one who knows that information. I instead had to lie and make up some excuse when my older children asked me why I had waited. The gap wasn't my fault, but now I was the one having to push myself to make up for it. I had no choice but to call over Mr. Chauncey Heath despite my own wish to give myself a bit more space between children. I just had a feeling I would somehow regret it later on. However, Mr. Heath was all too willing for me to turn back or hesitate. He came over right away when I called.