Overwhelmed

Silas was not happy with me at all that I hadn't alerted him of my labor. He rushed in when Andethon really began belting, and I thought he was going to throw a tantrum. I also began to fear that he would take Andethon away. While Silas had placed a crib in the room, he had never said just how often our son would be staying with me. I lied to Silas to calm him down. I told him that I had tried to get his attention, but the pain had just been so intense that I hadn't been able to call his name loudly or pound on the door. I had barely managed to make it to the bed.

Pretending to be absolutely exhausted and on the verge of crying did have the effect I wished for. Silas' anger eased dissipated, and he no longer blamed me. He was simply glad Andethon had been born safely. He made me rest while he took care of Andethon for a while. From the little bit of talking that we did, I was able to deduce that he planned on leaving our son with me most of the time. It did make the most sense for it to be that way. I was much more prepared and experienced to be his care-giver, and Andethon was far too young for Silas to begin his brainwashing on him. Silas also mentioned something about becoming very busy. I hoped that meant he was finally starting to be pressured by the police finding out location. I truly did not want Andethon or I to be in this place for much longer.

But there was a heavy feeling in my chest, which I dreaded to think was a premonition, that whispered to me that I would be forced to remain where I was for longer than I would like. It was constant, and it was annoying. I was already struggling enough to keep myself composed. Each day the walls seemed to encroach closer and closer. To spend even another week in Silas' prison felt like it would break me. Andethon thankfully provided another much needed distraction, but with me having nothing else to do but tend to him even his needs couldn't keep me busy all the time.

I had no choice but to try to be more creative. The snow had grown deep as winter had progressed. There was more than enough to build an entire army of snowmen. However, I built only one. It was all I could handle doing. Building that snowman made me think of the rest of my children at home- Ranna, Aewen, Alcarien, Delerith, Delindir, and Thoronton. How were they handling me being gone? Who was watching over them? I hoped desperately that my disappearance wasn't affecting them too horribly. It was my wish that they could still have fun even with the situation being what it was. I wanted them to build their own snowmen, decorate the yard with snow angels, and spend some nights in an igloo they sculpted themselves. The last thing I desired was for my kidnapping to take away the joy in their life. However, as I pondered what my children might be feeling I realized something I hadn't thought about before. Silas was taking rather good care of me, but my family didn't know that. They were more likely under the impression that he was hurting me- that I would indeed be in some dark and dirty basement all cold, beaten, and starved. Goddess forbid, they might even be considering the possibility that Silas could have killed me.

That idea struck me terribly. I had to sit down. I didn't bother to go inside. My skin had already started to tingle with chill from my depression again. The numbing of the snow was comforting as it masked the cold emanating from my own body. I did what I could to toss away the awful idea that had entered my mind, but it would not leave my thoughts. Silas wouldn't have made a ransom or any demands. I doubted he had ever given any explanation for why he had taken me. I'm sure my family and the police would be confused at his actions then. It might look from their perspective that I meant nothing to Silas, which would have lead them to consider that he would have taken my life easily if I grew to be too much of a nuisance. Or maybe they thought he was a simple murderer to begin with. What if Silas and whoever was helping him had made it look as if I had actually been killed?! It could explain why things were taking so long. The police could be looking for a corpse that didn't exist. The thought made me positively nauseous. I had to rush to the toilet to gag a little.

Unfortunately, it would not be the lone instance of that happening as the days still continued to pass without answers. My worry and depression stayed at that intense level where I eventually got sick because of the overwhelming feelings.

Ral must have sensed how difficult things were for me. The little guy became more attached to me than ever before. I couldn't sit down without him jumping onto my lap, licking my hand, and cuddling against me. And I swear, that dog had an intelligence that almost too intelligent. It was even mildly disturbing. There would be many times when I was being driven to the point of over-worrying myself, and he could bark and run around in a circle to catch my attention. Ral would then proceed to do something like expertly weaving between all the legs of the chairs or doing a series of tricks that I had taught to him. I thought it was strange behavior until I realized he was purposely doing it to distract me. Not that that made it any less strange. More than whatever trick he did, it was the fact that he knew what he was doing that distracted me. I did manage to keep some of my composure thanks to him though.

Not that he could do anything for me when the dreaded day came. Winter had passed, and spring had arrived again. There was actually a date of anniversary for my kidnapping. I had never believed I would be stuck for the entirety of my pregnancy, let alone for a whole year! The arrival of that terrible day was the day when everything became worse for me. It crushed the last hopes I had been holding onto. It became too painful to hold onto wishes only to watch the days drag on by as nothing happened. It was much easier to fall into despair. That day, I was attached to the door. I banged on it constantly. I called for Silas until my shouting made Andethon cry. It was me who did most of the crying that day though. My eyes burned by nighttime. My voice had gone hoarse. Silas never came to bring me food, but that was just as well. If I had bothered to eat it at all I would have just thrown it back up anyway.

I didn't move from my bed the next day other than to take care of what Andethon needed. Mostly, I had exhausted myself from my tantrum. I felt surprisingly better the following day after that. Letting my emotions overflow as they had had momentarily given me a reprieve. I soon fell back into that forced, dazed state of reluctant acceptance. There was nothing I could do other than wait. It was understandable that my situation would weigh heavily on me, but I had to do what I could to keep composed. This was no time for me to be selfish, useless, and an emotional wreck, because I had Andethon to look after. It was unfortunate enough that he had been born here. The last thing he needed was an crazed mother bringing him up. When he slept, I went outside to get fresh air. The crisp spring air helped to relax me. Wildflowers began popping up everywhere. Their scent was sweet and fragrant.

The seasons changed again. It was proof that the premonition I had felt during winter was absolutely correct. Andethon and I were not escaping anytime soon. It was probable that Andethon would see his first birthday here; that there would be a second anniversary for me. It was strange, but recognizing that helped me to not slip further. Beginning to accept my fate made me stop paying attention to the passing days. There was a complacency that swept over me. I was finally growing accustomed to my cage. Being bored, restless, and confined simply became my life. I was starting to forget what having freedom felt like.

However, the one thing I knew that would never change was how desperately I wanted to see my family. Thoronton's first birthday had long since passed. All my other children would have had their birthdays too. Ranna, Aewen, Alcarien, Delerith, and Delindir would be off school for the summer break. I wished as I had during winter that they were doing their best to enjoy the season despite me being gone. That's what made me decide that I should do more to enjoy the season as well. Silas brought me a ton of sparklers when I requested them. I even asked if he would light them off with me, but he declined. I played with them by myself.

Those sparklers made me think back to Wesley and our vacation again. That time felt even further lost in the past than it had been before. Me thinking constantly about those three weeks over the next several days that passed brought me to one of my bad days. Despite my overall acclimation towards my predicament, there were still many times when I became overwhelmed. The burden of heavy feelings that struck me on that particular day though was rather unexpected. I had been feeling sort of normal. Andethon was napping, Ral was outside splashing in the puddle, and I was walking about doing a bit of cleaning. My mind whirled in confusion when I found myself suddenly collapsing to the floor. I laid there being quite perplexed until the intense emotions of despair surfaced within my chest. I thought I had been doing fine, but the amount of energy it was taking to keep me at "fine" had driven me to exhaustion. I was being steadily worn down whether I liked it or not.

I made no attempt to stand or move. I continued to lay there on the floor, and before too long the tears started. Part of me wondered if I would ever be able to get up. Another part wondered if it might just be better to give in and slip away completely. If I was lost, Silas would have no point in staying here. He would take Andethon somewhere else, and surely then the police would be able to find them. Andethon would be given to my family. He would escape the brainwashing and confinement Silas would force on him if he remained here. It actually began to seem like a good idea. Wesley must not have thought the same way, for he reappeared after having been absent for so long. He shifted himself under me, and with his comfort I was able to stop crying and thinking my horrible thoughts. We didn't speak much. All he did was apologize when I asked him why he had been gone for so long. He offered no explanation. I didn't feel like questioning him, and simply enjoyed his presence. I fell asleep against him at some point. When I woke up, I was on the floor alone.

I never saw Wesley again in that place. I stopped thinking about him as summer departed and it was time for fall once more. I barely noticed the passing of the months. They had all blended seamlessly into each other. I only realized it was a new season when the temperature suddenly dropped and the yard became littered with leaves. Andethon, who was now able to sit, loved going outside to play with the leaves. I would gather them into a little pile, and he would break them into pieces or toss them into the air while he laughed. Ral enjoyed making a mess of the piles as well. The water always felt like it was running for I had to constantly give those two baths.

I didn't even blink when the snow started to fall. I had almost stopped caring about the passage of time. I wanted Andethon and I to get out, of course, but escaping had ceased to be my first though. My main concern had changed to being worried over my family and how they were handling the long separation. I knew they had to be going out of the minds by now. I had had the courage to ask Silas if he had made it look as if he might have killed me to lure the police in a different direction, but he had told me he would never do such a thing. There was the possibility he could have been lying, but I chose to believe him. Doing so left one less burden for my mind to handle.

Then another important day came- Andethon's first birthday. Silas had some surprise cupcakes for us all to eat, and he brought in several new toys for our son to play with. I worried that Silas would start to consider taking Andethon away from me more to begin his indoctrination, but he must have seen as I had that he was still far too young to be swayed by anything Silas might attempt. It was relieving I didn't have to worry about that for a good while longer.

Andethon's appearance amused me. While he didn't have the elven ears, he had both naneth's hair and eye color. She had been disappointed when the only coloring she had passed down to Eloril and I was her blue eyes to Eloril. Now she had a grandchild that looked a lot like her. It was even more amusing what with me having named Andethon after naneth's father, Andethil. I had thought it had been a nice thing to do given that I had wanted naneth to name my next child, but my predicament had obviously prevented that from happening.

Andethon could not have been a more pleasant child to look after. He had a tendency to be very messy, but he was otherwise the sweetest and calmest child a mother could ask for. It didn't take much to keep him preoccupied, which was a blessing. His favorite thing to do was to rock in the rocking chair. Andethon liked it better when I rocked with him, but he also managed to figure out how to climb onto the chair himself so he could use it alone. This was even before he began to walk, so I was surprised indeed that he could get himself up there. When we did use the chair together, he almost always fell asleep within minutes. I suppose it didn't hep that I always sung him gentle songs while we glided back and forth.

I was upset that Andethon had to have his first birthday here. However, I was glad he was growing up a bit. He helped me to feel more like myself again.

Ral enjoyed having a playmate, and Andethon enjoyed having a fuzzy thing to cuddle. It didn't take long before the two became best of friends. I almost grew jealous when Ral switched his preference from following me around to following Andethon around. I couldn't be envious when I saw how wonderful and adorable my son's and my dog's interactions where though. Ral continued to be a bit scary with his high level of intelligence for he was able to hep Andethon play with the peg box. Andethon would try to push the shape through the wrong hole, and when he was about to give up from frustration Ral would tap his paw near the correct hole. Andethon would place it through, and the process would start over again until Andethon grew excellent at choosing the right slot.

Winter was short that year, and spring arrived again- this time with full force. The trees and flower bushes sprung to life overnight. The weather was absolutely spectacular. I wasn't able to keep Andethon and Ral inside. They would throw fits if I tried to bring them back into the room before they were ready. I didn't mind too much as I thoroughly liked being outside as well. Being outside was also useful in teaching Andethon how to walk. He loved the feel of the grass, and was much more eager to learn how to be a biped when he could feel the blades tickling his feet rather than when he was inside on the carpet. It wasn't too long before he was toddling around by himself.

I barely realized that the second anniversary date of my kidnapping did indeed come. It was evening before I noticed it had already been a whole year since that day I had thrown a fit next to the door. The time that had passed only seemed like moments. Silas was extra quiet that day. He fell back on his old habit of dropping our food inside the door as quickly as he could before departing. I knew he was afraid I would be a sobbing mess again. I wasn't though. I shed not a tear. My forced acceptance of the situation put me in the mindset that had me thinking that I would get out when I got out.

And it was several days after that anniversary when I got out. I had no idea it would be that day. I had no idea things would escalate at the rate which they did. I had been going about my way as I had been for two years, and then I was at death's door within minutes...

It wasn't too long after lunch when it all happened. Ral was outside running around. Andethon was deep asleep as he was in the middle of his afternoon nap. I had finished reading one of the new books Silas had given to me, and was browsing for a new one. That was when the shouts started. At first, I believed the noises to be coming from Silas' television. I had been able to hear him watching his own shows over the past two years. The shouts grew louder though. Silas' cries were distinct. There was the loud thumping sounds of fighting, and once the smashing of something made of glass. My heart began racing. I couldn't believe that there was someone else here. I had finally been found!

I didn't know what I should do though. Was I supposed to gather Andethon and Ral up? Should I bang at the door to let whoever had come know where I was? Would it be better to hide in case something went wrong? My confused mind had me standing there doing nothing. All I could manage was to listen. Hurried footsteps were coming my way. Silas rushed into the room before locking the door tightly behind him. My heart sunk when I saw him for a variety of reasons. I hadn't wanted it to be him who showed up. The fact that half his face was covered in large, deep bruises and that he was carrying a thick fire iron made my heart race from terror instead. I quickly noticed that his gun was missing, but that had to have been why he had brought the fire iron instead.

He was scowling at me something awful. The crazed rage in his eyes was horrifying. I understood then that I was not in a good position at all. I made no effort to fight back against Silas as he slammed me into the wall. I tried to keep calm in hopes of calming him down. However, doing so accomplish nothing. My back had barely been slammed into the wall when massively loud bangs of pounding at the wooden door began. The person or persons wanting to rescue me were trying to get in. The noise woke Andethon up, and he began crying loudly. Ral began barking as well from all the commotion. The noise upset Silas further. The crazed look in his eyes grew darker. The quiet, somewhat rational man he had been was lost.

He glared at me with a rage I did not understand. He kept pressing his finger into my forehead until it began to hurt. Silas yelled of how upset he was that I had betrayed him. Betrayed him? I had no idea what he was talking about. He jammed his finger into my forehead harder. He knew elves could talk to each other with their minds. I had called the one outside the door to come and take me away. It was another elf that was there? I figured it had to be ada or Eloril. I tried to tell Silas that elves could not communicate telepathically, and that I had not told anyone to come and get me. Silas wouldn't have it. He was too convinced that he was right. He demanded that I tell the other elf to go away. Knowing I couldn't rationalize with him, I pretended to send the message he wanted. Of course, it didn't work. The pounding on the door grew louder. Silas grew more irate. I pleaded to him that the other elf just wasn't listening to me.

Silas grabbed me, jolted me away from the wall, and tried to lead me out the glass door. He said he was going to take me someplace else where I couldn't betray him again. I had no clue how he thought we would escape through the yard. Unless he had a secret door I hadn't noticed or he thought he could break the wall with his fire iron, going outside would accomplish nothing. I fought back against him. I didn't want to take the chance that Silas did know how to get out. With a rescuer so close, I wasn't simply going to leave willingly. I also refused to leave Andethon. Silas had made no attempt to collect him. I pointed him out, but Silas growled that we could just make another child. Taking Andethon would be too much of a hassle.

I fought back harder at that. I was not leaving without my son. Knowing how dangerous Silas was at that moment, I did not hold back against him. I fought with him with all the strength I had. My goal was to get the keys out of his shirt pocket so that I could let the person at the door in. However, I was no match for Silas on my own. He had grown a lot more muscle since when we initially met. He had a weapon and the advantage of already having half a grip on me. I managed to win freedom for a brief second, but me getting even that small inch of it set Silas off for good. That fire iron came smashing cruelly into my face before I knew what had happened. Blood appeared instantly. I dropped to the floor.

I thought that would be it; that he would pick me up, and force me along as he tried to escape. But he didn't. I had pushed him too far. I barely landed on the floor before the fire iron made contact again. It smacked into the side of my head with the weight of a bag of bricks. It hit once. It hit twice. There was a crack. Another rush of blood. I lost the ability to move. My vision turned blurry, and the darkness rapidly encroached.

I could sense Silas shifting to bring the fire iron down again. However, the wooden door suddenly burst open. The other supposed elf rushed into the room. My sight was too warped to tell who it was. I didn't have the strength to look up. All I could do was watch as the man with the red sneakers dashed towards Silas with almost inhuman speed. Silas was quickly overwhelmed. He was tackled to the ground- his leg breaking as he fell due to the violent motion. The man got hold of the fire iron. That was the last I saw of what happened. I was bleeding inside and out too profusely. There was nothing I could do to hold on. My vision faded to pure darkness. Andethon's cries became a distant echo as I faded away. I was certain those moments were my last.

I remained in the darkness for a long time. I had no sense of anything- not even myself. That is, until a bit of jostling broke through my daze. I couldn't open my eyes, but I became briefly aware of what was going on. The man with the red sneakers was carrying me. It felt like we were in the woods. I could hear the soft sounds of the leaves being brushed by the wind and the birds darting about. I could smell the scent of the man. It was familiar and reminiscent of something, but I couldn't figure out what. He was carrying me as gently as he could while still traveling at a fast pace. There was something putting pressure on my head. A bandage, perhaps? The man spoke. His voice was even more familiar than his scent, but I still couldn't recognize it. He was talking to someone. I was only able to catch one word- Eloril. He was talking to my brother, but I knew Eloril was nowhere near us. Then the cooing of a child's voice distracted me. It was Andethon. His quiet attempts at speech came from near the man's right shoulder. He must have made some makeshift sling carrier for my son to ride in.

I tried to listen for sounds of Ral following along, but I was slipping away again. I heard the man say Eloril's name again, and then mine as well. His voice soon became a soft slurring of noise as I lost focus, and was swept back into the darkness once more......