Answers

"She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living." - Eloril, Compromise.

"I asked him why he always shows up like this- now and when he came before to reach me when I was at my lowest point." - Ellothiel, One Special Day.

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Behind the Scenes Special 4

Due to some issues giving me problems, I wasn't able to get enough material ready for a normal update today. So you'll all be getting another Behind the Scenes update today instead! It covers the last of Ellothiel's time in Riverview, her kidnapping arc, and Urelia's side story.

Starting us off is a picture I can't remember for the life of me why I took it, haha. Ellothiel doesn't do a lot of idles, so I must have found this action interesting or something. *shrug*

Indecisive

It was a fun few hours I spent at city hall, that's for sure. And by "fun", I mean it wasn't fun at all. I had to explain perhaps a dozen times why I needed to change Abrien's name, and I got stared at whenever I retold the story. The workers there simply couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that my mother and I had both been pregnant at the same time and that we had both gave our daughters the same name. They didn't believe me at first when I said how the names we were thinking about giving our children was something we never discussed. At the very least, they had no reason to deny me changing my daughter's name. Given that I was upset with the workers at city and hall and then with ada and nana for ruining my sentiment, I went right ahead and named my daughter directly after my grandmother. That is how Abrien became Abriel.

I had known the change was necessary the second I read my sister's name. Even calling the two Abriens by nicknames would have been confusing enough. There would have been many issues in the future regarding official paperwork when it would be seen that there were two Abrien Ithienniths born close together in the same house. Changing my Abrien's name would save all of us so much headache. I knew I could have waited until ada and nana returned with their Abrien before making the decision, but if one of our daughter's names had to be altered then I knew it had to be mine. Abrien had been born first, and I felt like ada had more right to her name given that his mother obviously played a greater role in his life than she did mine. I never even met her.

It was hard remembering to call Abriel "Abriel" in the first several days after she was rewarded her new identity, but then I grew so used to it that I began to forgot it had ever been something different. 

Envy

It was slightly awkward between nana and I for a few days. I still wasn't exactly sure how she truly felt about having another child, so I didn't know how to talk to her about it. Things changed when I was able to confirm that I definitely was pregnant as well. I didn't know why, but I somehow got the courage from that to ask questions. Nana often repeated what she had first said. She was rather pleased by the turn of events and now wouldn't change a thing. It was her wish that ada would let her and the child stay with me sometimes. I think nana continued to feel guilty over what she had done to me despite me giving her forgiveness because she kept subtly mentioning how she thought us raising our children together would help us to grow closer. Whether she remained upset with herself or not, the two of us were definitely growing closer because of our similar state. Nana and I talked more than ever. We discussed subjects we never would have brought up before. I was surprised when she was even willing to talk about being with men. It was my experiences and my feelings we mostly went over. Obviously, the only man she had ever been with was ada. The last thing I wanted to hear about was his and nana's moments.

Riverview

It was three weeks after my return home when ada announced that the family was going to be moving.

Much to everyone's disappointment, including my own, being in the house living as normally as I could was doing nothing to help my memories. I became more familiar and aware of the things around me, but that was only because I was simply growing used to the life I was forced to be in instead of actually remembering anything. It wasn't just the house not being helpful to me that prompted the move though. Elemir had told me of how the humans were interested in my story; how they were hovering about trying to take pictures and talk to us. I was kept far away from them all. However, that made their interest stronger. Maldor still took the children to school, and ada and Eloril were making constant patrols of the yard to scare away the unwelcome visitors. It soon became too much. Ada wanted to take us somewhere quieter where we could live live with being hounded. He also wanted to bring me to a place that was closer to the elven lands.

The children, especially Ranna, weren't pleased with the announcement. They handled their disappointment and sadness with maturity though. I'm sure they were tired of the constant attention as well, and I think they didn't want to upset me since I was pretty much the whole cause for the move. I was...indifferent towards the move myself. I felt sad that my children were sad, but I continued to feel no real connection to the world around me. It really didn't matter whether we stayed or went. I simply kept on playing with Thoronton and Andethon. Taking care of them had become my main job as it was the thing that I had been the most skilled at when my parents and Eloril left me to wander about on my own to see what I could figure out. Taking care of my toddlers felt so natural. It was even better when Thoronton warmed up to me and treated me as if he had known me forever.

Blackout

I sat on my bed wondering what to do. It had been a long time, and Eloril, Maldor, and Michael had not returned. Nana and Thralas didn't show up either. I had no idea where everyone had gone or what was going to happen next. Though my head still hurt terribly and I felt unsteady on my feet, I decided to explore a little. I had grown used to the room I was in, and wanted to see more of the hospital. A quick peek down the corridor showed me that there was little else besides seats and glass doors that led to rooms appearing to be quite similar to my own. No one was in sight, although I could sense that others were about nearby. I started wandering to the right. However, I barely got anywhere. My room was on the corner, and as soon as I reached the intersection a sense of familiarity too strong to be ignored washed over me. My eyes were drawn to the room at the end of the way.

Confusion

Something bad must have happened. That was my first thought when consciousness very slowly returned to me. Everything had been so wonderful, then there was such a long period of darkness, and now there was a massive pain in my head added onto my world of darkness. I could barely make sense of anything. I was lying in a bed. My hair had been braided, but what idiot had done that? Everyone knew how much I hated having my hair tied up completely. The pain, me being in a bed, and my hair not how I liked it truly was all I could make out. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes. I figured whatever had happened to my head must have been making me rather out of sorts. Weird beeping sounds echoed from all directions while I swore I kept hearing a woman's voice in some unfamiliar language project out from the ceiling nearby. It could only be reasoned that I was dreaming. Otherwise, I was afraid to think what being in the strange place I was in meant for me.

Overwhelmed

Silas was not happy with me at all that I hadn't alerted him of my labor. He rushed in when Andethon really began belting, and I thought he was going to throw a tantrum. I also began to fear that he would take Andethon away. While Silas had placed a crib in the room, he had never said just how often our son would be staying with me. I lied to Silas to calm him down. I told him that I had tried to get his attention, but the pain had just been so intense that I hadn't been able to call his name loudly or pound on the door. I had barely managed to make it to the bed.

Pretending to be absolutely exhausted and on the verge of crying did have the effect I wished for. Silas' anger eased dissipated, and he no longer blamed me. He was simply glad Andethon had been born safely. He made me rest while he took care of Andethon for a while. From the little bit of talking that we did, I was able to deduce that he planned on leaving our son with me most of the time. It did make the most sense for it to be that way. I was much more prepared and experienced to be his care-giver, and Andethon was far too young for Silas to begin his brainwashing on him. Silas also mentioned something about becoming very busy. I hoped that meant he was finally starting to be pressured by the police finding out location. I truly did not want Andethon or I to be in this place for much longer.

Passing Time

I was watching television again, desperately hoping one of the channels might make some small sort of mention of me and my disappearance. It had been weeks now since Silas had taken me. There would definitely be a fuss about the situation by now as ada, naneth, and Eloril would have received the news. I bet ada and Eloril rushed over to the human side leaving naneth in charge at home. She probably lucked out. With my kidnapping to distract him, Eloril most likely hadn't though to mention everything that she had done to me to ada. I flipped to another channel, and watched it for a while. Nothing. Another channel. Nothing. I flipped back several channels. I was always paranoid that as soon as I moved on that there would be something broadcasted about me. There was never anything. I must have sat there for another hour continuing my work. When all the hundreds of channels had been gone through, the remote smashed into the floor as I tossed it to the ground again. I had to stop doing that as that was the third one Silas had to buy as I had broken the others, but I couldn't help it.

My frustration was peaking. So badly did I want to scream and wreck half the place! That's when Wesley showed up right on schedule. He leaned over, wrapped his arms around me, and placed his head against mine. He said nothing, but I calmed instantly. Ever since that first day, he has shown up just when I need him the most. I was left to debate if he really only was an image from a dream. I couldn't possibly be half-asleep all the times he has shown up. My more realistic explanation was that I was going crazy. I truly could feel my mind going down chaotic paths, and my behavior was becoming increasingly more sporadic and unpredictable. However, potentially losing my mind was what was actually saving me. Slipping away allowed me to see Wesley. He always pulled me back to safety, just as he was doing then. The two of us remained in that position for a long time. I grasped at his arms and tried to pull him back to me when he began shifting away. I told him he couldn't leave. Wesley chuckled. He wasn't leaving. He simply needed to stretch out his back after being hunched over for so long.

Long Day

I had managed to pull myself off the floor and into bed at some late hour. I had cried myself to exhaustion, and fell asleep quickly. It was a blessing that I did. The last thing I had needed was a fitful night of tossing and turning. I slipped into unconsciousness easily though, and rested deeply until the bright rays of morning light streaming through the window woke me up. I remained in bed for a good long while after that. I heard Silas come in at some point to bring me my breakfast. I continued to stay in bed for another half hour. Eventually, I forced myself to get up. My breakfast was a slice of pumpkin pie. I thought this was strange considering it was late spring, but Silas definitely wasn't a normal man. Though I wasn't hungry when I began eating, my stomach growled loudly after the first few forkfuls went into my mouth. The salad last night had been delicious, but not particularly filling. I was still hungry when I finished my slice. I hoped Silas would bring me more food than the three main daily meals otherwise I would begin to riot. Thanks to my children, I have become accustomed to snacking throughout the day. To not be able to eat at my leisure would drive me crazy.

Trapped

Consciousness came slowly. It didn't help that I didn't want to wake up. My head, my whole body actually, ached something awful. The deep, forced sleep I had been trapped in had been much more comfortable. However, there was no escaping back no matter how long I struggled to return to it. I had no choice but to lay there for who knows how long waiting as the pain slowly eased away while attempting not to panic. My mind was still working far too well to even consider pretending what had happened was all simply a dream. Silas had unexpectedly showed up not long after I called Elemir asking him to come over. I had assumed Silas merely wanted to talk to me. Then, before I had any idea what was happening, he had knocked me out. I can't recall whether it was by a drug or him hitting me in the head. It somehow feels as if he did both. Perhaps he tried to drug me, and when it took longer than he planned he resorted to force? It makes sense enough, I suppose.

As I woke up further, it was obvious I was somewhere completely foreign. I kept my eyes closed, and continued to lay there long after the pain fully subsided. It wasn't too hard to work out what had happened, but I wasn't ready to deal with it yet. It had obviously been hard enough for me to handle everything that had been going on with naneth. The last thing I had needed was to be kidnapped. I took comfort in the fact that Silas had at least brought me somewhere that felt comfortable. The bed I was resting on was softer than my one at home. Considering how much money I spent on that bed, this one surely had to be even more expensive.

Secrets, Part Two

Eloril led me upstairs and sat me down on my bed. I was in a daze, and he didn't say much of anything as I'm sure he was in shock too. He really only had ever known kindness from naneth. While he had been aware she and I weren't as close as we should be, he never could have imagined just how bad things had been for so long. The news of how she had treated me must have been a jolt to his system. It ruined the image of the ideal family he had pictured us being. My tears stopped when he sat me down, and left me to deal with naneth. I thought about our family. What was going to happen now? How was ada going to react when he found out what I had been through? I could just see it throwing a massive blast into my parents' marriage. Ada taught Eloril and I how to fight, but it was the horrible sights of the wars from his memories that prompted his dedication to make sure we could protect ourselves. Those horrible recollections had him otherwise convinced that physical reprimand was one of the most despicable actions on the planet. Ada had seen so much violence and how much damage it caused. He couldn't understand why anyone who loved their child would be so cruel as to hurt them in such a way.

That's when the little voice from before came back to me. Only this time, it was singing a different tune. I really did love naneth. Even now the thought of thinking that I didn't made my stomach churn with disgust and guilt. Somehow I still cared for her a lot, and I wanted her to care for me too. However, the little voice was whispering to me that she didn't. I fought back against it. Naneth had come all this way to see me. She had lovingly helped me deliver my son. She had told me she wanted to protect me. She had said she wanted me home.

The voice began its argument using my own words against me. I had been thinking about how ada couldn't understand how anyone who love their child would hurt them physically. Well, if my naneth didn't love me it would make sense then that she could continually whip my hands without fretting about it. Then there was everything else- all the horrible names she had called me, how she would have punished me to be alone forever if it had been her choice, and how she said she couldn't care less about me.

Secrets, Part One

I was glad Wesley had pushed me to become so proficient at meditation. With everything that had happened, I remembered I had that way to block everything out. Meditation became my lifesaver. Despite naneth's silent glares that were now her protest and Eloril's own suggestions, I continued to wear my lilac dress. If I wanted to wear it, then I was going to wear it. It was nice to be able to move about more easily as generally the length of my normal dress does cause some problems. With the amount of problems I already had, the last thing I needed was one more frustration to deal with. Things had become more tense still between naneth and I when it was proven that I was pregnant with Rico's son. I was relieved that I wasn't having twins again. Naneth was upset I had let such a man conceive a child with me. She couldn't believe how I had slept with Rico was similar to how I had slept with most of the men who have helped me create my children. I didn't understand how she thought it would be any other way. What, did she think I was going to go through an extensive courting-like process for each father? I would be nowhere close to finishing the task if I went about it that way. As it is, I have now truly spent more time living amongst humans than I have with my own people.