Envy

It was slightly awkward between nana and I for a few days. I still wasn't exactly sure how she truly felt about having another child, so I didn't know how to talk to her about it. Things changed when I was able to confirm that I definitely was pregnant as well. I didn't know why, but I somehow got the courage from that to ask questions. Nana often repeated what she had first said. She was rather pleased by the turn of events and now wouldn't change a thing. It was her wish that ada would let her and the child stay with me sometimes. I think nana continued to feel guilty over what she had done to me despite me giving her forgiveness because she kept subtly mentioning how she thought us raising our children together would help us to grow closer. Whether she remained upset with herself or not, the two of us were definitely growing closer because of our similar state. Nana and I talked more than ever. We discussed subjects we never would have brought up before. I was surprised when she was even willing to talk about being with men. It was my experiences and my feelings we mostly went over. Obviously, the only man she had ever been with was ada. The last thing I wanted to hear about was his and nana's moments.

Rebelling

It might sound strange, but it got the point where I was so exhausted that night that I lacked the energy to even fall asleep. I don't know why I bothered to continue arguing with naneth. It was obvious nothing was going to come out of it. The noise eventually caught Eloril's attention. With Maldor having arrived, he came inside to break us apart again. I was sent to bed, and Eloril gave naneth a stern reprimanding. I hoped it would help. She's listened to him more than she's ever listened to me. I was in bed not a minute later, but like I said, my brain would not shut down. It was if all it could manage to do was keep me in the daze of a state which I entered. I was somewhere half between consciousness and unconsciousness. I would sometimes only just realize I was robotically getting out of bed to tend to Delerith and Delindir when they needed something. My body was definitely not my own. Eloril kept on being a right blessing. He popped in and out of the room to care for my youngest twins a lot like ada quietly looked after Sidhion the night he had been born. I didn't have to get up too often.

Being in that daze state must have relaxed me in some way. It dulled my headache considerably, and I "woke" up the next morning feeling as if I had some energy. I tried then to actually sleep, but it wasn't coming. I decided to get up despite the hour still being early. At least Naldir was awake as well. He had come back to the house much later than planned, but I couldn't have cared less. With all that naneth had done to upset me, my children could probably murder at this point and I would brush it off. He somehow found the the situation amusing when I explained what had gone on, but was happy he had gotten to skip out on it. I must repeat what I said last time- yes. How nice for him.