The End

~Eloril~

I was able to remain oblivious to the commotion for a little while. After finally getting the opportunity to raise two of my own children, who could be very delightful, zoning in an out at the appropriate moments had been a skill I had quickly picked up. Letting my mind wander was even easier to accomplish considering the fact that I was also rather tired. I lazily flipped to the next page in my book. The words were barely sinking in, but the half-hearted skimming I was doing was a much needed distraction. If only it had been a strong enough distraction. The commotion got so much louder that I couldn't ignore it any longer.

Peace

It was a confusing several weeks until Eloril and Erien's wedding. Ceremonies generally took place near the groom's home, but Erien's parents put up a fight for a while to have it take place in the northern lands instead. They argued the exception could be made seeing as how they and Erien would live separately afterwards. Tradition had it that they would move in with our family, but Taragond and Milui were going to continue being advisers to the northern leaders. They couldn't do that if they moved to the east. Everyone was fine with delaying the ceremony so we could travel to Erien's home- save for nana and Erien herself. Nana had been frustrated since she was the one in charge of making most of the arraignments. All of her hard work would have been thrown out the window. Erien simply didn't want to have to bother with the traveling. It was naturally her opinion which swayed her parents' hearts. We went ahead with nana's plans.

As nana's plans were incredibly traditional, the ceremony was thrown at the common grounds. There was little to do in terms of setting anything up seeing as how the emphasis of the event was on the bride and groom and not the decor. Guests were welcomed and greeted for the first hour after things started off in the later part of afternoon. Once everyone had been acknowledged, the proper ceremony began. Ada, nana, Taragond, and Milui said a few words before Eloril and Erien exchanged vows and rings.

Answers

"She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living." - Eloril, Compromise.

"I asked him why he always shows up like this- now and when he came before to reach me when I was at my lowest point." - Ellothiel, One Special Day.

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Revelations

Being back was the strangest thing. As cliched as it is to say it, so much of what I was experiencing felt like a dream. Being in Sunset Valley again was half of the reason why I felt like that, of course. Then there was the other half that was me having a hard time accepting that the past several days had actually happened. My proposal had been up in the air for months now. Ada, naturally, had given my idea instant approval. The leader of the southern land had come around quickly as well. The leaders of the northern and western lands had been the stubborn ones. I had convinced Erien to convince her father to convince the northern leaders, so there was that. The rest of my efforts went into making appeals to those in the west. Because they were the furthest away from the humans geographically, they had the least amount of interest in interacting with them again due to that great distance.

When Anoriand, the son of those leaders, suddenly spoke up and said he wanted to participate in the first trip, the whole thing switched around rather rapidly. That had occurred at the end of summer. The last few weeks had been preparing all the technicalities and paperwork for our visit. Due to Pemir's words that first time I consulted with him about the idea, I made sure that ada made sure to provide plenty of protection for our group. It was only Pemir and I who knew that government officials were dressed up as normal citizens to act as our secret bodyguards while we were in town. They were so good at blending in that even I forgot they were there. I was free to stand and stare without being disturbed to my heart's content.

A Proposal

It was an odd thing. Not too long ago the park where festivals and parties were held had been full of people. Now there were only a scarce few remaining. It was to be expected for a early afternoon celebration. They did not usually hold the grandeur of the parties that began around supper and lasted until the next morning. An all night celebration had been what ada had been planning, but my stubborn insistence that I would not attend such an occasion frustrated him to the point where he agreed to move my welcoming-back event earlier in the day. It was the lone way he was able to get me to come. One could otherwise not throw a party if the one it was for did not show up. The result didn't make ada happy, but I was satisfied. My people had thankfully realized that my mood was not particularly cheerful. I was welcomed by all, but everyone was content to leave me be for the most part. Some did strike up a conversation. I began conversations as well. However, the fear I had that I would face more insensitive words became something I didn't have to fear at all. It was true that many of the party-goers expressed their thoughts of me surely being glad the order was over, but that was the extent of what I had to handle.

Most of the discomfort that was experienced was a result of the still awkward air between Galith and I. I had sought her out that morning to reconfirm that I wasn't upset. She had asked to be forgiven, and I had forgiven her. It was when she acted as if that had never taken place when I did begin to grow somewhat upset. In truth, I had already moved on past the whole issue. Galith's comment had hardly been the first inappropriate thing that had ever been spoken to me in my life. It was more frustrating to have her linger on the matter than the actual matter had been. I had hoped to speak more about it to her, but with her and Rendion being the two in charge of providing music for the party there was not a moment to talk.

Home

I felt both nervous and calm as I stood there. My body was certainly hesitant. It was frozen like a statue.  My mind and heart, however, well, perhaps I was panicking so much that my heart was racing so fast that the constant hum was the source of the otherwise empty feeling within my chest. Whatever was going on with me, I actually didn't want it to stop. That morning had been the first morning in weeks where I hadn't woken up sobbing. It was the first time since my life utterly fell part where I felt relatively sane. The sight of what was before me was causing a state of surrealism that was blocking out the heartbreak that had been plaguing my existence.

Planning

I'm sure ada thought he was helping me to feel better. I had let him know when he came visiting again that I was pregnant. That had led way to him bringing up that it might be wise to discuss basic plans about me returning home. Ada came into my room while I was taking a break from writing to have that discussion with me. Technically, I would still not be home for a long while since I would never dare to leave before that moment when my last child had passed on, but he was still bringing up all sorts of things. He thought it would be best if nana and Abrien came home a little before me. That way they could get them set up before they had to stress about preparing for my homecoming. Ada understood I would rather not have any big sort of celebration. However, there at least had to be one night of feasting. That I would have completed an order from the Goddess would be no small thing. Then he backtracked to suggest ideas of how all the items I wanted to bring me with could be transported back. I had left with almost nothing. I was returning with roomfuls of stuff. Ada hadn't been too pleased when I had first mentioned all of the mementos I wanted to keep. I was stubborn though. Knowing I was going to eternally suffer the pain of losing over one hundred children, retaining some of the treasures they cherished was the minimum that should be allowed me.

I let ada ramble on as he continued with his suggestions. I was hardly paying attention for I didn't like making such plans. To think about that particular future wasn't desirable. All he was doing was slamming the harsh reality of what I faced at me over and over again. He spoke so excitedly. I understood ada was looking forward to finally having me home, but it seemed he had forgotten that all of what he mentioned would be taking place when my heart would be the most shattered it would ever be. How could thoughts of a rich feast and night of festivity excite me when I'm sure the last thing I would want to be doing is cheering on the fact that all my children were dead?

Busy

The period of where I didn't want to get up to do anything lasted about a week. I had to thank nana in a away for forcing me to think about how little time Maldor had left. The constant thoughts had prompted me to call him as much as I could before the inevitable happened. That inevitable was bad enough, but what really brought me down was how quickly Naldir had followed. I hadn't even been aware that he had been sick. Apparently, his wife and children hadn't wanted to worry me. None of them expected his illness to take his life so suddenly. But it had. I had lost two sons within a span of several days, and there was little anyone could do to cheer me up. It wasn't as if cheering me up was possible anyway. I wondered if I had ever been truly cheerful since Elrunamir's passing. I might have thought I was happy, but there was that pain always underneath. It was endless and deep, and it only grew more so with each day that sped by. The number of children left to grant me temporary joy was rapidly dwindling while the number of deaths that caused my heartache mounted ever higher.

Reconsidered

There was a constant hum of activity coming from the nursery. Thankfully, Isebrilia had taken to Abrien quickly and had warmed up to her brother sharing her space. She didn't cry when either were in the room anymore, which was a blessing. It was crazy enough in there without her adding to the stress. Nana and I were constantly running in and out trying to take care of the three toddlers while also keeping the house in order. It was a good day indeed when I only had to focus on teaching Cugu as Isebrilia had completed that phase. She was content to sit next to Abrien as they played with the xylophone and peg box.

Moving Forward

I thought it was a rather strange thing for me to do. One would think that after watching my home be consumed by flames that I would shun away from fire. I found myself attracted to the warmth of the one Andethon had made in his fireplace though. I wasn't upset or scared at seeing it, but was simply comforted by it warmth.

The past several weeks had not been kind to me. As if I hadn't already been on edge and hesitant enough, I had lost my place of respite. Then I had had no choice but to scatter the family. None of my older children had the space to take in myself and their younger siblings, and I wasn't about to have us living in hotel for Goddess knows how long. Gellrin had gone to stay with Ranna and Marty, Thoronton was watching over Erumaren, Celendel and Celenia were with Aewen, and Isebrilia and I were at Andethon's. It was certainly a massive change to not be in charge of the house. What was strange still was how quiet things were. Andethon and his wife only had one child, and Lyle was a soft-spoken boy. The calm pace my son's family was used to operating at was unnerving to me as I was accustomed to a much more hectic schedule. I was actually glad when Isebrilia would began crying for it shook things up.

The Introduction

Winter transitioned smoothly into spring. The days steadily got warmer as the snow melted away to reveal the green grass underneath. Then the snowfall disappeared entirely as it was replaced by cold rain. I liked to stay inside when such rain was falling, but Gellrin and Erumaren enjoyed the change. They were outside playing in puddles more often than not. I would have been more annoyed at all the water and mud they would then track inside had it not been for the fact that they were indeed spending so much time outside. I would rather them get a little dirty than waste away their days in front of the television or something.

Delaying

Nana and Abriel began complaining again. At first, the whining I had had to deal with was about the other stealing the other's supplies. Now it was to me and about a lack of available space in the house to hang their paintings. They sold most of them, but the rest they wanted to keep. Of course, the two also wanted them to be on display. However, I had a large portion of works from my previous children that stretched back centuries. It was ridiculous to get a request like the one I got from Abriel. I was not going to put away the creations of my beloved deceased children just so she could hang another dot tree picture. I kept hearing complaints though. I had to threaten to take away one of the easels which would force them to share with the other to get them to stop. It was then decided by nana and Abriel that they would rent a storage shed together so that they could still keep the artwork they wanted to save. I had no idea why nana wanted to hold on to so much. Was she really planning on taking it all back with her when we returned home?

Nine Left

Nana and I were absolutely dumbfounded. We had both expected with complete certainty that Gellrin would take after her father. We were not prepared in the slightest for her to take so much after nana. Andethon had nana's hair and eyes, but Gellrin had the whole package- the hair, eye, and ears. It was also fairly clear Gellrin inherited more of my facial structure than she did Marty's. I was pleased. Nana was beside herself. Andethon, who had always been her not-so-secret secret favorite grandchild, began to get a bit jealous. Nana could hardly be separated from her new adored grandbaby. I, on the other hand, was more than willing to let them be together so much. Of course I did my fair share, but it was also nice to have more time than I had anticipated to do more of the things I actually wanted to do.

The Choice

It was hard to ignore the pressure I felt. Each day I found myself being pulled more and more towards going against what ada wanted. I tried as best as I could to think of every reason and excuse I could use to throw away what my own heart was telling me, but it was one of those things that would not be gotten rid of. It didn't help that I began to see more and more of Marty. Riverview was such a small place. We had kept running into each other and had ultimately become friends. He came around to the house a few times a week. All the children loved having him play video games with them seeing as I still wasn't interested in those things. I had hoped that our growing friendship would change Marty's mind about doing certain activities with me, but it was all too easy for me to catch those glances of desire he sent my way. They didn't disgust me. I was facing a situation similar to the one I faced in Sunset Valley where I had to wait to have children after we were forced into the small house. Though my intention wasn't to have children, I had gone on and slept with other men just because I missed the presence of that kind of intimacy. I was feeling that same kind of frustration now.

Indecisive

It was a fun few hours I spent at city hall, that's for sure. And by "fun", I mean it wasn't fun at all. I had to explain perhaps a dozen times why I needed to change Abrien's name, and I got stared at whenever I retold the story. The workers there simply couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that my mother and I had both been pregnant at the same time and that we had both gave our daughters the same name. They didn't believe me at first when I said how the names we were thinking about giving our children was something we never discussed. At the very least, they had no reason to deny me changing my daughter's name. Given that I was upset with the workers at city and hall and then with ada and nana for ruining my sentiment, I went right ahead and named my daughter directly after my grandmother. That is how Abrien became Abriel.

I had known the change was necessary the second I read my sister's name. Even calling the two Abriens by nicknames would have been confusing enough. There would have been many issues in the future regarding official paperwork when it would be seen that there were two Abrien Ithienniths born close together in the same house. Changing my Abrien's name would save all of us so much headache. I knew I could have waited until ada and nana returned with their Abrien before making the decision, but if one of our daughter's names had to be altered then I knew it had to be mine. Abrien had been born first, and I felt like ada had more right to her name given that his mother obviously played a greater role in his life than she did mine. I never even met her.

It was hard remembering to call Abriel "Abriel" in the first several days after she was rewarded her new identity, but then I grew so used to it that I began to forgot it had ever been something different. 

Envy

It was slightly awkward between nana and I for a few days. I still wasn't exactly sure how she truly felt about having another child, so I didn't know how to talk to her about it. Things changed when I was able to confirm that I definitely was pregnant as well. I didn't know why, but I somehow got the courage from that to ask questions. Nana often repeated what she had first said. She was rather pleased by the turn of events and now wouldn't change a thing. It was her wish that ada would let her and the child stay with me sometimes. I think nana continued to feel guilty over what she had done to me despite me giving her forgiveness because she kept subtly mentioning how she thought us raising our children together would help us to grow closer. Whether she remained upset with herself or not, the two of us were definitely growing closer because of our similar state. Nana and I talked more than ever. We discussed subjects we never would have brought up before. I was surprised when she was even willing to talk about being with men. It was my experiences and my feelings we mostly went over. Obviously, the only man she had ever been with was ada. The last thing I wanted to hear about was his and nana's moments.