Peace

It was a confusing several weeks until Eloril and Erien's wedding. Ceremonies generally took place near the groom's home, but Erien's parents put up a fight for a while to have it take place in the northern lands instead. They argued the exception could be made seeing as how they and Erien would live separately afterwards. Tradition had it that they would move in with our family, but Taragond and Milui were going to continue being advisers to the northern leaders. They couldn't do that if they moved to the east. Everyone was fine with delaying the ceremony so we could travel to Erien's home- save for nana and Erien herself. Nana had been frustrated since she was the one in charge of making most of the arraignments. All of her hard work would have been thrown out the window. Erien simply didn't want to have to bother with the traveling. It was naturally her opinion which swayed her parents' hearts. We went ahead with nana's plans.

As nana's plans were incredibly traditional, the ceremony was thrown at the common grounds. There was little to do in terms of setting anything up seeing as how the emphasis of the event was on the bride and groom and not the decor. Guests were welcomed and greeted for the first hour after things started off in the later part of afternoon. Once everyone had been acknowledged, the proper ceremony began. Ada, nana, Taragond, and Milui said a few words before Eloril and Erien exchanged vows and rings.

It was a rather surreal moment to see my brother being married. I don't think I would have thought of it as reality at all had Laril not been holding onto me as we watched Eloril and Erien kiss for the first time as a married couple. I had to suppress a laugh. That day could have been my wedding day as well had I been a person without a sound mind. Erien thought having a double wedding had been a wonderful idea. She had done all she could to convince Laril and I that we should marry as well. Committing ourselves to the other was definitely something we would consider in the future, but that would definitely happen in the future. Laril and I had barely been reunited for half a year. It seemed more appropriate to hold off on our wedding for a little while longer.

However, as the afternoon began to slip away into the evening I couldn't help but wonder every so often of what it would be like if I had been married that day. The thought kept a silly smile on my face, which Laril had no choice but to tease me about. I had a grand old time sarcastically bickering back. We kept at it, and dancing, until dinner was served. The feast lasted all night and well into the morning, although Eloril and Erien slipped away when the dawn began to break over the horizon.

It was my assumption that there would be a big shift in how we all went about in our day-to-day lives once Erien was moved in. The reality was that barely anything changed at all. Eloril and I decided to each take on a fourth of our parents' work so that it could be easier on all of us, but that was it. I suppose I could say that Eloril and Erien's willingness to be more open about their affection was another change, but compared to Laril and I who had no qualms about coming off as "proper" in that regards there was little for the rest of us to bat an eye at. Otherwise, all of us spent the days relaxing in peace.

And so many days passed by like that. So many of them went by, in fact, that Abrien stopped being a child. The seamless years had transformed her into a stunning adolescent who truly could have been an exact replica of nana had her eyes been nana's shade of blue. With her accumulating age, Abrien's steady maturation was an obvious happening. This was nowhere more evident than on our field trips to the human lands. Her excitable enthusiasm for the humans and deep knowledge and confidence had her doing more to manage the trips and be a guide than I was. It was her who helped those like Anoriand grow to her level so that we had a wide pool of other guides able to take charge on the outings.

In the beginning years they occurred very infrequently. Now there was almost always a group being sent out. Enough cracks had been made in the dam of reservation, anger, and fear that was keeping our people held back. The elves that went on those first infrequent trips brought back nothing but positive opinions. While there was some friction about differences of our lifestyles experienced, the reality was that there was finally evidence of all my work having meant something. The humans had changed their ways enough for the world to begin healing. It was a slight difference and barely noticeable, but it was there. I began to wonder if it was the elves braving the outside world again that had given my work through the order the last push it needed to fully take root.

Besides the years bringing along with them the inevitable growth of those who would grow, they also brought along another inevitable situation- Erien's first pregnancy. I didn't react much when I was told the news. It took a while for it to sink in. I believe I didn't want to have to face what my nephew or niece's birth meant. I was unsure if I was ready to be around an infant all the time. It was a complete mystery if I would be able to hold that child and not have him or her bring up all the negative emotions I had done so well with dealing with again. However, I had no choice but to be excited in the end. I had to realize that my reaction would be whatever I wanted my reaction to be. If I believed the child would be a constant reminder of the darkness of my past, then that's what he or she would be. If I wanted him or her to be a little gift of life that could brighten up my own, then that's what would happen. I went with the second option.

Most of Erien's pregnancy was filled with Eloril her Erien's gentle bickering. Eloril desired a daughter. Erien craved a boy. When it was determined that Erien was indeed carrying only one child, it was a never-ending match as to what the result would be.

As it was, Erien was proven to be the victor. She gave birth to a strong baby boy one night late in the summer. It generally would have been nana or I who delivered Tirilonn, but with Eloril's experience helping me in a few of my labors he had the honor of delivering his own son. It was the strangest of feelings I experienced watching my brother hold his child.  Even with Tirilonn right there, it was still difficult for me to think about Eloril being a father. The reality would again take a while to set in. I had to chuckle though. If it was so strange for me to see my brother becoming a parent when he was at the appropriate age and married, I couldn't even imagine what it had been like for him to watch me become a mother when I was barely called an adult and all on my own.

Even though I had chosen to be happy about Tirilonn's birth, there was no denying that I still had to be struck by bittersweet emotions. I couldn't look at him and not think of my children. I couldn't hold him and not wish it was my babies I was holding. I couldn't see him grow and not realize how he should have had a small town's worth of cousins there to spoil the world out of him.

Apparently, I was not the only one thinking of those things. The day Eloril came over to me was a day where I had been feeling perfectly fine. I was out in the yard tending to the flowers when he appeared after having put Tirilonn down for a rest. We talked for a moment, but then my brother suddenly fell silent. I discovered when I turned around that his eyes were wet with tears. There hadn't been anything in particular that had brought on his thoughts, but Eloril admitted that he could understand me a bit more since he now knew the love of a parent for his child and how terrible just the thought of losing him could be. Eloril embraced me, more for his own comfort than for mine. I was simply glad that he did not truly understand my pain. I never wanted him to be able to relate more to me in that manner.

The more Tirilonn grew, the more he was a joy to be around. He was a right little genius and loved learning. With him taking after Erien in everything but skin tone, there was no way I couldn't smile when my adorable nephew's eyes lit up whenever he saw something for the first time or discovered something on his own.

Ada, nana, Laril, and I were all rather shocked when Galuiel came along almost exactly ten years after her brother. Given that elves rarely had more than one child, for Galuiel to be born what would be the equivalent of one human year after her brother was something remarkable. However, the close births had been Erien's requirement for agreeing to Eloril's persuasion that the five children she originally wanted was perhaps not the best idea. Her reasoning was that if she was only going to have two children that she wanted them to be close in age. And so that led to Eloril getting the little girl he wanted. Like Tirilonn, Galuiel had her mother's hair and her father's skin. She inherited Eloril's blue eyes instead though.

With the four of them together, they were one good looking family.

I had to secretly stare at my sister, nephew, and niece as much as possible. I had grown used to the elven flow of time once more, and because of that they all grew up too quickly despite the many years it took them to do so. Abrien had a few centuries left to go before she would be the age I was at when I left home, but she had grown into her adult body. Tirilonn reached the age I felt like my sister should still be at.

Eventually, "in the future" arrived. I had stopped thinking about it. There was a part of me that continued to be so wrapped up in the life I used to have that I forgot about the future I could have. Laril, however, was not as forgetful. In fact, what he remembered me saying once led to a proposal one would not generally think of as romantic, but one that I would not have changed a thing about.

     "It's always so easy to find you." Laril laughed when he found me reminiscing in my room's nook.
     "I would hope so considering that my schedule of where I go and what I do rarely changes." I laughed back.

He moved over to me to join in me in staring at the objects on the walls.

     "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

     "Oh, nothing in particular. After all this time, there are no memories I haven't already recounted. I suppose though...I was imagining a little, like I have a tendency of doing, of what they all would be like or what they would think if they could have the chance to be here right now."

     "Does doing so comfort you?"
     "Sometimes. Occasionally I'll become saddened by such thoughts, but most of the time, like now, it is more fun and interesting than depressing."
     "Good."

There was a suspicious pause, for naturally at that time I had no idea what was coming.

     "This will go easier for me if you're in a good mood."

I had no opportunity to respond. Laril, with his excellent and suave talents of coordination, smoothly pulled me against him when I turned to glance at him in curiosity and confusion. Though I rolled my eyes, I didn't make any sort of protest. Nana had reprimanded me more often than I liked at how Laril and I got a bit too close sometimes, but I was ravished at each and every small touch of his. That there was clearly something more to his action that hinted at something endearing and full of love only helped me to relax further.

     "Now you've got me thinking. I wonder how they would react if they could be here to witness this moment." Laril pondered.
     "What exactly would they be witnessing?"

A strong idea of what was going to happen had already formed in my head at that comment of his.

     "Actually, I guess they still wouldn't be here. You did say you didn't want this to be shown off. You wanted something honest and intimate and not something flashy and full of bravado." Laril ignored me.
     "Truly, whatever could you be talking about?" I asked coyly, although I was trying not to laugh again.

If Laril was trying to hide his intentions, which I doubted, he was not doing a very good job. He stared at me for a second, glanced around the room as he thought over his words, and then pressed his forehead against mine.

     "I have been complacent for these past centuries. I thought I had the world being with you and being with your family. There didn't seem to be a reason to change any of that. However, recently, with there being no real trigger, I've become incredibly restless. What we have is just not enough anymore. I don't want to have to call your family 'your family'."

     "Soooo?" I responded coyly, but softer, once more.

Laril fidgeted slightly. His gaze broke away for an instant. I smiled at him encouragingly. As sweet as it had been for Eloril to have been fearless and full of confidence when he asked Erien to be his wife, there was something even sweeter about being to see through the poised aura Laril was attempting to portray to discover that nervous, timid side of him. It appeared more with every second that passed.

     "I don't want to have to call everyone else in this house your family because I want them to be my family too."
     "You know we already think of you as family." I replied with a fake, innocent, pretend unknowing grin.
     "Don't go teasing me now."
     "I'm not teasing you."

I was totally teasing him.

     "Right," Laril rolled his eyes, "Well, in any case, I still mean that even you all thinking of me as family is not enough. I want to actually be family."
     "You want ada and nana to adopt you?"
     "Ellothiel."
     "What?"

I was given one of those looks. The grin on my face grew wider. Laril was forced to roll his eyes again, but this time he sighed lightly too.

     "I want you to be my wife." he came right out to say it.

I nearly broke down in joy right there, but I couldn't help but to tease him for just a moment longer. I let enough of a pause pass in order to cause Laril to fidget again.

     "Isn't that supposed to be in the form of a question?" I asked.
     "You're really going to make this difficult for me, aren't you?" Laril laughed.
     "I can't give an answer if I'm not given a question."
     "Alright. Ellothiel, would you please marry me?"
     "I would absolutely love to."
     "Good," Laril repeated, this time with one of his goofy smiles on his face, "Because I love you."

This time my pause was not because I intended to ruffle Laril's feathers. I always had to pause before I could give my response. Though Wesley had annoyed me in the past with his refusal to have me say what I wanted to say, I now understood why he wanted me to save those words. I had said them to Laril before, but each time the power of them shook me to my core.

     "I love you too."

When the news broke out around the household, it sent everyone into a flurry of excitement. Nana, as I expected, soon became busy with planning. There wasn't going to be anything really that different from Eloril's wedding. I didn't mind that. Laril and I could have said our vows in a broken down shed in the middle of a dense forest with the rain pouring through the roof with it only being the two of us and I would have been happy. To have a traditional ceremony was more than I needed. However, there was an extra something that kept nana preoccupied. It apparently had something to do with my wedding dress. Most mothers and daughters sewed the dress together, but nana insisted that she make it all on her own. I was slightly disappointed, but she was so adamant that I ended up not caring all that much. I did, however, become concerned when it was the night before the ceremony and I didn't have anything to wear. I was about to march to nana's room to demand to know what was going on when she entered mine with something soft wrapped in brown paper packaging.

     "Sorry to worry you," she apologized when she saw the expression on my face, "I had to wait until the last of the parts arrived before I could finish."
     "What parts? Why did you have to wait for them? Exactly what kind of dress are you making?" The questions rolled of my tongue quickly.

I went to open the package, but nana gently brushed my hand away.

     "The truth is that I'm not just making your wedding dress. I've also been making your gift."
     "Gift?"
     "You've forgotten."
     "Clearly."

     "That is just as well. It is more fun this way since it is a surprise," nana smiled, "I suppose the ordeals you suffered through after the order finished blocked one aspect of the whole nature of the orders given to us from your mind. Remember, anyone who completes an order must be given a gift that the leaders of the four lands each contribute to in order to complete."

I glanced again at the package.

     "That's right. I had forgotten. Then, the dress is my gift." I said.
     "Yes. The northern leaders supplied the silk. The accessories for it came from the south, the circlet comes from the west, and your ada and I put it all together."
     "You let ada help?" I giggled, "Was that a good idea?"
     "If his contribution had not been required, I wouldn't have risked it. I made sure he only did the last few stitches. You should be safe."

That had us both laughing. After we got over having some fun at ada's expense, nana allowed me to try on my dress. It was in the perfect shade of lilac that I adored, and it was so much more than I had been expecting. It was actually slightly more than I was comfortable with.

     "It is not...perhaps a bit too extravagant?" I said, not wanting nana to be offended.

    "You have completed an order, and quite an extraordinarily difficult one at that. Our people will revere your name forever. The dress suits the honor you deserve," nana explained, "I understand you are somewhat uncomfortable seeing as how you have never worn something this intricate, but I hope that you'll find it comfortable soon enough. I had always intended to make your gift your wedding dress so that you can wear it for more than just your ceremony."

I glanced down at my outfit. There was something embarrassing about it being so showy, but with nana's words to encourage me I found myself liking the idea of wearing it for more than only tomorrow like she said. With there having been enough time being placed between the current moment and the end of my work for the order, there was a part of me that did want brag, I should say, about what I had accomplished.

     "Then that hope shall be a reality," I spoke, "I am growing fond of the dress quickly. I wonder if soon it will be impossible to get it off of me."

Nana laughed one more time.

I wasn't nervous the next day until it was time to head down to the common grounds. Then the nerves that came were nerves of pure excitement. I was frustrated that so many people had been invited. The last thing I wanted to do was stand there for hours and exchange pleasantries. I wanted to be married. Compared to Eloril's wedding it took twice as long for the ceremony to begin, but when it did begin it went by in a flash. The rest of the world melted away except for Laril when it was the moment for us to pledge ourselves. Laril chuckled at me jumping when the audience's clapping brought me back to reality.

The party afterwards was absolutely wonderful. Laril and I danced for hours, not feeling the tiniest bit exhausted. I laughed some more, conversed a lot, and teared up every time I saw nana and ada clinging to each other at seeing me being truly happy for the first time in the longest time. It was a happiness so powerful that it swept me away until the point where I almost forgot the wish I had that my children could have been alive to experience the day with me.

The wedding was so enjoyable that I never noticed the night. The sun fell, the moon rose, and the sun woke again, and I was oblivious to it all. It took Laril's impatient prodding to remind me that there was one more step on our journey before we were fully bonded.

There was a part of me that assumed our intimate time together couldn't possibly be as powerful as I wanted it to be due to my many previous encounters. After giving myself away in so many cases, even though with Laril it was different, how could there be anything new for me to discover? I was pleased to say that those thoughts were proven utterly wrong. My attachment to Laril, which went deeper than it had with any other man, did change the matter entirely. Everything sensation I experienced was foreign. For the first time since my first time, I had no idea what to anticipate. That led to a long and truly unforgettable morning.

There was no stopping time after that. Like with what happened after Eloril and Erien married, very little changed after Laril and I wed. There was no reason to act any different than how we had been acting before. All I could do was enjoy the days I was being given with the best kind of peace I had been granted. In truth, there remained only one matter which continued to burden my thoughts. It was the reason why both Tirilonn and Galuiel were able to grow fully and reach adulthood before anything happened with Laril and I. It was dryly amusing how similar nana and I had turned out to be. Despite the reasons for our hesitations being different, I was absolutely terrified and frightened to have another child. If I wasn't careful, the fears I entertained when Erien was pregnant with Tirilonn could manifest. I didn't want to see a new baby of mine and only be brought down by the reappearance of my past griefs. I had been doing so well for so long. To return in any manner to the dark place I had been in caused me to cry in terror.

However, after more centuries had passed...when I had once again spent more time in the elven lands than I had in the human ones...when I reached my second millennium...I took the plunge. I did want to have a child I could keep forever. I did want to have faith that he or she would bring me more happiness than depressing emotions from the past. When my pregnancy revealed itself, I found that the process of creating life had not become unfamiliar even after so many years. In fact, it felt like no time had gone by at all. Unfortunately, I constantly switched back and forth between being alright and not being alright. My fears did keep rearing their ugly heads even with me being excited about my new baby girl or boy. I was reminded of my pregnancy with Elemir. The experience was not quite as intense, but still not an unknown situation by any means. I clung onto Laril's unfailing support with all my might. I did everything I could to believe the words he spoke that this would all bring about peace in the end......