The End

~Eloril~

I was able to remain oblivious to the commotion for a little while. After finally getting the opportunity to raise two of my own children, who could be very delightful, zoning in an out at the appropriate moments had been a skill I had quickly picked up. Letting my mind wander was even easier to accomplish considering the fact that I was also rather tired. I lazily flipped to the next page in my book. The words were barely sinking in, but the half-hearted skimming I was doing was a much needed distraction. If only it had been a strong enough distraction. The commotion got so much louder that I couldn't ignore it any longer.

Answers

"She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living." - Eloril, Compromise.

"I asked him why he always shows up like this- now and when he came before to reach me when I was at my lowest point." - Ellothiel, One Special Day.

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Planning

I'm sure ada thought he was helping me to feel better. I had let him know when he came visiting again that I was pregnant. That had led way to him bringing up that it might be wise to discuss basic plans about me returning home. Ada came into my room while I was taking a break from writing to have that discussion with me. Technically, I would still not be home for a long while since I would never dare to leave before that moment when my last child had passed on, but he was still bringing up all sorts of things. He thought it would be best if nana and Abrien came home a little before me. That way they could get them set up before they had to stress about preparing for my homecoming. Ada understood I would rather not have any big sort of celebration. However, there at least had to be one night of feasting. That I would have completed an order from the Goddess would be no small thing. Then he backtracked to suggest ideas of how all the items I wanted to bring me with could be transported back. I had left with almost nothing. I was returning with roomfuls of stuff. Ada hadn't been too pleased when I had first mentioned all of the mementos I wanted to keep. I was stubborn though. Knowing I was going to eternally suffer the pain of losing over one hundred children, retaining some of the treasures they cherished was the minimum that should be allowed me.

I let ada ramble on as he continued with his suggestions. I was hardly paying attention for I didn't like making such plans. To think about that particular future wasn't desirable. All he was doing was slamming the harsh reality of what I faced at me over and over again. He spoke so excitedly. I understood ada was looking forward to finally having me home, but it seemed he had forgotten that all of what he mentioned would be taking place when my heart would be the most shattered it would ever be. How could thoughts of a rich feast and night of festivity excite me when I'm sure the last thing I would want to be doing is cheering on the fact that all my children were dead?

Ironic

We found ada about to leave to jump onto a plane when we returned home to Riverview. In our joy over my memories having returned, Eloril and I might have stupidly decided not to answer ada's phone calls so that we could surprise everyone when we came back instead of telling him them. We weren't really thinking of how much he would worry. He, and nana as well, had known that we had gone to Aurora Skies last. Our sudden silence coupled with the fact that we returned home a day late because of our unplanned detour to Twinbrook to personally tell Elemir the good news must have made the two of them think something terrible had happened after we went to visit Cirabel. He and nana were understandably angry, but that anger was rapidly forgotten when they learned that the plan had worked. Ada picked me up and spun me around until I grew dizzy. Nana was smiling with happiness, and Eloril was laughing his head off at the whole thing. Even more than having my memories back, the four of us being together like that was the final piece that made everything feel right again. It had been many centuries since we had been able to gather together and share true joy. It had been hard to leave Twinbrook a second time now that I could remember it, but the chance to have ada and Eloril visit far more often was too tempting to deny. Besides, there was still a ridiculous amount of reporters left trying to get the final scoop on my kidnapping story. Moving on had been the correct choice indeed.

Memory Lane, Part Two

You can believe I was even more exhausted and irritable after the flight to China. I don't know how Eloril continued to have what seemed like limitless energy, but I supposed he had more drive and purpose towards all the traveling. He was determined to do what he could to help me remember. I was more nonchalant about the whole thing. It was like what Eloril told me in Appaloosa Plains. I had to let myself relax and not force my brain into chaos. If there was anything more that was going to come back, it would come back when it was ready. I was pulled out of my bad mood again though when the visit to China turned out to be a lot of fun. Eloril and I spent most of our time outside of the main town. We went to this sort of sanctuary area where the desire to meditate proved strangely strong. I was somehow able to tell Eloril the proper way to fully let oneself float away, and he picked up the skill pretty quickly. The two of us sat there for a good long while. It was that hour or so that really helped me calm down and regain focus.

Rebelling

It might sound strange, but it got the point where I was so exhausted that night that I lacked the energy to even fall asleep. I don't know why I bothered to continue arguing with naneth. It was obvious nothing was going to come out of it. The noise eventually caught Eloril's attention. With Maldor having arrived, he came inside to break us apart again. I was sent to bed, and Eloril gave naneth a stern reprimanding. I hoped it would help. She's listened to him more than she's ever listened to me. I was in bed not a minute later, but like I said, my brain would not shut down. It was if all it could manage to do was keep me in the daze of a state which I entered. I was somewhere half between consciousness and unconsciousness. I would sometimes only just realize I was robotically getting out of bed to tend to Delerith and Delindir when they needed something. My body was definitely not my own. Eloril kept on being a right blessing. He popped in and out of the room to care for my youngest twins a lot like ada quietly looked after Sidhion the night he had been born. I didn't have to get up too often.

Being in that daze state must have relaxed me in some way. It dulled my headache considerably, and I "woke" up the next morning feeling as if I had some energy. I tried then to actually sleep, but it wasn't coming. I decided to get up despite the hour still being early. At least Naldir was awake as well. He had come back to the house much later than planned, but I couldn't have cared less. With all that naneth had done to upset me, my children could probably murder at this point and I would brush it off. He somehow found the the situation amusing when I explained what had gone on, but was happy he had gotten to skip out on it. I must repeat what I said last time- yes. How nice for him.

Taken

It's hard to believe just how stormy this winter has been. I've seen ones this bad before, but they're few and far between. We have scarcely seen any blue sky let alone the sun. The clouds are always gray and low-hanging. The snow falls so fast and so often the town can barely keep up. Calun, Ithilas, and Galir have had snow day after snow day. This means the school is actually considering keeping classes going later into the summer. Of course, the boys are complaining about it. Now they're seeing all these days off do have consequences. There has to be equality in all things. Thankfully, the winter season is almost over. I do so miss the sun and my garden.

TGO New Years Special! Behind the Scenes 2!

In the last Behind the Scenes post created in celebration of The Goddess' Order one year anniversary, I went through all the pictures I had taken of the goofy things my Sims had done since I started the challenge. I have gathered even in just these past few months more than enough pictures for another Behind the Scenes update. Thus, I am uploading this as a special surprise New Years update. Don't worry. You'll get the normal update tomorrow as well (:

We start pretty much around the same time where we left off last time. It is the day of Elioviel and Morti's wedding...

Which Ellothiel clearly wanted to upstage. She pulled out a quick session of poses I've never seen from her before or even seen in general. It was unexpected, but very fun to watch. I think she is trying to look like a model or something here,

but the whole thing quickly goes derpy.

One Special Day

It was the knocking on the door that woke me up. Obviously one of my children wanted to come in, but opening my eyes was much harder than I anticipated. It felt like I had been sleeping for an eternity even though it had been quite difficult to actually fall asleep. The back pain caused by my pregnancy had just hurt that badly. The knocking came again- louder this time. As I wearily sat up, I very vaguely noticed I was not wearing the same clothes I had gone to bed in. My stomach had grown too big for my normal night dress, but for whatever reason it was what I was clothed in.

And, my stomach was its usual size. I started to panic and feel terror as I wondered if I had somehow lost the baby while sleeping. However, there was no sign that such a thing had happened. Even if it had, there was no way my stomach could have shrunken so drastically in a mere few hours.

The Truth

Sind was born very late in the night. It's been a long time since I've had a child come at such an hour. I was naturally tired from the late night and the labor. It was thankfully that the labor itself was relatively short. I was truly ecstatic to see Sind has at least inherited Paul's hair. Hopefully this means he'll have his pretty green eyes as well. Nevertheless, Sind seems so far to be a calm baby. It really is hard to determine his personality just yet though. He fell asleep quickly, and I fell asleep myself minutes after I got him settled.

The Goddess' Order 1 Year Anniversary Behind the Scenes Special!

I feel like Ellothiel right now.

Can it really have been this long already? A year has gone by? It feels as if it's taken forever, but also as if I've only just begun. It's hard to believe I'm more than halfway through the challenge. It's also a bit sad. Doing this challenge has become such a big part of my life that I don't know what I'm going to do when it ends. Another challenge, yeah, but it will never be the same. I'll never get attached to another Sim project like how I've grown attached to The Goddess' Order. It will be special. I probably won't ever be able to leave it alone. Perhaps for each anniversary, or whenever I feel like it, a bit more of Ellothiel's life will be presented to you. I'm sure I have enough creative juices left in me to always find a new story of hers to tell. I'll get lonely without her if I let her go entirely.

That's the future though. Ellothiel still has a lot more to tell you, and many more babies to give birth to. You're stuck with her and me for a little bit longer. And so, in honor of our one year anniversary, I've decided to make this post. There were many ideas I considered, none of which I will tell you in case I decide to do them later. I don't want to spoil anything. What you will be getting is a a behind the scenes look at the lovely Sims of The Goddess' Order. Things go wrong in-game more often than you would think, or otherwise the Sims are just odd. There are also some things I think would be interesting to share, but would weird to include in the storyline.

So here we go, your first look at what happens when you glance your eyes away!

Winter Festival

The Goddess has to be pushing me along. When I met Ricardo Brenner and was given such another perfect opportunity that I could not pass by, I knew there had to be something going on beyond my control. I don't know if there is a certain child that the Goddess wants born or if she simply wants me to hurry up. It might be true that for right now I can afford to have this child so soon after giving birth to Noril, but this pace of continually having children one right after the other cannot be kept on for very long. I at least want to wait until this next child becomes a toddler before I press forward again.

Decision

As I sat watching Elioviel swim, I kept waiting. Waiting to feel terrified, waiting to see my daughter be pulled under the water by some invisible force, waiting to see her gasp for air, and waiting for me to not be able to do anything to stop it. None of that happened. Elioviel swam peacefully without incident while Zuri and I watched over her.  No matter how much I anticipated the worst, the waiting for something bad to happen was the only bad thing that was happening.

Something similar can be said for Meldiron's death. Of course I'm terribly upset and saddened by his passing, but the horrible depression I was so sure I would fall into never hit. I'm still finding ways to enjoy life. Ada theorized that my resistance to the deep sadness can be likened to a callous. Now that I've experienced such a low, Meldiron's death, which was not as tragic or unnecessary as Cirabel's, won't cause that depression again because I've toughened like new skin over a wound. His words made sense, but I decided to keep waiting in case the feelings merely needed more time to sink in.

Sunset Valley

It was a relatively long trip to arrive at our new house. I knew Eloril was getting a bit frustrated with me since I would not stop glancing back towards the direction of Aurora Skies, but I simply couldn't help myself. My head shifted of my own accord before I recognized what I was doing. I knew it was time to leave there, the certainty of that almost overwhelmed me, and yet it was still very hard to leave. Much like my children back in Appaloosa Plains, my children who remain in Aurora Skies told me to go wherever I could be happy again. However, the feeling that I've somehow betrayed them lingers in my heart. I think my regret is a large part of why the chill of my grief will not depart from my skin.

Thus, it was relieving to be distracted when ada, Eloril, Elioviel, Zuri, and I all finally arrived in Sunset Valley and pulled up in front of our new house. We eagerly got out. The car we were in was spacious, but after five days of almost non-stop driving even that extra room wasn't enough. Elioviel and Zuri were the happiest amongst us to be freed. The relief grew into excitement stepping through our new front door. I had been very much in love with the open design plan since the first moment I saw the pictures. The design is mostly why I chose it.

The house somehow reminds me a lot of home, and I need to be as comfortable as possible right now into order to have a clear mind when I make a final decision as to whether I will stay or go.

Compromise

I thought the wait during the past two weeks to hear of my sister's fate was the worst waiting I would ever have to suffer through. However, the mere two days I had to wait for ada and Ellothiel's return proved to be much more frustrating. Two days was how long ada said it would take for them to travel back to Aurora Skies.

When ada told me he had found Ellothiel alive, I was so very glad. I was even more glad that Garthon and Rieldir were not around because I began to cry from relief. It was not simply a few tears that flowed down my cheeks, but I cried with such an intensity that I have not since when I was a young child. The tears that I've held back through this mess in favor of appearing strong to comfort the others flowed out all in that one moment.

Ada had even more good news for me. Ellothiel was doing better than either of us could have believed. She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living. Ada says there remains a bit of chill on her skin, yet she can smile, and perhaps more importantly, gather the strength to handle her grief.

It was in some woods where ada found Ellothiel. They went to the nearest town to buy a charger for her phone, and we now resting in a hotel. They rented a long-distance taxi, but even by car the journey would still take at least two days. I let Garthon and Rieldir know the news as soon as they got home. I think they are still somewhat bitter at how Ellothiel was treating them, but they want things to just return to normal as much as I do. They were quietly excited at the prospect of finally having their mother home.

Unfortunately, because they have some kind of mandatory tests going on at school, I wasn't able to call them in sick so that they could wait with Elioviel and I on the day ada and Ellothiel were due to return. I got Eli ready for the day, and we waited on the steps all morning.

The Search

I should have known.

I should have known something was wrong when Ellothiel didn't come back by her normal time. While it might be that she rarely eats anything anymore, she at least manages to find her way back here by lunch. However, noon came and went with no sign of her. I was too stupid to notice until I started clearing up the plates. It's just been so hard keeping my thoughts straight and coherent lately.

The grief lingering in my heart is quite unlike what I felt the last time I was here. I met Elrunamir and Ureliel when they were already so far along in their lives. Their passing hurt of course, but that pain was nothing like what struck my chest when I saw the lifeless body of the little girl I'd helped teach to walk and talk limp in Garthon's arms. There's no wiping the memory of her blood soaked face out of my memory.

Then there is Ellothiel. I have no choice but to watch her grow paler, grow weaker every day. Last time I was able to comfort her. This time there's no way I ever could. As badly as I want to ignore the truth, the truth is that it's now Ellothiel's decision alone whether she will live or not- and I fear she's leaning towards not.

Gone

I wonder if there's something wrong with Zuri. Not that she's been sick or upset lately or anything like that, but she has recently been coming into my room every night to sleep next to me on the bed even though all I ever do is ignore her. I don't understand why she has seemingly become so attached to me. I suppose it's a good thing though that Eloril adopted a dog who is so accepting and full of love instead of a completely anti-social one. Zuri has also stopped chewing away at my furniture, so that's good too.

Oddest Looking Dog

Naturally, I miss Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan now that they've left the house, but since I have Cirabel I find it much harder to be sad. Her recent birthday was a very joyous affair, and she is turning out just as beautiful as I anticipated. Bradley was glad she takes after me. The only thing Cirabel is missing is my ears. Since she's my first daughter in so long, I haven't been able to resist dressing her up in all sorts of pretty shades of pink. Cirabel seems to love everything pink so it works out great.

Daughter

It was prom time for the teenagers. Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan all pooled their spare money together in order to rent a limousine to pick up their dates and take them to the prom. What they got wasn't quite what the expected though. The limousine that picked them up had its heating brake earlier in the day. Since all the other limousines were booked for that day, the company only had the broken one left. The boys had to wear jackets and warmer clothes over their suits as they reluctantly got into the vehicle. The company refunded them a large percentage of their money, but naturally, they still weren't happy with the situation. Things eventually picked up for them at the dance though. Elrelas even won prom king.