Rebelling

It might sound strange, but it got the point where I was so exhausted that night that I lacked the energy to even fall asleep. I don't know why I bothered to continue arguing with naneth. It was obvious nothing was going to come out of it. The noise eventually caught Eloril's attention. With Maldor having arrived, he came inside to break us apart again. I was sent to bed, and Eloril gave naneth a stern reprimanding. I hoped it would help. She's listened to him more than she's ever listened to me. I was in bed not a minute later, but like I said, my brain would not shut down. It was if all it could manage to do was keep me in the daze of a state which I entered. I was somewhere half between consciousness and unconsciousness. I would sometimes only just realize I was robotically getting out of bed to tend to Delerith and Delindir when they needed something. My body was definitely not my own. Eloril kept on being a right blessing. He popped in and out of the room to care for my youngest twins a lot like ada quietly looked after Sidhion the night he had been born. I didn't have to get up too often.

Being in that daze state must have relaxed me in some way. It dulled my headache considerably, and I "woke" up the next morning feeling as if I had some energy. I tried then to actually sleep, but it wasn't coming. I decided to get up despite the hour still being early. At least Naldir was awake as well. He had come back to the house much later than planned, but I couldn't have cared less. With all that naneth had done to upset me, my children could probably murder at this point and I would brush it off. He somehow found the the situation amusing when I explained what had gone on, but was happy he had gotten to skip out on it. I must repeat what I said last time- yes. How nice for him.

Continuing On

Though I was indeed grateful Wesley's pain and agony was not lengthened unnecessarily, my heart still broke into a million pieces at his passing. My grief fully hit me several minutes after I woke up that night, and even Ranna's loud crying was lost on me. The craziness started a few more minutes after that when Maldor came to see what was going on when my daughter's crying didn't stop. I remember him alerting Elemir, Elemir freaking out, Maldor going to get Ranna, and me being almost absolutely useless. The hours until the sun rose were long indeed.

The days that followed were longer yet. The troubles I encountered were nothing new. My heart bled, I found it hard to summon the will to do much of anything, I barely slept or ate, I cried all the time, and I found myself attracted to the spots where Wesley and I would often sit and relax. However, my familiarity with such burdens did nothing to make their weight less. One of the few reliefs I had truly was that I had no doubts or regrets. Even my great heartbreak did not make me question whether or not I had done the right thing. I knew I had. The satisfaction of having had all those wonderful years helped pull me through where as the guilt I would have had if I had pushed Wesley away would have dragged me down further. My suffering was terrible, and yet I knew I would overcome it.

Dwindling

I would like to say that Wesley and I resolved our issues calmly and like rational adults after we each had some time to calm down. Unfortunately, that is not at all how things went. We went through a too long period of time where we didn't even speak. After two days passed, it became that much harder to break the silence. We eventually had no choice but to do so though. The sudden tension and negative atmosphere taking over the house was really affecting the children. They had no idea what was going on, but Wesley and I being so angry caused them to become angry simply by extension. The conversations Wesley and I had were shallow. We didn't try at all to address our issues. The only positive thing to come about was that those superficial conversations did at least get us talking, and moved us one step closer towards making an actual resolution.

That stage of our fight lasted several days. Thralas had his birthday during that time. Besides Elemir, he had been the least bothered by everything going on. That thankfully meant he was able to celebrate his special day without any worries. We took him out to the store so he could pick out his birthday present, which the children seem to enjoy more rather than being surprised with things they didn't really want. Thralas picked out a horse rocker. It was placed in the corner of his room, and I've barely seen him since as he can stay on that thing for hours.

Hidden

I got a bit worried as to where Amonost and Adonnen had gotten one afternoon after the high school students had gotten out for the day. Normally, the twins come home right away. However, Cadrier returned home alone having no idea where his brothers had gone. I tried not to panic too much. It was very unlikely something had happened, and more probably they had just wandered around for a bit. That pretty much turned out to be the case. It was such a nice day they had decided to walk home instead of taking the bus. On the way, they came across the ice cream truck. They proceeded to buy an icicle for all of us, and came home carrying them all. I would have said something about them at least giving me a short text letting me know about the delay, but the ice cream cooled my slight annoyance.

Changes

It certainly was a very strange several weeks that passed after that afternoon. Wesley, of course, was going to move in. It took a little time for that to happen though. He first had to sell the place he was currently at, as well as packing all his things up and dealing with other technicalities like having his address updated. I was somewhat disappointed that things didn't really change right away due to Wesley being busy. With me so nervous about the whole thing in general, delaying the plan gave me too much time to hesitate and ponder if I should back out.

Then Wesley had some spare time, and the whole family went to the summer festival. Tridia was switched between Wesley, Ris, Amonost, Adonnen, and I so we could all participate in the fun, but that day I didn't mind holding her most of the time. In fact, I preferred it. It gave me the opportunity to study that family of mine which was steadily growing closer thanks to the prospect of Wesley and I finally being together. Ris and Cadrier have always gotten along fine with Ray and Henry, but there was something about Wesley growing into a true constant presence, especially a father-like presence, that made them more energetic than usual. It was their excitement that strengthened my resolve. Amonost and Adonnen's cheerfulness at having their father move in helped as well, although not as much. "It's about time." had been their lazy blunt reaction.

Giving In

I really didn't mean to, but I almost forgot. Again. I thought I needed to start marking the calendar so I wouldn't have this issue anymore, and I was close to doing just that. It was simply that the household had been so calm after that crazy storm of birthday after birthday. I was enjoying the new schedule we had all fallen into, and I was looking forward to the days ahead. Then I remembered the days ahead included me having another child. By the time the realization came, my normal deadline for conception had long passed. With few options available to me, I went back to the house where Henry lived. I hoped this one particular man I had met on my previous trip there, Mr. Clifton Langston, would be willing to do a little something with me. He welcomed my advances warmly, although I did hesitate for a moment. I hadn't noticed before that he was decently older than the men I usually sleep with. I really didn't have much of a choice though.

Summer Fling

I had a hard time believing where I was. I also had no idea what to expect from the vacation that had pretty much been forced upon me. I can say though that when I arrived in Islo Paradiso my emotions, instead of being dark and frustrating to deal with, became a blank state instead. I took it as a good sign- an opportunity to shape myself back into the happy person I wanted to be. I actually managed to sleep well that night before I left, but I did have to wake up early to catch my flight. Tinaldor would be at the house all the time while I was gone, and I was going to be a gone a whole two weeks. Ithilas drove a weary me to the airport where I promptly fell asleep after I boarded the plane. An arraigned taxi picked me up to take me to my resort, which was one of the best on the whole island. I got to my room in a good mood.

Until I discovered something absolutely horrible.

Struggling

I heard back from Rithranduil after several weeks of fretful waiting and being left in the dark. I was nervous when the phone call came, but I was mostly relieved when it was over. Kenya was alright with letting me keep their child since she knew me somewhat, and because I was the child's grandmother. What didn't leave me relieved was that Rithranduil hung up right after he gave me the anticipated due date. He didn't call again, and he wouldn't answer any of my calls. He always hides or sneaks out when I go over to Buddy's house. Like always, I felt hurt.

I ignored the hurt though when Menel's birthday came. It has been interesting and addicting in a way to watch her grow and change, for now she looks much more like herself than her father. Menel has truly come into her own. She was sad before since she wasn't able to do that much to help when everything seemed to be falling apart, so now she takes tasks and chores on readily. She makes sure our large yard is kept up with, there is always something to eat thanks to her, I have constant assistance when taking care of Elrandra and Emethien, and she even helps me do the paperwork for the bills.

Falling Apart

Tinaldor, Menel, and I spent a long time at that pond. I continued to skate the whole time, but Tinaldor and Menel used the fresh snow to build a family of snowmen after they grew bored with circling the pond. The sun started to sink below the horizon. However, I didn't want to go home just yet. I let Rithranduil know I was taking his siblings out to dinner. The bistro we wanted to go to was absolutely packed, and though we were so hungry we were willing to wait until we could get a table. The meal was well worth it. Our order was also initially gotten very wrong, and we dined for free because of the major error.

Tinaldor and Menel went right to bed without even changing out of their day clothes they were so tired. I went to check on Nonion before I slipped off to bed myself. Nonion was sleeping peacefully in his crib having been well taken care of. Rithranduil remained awake in his room. I went in there to thank him. Silence was my answer. I repeated my thank you, and I was told to go away.

So I did.

Bitterness

I signed Rithranduil up for counseling.

I had to do something, and it was the one thing suggested to me over and over again. Rithranduil's pranks on me were getting to the point where he was causing me small amounts of pain. He would constantly scare and terrify Tinaldor and Menel thinking he was being funny making them scream their heads off. His time at school, which Rithranduil had seemed to enjoy, became another problem area as he started acting up and skipping frequently. Talking to him doesn't help. The more I tell him I love him, I'm concerned, and that I want to help the angrier he gets. Trying to be tough by reprimanding and punishing him is also pointless. Rithranduil ignores all my words, and never does his punishments.

Ithilas told me I should send him to military school to straighten him up. How could I do that? Rithranduil was happy, but then he changed so rapidly. Something had to have happened that I missed. I didn't feel that shipping him off to a place such as military school would be a good reinforcer that I wanted to help. It would surely only make him think that I was trying to get rid of him. That's why I went with counseling instead. If he wouldn't talk to any of us, perhaps Rithranduil would talk to someone outside the situation. I desperately wanted my happy little boy back.

Sudden Change

There was a time when I used to meditate a lot. I liked getting outside to sit on the grass and soak up the sun while I let all thoughts wash away. Then things got busy, and I broke the habit. I've tried various time to pick it back up, but it has only been recently that I've succeeded. Even if I am extremely tired I am somehow able to clear my mind. As a result, I can fall asleep faster and easier. Things really haven't been too bad with Rithranduil and Tinaldor, but it's been a while since I've had to deal young children who constantly need my care by myself. I relied on Sind and Griselda for so many things, and I didn't even know it. Having my two sons to look after is a fun kind of challenge though. The kind of busy I am is the kind of busy I like. I'll spread myself a little thinner when I do go ahead and have my next child soon, but I'm waiting just a little so I can have the a crib available instead of having to pull out another one, which would ruin the nice set-up of the nursery I have going on now.

700 Years

My first child born here in Twinbrook will be a boy. I was impatient to know, and so I got the ultrasound as soon as possible. I noticed this pregnancy a lot faster than I normally do. It had been while I was getting a massage at the spa that the touch of the masseuse just felt different, especially when her hands lightly brushed against my stomach. From there on I kept an eye out, and my suspicion was correct. I was happy to be having a boy even if I hadn't had much of a preference on gender this time around.

Twinbrook

Eleme's visit to the hospital proved what I thought- that she was in good physical health. She was a little malnourished and somewhat sleep deprived, but after two days those issues went away quickly. Though this was naturally a good thing, the following weeks were still tough as we had to deal with Mr. Clemens' trial. He was found guilty, but escaped jail time again because of his condition. The ruling was that he would spend a good five years at a special holding facility for other individuals like him with him then being heavily monitored after his time was served. Eleme and I were free to move on after the sentencing finally happened. Everything, for the most part, became happy again. Calun had his birthday and graduated from high school. He was easily able to get a decent job at the stadium because of his hard work towards strengthening his body, and he promised before he left for his new place that Eleme only had to call him if she needed him to beat up anyone for her.

Recovery

I became barely consolable. After Lithaldoren left and the police began working on the case, there was nothing else I could do but wait. And wait. And wait. This only made the overwhelming guilt nearly crush me until I was completely flattened. Things became even worse when I realized I couldn't fully blame Mr. Clemens. It wasn't his fault he is like he is. His body just doesn't work right He literally could not understand that was he was doing wasn't right, and that he wasn't actually doing what's best for his daughter. 

It was my responsibility as the rational person with the properly working mind to make the right choices. It was all on my shoulders, and I failed miserably. Now my little girl could be hurt, or possibly something much worse could happen. I could not go through that again. I just couldn't. I shouldn't have become so complacent about a situation I never should have looked away from. Then I felt bad that I was monopolizing Sind away from his heavily pregnant wife as he was the only one who can make me feel somewhat decent. I even made it hard for the others what with my random collapsing into tears.

Taken

It's hard to believe just how stormy this winter has been. I've seen ones this bad before, but they're few and far between. We have scarcely seen any blue sky let alone the sun. The clouds are always gray and low-hanging. The snow falls so fast and so often the town can barely keep up. Calun, Ithilas, and Galir have had snow day after snow day. This means the school is actually considering keeping classes going later into the summer. Of course, the boys are complaining about it. Now they're seeing all these days off do have consequences. There has to be equality in all things. Thankfully, the winter season is almost over. I do so miss the sun and my garden.

Escalation

The snow came quickly. It was one of those instances where there was nothing on the ground when I went to bed, but there was a foot of the white stuff the next morning. Naturally, school was cancelled for the day after such a storm. The boys were overjoyed to have the whole day off. They made the walk in the badly cleaned sidewalks to enjoy the winter festival that had recently been set up.

I believe Calun got the most enjoyment out of their time there. He's certainly become something of a daredevil ever since he had his birthday. Now he does all of these extreme things- like eating dirt to freak Ithilas and Galir, and me, out. While I am glad he has become more active and involved, I worry a bit about this new attitude. I just don't want him to go too far and accidentally hurt himself. I suppose as long as he keeps to the relatively safe activities like snow boarding at the festival, which he is quite good at, he should be fine.

Birthdays and Babies

I found myself going to the consignment store very frequently. I don't think one day passed without me making a trip there. I got to know the workers and other frequent shoppers well. I went so often because Navinai always begged me to take her. She knew she was looking for something very specific, but she didn't know what exactly it was. All she could tell me what that she would know it when she saw it. Well, she finally saw it. The object she had been searching out was a space rock that had been dropped off just that morning. Though it was a little expensive, Navinai eagerly used her savings to purchase it immediately.

While she was distracted making her purchase, I also might have been secretly buying another bottle of wine for myself. The store carries ones of surprisingly good quality.

Pressured

Sind is an incredibly doting father. Griselda gushes to me all the time about him and how he is so wonderful. I simply smile and listen when she goes on and on. I know how he is. He has grown up quite responsible because of that little fiasco he caused. Sind also has lots of experience helping to care for his younger siblings so it's no wonder taking care of Galir comes naturally to him. I am truly glad I get to witness his and Griselda's transitions into parents first-hand. One more of my wishes has finally been fulfilled.

Daughter-in-Law

Sind and Griselda's wedding was quite unlike Elioviel and Morti's. The two of them barely wanted a ceremony at all. They told us we didn't even have to dress up if we didn't want to. I dressed up, but the rest of the children didn't. Sind and Griselda truly didn't care. That's just how they like things- simple. We had a small private ceremony in the backyard. Though the wedding was performed in such an unusual manner, it was sweet and intimate and I teared up the same as I always have.