Rebelling

It might sound strange, but it got the point where I was so exhausted that night that I lacked the energy to even fall asleep. I don't know why I bothered to continue arguing with naneth. It was obvious nothing was going to come out of it. The noise eventually caught Eloril's attention. With Maldor having arrived, he came inside to break us apart again. I was sent to bed, and Eloril gave naneth a stern reprimanding. I hoped it would help. She's listened to him more than she's ever listened to me. I was in bed not a minute later, but like I said, my brain would not shut down. It was if all it could manage to do was keep me in the daze of a state which I entered. I was somewhere half between consciousness and unconsciousness. I would sometimes only just realize I was robotically getting out of bed to tend to Delerith and Delindir when they needed something. My body was definitely not my own. Eloril kept on being a right blessing. He popped in and out of the room to care for my youngest twins a lot like ada quietly looked after Sidhion the night he had been born. I didn't have to get up too often.

Being in that daze state must have relaxed me in some way. It dulled my headache considerably, and I "woke" up the next morning feeling as if I had some energy. I tried then to actually sleep, but it wasn't coming. I decided to get up despite the hour still being early. At least Naldir was awake as well. He had come back to the house much later than planned, but I couldn't have cared less. With all that naneth had done to upset me, my children could probably murder at this point and I would brush it off. He somehow found the the situation amusing when I explained what had gone on, but was happy he had gotten to skip out on it. I must repeat what I said last time- yes. How nice for him.

Ranna eventually woke up and joined us. We three had a great time just sitting there relaxing in that quiet morning hour. However, I was in a constant state of dread. I was on high alert as I waited each and every second for naneth to come down the stairs and break the peace. She didn't though. Naldir and Ranna left for school, and naneth and Eloril still slept. It only made sense that they were very tired what with their traveling, and I certainly wasn't going to wake either. Aewen and Alcarien were blessedly calm when they woke up themselves. Delerith and Delindir were in a good mood as well. I managed to nap for an hour before I knew I had to get some work done.

Another half hour passed when Eloril made his appearance. We exchanged our morning pleasantries before I noticed a strange look in his eye. I wondered if my stern words to him the previous night were upsetting him, so I apologized. He shook his head. What I had said had been the truth. He did need to think about my feelings before going on and doing what he wanted to do. I had had every right to be angry, but he had been glad to see me that way. That confused me. Eloril explained that it was simply nice to see me so lively. I had still been struggling to shake off the chill of my grief caused by Cirabel's death the last time he had been around. I was stunned by the reminder. I had completely forgotten that was indeed the condition I was in the last time we had seen each other. So much has happened and I've come so far since then. The change must've been sudden for Eloril who wasn't around to watch it happen. I let him know that besides my lovely noisy sets of twins and the bit of drama caused by our obstinate naneth that I was doing wonderfully. Eloril was glad to hear it. He pulled me into the proper reunion hug we had missed out on before.

Then, of course, we had to talk about naneth. Eloril was surprised she had been that troublesome. She had been perfectly pleasant until they had arrived at the house. He repeated the excuses I made for her in my own mind the previous night- that the journey had been long and she was uncomfortable being around humans again. Eloril promised me she would behavior better now. The two of them had talked for a good long while after he had chastised her, and she had been remorseful. Some part of me had trouble believing that. It assumed naneth was remorseful because she was making her beloved Eloril upset and angry at her instead of feeling guilty of her actions towards me. I tried not to ponder too much on it, for that was the bitter part of me I didn't like dealing with.

I had hoped to steer Eloril away from naneth, but he suddenly spouted a proposition at me. Well, it was more of a demand, but he tried to make it sound as if I had a choice. He wanted naneth and I to have some time alone so we could clear the air between us and get our reunion off to a better start. He suggested that I take her to the art museum while he stayed home to look after the twins. It hadn't been my intention to harden my face, but I must have done so as Eloril told me not to be stubborn. He understood I wasn't very pleased with her at the moment, but I had to make some effort to get everything as it should. I sighed. There was no hope of me every denying his request no matter how much I wished I could have. I am just as susceptible to his pouting face as he is to mine.

So I ended up complying. Naneth was already having breakfast when I went downstairs. Eloril hadn't told her of his plan so it would look like it was my idea. I realized I could still get out of going if she declined, but she did agree. Naneth truly is interested in all art- even if it's human art. I went about doing my own thing while she got ready, needing a few more minutes away from her to get rid of my sour attitude. I arraigned a ride for us to the museum for I could tell such a long walk wouldn't be in our best interests.

I wondered after we arrived if Eloril had thought this idea through. Ada had confined himself to the house for so long because he hadn't wanted to interact with humans. I wondered if naneth had forgotten they would be about, and if she might panic once she realized it. She never reacted to the others in the museum though. She pretty much ignored them. Her attention truly was only focused on the art. I meant to wander a little ways away from her, but she motioned for me to follow. Almost right away she picked up my art lessons from back home. We would look at a painting or sculpture, and she would ask me what I got from it. Naneth took her time to point out each technique used to create what we were studying. I became more relaxed after this went on for a while. My art lessons back home were always my favorite time with her. The distance between us, for the most part, vanished, and I could actually spend time with her and enjoy it. She appreciated my interest in her interest.

Things stagnated between us around lunchtime. I had thought it would be a wonderful idea to take her to the nice bistro where so much delicious food was available. Naneth must have been somewhat upset at having to leave the museum, but we couldn't stay there all day and we had seen everything there was to see. The coming of winter a few weeks prior had naturally brought along colder weather. However, it was just warm enough that day for us to be able to sit outside and eat. Naneth wasn't interested in anything on the menu though. I knew she wouldn't be too knowledgeable about human cuisine, so I went through most of the items explaining what they were. She was stubborn about not caring. She wouldn't even pick from the salads that had everything she liked in them. My frustration was mounting again when naneth told me just to order for her. So I did, but I picked a cheap hotdog as I didn't want to waste good money on something she was probably barely going to touch.

And naneth ended up not taking a single bite of her food. I had explained as I with had with everything else before we ordered what a hotdog was. She had said nothing against the idea. However, as soon as her meal was in front of her she stared at it with absolute disgust. It was given a good smell and few pokes. I ignored her as I started eating my ceviche. If she didn't want to eat the food she said she had no problem with, fine. If she wanted to go hungry then she could go hungry. I also ignored her staring at me while I ate. Her gaze would occasionally change to the scenery around us, but I often felt her eyes on me. I had no idea what was running through her mind. Wanting to enjoy my meal, I made no attempt at conversation. I paid when I was done, got a box for the hotdog Naldir or Ranna would want instead, and took us home.

We heard crying coming from upstairs when we returned, but that was no surprise. Naneth made no attempt to hide her departure to the kitchen so she could find whatever she considered to be a suitable meal. I went to check on Eloril. To my mild surprise, he had everything under control. Aewen and Alcarien were playing peacefully in the nursery, Delindir was sleeping, and Delerith's crying had stopped as Eloril fed her. He laughed when I remarked my surprise. He didn't understand why I was. There had been all those years he spent helping me out before, and taking care of my children caused in him the desire to have more to do with watching over the children at home as well. Besides teaching the youth to fight, he has taken on teaching some survival classes for the younger students.

We chatter merrily about that for a while as I wanted to know more about his experiences in instruction, but I had to accept my fate that Eloril would want to know how things went on mine and naneth's outing. I relayed to him the positive time of our trip to the museum, but how difficult naneth had been about lunch. Eloril wasn't pleased at how stubborn she had been about the food, but was glad some improvement had been made. He was sure after a few more days everything would be fine. I wasn't so sure, but I hadn't the heart to disagree with him.

Eloril was willing to look after Aewen, Alcarien, Delerith, and Delindir for one more hour completely by himself so I could get a little more sleep in. I began helping him after I woke up, but we were soon interrupted. Naneth had finally discovered the easel in the western sun room. I was surprised it had taken her so long to notice it. With excitement like that of a child being given a new toy, she inquired if I had the materials necessary to paint. I pulled out all the supplies the household has accumulated over the years, and she soon got to work. I would have rather had her assistance with the twins. However, her painting at least kept her entertained and both of us off the other's back.

She and Naldir finally meet that evening right before dinner when Naldir returned home from work. Their introduction went much better than naneth's and Ranna's. Naldir was willing to interact with her kindly despite the several nasty things I might have vented out about her earlier that morning. She was pleased with his calm and mature attitude, and so the two talked for quite a while.

The days continued in mild peace after that. How things were became a lot like how they normally were at home. Naneth and I never talked about what happened that first night, but we've never talked about arguments that we've had. I know that's a bad thing to do, but that's just what we do. We sweep it away and act as if nothing happened. Then there wasn't enough interaction between the two of us for another argument to ever form. Naneth spent most of her time at our easel while Eloril and I kept an eye on the twins.  Eloril was indignant at first since a part of why he had wanted naneth to come along was so that she could help me have an easier time similar to how ada had helped when he was here. I told him her only painting didn't bother me. I didn't say this aloud, but I knew him bringing naneth had caused me more stress than her arrival reduced. It was better to leave her at the easel so we could avoid trouble instead of forcing ourselves to interact a lot where more tension certainly would have come about.

Enough time passed where it got to the point where I had to call Delerith and Delindir toddlers instead of babies. The two of the both inherited Chauncey's hair and my ears. Delerith then inherited my eyes while Delindir received Chauncey's eyes and freckles. They were an adorable duo.

But with them growing older I had no choice but to prod naneth into helping Eloril and I with the twins. We had been able to manage before as Delerith and Delindir were unable to move, but as soon as they began crawling around everything became so much more difficult. The nursery was always crowded with the seven of us in there constantly. I didn't have as many problems with naneth and I being in such close contact as I anticipated though. We were so busy that we simply didn't have time to get on the other's nerves. It was all the three of us could to do even keep up with the four toddlers.

And things remained that way for another period of time. Things slowly started to become easier when Delerith and Delindir began learning from our teachings as Aewen and Alcarien matured when their birthday loomed. However, it would be Ranna's own birthday that would start all the arguing back up again. She and naneth hadn't gotten along all that well due to their horrible introduction that first night. They had learned to tolerate the other though. Ranna had given naneth a slight chance when she stopped bothering her about her clothes. Both she and I believed the issue had passed. When Ranna had her birthday and put on her new dress that was a present from her older sisters we thought nothing of it. The two of us thought the outfit was lovely.

Naneth...not so much. According to her, it was even worse than what she had been wearing before. I couldn't understand why. The skirt length was the same and Ranna had thick leggings on, but naneth was too ready to go off again. She chastised Ranna briefly, but her attacks soon turned to me. I tried hard to keep myself composed. I figured if I let naneth rant for a bit that she would calm down eventually. It turned out that was a wrong assumption. Naneth went on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and you get the point. Eventually the argument went back to her same old gripes- that I was being a poor mother for letting my children wear such distasteful clothes and being so informal. She was sure it would lead to immoral behavior. I scoffed. Ranna wearing her outfit meant nothing in terms of her behavior. Just like naneth wearing her dress wasn't evidence at all that she was the perfect and upstanding person she thought she was, Ranna's dress was not evidence that she would begin inappropriate activities.

That set naneth off even more. The bickering grew truly heated. Ranna tried to stop us, but we had pushed her out of the whole thing. She eventually grew sick of it all, and left to spend the afternoon at the house of one her friends. Naneth and I continued on as if we had nothing better to do with our time. The chaos probably wouldn't have lasted so long if Eloril had been around. He and Naldir had taken all the twins over to Cadrier's house so my youngest children could have a play date with their toddler nieces and nephews. It got to the point where naneth and I simply grew exhausted of the fighting and stomped off to go our own ways.

Naneth went back to her painting while I brooded on the upper floors. I was just so angry! The more I tried to calm myself the down the more upset I became. It was puzzling at first why I was letting myself get so riled up when I used to let everything slide. I suppose the independence I've had for so long now has a lot to do with it. After having my own way for centuries, following naneth's orders as I had when I was a child was not nearly as easy as it used to be. In fact, I began thinking it might be nice if I did something to show her that she really doesn't have the power she thinks she has here. I would be lying if I didn't say part of my reasoning was also that I simply wanted to make her even more angry. For a while I pondered ideas before coming up with the best one.

Naneth was getting angry over the clothes I was letting my daughter wear. How would she react if I wore something she deemed inappropriate? It was perfect. I quietly slipped out so I could go to the store. I actually almost forgot my purpose while shopping as I began to have pure fun looking at all the clothes. Due to all my maternity wear, and especially since my vacation to Islo Paradiso, I've really stopped caring about all the strict standards of home. I only continue to wear my dresses because they are one of the few connections to home I have left, but I am now comfortable wearing pretty much everything. I had originally just planned on wearing one of the very revealing outfits Ithilas had bought me for my vacation, but I realized that was too extreme. That's why I went shopping. I found the perfect outfit. It's look would be considered decent by everyone else around me, it was comfortable, and it came in lilac. I changed as soon as I got back, and silently placed myself strategically on the couch where naneth would see me the second she stopped painting. I had to lay there a long time before she left the sun room. It was difficult to suppress a smile when she stepped out, saw me, and froze.

She made a noise unlike any I've ever heard. It was like the wild squeal of a crazed animal. I got what I wished for. Naneth was furious. She started yelling. Like really yelling. I leapt up to fight back. She screeched about me having lost all my morals. I had truly been corrupted, or otherwise had lost my mind. If I didn't get my act together I would never be allowed home for I would shame her for all eternity. When she paused to take a breath after her face began to tint red, I snapped back. Why couldn't she just be calm for one minute and think about why I was doing what I was doing instead of letting her narrow-minded views cause all this massive dissension? I was trying to show to her that what clothes I was wearing did not change me. Whether in my elvish dress or this human one, I was still the same person she had known for so long.

Which was a bit of a lie, I suppose. I had changed a great deal since I left home. My relationship with Wesley was proof enough of that. However, I felt as if I had become simply more open-minded, accepting, and confident rather than having had the core of who I was dramatically altered. But as usual, no matter how much I tried to argue my point naneth was not having it. I had set her off, and there was no stopping it. I don't know how long we continued on for, but by the time we finished my throat was beginning to burn.

The only reason the argument "finished" was because I stormed out of the house after I grabbed my coat. I was done with naneth. As I walked towards Cadrier's house to join everyone else, I began planning on how I could make naneth even more angry. Then she would certainly get fed up and want to leave herself, and I wouldn't seem cruel by kicking her out. I struggled over how I was going to accomplish such a feat though. How could I make everything worse without stepping far over the boundaries?

The man I met named Mr. Rico Tuttle turned out to be the solution. I knew from the beginning that he was a brave man. He had to be to stop me, with me probably having the most horrid expression on my face, and actually comment on how angry I looked. I was so eager to vent that after several more encouraging words from him I spilled out pretty much everything. I explained how I was an elf, how I had children, how some of my family had come to visit, how my mother was making everything miserable, how I wanted her to leave, how I wanted to make her upset, and so on. I seriously did reveal everything save for the task given by the Goddess. You would think such words would turn him away, but Mr. Tuttle turned out to be on my side.

Better yet, he was more than willing to help me out. I quickly realized while talking to him how I could make naneth want to leave, and when I subtlety suggested the idea Mr. Tuttle eagerly agreed. It was clear to me then he was the kind who went against suppressive authority whenever he could. Either that, or he was like Seamus who was so willing to sleep with a person that he was alright with doing just about anything. Instead of me heading to Cadrier's, Mr. Tuttle and I turned around to head back to my house. The whole thing  really felt so perfect as it was time for me to conceive again as well.

I had planned on sitting downstairs with Mr. Tuttle for a while talking and flirting, but a lone kiss turned out to be more effective. Naneth came out of the dining room shortly after the two of us entered. As per Mr. Tuttle's idea suggested when walking towards the house, neither of us heeded her the slightest attention. Mr. Tuttle commented on how nice the house was. That's when I got the idea to kiss him right then and there. He made no protests, and participated more strongly than I had been expecting. When we broke apart, I told him the house was even nicer on the third floor. I took his hand, and began leading him up the stairs to do what we were going to do.

I didn't glance in naneth's direction as we left. I had no idea what the expression on her face might have been like. All I could tell was that she was a still as a statue. I had assumed she would restart her yelling. But no, she only stood there. There was complete silence from the first floor during mine and Rico's encounter. Not that I paid much attention. There was this strange thrill I got out of implementing such a plan that I found my energy levels soaring. It felt as if the two of us hadn't been together long when we stopped, but by checking the clock I discovered the time had been long indeed. Rico gave me his number before he departed as he was only passing through Twinbrook. I made the assumption again that naneth might go after him when he left, but the silence continued. He either slipped out without her noticing or she was still too stunned to say say anything.

It was wholly different when I made my appearance. Naneth's yelling had been replaced by a quiet voice, but it was the quiet voice of true fury. It was disconcerting. I received some more of her "How dare you"s and heard more of what a terrible mother and daughter I was. I let most of it roll off my shoulders until she started following me around as I began cleaning up the house- a task she had never once bothered to assist with. The argument was beginning to pick up real steam when Eloril and Naldir returned with the toddlers. Eloril let out this long sigh when he saw we were going at it once more. He sent Naldir upstairs with the children, and tried to get us to make peace.

We refused to do so at first. Naneth and I ignored him, and keep making our digs nastier and nastier. The volume of our voices began to get horribly loud again. That's when Eloril himself started to yell at us. If you ever manage to get him to yell, you know you have a big problem. It was then that the reality of my actions, and mostly my actions with Rico, were brought to his attention. I instantly lost his support. I tried to play it off as me only continuing with the task, but he was too smart to fall for the excuse. He knew exactly what I had intended. His patience having been lost, the two of us now started going at each other. Eloril couldn't believe what I had done, and how horrible I had been purposely upsetting our naneth in such a manner. He told me this was not the time for me to suddenly have a rebellious phase! I rolled my eyes at him until naneth jumped back into the fighting sounding like she was going to cry.

I began to feel guilty at that. Me wearing the dress was no big deal, but having slept with Rico as I had? Alright, that had been taking it too far. I rapidly calmed down when the thought of what would have happened if I had done the same thing to ada entered my mind. I couldn't make myself believe that I would ever do that to him, but if hypothetically I did- oh Goddess, I would feel like the most disgusting person on the planet. That left me wondering why I was so willing to hurt naneth in the same manner. Why had it felt like it was no big deal doing to her what would have made me absolutely hate myself if I had done it to ada? Didn't I love her too? It was that moment when the voice in the back of my mind first whispered it's awful answer- that I didn't love her. The thought was so disturbing I hurriedly pushed it away. Of course I loved naneth. I had just let the stressful situation get the best of me. I went ahead and gave her an apology despite my lingering anger. For whatever reason, Eloril let her get away with not giving one back.

Naneth and I pretty much completely stopped talking after that. I would try every so often to ask how she was doing, but by the curt and very formal answers she gave it was clear she was in no mood to converse with me. So I didn't force it. Eloril stopped trying to get us to interact too after it dawned on him it just wasn't going to happen. Naneth stuck to her painting, hanging one of her works up on the wall every so often. I loved each, but it was too hard to tell her that. 

The weeks would have passed almost peacefully if there hadn't been that underlying tension there. It was a blessed day for us all when a good portion of that tension lifted thanks to Aewen and Alcarien's birthday. It was more obvious to me than before that the two truly were identical. They kept their hairstyle, and Aewen continued to dress in blue while Alcarien preferred white and pink.

The joy of their birthday and the relief of the burden of having four toddlers in the house was what helped some of the tension to depart. Aewen and Alcarien also got along better with naneth than Ranna did seeing as they had been oblivious to most of what had been going on. It helped too that they were very interested in what she could tell them of the elvish lands. One night they asked about the meaning of my name since they had been studying meanings of things at school. Eloril and I both knew the story that was going to come. We had heard it many times, so we kept eating while the children all became quickly engrossed at naneth's telling of my birth.

Naneth explained that I had been named after the elloth- the star flowers; "el" meaning "star" and "loth" meaning "flower." Not only did the petals look like a star, but they opened at night when the light of jewels above shimmered and reflected brilliantly against them. She and ada had decided to name me after them because of how I had been born. My coming had been incredibly strange, because I had come a week early. Unlike human pregnancies, almost every single elvish pregnancy last exactly nine months to the day after conception. One day off is peculiar. A whole week is unheard of. Thus, she and ada had not been expecting my arrival at all. The two of them had been on a trip to the southern section of our eastern land, and were heading back when she unexpectedly went into labor. Having no choice, ada had delivered me that night in a field of elloth in full bloom. They had added the suffix "-iel", which meant "daughter of", to make me the "Daughter of the Star Flowers."

Naldir, Ranna, Aewen, and Alcarien were all enthralled by the story. Eloril nearly choked on his salad due to his laughter caused by Alcarien then asking what "conception" was. Naneth looked to me to take over, but I kept eating. She was the one who brought it up. I would let her handle it......