Headache

I didn't wait too long after Aewen and Alcarien's birth before becoming pregnant yet again. Of course the reason for the big gap between Maldor and Naldir was because of Aneviel, Anemir, and Anadien, but obviously I'm the only one who knows that information. I instead had to lie and make up some excuse when my older children asked me why I had waited. The gap wasn't my fault, but now I was the one having to push myself to make up for it. I had no choice but to call over Mr. Chauncey Heath despite my own wish to give myself a bit more space between children. I just had a feeling I would somehow regret it later on. However, Mr. Heath was all too willing for me to turn back or hesitate. He came over right away when I called.

Like most of the other men who have fathered my children here, he was a newer resident of Twinbrook. The others who have lived here for a while know to avoid sleeping with me unless they're prepared to become a father. None of them are. Our time together was slightly awkward for me given that Naldir was in the nursery taking care of Ranna, Aewen, and Alcarien. Even though Chauncey and I were both quiet, it still felt as if every small noise was a shout the whole world could hear. Chauncey left a little while after our encounter. Either Naldir truly hadn't heard anything, or he was being kind and pretending as if he had no idea what was going on- which is what I expected to be the case.

But Naldir is just a sweetheart like that. He still goes about practically cleaning the whole house without needing any sort of prompting. He says it calms him and helps him think. I always find cleaning makes it hard for me to think, but I can't complain if it works for him. Naldir doted on all his little sisters from the time they were born, but he adores Ranna the most. She has a more relaxed and easy-going personality like him, unlike the twins who rarely stop crying. The two of them have grown especially close ever since Ranna had her birthday. Naldir began giving in to her every whim. He would play with her whenever she asked, and is the one in charge of telling her stories before she goes to bed. It doesn't take much imagination to see that he is going to be an amazing father.

Naldir soon began taking Ranna on trips to the cemetery after school to visit Wesley and Lenn. It was a hard day for us all when Ranna went downstairs to find our little dog completely motionless in his bed. It was strange in a way- how Lenn went, I mean. It was such a mirror of the way Wesley faded. I had had to take Lenn to the veterinarian's as he had gotten very sick. He mostly recovered from his illness, but his old age wore him down slowly until that night where he passed away while he slept. There was also another something strange about Lenn's dying in that it was almost sweet in a way. Lenn truly ending up being Wesley's dog more than he ended up being mine. We got permission from the cemetery to bury Lenn next to Wesley. Their bodies could sleep near each other here in the living world while the two of them could run about like the crazies they are up above.

When I went for my ultrasound, I was given the information that made me realize why I had been hesitant about becoming pregnant again. My body must have been somehow able to sense what was going to happen if I conceived. I honestly didn't know how to react to the news that I was going to be having twins again. It was true that I had wanted the household to be a bit fuller, but it seems whenever I wish that my wish gets fulfilled much more rapidly than I would like. My reaction ended up being me not reacting at all. The shock took hold of me for a long time. I understood having Aewen and Alcarien along with my new twins so close together still wouldn't come close to the most chaotic houses full of children I've endured, but I continued to struggle with no longer having Wesley around to help. It was hard not having his support after relying on him for so long. My non-reaction reaction to the news helped in its own way though. I was a lot less stressed than I would have been otherwise.

I was getting cooped up dealing with Aewen and Alcarien and their constant crying, so I told Ranna to pick an activity that she wanted to do so we could get out of the house to spend some time together. I had to ask her to repeat her request when she told me she wanted to visit the graveyard at night. Apparently, Naldir had said to her that one might be able to spot ghosts floating around during the witching hour. I declined the request at first, but Ranna was so heartbroken I changed my mind. The two of us slept a lot during the day in order to have the energy to stay up during the night. I will admit going to the cemetery at that hour placed a decent amount of fear within my heart. The graveyard didn't have any rules about when visitors could come so there was no issue of us getting in trouble. However, being in such a spooky place at such an hour didn't leave me feeling too confident. I hardly believed in ghosts, but that's not to say there couldn't be some other actual dangers lurking around. Ranna and I were there for half an hour, and thankfully nothing had happened. I began to relax ever so slightly. Ranna was much more comfortable than I was, and wandered about a bit more. It wasn't too long after I turned away from her to watch the small waves of the little pond lapping when she suddenly cried out in surprise. She called for me to turn around- there was a ghost lady right in front of her! I turned around, but there was no ghost there. Ranna told me she had been there though. She assumed her shout scared the ghost away. I neither confirmed nor denied that I believed her.

Aewen and Alcarien's birthday was both a relief and a surprise. Their love of crying their heads off lessened to the point where I only had a headache some of the time. That instantly helped to put me in a better mood. What gave me the surprise was their appearances. I hadn't bothered to ask during my ultrasounds whether the girls were fraternal or identical. All I had cared about was their gender. Now it looks like it's almost a given that the two of them are identical. I didn't want to call it prematurely though, for they were still toddlers. I know all too well by this point that my children's truly distinctive features don't appear until they're older. I'd liked to hope that they are indeed identical though. It would be my first time giving birth to such a set of twins, and it was something I had been looking forward to for a long time. I was so hopeful that I gave Aewen and Alcarien the same hairstyle. I dressed Aewen in a blue daisy dress and Alcarien in a white and pink rose dress so I could still tell them apart with ease though.

The fall holidays arrived, and I wasted no time setting up a party on the weekend so the family could be gathered together again. It was bittersweet since it was the first party without Wesley being around to truly make it a lively event, but it was indeed wonderful to have almost all of my children under the same roof. There was a lot of bickering and arguing as usual though. You would think with all the food that was made that everyone would just get what they wanted and be happy. No, most of my sons and daughters had to make a right mess in the kitchen struggling to get around each other to make their plates. Me and my sensible children got our food and took seats right away. We had to laugh at the others as they sounded like they were all still young children fighting over a toy.

The stress that I was going to be having another set of twins to look after by myself so soon after having Aewen and Alcarien finally hit me with full force once I got the cribs set up in my room a few weeks before the labor. There was no room to fit them in the nursery, and having them in my room would make it much easier for me to tend to them. Those few weeks of waiting were horribly slow. I was so tense that even when I only just left the salon after getting a massage I still felt as tense as if I were made of stone. I would never blame my children of course, but my multiples have a habit of coming so close together. Why couldn't they space themselves out a bit more?

Then Delerith and Delindir were actually born. With me having quietly freaked out the in the previous weeks, the labor was prolonged and more agonizing than it should have been. I was so exhausted and worried if I could handle my four little ones by myself that I felt like I was a first-time mother again. My head was so out of it I would stare down at one of my newborns for a brief moment while they were crying wondering what in the world I was supposed to do. I can't even remember if I got any sleep at all that first night. If I did, it was so short that it made no difference at all.

Things became...pretty much absolutely horrible after Delerith and Delindir were born. They, like Aewen and Alcarien, enjoyed crying. They would need nothing, but would bawl as loud as they could anyway. I started to think that the sets of twins were competing with the other. Aewen and Alcarien had quieted down some when they had their birthday, but the crying of their new siblings brought their volume levels right back up again. It was a never-ending scream feast up there on the third floor. One twin would start. Then their twin would start because of them. As soon as I would get them settled down, I would have to rush into the other room for all the noise had upset the other pair. Then that pair would bother the pair who started it all. It was a cycle I despised. Naldir remarked at how glad he was that he could escape the chaos thanks to him having a part-time job at the school. Yes. How nice for him.

Even Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan did not give me headaches when they were toddlers like the constant one I got from Aewen, Alcarien, Delerith, and Delindir. It. Never. Stopped. I would begin to cry myself from how much my head hurt. Medicine took the sting off somewhat, but it didn't make it go away. There was just too much my two sets of twins needed from me that I could not take care of only being one person. Naldir did help when he could, yet he was so busy with school and his job that his free time wasn't much. Ranna assisted as well. However, she was still a young child herself. There was only so much she could do. I began to beg for just an hour where I could rest. I suppose it wasn't so bad with Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan because I had ada and Eloril there with me. My begging tactic quickly changed to include them simply being magicked across the many miles that separated us so some of my burden could be relieved.

I would never expect that my wish would come true. Sort of true, anyway. I was left pondering from that night where it all started whether the arrival helped in any way, or if it made everything that much worse.

That evening had been the worst evening so far that week. Naldir hadn't been home at all that afternoon as he had to work, and he wouldn't be home until late evening since he had a group project he and his friends had to finalize. I was left to handle Aewen, Alcarien, Delerith, and Delindir all on my own. As usual, the crying never stopped. Ranna had tried to help, but the noise was bothering her so much that she was just as irritable as her siblings were. I sent her downstairs to play where she could have a bit of relief. The half hour that passed after that felt more like an eternity. Then that one blessed moment came. Delerith and Delindir had fallen asleep, and Aewen and Alcarien had calmed down. The house was so silent I thought I had gone deaf. I almost began to cry again- this time from relief. However, my peace was short-lived. A ruckus erupted from downstairs. I heard multiple voices, which sent my heart racing. No one should have been in the house save for Ranna, the twins, and I. Even my older children call ahead before they make visits. I feared that Ranna might be in trouble, so I began rushing down the stairs.

I froze when I heard the voice. Her voice. My hands began to sting something awful. Hearing that reprimanding voice I remember so well from all the lectures I would get before and after she swatted my hands red quickly brought back the pain. I remained frozen for a moment more. I was so horribly confused. I peeked down from the second landing to see if what I was hearing was correct. And it was. Eloril was there, desperately trying to stop the quarreling of the other two. I didn't know what Ranna might have done, but it was no surprise that my naneth, Urelia, would be so bold as to go off at my daughter in such a manner so soon after they had met. I couldn't believe Eloril had brought naneth along with him. And yet, I could believe it as well. It only seemed fitting that if ada made an appearance that naneth should make one as well. I really should have expected it.

Eloril's attempts at making peace were utterly ignored. I listened for a brief second longer from my position on the stairs. None of the three had noticed me, and the continuing bickering of my naneth and my daughter soon brought to light the issue causing the tension. Naneth did not approve of Ranna's dress. It was for too short for her liking. Naneth demanded she go change into something more appropriate for a young lady. Ranna stomped her foot, and made loud protests. When naneth kept going at her, Ranna spat out some words she either learned from Naldir or from television. Naneth gasped, looking aghast, and I knew I couldn't simply stand there and watch anymore.

It was if I had a spotlight shining on me as I hurriedly made my way down to the first floor. Eloril smiled briefly when he saw me, naneth looked indignant, and Ranna rushed up to me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder when she cuddled against me as I moved closer towards naneth and Eloril. When I asked what exactly was going on, Ranna told me the two strangers had just walked right through the front door without knocking. The woman had looked at her and started ranting at her before she had bothered to say hello or introduce herself. It was my turn to be indignant. What on earth made naneth think she could barge into my home and start telling off my children without making any sort of attempt at letting Ranna know who she was? My daughter had no idea it was her grandmother and uncle who stood before her. I was already rather angry, but naneth was all too eager to make me furious.

She began telling me off. How dare I let my child strut about in something so inappropriate? How dare I let her speak such foul language? How dare I not teach her to show her elders the respect they deserve? On she went. The child in me was terrified. The child knew if she said anything to fight back that her hands would pay the price. However, I was not that child anymore. I didn't understand why naneth acted like she had any power here, for she had none. She was in my house. She wasn't in charge anymore. I was.

I was quick to let her know it. I interrupted her complaining by forcefully telling her that I did not expect Ranna to show any respect to a person who had done absolutely nothing to earn it. I didn't care that she had cursed for her actions were much more offensive to me. If she thought I was going to agree and side with her, then she was sorely mistaken. If she didn't want me to kick her out, then she was going to have to change how she acted. I wasn't going to tolerate her haughty high-and-mighty attitude any longer. She had no right to tell my children what to do, and certainly not how to dress. That was my job, and my decision was the final say on matters. And I had no problem with Ranna's dress. I had been the one who picked it out for her after all.

Naneth was quiet for a moment. She hid her shock behind her disapproving stare. I bet she was not expecting me to argue back against her in any manner. Her word was law at home. She must have thought it would be the same way now. The deluded part of me hoped naneth would be sensible and apologize, but I could tell long before naneth opened her mouth to speak the words she spoke next that an apology was a far cry from what I actually got. Naneth said she was glad she had come. It was all too clear that I had strayed far from the path. The humans had corrupted me, and now I was corrupting my children. However, she could fix us and put us back in our place. She would show me how to raise my children in the proper elvish fashion. Naneth didn't blame me too much though for my poor parenting. Forced into this situation, it was no wonder I didn't know how to be a proper mother.

Oh, did that make my blood boil! Like she had any idea what I've gone through?! She, who had every comfort and luxury in the world when raising me, could not possibly comprehend all the struggles, heartbreak, and sheer torturous pain I've suffered through over the years all for the sake of these children! I very nearly leapt at her then, but I copied Ranna and stomped my foot. I was vocal about letting naneth know she truly was very close to being kicked out. I had no patience for this. There was many things I wanted to say to her, but as I desperately tried to keep control of myself so as to not scare poor Ranna, who was already frightened and still very confused, I spoke of how naneth was incredibly wrong that my children and I were corrupted. How we were then was the way things needed to be. Raising my children as elves was not was I needed to do, for they were not only elves. They were humans too. Thus, as they were meant to live their lives in this world and not ours, they had to have experience with the other half of their heritage as well. If I had been meant to raise them to our standards, the Goddess would have kept me at home instead of sending me to the other side of the wall.

Naturally, my words fell on naneth's deaf ears. She wasn't interested in listening to my point. All she was interested in listening to was what she wanted to hear. When she didn't get that from me, she began arguing back. I was on the verge of losing control when Eloril finally managed to break us apart. Honestly, I had completely forgotten he was there. He began to apologize for everything, but I was just so furious I went off at him before he could get half a sentence out. I got that he would be upset when I refused his visit initially, but why did he insist on showing up to my home entirely unannounced? Was it too much of a pain for him to simply let me know he was coming? Even he had no right to just stroll in through the door without knocking. I was absolutely sick of his "surprises", and he had made my night a thousand times worse by appearing like this. I would rather them not be here at all if this was how things were going to be.

Then the crying from upstairs started again. Oh Goddess, how I wanted to scream! The headache flared up with new passion. This was all too much for me. I pressed my hands to my temples to quell the pain, but it did nothing. My vision was truly swarming. It felt like I could just pass out right then and there, and I actually wished I would. Being unconscious would let me escape from all of this. Eloril placed his hands over mine, and pulled me into a half sort of hug. He whispered another apology to me. He said a lot, but Goddess knows I can't remember most of his words. It was taking all my energy to stop myself from collapsing into tears, and to avoid collapsing in general. What my brother spoke to me did something for me though. I calmed down to the point where I had enough sense to tell Ranna to get ready and go to bed. It wasn't quite her bedtime yet, but she was as eager as I was to escape the situation that she willingly flew up the stairs. Eloril then asked for me to show him and naneth upstairs where the crying was coming from. It was obvious I was dealing with a lot. They had come here to help, so I should let them help while I relax. I nodded weakly. Naneth, who had turned away from us, said nothing, but followed when I began leading Eloril up to the third floor.

Aewen and Alcarien stopped crying as soon as entered we the nursery. There was nothing the two needed other than some attention. Eloril rushed forward with delight to pick up Aewen, who was closest to him. Naneth only picked up Alcarien after I motioned for her to do so. Eloril made a joke about how it was these two cuties who were giving me such a tough time. Them, and the newborn twins still blessedly sleeping in my room, I revealed. Eloril was stunned. I had two young sets of twins, he asked. I nodded again. He said it was no wonder I was struggling then. He promised that though the reunion that night hadn't gone how he had wanted it to go, that I would be able to have an easier time with things now. I had two more sets of hands to assist with the work now. He bounced Aewen, and she giggled.

Naneth didn't seem like she was paying attention. I followed her gaze, and noticed she was staring at all the paintings on the wall. Of course it would be the art that captured her attention. I revealed to her that everything she saw had been painted by my children. A good portion of them had inherited from her the artistic ability that I lacked. Naneth responded with her own nod, but didn't say what was on her mind. I was left wondering if she even thought the paintings were good or not.

Naneth and Eloril, though mostly Eloril, helped me put Aewen and Alcarien to bed. Eloril then went to see the sleeping Delerith and Delindir while I showed naneth to her room. I gave her the one on the north-eastern corner as I thought its style would suit her tastes the best. She again said nothing, but sat down on the bed and slowly turned her head as she glanced over everything. I did what I could to not let my anger rise again. Her face was expressionless, but I could see the judgment in her eyes. That holier-than-thou attitude that she had at home, especially when she was around me, had not lessened since we had seen each other last. I tried to be understanding. She suffered no less than ada suffered during the wars. She hated humans just as much as he had. It could not have been easy for her to decide to come here. Despite how difficult coming back to where so much had been taken away from her was, she had still come.

That's why I was confused. Coming to see me was the obvious reason for her appearance. Why, then, had things turned out this way? Why did I feel such a coldness towards me radiating from her? If she had come to see me, why did it feel as if this was the last place where she wanted to be? To be honest, our relationship had never been cozy and loving. I mentioned it a long time ago, but never in my life can I remember a single point where I could relax completely or be comfortable around her. But she is my naneth. I shouldn't feel that way around her. That really is how it has always been though, and I have no clue why. She never treated Eloril the distant way she treated me. In fact, she doted on him constantly. I can't recall a single thing I might have done to cause the different treatment. I also actually thought our relationship had improved since I had left. Naneth had been nothing but kind in her letters. She seemed to care more about what was going with me than she ever did when I was right in front of her.

So, why, when I am right in front of her, does that all disappear? My mind was trying to work it all out, but given that I was struggling to get my mind to work properly at all that was quite the impossibility. I had no choice but to let the matter rest. I instead attempted to lessen the tension between us. I asked her how she was doing, how ada was doing, how the trip had been, and so on. I detailed to her more about Naldir and Ranna. I told her I hoped she was the room comfortable. She gave back polite, but formal, answers. Eventually she said that she could see I was exhausted. It would be better to go to bed if I was so tired instead of standing there talking to her. I only wish the gesture could have sounded like an act of true sympathy because she really did care about my state of exhaustion rather than the ushering of me away that it came off as.

I was all too happy to comply.

I foolishly believed I would get get actual rest that night. Not so much with naneth, but with Eloril to help me with both set of twins I would surely have an easier time. That was true I suppose. Eloril, full of energy as always, enthusiastically assisted me in making sure the twins were all taken care of. He then went down to Ranna's room. She was still awake, and he was desperate to more properly introduce himself. I eventually could hear the two of them laughing, so I took it that things were going well between them.

It was the thief who decided to visit our house that night which ruined my chance at rest. I was surprised when I heard the commotion for I couldn't believe there was actually a thief. We had never had anyone try to break into our house ever since we had moved to Twinbrook. It had been a nice relief. And yet, there I was being woken up by Eloril giving him a mild beating. The alarm hadn't gone off, so Eloril must have caught him before he even got in the house.

I called Maldor, who I knew was working that night, to come and collect the man. Eloril was keeping a watch on him outside while I waited inside the house to avoid the snow. Ranna had slept peacefully throughout the whole thing, but naneth came rushing down the stairs to see what was going on. She was horrified to learn what had happened. However, naneth decided to be angry at me and not the one who had tried to commit the crime. She was upset I had chosen to raise my children in such a dangerous environment. I explained that this was the first time a robbery has been attempted  in all the years that I've lived here, but she wasn't having it. Her words soon went back to how I wasn't doing my job as a mother, and that I clearly had no idea what I was doing.

Delerith or Delindir started crying. I let out my own shout of frustration. Naneth reprimanded me for being so emotional. I shook as it took all my strength not to throw a fit. I truly wished naneth and Eloril would not be staying for long. One evening with naneth here, and I was already being driven to the brink of insanity......