Secrets, Part Two

Eloril led me upstairs and sat me down on my bed. I was in a daze, and he didn't say much of anything as I'm sure he was in shock too. He really only had ever known kindness from naneth. While he had been aware she and I weren't as close as we should be, he never could have imagined just how bad things had been for so long. The news of how she had treated me must have been a jolt to his system. It ruined the image of the ideal family he had pictured us being. My tears stopped when he sat me down, and left me to deal with naneth. I thought about our family. What was going to happen now? How was ada going to react when he found out what I had been through? I could just see it throwing a massive blast into my parents' marriage. Ada taught Eloril and I how to fight, but it was the horrible sights of the wars from his memories that prompted his dedication to make sure we could protect ourselves. Those horrible recollections had him otherwise convinced that physical reprimand was one of the most despicable actions on the planet. Ada had seen so much violence and how much damage it caused. He couldn't understand why anyone who loved their child would be so cruel as to hurt them in such a way.

That's when the little voice from before came back to me. Only this time, it was singing a different tune. I really did love naneth. Even now the thought of thinking that I didn't made my stomach churn with disgust and guilt. Somehow I still cared for her a lot, and I wanted her to care for me too. However, the little voice was whispering to me that she didn't. I fought back against it. Naneth had come all this way to see me. She had lovingly helped me deliver my son. She had told me she wanted to protect me. She had said she wanted me home.

The voice began its argument using my own words against me. I had been thinking about how ada couldn't understand how anyone who love their child would hurt them physically. Well, if my naneth didn't love me it would make sense then that she could continually whip my hands without fretting about it. Then there was everything else- all the horrible names she had called me, how she would have punished me to be alone forever if it had been her choice, and how she said she couldn't care less about me.

The emotions quickly began to build up again. I couldn't stand thinking what I was thinking. It was too much to be alone at that moment. I needed Eloril. I stumbled when I stood up. My head was spinning from all that had happened. I walked about the house looking for my brother, and was frustrated when I couldn't find him. I had completely forgotten he was dealing with naneth. When I remembered he would be with her, I slowly made my way to her room to where the two had moved.

Eloril's voice was surprisingly quiet for how angry he was, but I could hear ire in each syllable he spat out at naneth. She didn't say much back. The sheer negative energy radiating from the room made me shake. I really wanted Eloril to stop chastising naneth and come comfort me. I knew if I knocked and asked for him that he would leave her be until later. I just had to knock. However, I couldn't. My feet became frozen to the spot as I listened to the conversation taking place on the other side. From the second I caught their voices I knew I wouldn't like whatever I would hear, but I couldn't get myself to turn away. There was a horrid kind of anticipation surging in my chest. What had been hidden for so long was going to come out. I wanted to get the answers.

Eloril truly was digging into naneth. I had never seen him lose control so badly. It was terrifying, and I wasn't even the one all that rage was directed at. I felt a small twinge of sympathy towards naneth. Eloril was the one I knew without a doubt that she loved. He was her precious little boy. If any of my sons went off at me the way Eloril was going off at naneth, no matter how much I deserved it, I knew it would hurt my heart terribly. A lot of what Eloril raged about was similar to my thoughts before. He was still in shock she had had the audacity to hurt me. The woman he had thought she was wasn't anything like the woman she truly was. Ada would be told of all she had done as quickly as he could get the message to him even if Eloril was scared what it meant for our family. He, like I, doubted ada would make any sort of statement of divorcement, but it was safe to say everything had been ruined. We could never be as we had been before- all because of her cruelty. Eloril told her she was the one who was corrupted, not me.

Then he kept going on and on again about his disbelief over her harshness. It was something he simply couldn't wrap his head around. That's when he began to demand an answer. How had she been able to live with herself putting me through all that pain? How could she look me straight in the eye and tell me that she could care less about me? How could she act as if I was nothing to her?

It took naneth a moment to get him to quiet down so she could actually speak. There was a defeated calmness to her voice that captivated both mine and Eloril's attention. I caught her sighing loudly. It sounded as if she was bracing herself for what was to come. Naneth said she would tell him the truth despite that she understood very well it was going to make him hate her more than he already did. She wouldn't be surprised, nor would she blame him, if he never wanted to speak to her again. If he no longer wanted her to be a part of his life, then she understood that too.

Eloril having heard that become so curious to the point where I could feel his anger drastically decrease. He wanted to know why then, if the truth was so bad, was she willing to say it if it would make him that upset? Because he had asked, naneth replied, and everything was coming out anyway. Her feelings had become clear enough, so why not lay it all out there and accept her punishment? I knew at that point that I should have stopped listening. I should have turned on my heel right then and there to bolt back upstairs where I wouldn't have been able to hear the explanation that drove something painfully sharp right through my heart.

Naneth had never wanted me. As soon as Eloril had been born, she was certain he would be the only one. Her skin would crawl any time she though about becoming pregnant again, and this was especially true when she thought about the child being a girl. However, ada had become so desperate to have another son or daughter. He had told her he couldn't understand why, but he knew another child had to be born. It made sense now with me having been given the order why he had felt so strongly, but of course neither of them could have anticipated such a situation ever occurring back then. Naneth refused at first. However, each day that she expressed her reluctance was another day that ada grew more despondent. He never truly pressured her in any way, but seeing him become so heartbroken was too much for naneth to handle. She assumed she would get over her hesitation. She would love the child she and ada then conceived just as much as she had loved Eloril when he had been born. The long months of her pregnancy with me showed her otherwise. Those days turned her reluctance into detest, and then the detest into hatred. When I had come a week early, she had hoped it meant there was something wrong with me- that I would be delivered dead or that I would die soon afterwards.

There was a chilling silence in the room for a moment. Eloril, disbelieving and stunned, told naneth to stop messing with him. She had said she would tell him the truth. Naneth was indignant. She had warned him he wouldn't like what she would tell him. Every word she had said, would say, was honest through and through.

Eloril was too horrifyingly shocked to say anything or grow angry. I was glad I couldn't see the expression on his face, nor mine for that matter. I almost managed to convince myself to turn away then. The answer had been given to me. The little voice in my head disappeared for it was no longer needed.

But there was more, much more to the story. More explanation for the things I hadn't been able to understand, more words that intensified the crippling pain in my chest, and more statements that showed me just how badly I had deluded myself to the reality of how things had been. When Eloril continued his horrified silence, naneth pressed onward. Her disappointment had been great when I had been born alive and very much healthy. She had tried as hard as she could to muster some affection towards me, but nothing was coming. Of course, she had felt greatly disturbed at herself. It wasn't as if she was purposely making herself loathe me. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, all her effort went into making a connection with her baby girl. Naneth lavished me with the attention and care one would expect to see from a mother doting on her new child. Not once did she complain. Not once did she show her true feelings. Not once did she blame me for being born.

The hate remained as strong as ever. Naneth, already downtrodden from feeling like the most despicable person in the world for not loving me, grew more depressed. Some of her emotions began to show through. She began distancing herself from me. Ada didn't notice. He was too blinded and enthralled by his own love for me to sense her struggle. Naneth chuckled a little. She had always wondered if ada had somehow stolen the love for me she should have carried so that he could have it for himself. She went silent for a moment. Then she quietly said it was almost unnatural how much he loved me.

Eloril agreed. He knew if there was ever a situation where ada had to pick between him and me that he would pick me. Eloril was fine with that though. He would rather I be the one chosen than himself. Naneth chuckled again. She had known that would be how he thought, and having him and ada care for me that much was what made her hate for me grow further still. Ada never neglected her, but he certainly didn't pay nearly as much attention to her as he used to. If he had, he would have been able to see her hatred and jealousy just as he had been able to so easily determine her feelings back when they had first met and fallen in love.

She was left to deal with the burden by herself though. Eventually the weight of hating me and hating herself for hating me grew too much. Naneth needed to find an outlet before she went crazy. Unfortunately, by that point I had grown. I became her outlet. At first, it was only the lectures. Then the swatting started. Naneth wished she had never started doing it. The relief and peace of mind it briefly offered was addicting. However, there was the crash as well. That she could get such joy from hurting me made her understand how despicable she truly was. And so her burden increased. Then she would swat me again to get a breath of air. Then the sensation of drowning returned. Another swat. More suffocation. It rapidly became a vicious cycle she had no hope of breaking. There was nowhere she could turn for help. Only condemnation and rejection awaited her if she asked for any.

It was when I reached the middle of my adolescence when she was finally able to stop. I was no longer dependent on her as I had been, and she had been allowed enough space to no longer crave the relief. As it was, the older and more independent I grew the more she began to develop a moderate affection for me. When I had been sent away, it had been hard for her to watch me go. She had worried a great deal, especially when that whole event in Aurora Skies occurred. She had been able to say things to me in the letters she wrote that she had never been able to say in person thanks to the many miles between us. However, when she and I finally met again...

Well, some habits died hard. Naneth admitted there was much more to the story than what she had said, but telling every detail would keep the both of them up all night. Eloril quickly said he didn't care. He wanted to hear everything no matter how long it took to get through it. He also wanted to know what she felt towards me now. She had said affection for me had begun to develop within her. Did that mean the hate had faded or was fading? Had it grown again now that all of this had happened?

It was silent again for another moment before naneth resumed speaking. Whatever it was that she said, I didn't hear it. I had finally bolted away to the safety of my room. What I had heard was too much. The reality of naneth's emotions honestly didn't surprise me, but Goddess did it hurt so bad to finally know with surety that was indeed what she felt. There would be no more lying to myself. I couldn't live in a deluded world anymore. I had no choice but to come face to face with all the excruciatingly painful stabs through my heart that were now there. There was no choice but to sit down on my bed for a good long while, for a good long while was how much time it took me to find the strength to stand once more. I still nearly fell when I went to change into my nightgown. Many long hours remained in that day. The children hadn't even come home from school yet, but I had decided it was done for me. I was not leaving my room until I wanted to leave my room.

Not knowing what else to do but what felt right, I curled up on the side of the bed where Wesley used to sleep. The tears had been flowing freely for who knows how long, and I desperately needed some connection to the "dirty human man" who had given me so many wonderful years and who was more pure than those who had condemned him without knowing a single thing about him. I also grabbed the very same picture naneth had been looking at during my labor with Thoronton.

Staring at the picture and recalling the fond memories of the day when it had been taken eased the pain, but at the same time it brought up a lot of pain too. It just made me so confused. I kept switching my gaze between my children in the picture- Ris, Amonost, Adonnen, Cadrier, and Tridia. Ris was now an elderly woman. Amonost and Adonnen were getting up there in age too. It wouldn't be too long before Cadrier and Tridia were entering their final years as well. As always, it would feel like only a few minutes had passed, but those few minutes would have actually been years and all my children in that picture would be dead. It was so cruel. How come I would not be able to keep a single one of the children I loved so much? How come I had to suffer through all of these years as a bit of me was steadily chipped away each time one of my precious babies died? How come naneth would get to keep me, the child she never wanted, forever? Why did her hardened heart get to be spared all the heartbreak?

How could she not love me?! Just...how?! It was so infuriating! I stared more intently at the picture, particularly at Ris and Tridia. The love I felt for them had come so easily and intensely. It was natural and instinctive. It was beyond comprehension how that same love had not come to naneth in regards to me. She said she didn't blame me for being born. There wasn't anything I had done to upset her. She simply...didn't love me.

I did not leave my room for the rest of the day. I left Eloril to deal with Thoronton, and then the rest of the children when they came home. I had no clue what or how much he told them about what had happened. They all, and Eloril as well, tried to coax me out. I was having none of it. I had no desire to eat. I barely moved from my spot on the bed, and sleep was mostly foreign to me that night until I cried myself to exhaustion. I was hardly better the next morning. Eloril attempted once again to get me out of the room. I could hear the concern in his voice. He didn't know that I had been listening to the conversation. He didn't know that I heard the truth. He was still under the assumption my upset state had come about by the situation that had caused that whole conversation in the first place. My sudden intense withdrawal and deduced depression must have been incredibly worrying.

It wasn't until mid-morning when Ranna, Aewen, Alcarien, Delerith, and Delindir had all gone to school again when I finally grew suffocated from being in my room. I managed to sneak in a quick shower without anyone noticing my departure. I went downstairs. I had no idea what was going to happen. Naneth didn't know either that I had overheard her. Whatever reaction I was going to have when I saw her again was sure to be a surprise for her, but I would be surprised as well for I had even less of an idea what I might do. However, what I felt when I saw her walking out of the sun room was clear. I was angry, and angrier than I had ever been before. The sadness had vanished. It had been replaced by pure rage.

The two of us stood there for a moment in utter silence. Naneth stood sheepishly, looking away from me. I stared right at her.

Then I lost it.

I was so overtaken by my rage that my memory mostly blacks out when I try to recall that moment. I know I lunged for her. I held her so I could get a few good hits in, and then I tossed her towards the floor. I was screaming something awful. I used a lot of the vulgar words she loathed so much- the ones she loathed almost as much as she loathed me. It was clear naneth was in complete shock. She had made no effort to defend herself or fight back. She stared up at me not with eyes full of tears or an expression of fear, but of mild surprise. That made me more furious. I moved towards her again.

Eloril showed up in time to hold me back from doing something truly regrettable. He let me go when I promised not to physically beat at naneth anymore, but boy, did I go at her with my yelling! Naneth's shock wore off, and she started sobbing with the same intensity that I had been crying with all night. She made a few attempts to stand, but my shouts were the punches that knocked her right back down. Eventually, she gave up and remained there on the floor while I went after her with everything I had. Poor Eloril had no idea what to do or how to get me to stop my rampage. Every single attempt of his to calm me were useless. When I ran out of things to rage about, I demanded that naneth leave. Eloril had to get her out of my house that very instant or I would leave myself until she was gone. He pleaded with me. He would take her back home as soon as he could. If I wouldn't storm out and give them half an hour, he would make all the arraignments as fast as he could before the two of them would be on their way. Managing to be realistic, I conceded him that request. I would give him the time it took to book seats on the next flight out of Twinbrook, but no more than that. Eloril thanked me.

I stormed right back up to my room. Much of the desire to smash the room to pieces that I had felt the morning I had realized Aneviel, Anemir, and Anadien were gone came back to me then. It was a miracle that I was able to not break a single thing and only pace about madly. I was also glad that Thoronton was proving to be a quiet baby who didn't require much. If he had needed me in those moments I would have been entirely useless. Whether it was a half hour or an hour later when Eloril knocked on my door, I didn't know. I let him in, and the anger broke as I melted into his arms once more. It was beyond me how I still had any tears left to cry. My sobs were the only sound in the room for a while.

Eloril eventually pulled away from me. He wished he could stay until I was more composed, but he had to help naneth pack up the rest of their things so her could get on her the next flight like I wanted. I nodded. I knew once she was out of the house I would begin to feel a lot better. Then I could go on with my life as I had been without her dragging me down. The time to really deal with her and everything would come when I returned home, but that would be many years down the line. I would have ada there alongside me as well.

I managed to stop crying and gave Eloril a small smile. He placed a gentle kiss of my forehead before promising to come back as soon as naneth was home. Eloril was strongly convinced ada would want to see me when he and naneth returned home in the manner in which they were going to return, so it was safe to say he would be tagging along again once he came back. That cheered me up more, but I only nodded a second time as I couldn't get my voice to work. I was given a farewell hug and one last kiss before Eloril left the room. Ten minutes later the front door opened and closed, and I knew he and naneth were on their way back home...

~Eloril~

I couldn't stand that the airport was next to empty. It was too frustratingly silent. Not that I really had a desire to talk to her, but nana had not said a word since she quietly volunteered to pack our things after Ellothiel stormed upstairs. With no other source of distraction, I was left too much to my thoughts. My head was hurting enough from all these weeks of trying to keep the household peaceful, and of course with having had to deal everything that had happened yesterday and today. The last thing I needed was for my brain to continually go over everything again and again. Nana sat still in her chair, but I took to pacing furiously back and forth behind her. It was the only thing keeping me mildly sane. I wished so hard that this could all be somehow undone. I wished I could travel back hundreds of years to stop what had caused this mess.

I stopped for a moment, and sighed. I couldn't believe either of them- nana and Ellothiel. Nana truly had gone ahead and told me everything once I prompted all of her reasoning and feelings out of her. I, naturally, was still very upset and angry with her. However, I felt sorry for her and pitied her as well. How hard it had been for her, how much she despised herself, and her feelings for Ellothiel now made me grant her that relieve. Otherwise, I suppose I wouldn't even be here with her at this moment. I would have simply stayed with Ellothiel, and forced nana to go home by herself. I would have made her face ada's wrath all alone.

I was upset with Ellothiel too. How come she had never told me? How could she have believed I had thought it was alright what nana had been doing to her? I must have made her promise a thousand times during our youth that she would tell me what was going on the instant someone dared to hurt her. I had told her it didn't matter what the situation was. I had told her it didn't matter who was hurting her. There would never be an excuse for that kind of behavior. But she never came to me even though she was being put through so much pain...

Nana's own loud sigh broke through my wallowing. She moved for the first time in ten minutes. Taking a glance at her face, she appeared no better than Ellothiel looked. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that she deserved to be so worn down. It was true that nana did desperately need help and that I would help her if I could, but she had brought all of this upon herself. Everyone would have been much more understanding and sympathetic if she had reached out to someone before she decided swatting Ellothiel was the best way to deal with her feelings.

I said nothing to her, and resumed my pacing. Watching the planes taking off and landing helped to distract me a little more. The rest of the scenery out the large windows wasn't too bad either. Ellothiel really does know how to pick out the most beautiful spots to live. It almost made me forget all of this land was supposed to belong to the elves, and should still technically be ours. That line of thought started taking my mind towards all war stories I had been told. They weren't pleasant tales by any means, but I was willing to deal with any thoughts that weren't about my family's current predicament.

Unfortunately, a man, who I think was a pilot, then approached me. The message he carried would shake up all of our lives for the next several years, and in the worst possible way imaginable. He butchered my name as he asked if that was me. I let it slide and told him yes. He told me there was a call for me and the woman traveling with me. I could pick it up in the employee break room.

He led nana and I there. I assumed the call would be from Ellothiel. I had given her the cell phone she had lent me back before I departed. Perhaps she wanted me to return to the house. However, the person on the other side of the call was Ranna. That shocked me, and made me realize something was very wrong. Ranna should've still been in school. She also should have had no idea that nana and I were leaving. I could barely understand a thing she was saying to me as she was crying hard. I tried to ignore nana's and the pilot's curious stares while I did what I could to get my niece to calm down and talk to me properly.

Ranna finally calmed down to the point where she was speaking sensibly, although it was obvious she was still crying. She told me she was still at school when I asked where she was. The principal had called her into her office. Maldor, wearing his police officer uniform, had come to the school to pass on an urgent message. The message had come from Elemir who passed it onto Maldor, and now Ranna was passing it on to me so Maldor could be freed up to deal with the situation. I asked her what situation did he need to be freed up for?

Elemir had gotten a call from Ellothiel not long after nana and I had left. She had known he was not working that day, and had called him over to comfort her and help her with Thoronton. That call had been how everyone now knew nana and I were at the airport. I asked Ranna what was so urgent then. She sniffled, and continued explaining. Elemir hadn't wasted time heading over to the house. It had been a good thing he hadn't for otherwise no one would have had a clue what had happened to Ellothiel.

That was when my heart truly began to race. What had happened to Ellothiel? Nana and I had only been away from the house for forty-five minutes. Ranna said, with a lot of anger in her voice, that it was the man Ellothiel had been talking to on the phone for the past couple weeks. I tried to recall his name. Silas, I think it was? Ranna had trouble continuing. Elemir had said he had had no clue what was going on when he had approached the house. Silas had been hurriedly placing an unconscious Ellothiel into his car. Elemir had thought she had had an accident, and Silas was taking her to the hospital. However, when Elemir approached Silas to find out what was going on Silas whipped out a gun and fired it at him. Thankfully, the shot missed by a mile. Silas had then jumped into his car, and sped off with Ellothiel inside.

Elemir had managed to get a picture of the license plate with his phone before the car disappeared entirely. Maldor, along with the rest of the police, were now in a rush to find out more information about Silas and where he might be taking Ellothiel. Ranna said nana and I needed to come back instead of heading back to the elvish lands. I told her of course we would come back right away, but I couldn't say anything else. I stood there completely out of it.

This was ridiculous! After everything else that had happened, Ellothiel had now been...kidnapped?

You had to be kidding me......