Blackout

I sat on my bed wondering what to do. It had been a long time, and Eloril, Maldor, and Michael had not returned. Nana and Thralas didn't show up either. I had no idea where everyone had gone or what was going to happen next. Though my head still hurt terribly and I felt unsteady on my feet, I decided to explore a little. I had grown used to the room I was in, and wanted to see more of the hospital. A quick peek down the corridor showed me that there was little else besides seats and glass doors that led to rooms appearing to be quite similar to my own. No one was in sight, although I could sense that others were about nearby. I started wandering to the right. However, I barely got anywhere. My room was on the corner, and as soon as I reached the intersection a sense of familiarity too strong to be ignored washed over me. My eyes were drawn to the room at the end of the way.

Confusion

Something bad must have happened. That was my first thought when consciousness very slowly returned to me. Everything had been so wonderful, then there was such a long period of darkness, and now there was a massive pain in my head added onto my world of darkness. I could barely make sense of anything. I was lying in a bed. My hair had been braided, but what idiot had done that? Everyone knew how much I hated having my hair tied up completely. The pain, me being in a bed, and my hair not how I liked it truly was all I could make out. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes. I figured whatever had happened to my head must have been making me rather out of sorts. Weird beeping sounds echoed from all directions while I swore I kept hearing a woman's voice in some unfamiliar language project out from the ceiling nearby. It could only be reasoned that I was dreaming. Otherwise, I was afraid to think what being in the strange place I was in meant for me.

Letting Go

Wesley thought it was ironic.

I had preached and preached to him about being careful when going up and down the stairs. Though he hadn't said so aloud, he had been really annoyed with me treating him like a child. He had taken great care during his entire life to stay as healthy as possible, and so hadn't thought he would have to deal with his body weakening that much. It had begun to hurt constantly moving between the floors, but not bad enough to where he felt he had had to heed my warnings. He would show me he was right, was what he had thought. Now here he was in the hospital. Wesley had only fallen down a few steps. It could have been much worse, but all the tumble had accomplished was momentarily knocking him out and giving him a slight fracture in his right tibia. We should have been able to go home that same day.

Yet we couldn't. Wesley had to stay at the hospital for much longer than any of us wanted. The scans they had taken when checking for injuries due to Wesley's fall had revealed something else. Masses were growing inside him. They were small and pre-cancerous, but there was a lot of them. Multiple surgeries had to be scheduled. Wesley had to take medicine with side-effects that caused him much pain and discomfort. It was a blessing that the masses had been caught and could be taken care of before they became a real problem, but that didn't make me feel any relief. I still had to sit in that hospital for so long everyday and slowly watch more and more of Wesley wither away. I held onto him as much as I could. Honestly, it was terrifying to touch him and feel how thin and weak he was becoming, but I still couldn't let go. Seeing him in the hospital brought thoughts to my mind that his time might really be up, and I had to reassure myself he was still right next to me fighting with everything he had.

Departures

I tried not to be too surprised this time around. I knew it was going to happen the way it happened- for how it happened was how it had always happened. One minute, Elemir was an adorable little boy. The next, he had very much ceased to be a boy. In what felt like seconds he had transformed into a teenager ready to start high school and his next stage of life. And again, as always, his birthday was bittersweet. He had grown up so well, but I wished I could keep him younger for just a bit longer. I felt as if I had only had a brief moment to spend with him ever since he had been born.

Strange Dreams

I knew it would happen one day, but even still...

I was not prepared for that moment when I finally realized Wesley was old. His aging had seemed to be happening so slowly. He had steadily been acquiring more wrinkles and had been complaining about his body hurting in greater quantities, but he simply had that kind of face that stayed youthful far past the youth it showed. I took it for granted that he would always stay that way. I really was in for a rude awakening. It should have been a more subtle transition as subtle is how it happened. I just hadn't been paying attention. When I looked at Wesley before, I saw him instead of his age. What should have been obvious escaped my notice. Then the obvious became clear all at once, and I was left sad and afraid. Wesley's years on this earth and with me were coming to an end. The vast amount of time it felt we had together was now steadily slipping away from us.

Try as I might, I could not speak of my realization to Wesley. It was too hard to get the words out of my mouth. He was well aware of what I was feeling though. He was dealing with the same emotions as I was. I started noticing small changes in his behavior. He was obsessed with dying his hair so that no gray could be seen, and he would sneak pain killers when he thought I couldn't see so he could complain less about how it was getting harder to move. Longer clothing that covered his arms and legs became his preference as he wanted to hide how thin and fragile his limbs had become. The only time he wore something sleeveless was at night when we went to bed. He liked when I would run my finger along his tattoo. It became amusing to me how I had worried he would regret getting it. Now it was a calming reminder of how all this had started, how much time we had had together, and that some small piece of me would forever remain with him when his time came.

What Next?

Thankfully for Wesley and I, Lenn was amazingly behaved right from the start. He naturally did have his naughty moments where I would find him chewing away at the couch leg or using the carpet as a toilet, but once we really dug into his training those incidents disappeared almost instantly. The only thing I had left to complain about was that he was constantly underfoot. His greatest enjoyment was following everyone around. He was so small, so I was really worried one of us might accidentally step on him. I was relieved when he began to grow, and he grew fast. It didn't take long before he reached his adult size. All of us were curious as to how he would turn out appearance-wise. It is safe to say Lenn is a mutt through and through. We couldn't even identify one dog breed he could be related to as he was such a mess of all sorts of features. His look definitely wasn't conventional, but I found him adorable nonetheless.

Dwindling

I would like to say that Wesley and I resolved our issues calmly and like rational adults after we each had some time to calm down. Unfortunately, that is not at all how things went. We went through a too long period of time where we didn't even speak. After two days passed, it became that much harder to break the silence. We eventually had no choice but to do so though. The sudden tension and negative atmosphere taking over the house was really affecting the children. They had no idea what was going on, but Wesley and I being so angry caused them to become angry simply by extension. The conversations Wesley and I had were shallow. We didn't try at all to address our issues. The only positive thing to come about was that those superficial conversations did at least get us talking, and moved us one step closer towards making an actual resolution.

That stage of our fight lasted several days. Thralas had his birthday during that time. Besides Elemir, he had been the least bothered by everything going on. That thankfully meant he was able to celebrate his special day without any worries. We took him out to the store so he could pick out his birthday present, which the children seem to enjoy more rather than being surprised with things they didn't really want. Thralas picked out a horse rocker. It was placed in the corner of his room, and I've barely seen him since as he can stay on that thing for hours.

Hidden

I got a bit worried as to where Amonost and Adonnen had gotten one afternoon after the high school students had gotten out for the day. Normally, the twins come home right away. However, Cadrier returned home alone having no idea where his brothers had gone. I tried not to panic too much. It was very unlikely something had happened, and more probably they had just wandered around for a bit. That pretty much turned out to be the case. It was such a nice day they had decided to walk home instead of taking the bus. On the way, they came across the ice cream truck. They proceeded to buy an icicle for all of us, and came home carrying them all. I would have said something about them at least giving me a short text letting me know about the delay, but the ice cream cooled my slight annoyance.

Changes

It certainly was a very strange several weeks that passed after that afternoon. Wesley, of course, was going to move in. It took a little time for that to happen though. He first had to sell the place he was currently at, as well as packing all his things up and dealing with other technicalities like having his address updated. I was somewhat disappointed that things didn't really change right away due to Wesley being busy. With me so nervous about the whole thing in general, delaying the plan gave me too much time to hesitate and ponder if I should back out.

Then Wesley had some spare time, and the whole family went to the summer festival. Tridia was switched between Wesley, Ris, Amonost, Adonnen, and I so we could all participate in the fun, but that day I didn't mind holding her most of the time. In fact, I preferred it. It gave me the opportunity to study that family of mine which was steadily growing closer thanks to the prospect of Wesley and I finally being together. Ris and Cadrier have always gotten along fine with Ray and Henry, but there was something about Wesley growing into a true constant presence, especially a father-like presence, that made them more energetic than usual. It was their excitement that strengthened my resolve. Amonost and Adonnen's cheerfulness at having their father move in helped as well, although not as much. "It's about time." had been their lazy blunt reaction.