Changes

It certainly was a very strange several weeks that passed after that afternoon. Wesley, of course, was going to move in. It took a little time for that to happen though. He first had to sell the place he was currently at, as well as packing all his things up and dealing with other technicalities like having his address updated. I was somewhat disappointed that things didn't really change right away due to Wesley being busy. With me so nervous about the whole thing in general, delaying the plan gave me too much time to hesitate and ponder if I should back out.

Then Wesley had some spare time, and the whole family went to the summer festival. Tridia was switched between Wesley, Ris, Amonost, Adonnen, and I so we could all participate in the fun, but that day I didn't mind holding her most of the time. In fact, I preferred it. It gave me the opportunity to study that family of mine which was steadily growing closer thanks to the prospect of Wesley and I finally being together. Ris and Cadrier have always gotten along fine with Ray and Henry, but there was something about Wesley growing into a true constant presence, especially a father-like presence, that made them more energetic than usual. It was their excitement that strengthened my resolve. Amonost and Adonnen's cheerfulness at having their father move in helped as well, although not as much. "It's about time." had been their lazy blunt reaction.

Ris became my companion as we rolled our eyes at the boys who suddenly decided they had to do all the activities at the park together. It was fine with us. Ris, Tridia, and I could be sensible while they did all the crazy things. For example, instead of wanting to go home for a nice dinner like I had proposed doing they wanted to fill their stomachs by taking part in one of those always preposterous eating contests. Cadrier quit halfway through. Wesley had been confident he would win, but Adonnen beat everyone a landslide. By the time Wesley and Amonost had eaten two-thirds of their hotdogs, Adonnen was already finished. He was pretty arrogant about being the victor- until he had to run to the restroom to throw up. Wesley had to go comfort him. Amonost as well, when his stomach protested the fast eating too. Afterwards, Wesley decided next time it would be better to listen to me and go home for a normal dinner. That was a wise decision, I agreed.

Despite that bit of trouble, everyone had a wonderful time at the festival. We ended the day by taking a picture together in the photo booth. Everyone got a copy to do with what they would. Wesley placed his in his wallet so he could have it with him all the time. I went to the store the next day to find a nice frame so that I could hang my copy on the wall right next to my bedroom door. That way I could see it and be encouraged of my decision each time I left the room.

I thought everything was happening too slowly. Then Wesley was properly moved in, and all the changes happened so fast that my head was spinning. I had no idea what I should do. Thankfully, Wesley had his wits about him. It made it easier for him that he had already been in a relationship as well.

Those first several days really were a rush though despite all his efforts to ease me in to it all. It was the first time I no longer held back all the feelings and desires I had kept at bay for so long. They all fought to make their existence known as I suddenly had complete and total access to the source of all of those swells of emotions. I thought some moment would come along where the guilt of what I was doing would hit me, but it never came. It felt so right to be with Wesley that there was no room in me for any negative feelings. It's embarrassing to admit, but for those first few nights the two of us did not get much sleep. We had years of chances tossed away to make up for.

It was somewhat frustrating that we had to be more careful than we would have liked. That was because I was able to confirm I was pregnant with Carlton's child, and the bump of my stomach had become noticeable. Wesley was surprised to discover I was already pregnant even though I had only just had Tridia. He then became momentarily upset and angry when he coaxed out of me the reason I had become pregnant again. I felt even more horrible than I had before about using such a shallow reason to conceive a child. Wesley blessedly forgave me quickly, and reassured me that he knew as well as I did that I would love the child too much. The reason for his or her conception would cease to become an issue at all in grand scheme of things.

The biggest change that occurred was not that Wesley was there to sleep with me whenever we wanted. I had already experienced that privilege during our vacation. The biggest change wasn't even that he was around the house all the time. Wesley had pretty much been living at the house anyway. No. It was the subtle shifts in our relationship that was the big change. Wesley and I wold banter back and forth as we did the chores together. He would assist me in paying the bills and keeping the household in order. He would go to my appointments with me to make sure all was well with my pregnancy. He was free to come over and hold me as he hadn't been able to before when I got stressed. He was able to whisper "I love you" in my ear to calm me down. Those three words became magic to me.

However, they frustrated me as well. Wesley wouldn't let me say them back to him. He was always somehow able to sense when they were on the tip of my tongue, and either ruined the chance for them to escape my lips or flat out told me not to speak them. Wesley and I had talked about if we wanted to marry at some point down the road. I admitted that truly was too much for me. Just us being a couple was the most I could handle. Wesley repeated as he had before that us not marrying was fine with him. It was that discussion that prompted his decision that I shouldn't reveal out loud that I love him. He knows I don't believe I will find love with an elven man because of my experiences here. Wesley, however, believes there is always the exception. I have all eternity to find him. I've had to give away so many of my firsts because of this task. I've had to give away so much of what should have been saved for him to other men who had no idea just how serious what I was giving away was. That is why he wants me to save those words for the man I will be with forever.

Of course, I argued against the idea. How could I never speak them to him? It seemed cruel. In sappy Wesley fashion, he told me he didn't need to hear them to know what I felt. He could hear the words silently through every tender look, touch, action, and kiss of mine. I stared at him when he told me that. He was not a normal man. Wesley laughed. Had I ever really thought him to be normal with my knowledge of how he had handled the situation with his ex-wife? I laughed myself. No, I guess hadn't.

I found out so many things I never knew were going on or had happened thanks to having an extra set of eyes keeping track of the events in the house. Wesley rarely sleeps the whole way through the night. He will always wake up, and then has to do a little something like watch a bit of television, read a chapter in a book, or get something to eat before he can go back to bed. It was particularly annoying at first since it was getting harder for me to sleep because of my growing stomach, but I grew used to his habit. It was because of his habit that I would find out one morning a predicament of Amonost and Adonnen. The two had both forgotten about a mildly large homework assignment due the next day. So there they had been in the middle of the night working on it. Adonnen has chosen to sit on the floor to help keep him awake. Wesley knew they had forgotten since they had been too preoccupied lazing about the house in the previous days, but he took pity and helped them complete their work so they could get some sleep.

There was something extra special about Wesley being there for Ris' birthday. She was my youngest child when I met him, and now here he was as an important part of her life watching her graduate and grow into a beautiful young woman. I never would have believed before he would be by my side watching my baby girl reach a major milestone in her life as she took her first steps into the adult world. Ris revealed to everyone that her desire in life was to compose music for cinema. I bought her a guitar as was her wish so that she could start her learning of the many different instruments she would need to be familiar with in order to achieve her goal. Ris spent most of her birthday learning the basics of the guitar before she took her leave to her new, cozy place located close to the theater where she would be working for now.

Tridia's birthday was the next one to come.

It had turned out to be as I had supposed when I had been about to sleep with Clifton. When I turned up pregnant again, he, Henry, and the rest of that household realized I had a purpose in coming over. Henry was naturally upset and understandably angry, but he cared about Cadrier too much to stay mad with me for very long. However, the same could not be said for Clifton. He pretty much refused to be involved in the life of the daughter whom he had not wanted in the first place. As you know, this is not the first time something like this has happened. I was not surprised at Clifton's reaction. I simply kept open the opportunity to be involved if he ever did change his mind.

I also wasn't that bothered as Tridia had Wesley there for her. He never said anything aloud, but it was clear from Wesley's expressions he was actually glad Clifton didn't want to come around. That meant Tridia would be all his. He began spoiling her like crazy. I was bittersweetly reminded of when ada and Eloril were with me after Cirabel had been born and how much they doted on her. Wesley was very much the same way now with Tridia. It was truly sweet to see. I knew I had to be slightly more controlling when it came to how much time they could spend together though for I understood if I wasn't careful that Wesley was going to spoil her too much.

Spoiling others simply appears to be Wesley's innate nature. It hasn't been since ada and Eloril were around that I've had it so easy. To tell the truth, for a long time I became guilty when Wesley went ahead to do many things for me. It was certainly harder for me to accomplish certain things because of my pregnancy, but it was still within my capabilities to accomplish them. There seemed no reason at the time for Wesley to take over. The guilt grew so large that I had no choice but to reveal it to him, and request that he do less. He sort of smiled at me, and shook his head. He reassured me that I need not worry or feel guilty. It only seemed as if he was doing so much because for so long I have been used to doing everything alone. That is the reason why him doing his fair share and taking half of the work away from me felt like a lot. I wasn't entirely convinced, but when he gave me an amazing massage to relax my concerns and aching back I found all my complaints vanished.

The summer grew hotter and hotter. The heat was so intense is rivaled even the warmth of Islo Paradiso. It only was appropriate then that on the upcoming weekend we made the decision to go to the beach. My body had been aching and hurting even more than normal, so Wesley took the first watch of Tridia so that I could get in the water right away to relieve some of the stress burdening me. It was highly awkward and difficult to swim with that big belly of mine, but the water did wonders. I had really needed that pressure to be lifted.

Wesley tried to get Tridia to play in the water, but she was having none of that. She didn't like the way the water came back and forth, and even with the strong sun warming the waves they were probably still too cold for her. What Tridia did love was the sand. Wesley sat her in front of him so they could play with it, and I fear they got a bit too into it. Wesley somehow thought it was a grand idea to throw the sand everywhere simply because it made Tridia laughed. I would come out of the water later to think he had been bathing her in the stuff. One would think the sand getting everywhere would make her uncomfortable. The truth was that it had become her new favorite thing. Wesley would go on to admit when he wasn't paying attention he would look down to find my daughter shoving a whole fistful of sand inside her mouth.

It was shortly after I took another dip in the water when all of Ithilas' children showed up. Tam, Takisha, Gwendolyn, and Dana were as excited to see us there as we were excited to see them. Our meeting became a grand outing. The four of them had brought a massive picnic lunch which they were more than willing to share. This turned out to be a very good thing. Our family had only planned at staying at the beach for the morning. However, the next time I looked at the clock on my phone I would discover that it was already in the early afternoon. With our side having brought no food, that basket of Jade's wonderful cooking was much appreciated.

Though the members in our household had other items we needed to accomplish that day, everyone was having too much fun for me to stop it all. I would soon have no choice but to stop it though. I got out of the water again to see that Wesley had thought it was a great idea to help Tridia take her first steps on some of the most uneven kind of terrain to navigate. Tridia was having the best time trying. She laughed loudly as if someone was tickling her. I was so into watching my daughter really sort of walk for the first time that I didn't notice my hands had begun to clutch at my stomach that was quickly tightening with pain. It was a sudden lurch of much more extreme pain and the warmth of the liquid running down my legs that told me my water had broken. Needless to say, as soon as I revealed what was happening everyone dashed about so I could be taken home as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, and it is strange that I say unfortunately, the labor was very short. I felt I had barely gotten myself situated at home when my new son decided it was the best time to come out. Wesley and I were both out of breath at the rapid pace at which everything had happened. I was glad to hold my little boy though. I asked Wesley to think of a name with me as Carlton had said he didn't really have a preference. We chose the name Thralas.

The guilt finally hit me when Eloril's next letter arrived. When I saw that it had come, I took it out of the mailbox and stared at it for a long time as if I had been frozen in place. I became scared again. Some irrational part of my mind was screaming at me that my family would have somehow known what I had done, and the letter would be a reprimand filled with all sorts of harsh words. Of course, it was nothing of the sort. It was a normal response from my brother just like it always was. In a way, I wished it had been a condemnation. It would have made my writing a response back a whole lot easier. I debated with a heavy heart at what I should reveal. Should I say anything? Should I not? Wesley had told me on our vacation that not telling him everything didn't mean I was lying, but leaving out the detail about my current relationship with him to my family definitely felt like lying. I almost did just admit the truth. Then I wouldn't have to deal with their reaction in person. Wesley thinks we can keep the whole thing a secret. However, whether it is today or a thousand years in the future, I know the truth will come out someday. In the end though, all I had the courage to do was write as if nothing had changed.

I expected the request from Adonnen. I had known it was coming since his birthday. I was absolutely dumfounded though when Amonost came up to Wesley and I  with his brother to reveal that they wanted to move away from Twinbrook when they graduated. They both had big plans this little town couldn't help them reach. This confused me since Amonost wanted to become a composer like Ris wanted to be. She was having no problems starting out here. Amonost really believed he could have a better start somewhere else. I had to ask exactly where they planned on moving. The twins glanced sideways at each other. Islo Paradiso, they slowly revealed. A lot of important people in the music industry vacation there. With Adonnen wanting to focus on learning diving and other water sports, so it was the most logical place for both of them to go to.

I asked if they could think about the whole thing more before they committed. Amonost and Adonnen said they wanted to bring the whole idea up so that they could think about it more. Doing the planning now would allow them to see if they really did want to go through with moving.

Wesley agreed readily to the idea. I think he had known the request had been coming, and had prepared for it unlike me who had chosen to ignore what I didn't want to think about. I had told the twins I needed more time to consider it. They were visibly disappointed, but agreed to wait. Deciding what to do consumed every spare moment of my waking conscience. The last thing I wanted was for my boys to move so far away. Considering how I saw so little of Anithien, Nikara, and all my other children who moved far away between the time of their move and the time of their deaths, I knew I would see little of twins as well if they went away. I really did wish all my children could live at home with me forever as Sind had done. I knew such a thing was impossible though.

I finally came to the conclusion that there really was no other option but to let Amonost and Adonnen go when Wesley and I were caring for Tridia and Thralas one afternoon. I remember very vividly the days the two of us were taking care of the twins as we were taking care of their younger siblings then. We had both worked so hard to raise them confident and strong so that they could reach all their dreams when they got older. I had no right to hold them back now that they were ready to go after those dreams. I let Amonost and Adonnen know after dinner I was fine with them leaving. I honestly wasn't completely fine and it was hard pretending to be happy when helping them make their plans, but I calmed myself by telling myself again and again that what was happening was the right thing.

We had a nice celebration for Thralad's first birthday. Carlton wasn't able to make it. I didn't know at the time, but he lives out of town. He isn't able to come around a lot, but I was able to let Thralas babble on the phone with his father for a while. I was pleased to see our boy has my three main features. I haven't had a boy with my hair, eyes, and ears since Noril. Thralas is quite the excitable fellow. He always is wound up, and the smallest things can set him off. What calms him down the easiest is actually Tridia. The two of them get along wonderfully. Wesley saw how well they were getting along, and thought it would be cute to dress Thralas in yellow as we dressed Tridia. He thought it was even a better idea when he remembered both their names started with a 'T'. I saw no reason with which to disagree.

There was another birthday in the household. Naturally, it was Cadrier's. He truly does bear a strong resemblance to Henry. According to Amonost and Adonnen, he quickly became popular with the girls at school due to his interesting hair and eye color combination. Cadrier mentioned nothing of it himself, but when he began talking a lot more on the phone I could only reason the twins were telling the truth. I made sure Wesley gave him that all too important talk. I would then go on to laugh loudly as Wesley revealed Henry had been smart as well, and had talked to Cadrier about the same thing that very morning.

I had a strange, and confusing as well, experience in the nursery one afternoon. Everything was the same as normal, and I felt perfectly fine. Thralas was playing on the floor, and I had been just about to start teaching him a few words. However, I suddenly had to cover my mouth as an intense wave of nausea struck me so powerfully that even the smallest movements caused great pain. I struggled so hard to not let the unexpected sick feeling win. If it did, my lunch would end up all over poor Thralas' head. I didn't think he would appreciate that. Thankfully, the nausea passed quickly and I returned to normal. I really was perplexed though. I took a look around and realized Cadrier had not emptied out the toddler potties as I had asked him to do. I quickly called for him to do his chores. I got another sniff of those potties and cringed. It most certainly had to have been their awful smell that had caused that strange nausea......