One Special Day

It was the knocking on the door that woke me up. Obviously one of my children wanted to come in, but opening my eyes was much harder than I anticipated. It felt like I had been sleeping for an eternity even though it had been quite difficult to actually fall asleep. The back pain caused by my pregnancy had just hurt that badly. The knocking came again- louder this time. As I wearily sat up, I very vaguely noticed I was not wearing the same clothes I had gone to bed in. My stomach had grown too big for my normal night dress, but for whatever reason it was what I was clothed in.

And, my stomach was its usual size. I started to panic and feel terror as I wondered if I had somehow lost the baby while sleeping. However, there was no sign that such a thing had happened. Even if it had, there was no way my stomach could have shrunken so drastically in a mere few hours.

As my mind woke up more and I began to ponder the curiosity deeper, the child knocking became impatient. She rushed into my room, and up into my arms. It was the same way she had greeted me in the mornings all those years ago. She bid me a good morning now.

My little girl who had long since died was in my arms. Cirabel hugged me tighter. I could feel her heart beating. She was warm, and smelled that same sweet smell I can remember from those happy days.

I held her back as tightly as I could. I never wanted to let go for I was afraid she would disappear. I didn't know why Cirabel was before me like this, but I dreaded seeing her vanish again. It took forever for me to find my voice. She was dead, I told her. She had been dead when Garthon pulled her out of the water. She had been dead in my arms as we rushed to the hospital. 

Cirabel held me more strongly while asking sympathetically if I had had my nightmare again. She had gotten hurt when she slipped in the pool, but had recovered quickly. Garthon had noticed in time to pull her out. She told me I needed to stop worrying so much. She didn't like seeing me so upset. But we were in Sunset Valley, I pointed out. All of that had happened in Aurora Skies. Yeah, Cirabel said, that's because we had all moved here a while ago with orada and Eloril coming along too. Both of them had returned home during the fall.

Surely I had to remember all of this, Cirabel asked.

I could only agree hesitantly. Cirabel just giggled at me, and told me I had to stop sleeping so late. It made me act weird. She revealed everyone else was already having breakfast, and departed so I could dress, which I did quickly. I wanted to see just who "everyone else" was and what exactly was going on.

Who I came to see sitting at the table was not at all who I expected. Elioviel was there, as was Sidhion, Londuil, Elridia, Cadriethiel, and...Elrunamir. I froze still in amazement and confusion. How could all of these children be together like this? How could they all look and sound so real? This couldn't actually be my life. 

Could it?

Ureliel was there too. She began merrily cleaning up the dishes as the others finished their meals and went about their way. She said nothing about the strange circumstances. She merely asked if I was hungry. When I said I wasn't, Ureliel talked about the plans I had apparently made with them all to go to the winter festival today.

That was another odd thing. It had been almost summer. How was it suddenly winter again? Ureliel didn't notice my confusion. She only kept cleaning.

The other children were about everywhere doing their own thing. Nothing seemed wrong to them about this situation. Somehow, this was their life. Somehow, this was my life- even if it still made no sense. I wasn't going to question it though. Why would I want this reality before me to fade?

Instead, I went right up to him. Elrun barely had time to ask what was wrong before I hugged him as tight as I possibly could. I understood this confused him greatly, but in that same manner as he always had he simply did what he knew I needed. I wanted to let go of him no less than I wanted to let go of Cirabel. Elrun held me tightly too until I felt comfortable and reassured enough to pull away myself. Elrun asked for no explanation. He just smiled.

I smiled myself when I got to see all these children who never had an opportunity to meet play and have fun together so naturally. The living room became such a loud area as Cadriethiel, Elridia, Londuil, and Sidhion played a very fiercely competitive video game while Cirabel and Elioviel cheered them on.

Oh, and just seeing Cirabel and Elioviel together warmed my heart to the point where I almost started crying. This was what I always wanted to see. The two of them were as close as a pair of twins- to the point where they reminded me of Elvaran and Analinde. They refused to leave the others' side. I didn't even care if they acted a bit destructively. They were with one another. They were happy.

Thankfully though, the amount of destruction Cirabel and Elioviel got to cause was limited. The family did indeed have plans to go to the winter festival. Everyone eagerly took out their warm clothes so we could spend as much of the day as possible at the park. I remembered from somewhere that I recently made it my never-ending goal to use as much of my spare moments with each child individually as possible. It was an inspired feeling, and there was no better chance to put it into action.

Cadriethiel took me to the ice rink with her so that I could help her with her skating. I always regretted going off on my own while I let Eloril teach her instead. I missed out on such a precious opportunity to be with my daughter.

I slapped myself mentally. What was I talking about? What memory was I recalling? Cadriethiel had never been to Appaloosa Plains. She had been born in Aurora Skies like the rest of my children had been. I wondered why so many strange things kept entering my mind.

There was a lot of snow on the ground. One could build whatever one wanted. I took a break from skating to assist Londuil in making a snowman. Perhaps there was something strange we all ate that made us a bit loopy. While we were working Londuil suddenly began talking about how he remembered building snowmen like this with Ninnor all the time. He always got frustrated with his brother though. Ninnor like destroying the snowmen shortly after they built them.

Londuil then stopped, and apologized. He didn't have a brother called Ninnor. He had no idea where he had gotten that all from. I shrugged for I had no idea either. I had never heard the name Ninnor before.

Londuil and I just managed to finish our snowman when Sidhion came running over to show off the fitting snowflake face paint he had gotten done. Elrun had given him the spare change to get one of the fancy designs. He was really happy it came out well since the girl in front of him in line had hers come out really bad. I told him I was glad he was so excited. Sidhion then suggested that I should get a matching design.

I truly hate having anything like face paint on my skin. This is the reason I never wear makeup. However, Sidhion was so wanting us to match that I agreed and got my face painted for him.

Elridia got a nice fire going in one of the fire pits. I eagerly went over to join her in warming up. Though I might not get cold the way my children and humans in general do, the gentle warmth of a fire is always welcome. Elridia and I talked for a while. She admitted she sort of likes the winter, but misses being able to fish. All the lakes and water sources freeze so easily here. I asked her if she truly never gets bored of fishing. Never, Elridia replied. She was going to fish for a living one day, and would be great at it.

I agreed. The slight sensation of already having seen this happened flashed across my thoughts.

Elioviel and I decorated the landscape with snow angel after snow angel. Elioviel even got so bold as to try making one with her face down though I warned her against it. She admitted wryly afterwards that she should have listened. It had not been a good idea at all. I had to buy some hot chocolate to warm her up, and I treated myself with some as well. As I sipped at my drink, I thought it was a good thing not so many people were around. Elioviel and I really had used up a lot of the snow. Then I wondered why more people were not around. It was such a beautiful day.

It would be just as I was thinking that when a familiar voice called my name. I turned around to see an even more familiar face approaching. Charlie greeted me with the same cheerfulness that I greeted him with. I can't recall how long it has been since we've seen each other. And by that, I mean I actually cannot recall how long it has been. The weird memories that keep popping into my head tell me it has been almost two centuries since I met Charlie. There's no way that's right though.

I wanted to get all caught up with him, but before I could say much Charlie interrupted me. He needed to introduce me to two others first.

The two were his wife, Ravenna, and their son, Marlin. I was a bit worried Mrs. Portem might be rather apprehensive of me given mine and Charlie's history, but she loved getting to know me. It became quickly clear something we both hold close to our hearts the is the welfare of our families. We were swapping tales as if we had been best friends for years.

Marlin, who is a perfect blend of both Charlie and Mrs. Portem, rapidly grew bored of our talking. He went to join Cirabel and Elioviel in their making of an igloo.

I spent a lot more time talking to Charlie and Mrs. Portem than I intended to do. We began to lose the sun. Charlie and I were having such a good reunion, but I let the two leave to enjoy the rest of their day with their son. I was happy watching them walk away. I have said it before, but I am glad Charlie found a woman to love and a happy life to build without me in it. Such a life is what he deserves.

I barely took two steps, however, before I suddenly ran into more familiar faces. Seeing Eiji and Lar being there, apparently best of friends, made me do a double-take. Of course, I had to get all caught up with them too. I asked Eiji when I got a spare second if the name Ninnor meant anything to him. No, he said. Was it supposed to mean something? No, I responded likewise. I was simply curious. He and I talked some more. Lar remained quiet for the most part.

The hour grew even later as the sun continued its descent towards the horizon. Eiji took his leave, and I knew with dinnertime closing in that it was the right point to gather up my children. We needed to head home before it got too dark. However, Lar unexpectedly grabbed onto me and held tight as I began to walk away. He wouldn't let go.

Just how I remember him being, he spoke with that look and voice full of slight pain as if he knew something I didn't. I never did find out why he acted the way he did. So I asked him those questions. I asked him why he had that look in his eye. I asked him why he always shows up like this- now and when he came before to reach me when I was at my lowest point. Now he was here when I was so happy. Lar refused to answer either question. He only told me it was alright to be happy for this moment, but I couldn't forget this was not my world. If I did, I would be hurt more.

Again, he refused to tell me what he meant by that. He simply let me go, bid me a good evening, and quickly departed to find where Eiji had gotten off to.

I wasn't sure what to do, but I chose to shake Lar out of my head as I have done in the past. He disappeared without any word, and now only chooses to reappear at the strangest times. I don't have to listen to a thing he says. I gathered up everyone to head back home for a wonderful dinner. Elrun then entertained us all by playing fun songs on the piano. I was surprised. I didn't know he even knew how to play. All the attempts he had made when he was younger at trying to learn a musical instrument failed horribly.

There really must have been something strange in what my children ate or drank for they suddenly all started dancing. It was enjoyable to watch, but it felt a bit odd and out of place.

The snow started to fall as bedtime arrived. I was exhausted from such a crazy day. I knew I would fall asleep easily tonight. Not that I went to bed right away though. Cirabel really wanted to stay with me that night. I could not deny her. We chatted about nonsense for a long while. I told her randomly when I could how much I loved her and how important she was to me. I couldn't stand having those words go unspoken this time. I couldn't say them enough. 

Cirabel just giggled again at me each time. She knew. She had always known, and never doubted the truth. She apologized for not listening to me and going into the pool alone. That was her biggest regret. If she could change the ways things turned out, she would do so in an instant. She hated hurting me so badly. I asked her what she was going on about. Everything had turned out fine. She had said so herself only that morning. Like Lar, she refused to answer. I was confused, but I forgave her since it seemed so important to her that I did.

We eventually cuddled close, and finally drifted off to sleep.

It was the knocking on the door that woke me up.

I thought it was so strange. Why was Cirabel knocking when she was sleeping right next to me? I slowly opened my eyes to find that she wasn't there at all. Where had she gone off to? Lithaldoren's voice called to me. He told me not to sleep so long. We were all going out today, remember?

As I sat up, my back ached terribly since my bulged stomach carried life again. I remembered everything. It was like I had been wearing a blindfold that I had tried so desperately yet failed to pull off. Now that I was awake, that blindfold slid off easily. Everything was so clear. It had all been a dream, but my unconscious brain had had trouble telling the difference between the dream and reality. Lar had been right. It hurt. I so badly wanted all of those children I thought had been before me to be before me again. I wanted Cirabel to be there sleeping peacefully next to me. I didn't want to have to accept again that they were all dead.

I had to accept that truth though. I would fall back into that horrible depression if I let my heart linger on my old desires. I couldn't let myself get swept away by wishes. Nothing good would come of it.

With determination in my chest, I dressed so that I could greet my children running about full of life with a wide smile. There was still so much I had to love and be happy about. When we reached the spring festival to all try to win dance king or queen, the sadness departed in full from me. I looked at Sind, Arnin, Lomenia, Lithaldoren, Lueth, and Navinai, and made a decision.

This reality was the true dream......