Return

I've been able to write a little more recently, which has been incredibly calming. Even the droll of typing page after page after page is better than dirty diaper after dirty diaper after dirty diaper. Then there's all the crying, temper tantrums, and quarrels. I can't remember what silence sounds like.

The Truth

Sind was born very late in the night. It's been a long time since I've had a child come at such an hour. I was naturally tired from the late night and the labor. It was thankfully that the labor itself was relatively short. I was truly ecstatic to see Sind has at least inherited Paul's hair. Hopefully this means he'll have his pretty green eyes as well. Nevertheless, Sind seems so far to be a calm baby. It really is hard to determine his personality just yet though. He fell asleep quickly, and I fell asleep myself minutes after I got him settled.

Doorstep

With the household finally returning to a peaceful state after all the trouble that's been had recently, I decided to allow Elvaran and Analinde to stay in the same class at school. I don't have to worry about their separation anxiety anymore though. The two appear to have peacefully gotten over most of their issues. However, Analinde has become a more attached to Niphredil in the past weeks. Her actions have put me under the impression that Analinde doesn't want her sister to have her birthday. I think she's been playing with her and pulling little pranks on her more often in hopes of keeping her a child. Niphredil has simply been putting up with the clingy attention like a trooper.

Compromise

I thought the wait during the past two weeks to hear of my sister's fate was the worst waiting I would ever have to suffer through. However, the mere two days I had to wait for ada and Ellothiel's return proved to be much more frustrating. Two days was how long ada said it would take for them to travel back to Aurora Skies.

When ada told me he had found Ellothiel alive, I was so very glad. I was even more glad that Garthon and Rieldir were not around because I began to cry from relief. It was not simply a few tears that flowed down my cheeks, but I cried with such an intensity that I have not since when I was a young child. The tears that I've held back through this mess in favor of appearing strong to comfort the others flowed out all in that one moment.

Ada had even more good news for me. Ellothiel was doing better than either of us could have believed. She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living. Ada says there remains a bit of chill on her skin, yet she can smile, and perhaps more importantly, gather the strength to handle her grief.

It was in some woods where ada found Ellothiel. They went to the nearest town to buy a charger for her phone, and we now resting in a hotel. They rented a long-distance taxi, but even by car the journey would still take at least two days. I let Garthon and Rieldir know the news as soon as they got home. I think they are still somewhat bitter at how Ellothiel was treating them, but they want things to just return to normal as much as I do. They were quietly excited at the prospect of finally having their mother home.

Unfortunately, because they have some kind of mandatory tests going on at school, I wasn't able to call them in sick so that they could wait with Elioviel and I on the day ada and Ellothiel were due to return. I got Eli ready for the day, and we waited on the steps all morning.

The Search

I should have known.

I should have known something was wrong when Ellothiel didn't come back by her normal time. While it might be that she rarely eats anything anymore, she at least manages to find her way back here by lunch. However, noon came and went with no sign of her. I was too stupid to notice until I started clearing up the plates. It's just been so hard keeping my thoughts straight and coherent lately.

The grief lingering in my heart is quite unlike what I felt the last time I was here. I met Elrunamir and Ureliel when they were already so far along in their lives. Their passing hurt of course, but that pain was nothing like what struck my chest when I saw the lifeless body of the little girl I'd helped teach to walk and talk limp in Garthon's arms. There's no wiping the memory of her blood soaked face out of my memory.

Then there is Ellothiel. I have no choice but to watch her grow paler, grow weaker every day. Last time I was able to comfort her. This time there's no way I ever could. As badly as I want to ignore the truth, the truth is that it's now Ellothiel's decision alone whether she will live or not- and I fear she's leaning towards not.

Gone

I wonder if there's something wrong with Zuri. Not that she's been sick or upset lately or anything like that, but she has recently been coming into my room every night to sleep next to me on the bed even though all I ever do is ignore her. I don't understand why she has seemingly become so attached to me. I suppose it's a good thing though that Eloril adopted a dog who is so accepting and full of love instead of a completely anti-social one. Zuri has also stopped chewing away at my furniture, so that's good too.

Oddest Looking Dog

Naturally, I miss Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan now that they've left the house, but since I have Cirabel I find it much harder to be sad. Her recent birthday was a very joyous affair, and she is turning out just as beautiful as I anticipated. Bradley was glad she takes after me. The only thing Cirabel is missing is my ears. Since she's my first daughter in so long, I haven't been able to resist dressing her up in all sorts of pretty shades of pink. Cirabel seems to love everything pink so it works out great.

Daughter

It was prom time for the teenagers. Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan all pooled their spare money together in order to rent a limousine to pick up their dates and take them to the prom. What they got wasn't quite what the expected though. The limousine that picked them up had its heating brake earlier in the day. Since all the other limousines were booked for that day, the company only had the broken one left. The boys had to wear jackets and warmer clothes over their suits as they reluctantly got into the vehicle. The company refunded them a large percentage of their money, but naturally, they still weren't happy with the situation. Things eventually picked up for them at the dance though. Elrelas even won prom king.

Wishing

Some days it's very difficult dealing with all the noise that comes from Isilmar's room. His is on the second floor and on the other side of the house form where mine is, and yet I can hear almost every note that he plays on his guitar. I would get frustrated with him about it, but since he's becoming such a wonderful musician I don't mind listening most of the time. I asked him if making music is what he wants to do with his life, but Isilmar isn't sure. He's got the skill, but it's unfortunately clear he doesn't have the confidence in himself. I believe he can do it if he really wants to and is determined to work hard at it. The performances he puts on for the family are amazing. If he would just be a bit more proactive at getting other people to hear what he can do, I'm sure he'll see his gift properly then.