Indecisive

It was a fun few hours I spent at city hall, that's for sure. And by "fun", I mean it wasn't fun at all. I had to explain perhaps a dozen times why I needed to change Abrien's name, and I got stared at whenever I retold the story. The workers there simply couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that my mother and I had both been pregnant at the same time and that we had both gave our daughters the same name. They didn't believe me at first when I said how the names we were thinking about giving our children was something we never discussed. At the very least, they had no reason to deny me changing my daughter's name. Given that I was upset with the workers at city and hall and then with ada and nana for ruining my sentiment, I went right ahead and named my daughter directly after my grandmother. That is how Abrien became Abriel.

I had known the change was necessary the second I read my sister's name. Even calling the two Abriens by nicknames would have been confusing enough. There would have been many issues in the future regarding official paperwork when it would be seen that there were two Abrien Ithienniths born close together in the same house. Changing my Abrien's name would save all of us so much headache. I knew I could have waited until ada and nana returned with their Abrien before making the decision, but if one of our daughter's names had to be altered then I knew it had to be mine. Abrien had been born first, and I felt like ada had more right to her name given that his mother obviously played a greater role in his life than she did mine. I never even met her.

It was hard remembering to call Abriel "Abriel" in the first several days after she was rewarded her new identity, but then I grew so used to it that I began to forgot it had ever been something different. 

The warm summer days were long. The heat was a bit stronger than it was in Twinbrook. All of us had to look for ways to cool off. This included Ral as well. I was thoroughly perplexed as to how he managed to come into the house in the morning every morning completely soaked in cold water. I had to wake up early to catch what he was doing, and when I found out what it was he was getting into I couldn't help but laugh. I had set up the sprinkler for the children to play in. However, I had forgotten to disable the automatic watering feature for when it had been in my garden. Ral was taking advantage of my forgetfulness to combat the summer warmth.

I was still somewhat upset when ada, nana, and Abrien arrived, but mostly I had become amused by the whole thing. I didn't have a clue as to how to react when they walked through the door. It was very surreal seeing ada carrying that tiny little girl in his arms and knowing she was my baby sister. The last thing I had ever imagined myself being was an older sibling. I stood there stunned for a few seconds. Nana began saying something, but I caused her to stop when I just had to begin chastising them jokingly. They both stared at me in amazement and utter surprise when I revealed the truth of what had happened with the names. Ada got a good laugh out of it, and said it was a lovely idea I had had to go directly with "Abriel" instead of choosing something entirely different. I did get an apology as well, but I told them everything was fine.

I got to hold Abrien after that. What I believe was causing some of my issues in wrapping my head around the fact that I had a sister was that I was looking at her more like she was one of my children instead of my sibling. After raising almost one hundred children, it was hard to not see through the eyes of a mother anymore. It was a foreign idea to me that I didn't have to worry about being a parent to her. However, when the idea began to sink in a little I found it very agreeable. I would get the chance to be to her what Eloril was to me.

The older children were once again at school when ada, nana, and Abrien arrived. There was one person I could introduce my sister to though. Having Abrien and Abriel so close together was even more surreal than before. It didn't help that Abriel was already bigger than her aunt who had been born before her. I knew it wouldn't take much longer before Abriel had developed past her entirely. To be honest, I was rather disappointed the two would grow at such different rates. They would never get to have a relationship like the one I had initially imagined in my head.

Ada stayed for two weeks, but he had to leave after that. I wore the heartbroken expression that he refused to let on his face when he walked out the door and away from his newborn daughter. I empathized with him a lot. Ada had told me before he left not to feel guilty or to rush the task to completion for his sake. He wanted me to keep doing everything properly- to focus on my own children. Though he said that, I did feel guilty. I did get it in my head momentarily to speed things up so that Abrien and I could be brought home for good. The feeling went away after nana gave me a good and gentle scolding. She had seen my expression, discovered my thoughts, and talked some sense into me.

It was a good thing she did that when she did. I needed a clear mind to deal with my teenagers. Aewen, Alcarien, and Delerith all woke up in awful moods. They were already sick of dealing with one another by the time breakfast came around. There seemed to be little concrete motivation for their bickering. Aewen was simply teasing Delerith a little too much, and Delerith's anger only spurred her on further. Then Aewen and Delerith were annoyed with Alcarien because she kept giving them a holier-than-thou attitude as she chastised them for their fighting. Despite my attempts to get them to calm down, it was only once they were at school and away from each other when they got a hold of themselves.

Their squabbling happened right before Thoronton's birthday. I wasn't the most excited person in the world at the prospect of having five teenagers in the house all at the same time. I only imagined all the fighting to get worse. Thankfully, Thoronton remained as calm as ever. He was content, much like Delindir was, to simply stay out of the way of the tension most of the time. What he preoccupied himself with was calling Rico. The two hadn't seen each other a lot given how far away Rico lived, but they had always talked on the phone. The rate of that only increased when Thoronton began to share more of his father's interests as he got older.

I was slightly worried Andethon might begin to feel overshadowed by all his older siblings, but he remained as content as ever. I'm sure Ral had a large part in that. The two were still as close as could be. Ral also gave Andethon a good excuse to get out of the house whenever the hormones of his siblings kicked into gear. It was almost daily that they went on a walk down the street, to the park, or to the river.

The number of days where everyone got along increased once my teenagers found a place in town that they loved going to. That place was a gazebo near the theater. They would make a trip to it after school to do their homework there in the nice weather. After their work was done, they would play some music and hang out with friends or whoever else happened to be around. The five of them often ended up getting something to eat at the nearby restaurant.

And time flew by. With all the chaos and craziness that had happened, now that everything was peaceful it was as if time had speed up by an insane amount. I couldn't even believe my eyes when I saw how big Abriel was getting. I couldn't believe it even further when Abrien and Abriel were close together. Of course, Abrien had barely grown at all. Nana might as well have given birth to her that morning. It was a strange thing to see what was the normal rate for my people when I had become so used to the human rate of growth. If I ever did find an elven man who was willing to overlook all the negative aspects now associated with me, I can imagine he would get frustrated with me constantly when we had a child. I had a feeling I would grow impatient waiting decades for the child to grow when I was accustomed to each year bringing so much difference.

Ada and Eloril were both able to come for Abriel's celebration. Ada was ecstatic to see that she had our green eyes. He and I had both gotten the color from his mother, so he found it vastly appropriate and heartwarming that his namesake would have her eyes as well.

I took Abriel out to the park several weeks later. She liked getting pushed in a stroller, and I was happy as always when I got the chance to take a walk. I've been able to take a lot of them now what with only having Abriel to look after during the day. She and I were enjoying our time out in the sun when a sudden shout came from behind us. It made me jump and sent my heart racing. I turned around to see that the shout was directed at me. The man who had been the source of the noise was pointing at me with his mouth hung open. I eyed him suspiciously.

He wasn't nervous about approaching me at all. He came right over without pause. The man had the sense to introduce himself before he began chatting me up, which was obviously his want. I was told his name was Marty Keaton. Mr. Keaton apologized for scaring me and approaching me in such a manner. It had floored him when he had spotted me because he had thought he would never see me again. That left me confused. I wasn't aware that we had ever met. Mr. Keaton said we hadn't. At least not properly. Apparently, he had lived in Sunset Valley until recently. Eloril and I had attracted his attention when we had gone there on our little trip. Mr. Keaton had been interesting in conversing to us, but we had disappeared before he got the opportunity. Now, after having divorced his wife due to their different idea on where they wanted their lives to go, Mr. Keaton had moved to Riverview to trying living a different lifestyle. He had obviously had no idea this was where I lived, so seeing me again was something entirely unexpected.

I was suspicious of the coincidence at first, but as I allowed myself to continue conversing with Mr. Keaton I couldn't sense anything about him that gave me the slightest impression that he would be like Silas. Our meeting after him having spotted me in Sunset Valley simply was coincidence through and through. Though I did enjoy talking with him, I had to cut our conversation short. I was too experienced in noticing when men thought particular thoughts about me. I would have welcomed such thoughts before as it would have meant there was an opportunity to have another child. However, I couldn't go against what ada had determined for me despite my own hesitations. I had hurt my family enough. It wasn't worth it to take another risk.

I was pleasantly surprised one afternoon when I came back from a walk and found Delerith making hot dogs for dinner. It wasn't the nutritional sort of meal I generally liked to serve, but I was just so ecstatic at not having to cook that I didn't mind. I didn't also mind that Delerith didn't cook for us all out of the goodness of our heart but only because she was hungry.

I found myself peeking out the window a lot whenever Miss Anita Lobos came over to visit. And she came over to visit a lot. Delindir and she were classmates, and it wasn't hard for the rest of us to see that they were getting along as more than mere friends. I tried to talk to Delindir about her. He was rather embarrassed and wouldn't give me much information. Him being embarrassed is why the two of them mostly hang out outside. It gave them more protective from the lurking ears of curious siblings that are always about in the house.

It would soon go on to be that there were less curious siblings lurking about. Time was not slowing down any. Aewen and Alcarien had had their birthday and graduated from high school with great grades. Like most of my twins, they planned to live together until the time came for them to go their separate ways. Aewen had aspirations to be a writer, and Alcarien got a job at the school. It was hard to have them leave, but considering that the place they picked to live was only two houses down I was able to handle their departure with moderate ease.

Nana and I eventually got into the habit of swapping which child we would mainly look after each day. It helped to keep us both sane. Abriel steadily grew more troublesome and mischievous as she grew. To tend to the quiet Abrien every so often was a nice welcome. I was beginning to see her more as my sister, but I still continued to look at her and think mothering thoughts. Nana reassured me when I spoke to her about it that our relationship would surely change once she grew and became more of her own person.

There was another birthday to be celebrated, and that birthday belonged to Andethon. Blessed Goddess, I swear I almost had a heart attack when I saw it was coming up on the calendar. It couldn't be that my little Ande was already so grown up. How could so much time have already passed? I knew that the days had really begun to fly by, but had I truly been so oblivious as to how many of them walked past with barely a wave? Well, I had Andethon growing older to prove it to me. It wasn't just Andethon getting older as well. Ral was growing up along with him. Although, in Ral's case, he wasn't getting older. He was getting old. The second best gift that Silas had given me was nearing the end of his life. Andethon and I weren't the happiest in seeing this, but my son decided to be joyful that he still had time left with his friend instead of worrying about losing him.

I decided to take Andethon out for dinner the following night. I mostly wanted to use the time to talk. While Andethon had obviously been told of what Silas had done, I had never really sat down and talked in detail about those years with him directly. Andethon was content to wolf down his food and listen while I recounted the days I spent in that room. I had to stop several times though to tell him to be more careful when eating or else he would choke. The boy had become a total slob. He was more active in the conversation when I got to the part about my "rescue." I was never sure how to refer to it given how horribly it went. I'm certain how everything went down wasn't how that other elf planned for it to all happen. My son understandably had a thousand questions about that elf, but all the answers he wanted were the same answers I wanted. I figured the only way I would get any of them would be to talk to the elf when I returned home. Andethon would probably, and unfortunately, be dead by that point. That line of thought naturally didn't put us in happy moods, so we went on to change the topic to something else entirely.

Our time at the restaurant was winding down, but then Anita's twin sister, Carlotta, showed up. She and Andethon became engrossed in a conversation. Before I had time to feel awkward at having nothing to do, Mr. Keaton also made an appearance. He had been at the library and was on his way home. I took the opportunity to strike up another conversation with him. Mr. Keaton was as pleasant as he was last time. It couldn't be avoided though that he eventually got that same look in his eye as before. I knew if I showed him the slightest sign that I was willing to go along with his thoughts that I would have the next father of my child ready. I would only need to give him a phone call, and I could continue with the task. The same hesitations I had had at our previous encounter came back to me though. I didn't want to go against what ada told me to do. Despite Mr. Keaton having been nothing but kind, I didn't want to put myself at risk again either.

However, my mind would soon begin war with itself. I had been firmly set in my decision when Andethon and I left the restaurant that evening. In the days to come, I found that a feeling was growing stronger and stronger within my chest. I have known for centuries now that the artificial means of conceiving a child was not how I was supposed to go about the order. Whether having a positive influence or a negative one, the men who father my children all play just as important a role as I and my children do in the grand plan. One word or action of theirs could change how our child's entire life unfolded. If I took away the fathers, everything could progress down a path that wasn't meant to be traveled.

I pulled out the old martial arts training equipment I had bought from China. I needed something to beat upon to let out my frustrations that came from my indecisiveness. The Goddess or ada? In this situation, where were my loyalties stronger? Who would I follow? Who could I bear to let down?

To make the following weeks worse, Thoronton went over to visit Ranna and her sons. Thoronton had a great time playing with his nephews, but he brought home information that made me more worried about my daughter more than ever. Her husband, Henry, had been getting ill often lately. He had been in and out of the hospital a few times. And yet, Thoronton had heard the others living in the house whispering about how Ranna might be pregnant again. It was clear to everyone that Henry wasn't going to last much longer. How on earth had it made sense to him and Rann to try for another child? What good would that do them, the child, and Ari and Helmut? Ranna had told me not long after her marriage that she and Henry had thought through all the consequences that could occur as a result of their peculiar relationship, but I didn't feel as if they had really given everything proper consideration.

I had no idea what I should do......