Home

I felt both nervous and calm as I stood there. My body was certainly hesitant. It was frozen like a statue.  My mind and heart, however, well, perhaps I was panicking so much that my heart was racing so fast that the constant hum was the source of the otherwise empty feeling within my chest. Whatever was going on with me, I actually didn't want it to stop. That morning had been the first morning in weeks where I hadn't woken up sobbing. It was the first time since my life utterly fell part where I felt relatively sane. The sight of what was before me was causing a state of surrealism that was blocking out the heartbreak that had been plaguing my existence.

I think I would have been entirely lost in a dreamlike state had the entrance to my home been the exact same as it had been when I departed. But no, the door had been swapped out. The fauna in the area had been changed. All signs showed that the entrance was seeing actual use instead of the ignored place it had been centuries ago. Ada and Eloril standing there talking as we waited for the door to be unlocked clashed with my memories of the past as well. I wasn't sure if they were aware of the change that had come over me. The two of them had learned it was better to give me space than to try and prompt me to be more active. They each sent glances over my way, but did no more than that.

The distinct sound of the lock being turned caused all of our heads to snap instantly towards the door. It creaked slightly as the elf inside opened it. Ada began to lead the way in, and Eloril gave me a motion to follow and made sure that I was indeed following before he started walking. I had thought it would have been harder for me to move my feet. However, my curiosity and anticipation at being home for the first time in over five hundred years pulled me forward.

As soon as I walked through the door and was on the other side of the wall, I really had to think about why I had been curious at all. I suppose I had assumed the familiar sight I had known would have changed as the entrance to the elven lands had changed. The reality was that not one tiny thing that was different. The same gentle foothills of the mountains curved the landscape. The clustering of the trees grew tighter and tighter the farther one looked. Just like my people, time did nothing to touch the world around it. I must admit that I was rather surprised how almost emotionless I was when I took those first steps back into my homeland. Great surges of feelings had been my expectation. Instead, I felt the exact same as I had when I had been standing 10 meters to the east.

The thing that did shock me- a deep but soft voice that I had not heard for the longest time. I didn't even have to see the striking red hair to know that Tond, the stable master in charge of tending to the horses of the noble folk, was there. He smiled at me with that gentle smile of his. I couldn't help but to smile back. However, I felt guilty at the same time. I had used to see Tond everyday. The two of us had gotten along marvelously. With him and his wife constantly having Eloril and I around for dinner, I had always considered him an uncle-type figure. It was sad then that I had pretty much forgotten that he even existed. My mind had been so consumed by the lives of my children that all I had known about my own life before the order had flown out the window. To have pushed those I had cared about to the side as I had didn't help to improve my mood much.

     "It's good to have you back, dear." he said in a relieved way.

I was forced to smile wider. It amused me how Tond had always called me "Dear."

     "It's good to be back." I replied, even though I remained highly unsure if I could call the elven lands home as I had done in the past, "Things must have changed here more than I thought if they've gotten you on gate duty."
     "As much as I do detest what is the dullest job within this realm, I was willing to put up with it for today so I could be the first one to welcome you back."
     "I'm honored." I nearly laughed despite that I was very touched by the gesture.

Being the gate guard was indeed considered the dullest job by every single elf who lived near the wall like we did and had to tend to the entrances. It had been a very important task back in the days of the wars, of course, but now getting assigned to the duty was more a punishment for misbehaving youths.

     "So, I'll welcome you," Tond continued before giving a proper bow, "And let you be on your way. I'm sure you're anxious to return to your house and get some rest. Do feel free to stop by the stables later if your strength permits. With utmost care, I ensured that your beloved Talron's lineage continued on. He's got quite the interesting descendent for you to meet."

     "Sounds intriguing. I will make sure to drop by later." I promised.

Tond gave me another smile and bow. I returned the favor, and then resumed trailing behind ada as he led the way.

We took the secluded path to the house. It meant a longer walk but less interaction. Ada, Eloril, and I all knew I was not up for being surrounded by many people at the moment. I feared someone would say something that would set off my tears, and I believe ada and Eloril feared this too. The last thing I needed was to have an emotional collapse in front of a large crowd. It was hard enough having them in front of my family. Thus, it took us a good half hour until the shining white marble arches that Eloril had once climbed and fallen off of came into sight. It was the sight of my house, or should I say mansion, that finally caused the weight of what was happening to sink in.

The surrealism was wearing off. In front of me was my house. The place where I had grown up; the place I had longed for so desperately after I had been set away. Much like with Tond, I had ceased thinking about it. However, reaching out to touch the arch and staring inside had the building calling to me strongly had me overwhelmed. The sense of security, comfort, and love had not dwindled over the years. Before me was the place I could call my sanctuary as I began what I knew would be a very long struggle.

Eloril had to give me a tiny push this time to get me going again. My head slowly turned as I surveyed how, once again, absolutely nothing had changed. Everything was where it had always been. I could have taken a picture when I left and taken a picture now, and there would have been no way to grasp the time difference between the two. The only thing that did give any sign of the passing years was the child that appeared out of nowhere to attach her arms tightly around my waist.

     "You're finally here!" Abrien spoke up to me merrily.
     "Yes, I'm here." I replied gently as I hugged her back.

Seeing my sister was both reassuring and surprising. I had another item to tack onto the rapidly growing list of things I had forgotten- how much she would have grown since I had last seen her. We had exchanged letters frequently ever since she had learned to write, but I had still pictured her as a toddler in my mind. To have her be her own person now was a peculiar, but encouraging, happening.

     "You have to come see what we set up in the backyard!" Abrien then said excitedly.
     "What is it?"
     "Abrien, that will have to come a little later. Your sister needs to meet her naneth, and then we're going to take things from there." Ada interjected to Abrien's mild disappointment.
     "Fine," she mumbled, "Eloril can come help me test it out though!"
     "I'll do what now?"

Eloril didn't get to say anything after that for Abrien grabbed his hand and began pulling him northward.

     "Abrien," ada repeated again, "Calm, child. Where is your naneth?"
     "Upstairs!" Abrien called back brightly without stopping.

She and Eloril were out of sight seconds later. Ada sighed and shook his head but also laughed.

     "Quite lively." I noted.

    "Lively, but forgetful as well. She loses track of what she's meant to be doing far too often for it to be purposeful," ada smiled, "Anyway, your naneth is apparently upstairs. You should go up and meet her right away. I have something to tend to quickly down here, but I'll rejoin you in a moment."

I nodded, and ada placed his hand on my shoulder for a brief moment before departing. I pondered over what he had to do while I made my way upstairs, but those thoughts quickly left my mind when nana came into sight. Having just left her bedroom, she rushed over and embraced me in the tightest hug possible before I could say one word. We stood there so long like that that I lost count of the minutes that seemed to pass. It didn't help that we were both trying not to cry from the relief of being together and the knowledge of what my being home meant.

We finally did release each other, and nana looked at me almost with amazement.

     "It is strange to have you here, but not strange at the same time." she admitted.
     "I feel similarly. All of us have changed, but with  us together in this place it seems as if things have always been this way."
     "I wonder if that is a positive aspect or not." nana mused.
     "I certainly have no idea," I laughed, "But I know I am definitely glad that my house is still the house that I remember."
     "Well, not everything is quite the same."
     "Oh?"
     "Abrien had to have a room made for her, of course. She enjoys yours, but I had the feeling you wouldn't be too keen on sharing when you returned."
     "True."
     "Your room has had a little something done to it as well."
     "It has?"

Nana gave me an amused look.

     "I wouldn't think you would be surprised. Surely you must know what's in there now."
     "I have not been able to think straight for quite a while," I grinned wryly, "I'm sure I'm supposed to know what you're talking about, but I can't work it out."
     "Well, I'll just have to show you then, won't I?"

I turned around. My room. my actual forever room, was right there waiting for me. It welcomed me back with a heavy dose of nostalgia. I laughed a real laugh at it though. The design was so childish. It truly was a space that suited Abrien more than it suited me. However, I knew I wouldn't do a thing to it. The youthful decor and atmosphere relaxed me, and, more importantly, made me feel my age again. It didn't matter that I was going on a thousand years. I continued to be young in the eyes of my people. To take a step back and realize how short a time I had been alive given my immortality was refreshing. I couldn't wait to jump on my bed and take a good long rest. Sleep remained on my mind until what I was staring at finally registered. I understood that I was looking at my bookshelf. It was the one I had had for a long time, but it had never been at my home home before. It was the one I bought in the humans lands- the one I stored most of my written books on.

My eyes looked left, and I was pulled in by what I spotted.

I had used to have many more bookshelves. They, and more toys than I could possibly ever use, had been placed in my little nook. None of those things were there any longer. Now it was my truly precious items that lined the walls. All of the teddy bears I had bought over the years to ensure that each of my children had a bear in their favorite colored were arraigned in a rainbow on high shelves. Another shelf holding the shells I had gathered in Isla Paradiso was directly across from me. Then there were the paintings. "Squind", among a few of my other favorites, were there as well. The rocking horse my children loved, the crib that Cirabel had used- also there.

Above the flower lights that were presents from gift giving parties and the music box that Lueth had bought on our trip to the consignment store were some of the more recent pictures that nana and I had taken at the festival with my children after the large fire destroyed the old ones. Placed alongside them was the mounted police badge that Lithaldoren had given Eleme as a promise of protection after we rescued her from her kidnapping.

I stared at it all for the longest time. Seeing so many items from my time on the human side of the wall here in my room in my house on the elven side of the wall was a stranger feeling than even being home was. I wasn't sure what to do, how to react, or what to think.

I turned around to say something to nana, but I had to stop. There was more to discover. My old bed was gone. Replacing it was the one I had bought myself. The sheets and canopy had simply been replaced to fit the decor around it. One of my rainbow lights lit up the corner, and the same vase I had been using to hold the same kind of flowers Riviel bought me after her betrayal to Thrin was rested next to it.

I was torn in both directions. I wanted to lay on the bed. I wanted to stare at the pictures. The ridiculous part of me wanted to curl up in the crib. I wanted to smell the flowers. The tugging had me ending up in the middle of the room. I kept my silence until I felt something welling up within me. It was then that I glanced to nana. She gently sat me down on her lap in one of the chairs and got her arms around me once more just as the tears made their appearance. Each of us had sensed the coming collapse. What made my crying worse was that I didn't understand why I was crying. Was I crying because I was happy because of the mementos? Was I being pulled down again because of what they represented? Surely it had to be some of both?

At some point ada came into the room. I had no idea how long he was standing there, but I noticed him just as he silently walked back out without saying a word. I couldn't help but to feel horribly guilty. Despite me having a very justifiable reason for acting on my negative emotions, it still wasn't right what I had been putting him and Eloril through over the past several weeks. I could scarcely recall saying a kind word to them. When they tried to comfort me I more often yelled at them. For whatever reason, I had acted worse towards ada than I had Eloril. I even threw a pillow at him once. It was indeed only a pillow, but the truth was that my conscience had barely gotten a hold on me at the last second. I had very nearly thrown a glass at him- something that would have injured him badly. The only reason I could figure out as to why the intensity of what I had been doing varied so much between my ada and my brother was because the subconscious part of me was blaming ada for giving me the order. Of course I understood it was the Goddess' will, but ada had been the main conduit through which I had been sentenced to my fate. Nana had only been a spectator as it had unfolded.

It was hard to stop crying, but I forced the tears to cease as I wanted to get rid of my guilt more than I wanted to sob. I had done enough of that for the moment. Nana had a few more things she had to do, and so she was willing to let me go on my way after she made sure I was alright. It didn't take me long to find ada. Me asking him to take me on a walk around the house while I held his hand seemed to cheer him up considerably. I desperately attempted to apologize outright, but I simply couldn't say the words. I was appeased though when I saw how me relying on ada again improved his countenance. He seemed his old self by the time we reached one of the second floor decks. I cuddled and leaned against him as I discovered what Abrien had wanted to show me earlier.

     "The old swing set?" I said.
     "Unfortunately, much of what you wanted brought along won't get the chance to be used again. It appears as if the idea of electricity will never catch on over here. We wanted to set up what we could though." ada explained.
     "I'm glad that you've done so. However, I'm surprised that thing has managed to make it this long."
     "Your mother did send word that some of the wood had to be replaced, but I have to say it was built very well as most of it is the original structure."
     "I see." I replied as I leaned my head against his shoulder.

We let the silence over take us as Eloril continued to push Abrien, who was having the time of her life flying back and forth. Neither of them had noticed us.

     "How are you feeling?" ada eventually asked.
     "Honestly, I feel as if I am becoming very bored."
     "Huh. Not quite one of the answers I was expecting, but I won't complain. Bored is something I can handle. Why do you feel that way? I shouldn't think the cause is my company?" he teased.

     "Never," I giggled, but I soon sighed, "After having so much responsibility for so long, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself anymore. I know I will be able to help you, nana, and Eloril with keeping the land in check, but I fear even that won't be enough."

     "I can empathize with that. When Eloril and your nana first left to visit you, me coming home to an empty house having only myself for company was a right terror. Although, I know it's not quite the same as what you're going through."

     "It's alright. For you to be able to understand in even the smallest way is more than enough for me." I comforted.

We stood there in silence for a few more seconds.

     "Soooo, any ideas?" I asked.

Ada laughed.

     "It's really that bad already? Well, don't forget you did promise Tond to meet him at the stables. His shift at the gate should have ended by now. Why don't you go see if he is there?" he suggested.
     "Marvelous suggestion."

I leaned up to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before I was on my way.

I was thankful the stables were not far from the house. As the most influential family is this part of the elven lands, the buildings had been put in such close proximity to each other on purpose. In reality, the stables were technically ours and we simply allowed everyone else to use them. Not that many people actually did. Most had their own stalls near their home for convenience's sake. It was generally the horses of higher pedigree and the ones used for breeding that were kept in the stables permanently. I found Tond leaving the building as I approached. He gave me another smile when he spotted me.

     "I would say I'm surprised to see you so soon if the truth was that I was actually surprised. I knew you would be around sooner rather than later." Tond spoke in an amused manner.
     "There's no chance of me waiting hours to come back around here. It's been so long since I've been out on a good ride."
     "Ah, yes. The humans have given up sensible horse travel for air poisoning contraptions of metal instead."
     "They're at least improving them so they are not quite as hazardous as they used to be." I revealed.

I wasn't sure what else to say. The last thing I wanted to admit was having given in and buying several "air poisoning contraptions of metal" myself. Naturally, I had never driven one, but I had become all too comfortable with going along for a drive. There was a different sort of thrill that came from riding around in a car.

Blessedly, Tond went ahead and changed the topic without me having to do so. It happened by him getting a strange glaze in his eyes as he stared at me.

     "What is it?" I had to ask.

     "It is just peculiar to have you back. You look the same of course, but it doesn't take much effort to see you're not nearly the same little girl that left these lands all those years ago. And you truly were gone such a long time. Part of me began to fear I would never see you again."

     "I was raising children. Such a thing can't be rushed."
     "No, of course. I understand. I didn't mean to fault you for it," he clarified before pausing, "You must be very grateful the order is all over and done with though."
     "Not really."
     "No? I thought you would be ecstatic to be home."

     "It is refreshing to be home. I am happy to see you and eventually everyone else once more. However, when I hear someone saying the order is done what I hear is them telling me 'Your children are all dead' over and over again. To me, the order being completed is the most horrific thing because I have lost what is most precious to me."

Tond closed his eyes as a look of remorse spread across his face.

     "I'm terribly sorry," he began quietly, "I wasn't even thinking. I have completely failed to remember what this would all be like from your side of the situation."
     "It's alright, really. I know you didn't mean harm by it."
     "I can't even imagine what you must be feeling." Tond continued.
     "Ada mentioned you have a child of your own now."
     "Yes. A little boy. He's a bit younger than your sister."
     "I bet he's a right handful." I said.

The topic had to be quickly changed again.

     "He's more than a handful," Tond chuckled softly, "In fact, his manner is somewhat similar to that of your horse."
     "I take it Talron's gentle manner was not one of the qualities he passed down then?"
     "Not at all. Come, I'll show you."

I was quietly overwhelmed once more by nostalgia when I entered the stables. The smell of wood, hay, and horses was comforting. The dimmer lighting was relaxing. The sounds of the nickering was almost a lullaby. Tond stopped us in the middle and pointed towards a brilliant stallion in the southwestern corner.

     "That is him."
     "He is beautiful. He looks as if he is a powerful runner."
     "And jumper. Sulfaer is bold and brave as well- pretty much to the point of recklessness."
     "Sulfaer is his name then?"
     "It is."
     "It suits him."

The name meant Wind Spirit.

     "What makes him a handful?" I asked.
     "Hmm, I'd have to say that he is the obstinate horse I have ever known. The reason I had us stand here is that he does not take well to anyone who he does not approve of approaching him."
     "Who does he approve of?"
     "Me."
     "Just you? That's can't be right."

    "'Tis, and not just us elves either. Sulfaer will tolerate the horses when they're out in the field, but when they're inside he will only stand Beren being in the stall next to him. Otherwise, we'd have to replace the wall again in order to keep it from breaking into pieces."

     "He is definitely not like Talron at all then. He was as harmless as a fly."
     "It is unfortunate Sulfaer is not more accommodating, but in every other aspect one could not ask for a better horse. It is remarkable because he has not even hit his peak years yet."
     "Do you think he'll accept me?"

     "I do hope he does. I was so adamant about having one of Talron's for you to claim when you returned. If his lone surviving descendant refuses to have anything to do with you, it would be a rather disappointing situation."

     "Was he not originally the only descendant?" I had to ask.
     "There was another fire," Tond admitted softly, "Dry lightning during the hot months."
     "And so history repeats itself."

I took several slow steps forward. Tond stayed back. Sulfaer was facing the corner and he lazily munched on his hay so he noticed nothing. Steeling my nerves, I went ahead and walked right up to the opening in the box. That was what got Sulfaer's attention. He shifted and froze momentarily seeing me there. He wore an expression of someone in stunned amazement that someone had dared to enter his domain. To be honest, I was rather frightened. If the walls had had to have been replaced then reality was that the horse that quickly approached me could be very violent. Sulfaer thankfully didn't see it fit to kick up a storm though. He merely approached, stared at me disapprovingly, and turned his head away as he snorted. That would have made me laugh if I hadn't been so absorbed at staring at the creature before me. It was hard to believe Tond's words that he wasn't at his prime yet. Even a swift glance could tell me how his breeding was miles above the rest. More than his physical build, what captured my attention was his coloring. The brown of his coat almost shined blood red in the right light. This was true of his eyes as well. I couldn't shake the thought from my mind that I had seen such a spectacular color before.

     "Hey there." I said to Sulfaer cheerfully.

He gave another 'huff' sort of noise, but his gaze darted back over to my direction. I did laugh then. As the second passed his scornful expression changed to one of curiosity. When I felt the timing was right, I reached out my hand. It was given a look, but it didn't take long for Sulfaer to nuzzle his snout against it. Almost instantly, he then pressed his head against me. The push was so hard I nearly fell over. My first assumption was that he was shoving me away, but Sulfaer was simply that eager for me to pet him.

     "Handful? Doesn't look like it. You're a sweetheart." I cooed as I petted him, "To me anyway, it seems."

Tond laughed loudly.

     "Of course he would take to you right away. He takes weeks to accept me, but you're his best friend within seconds."
     "Maybe he sensed that we're supposed to be together. Talron was connected to me in a way no other was. Sulfaer might be sensing that connection I had with his forefather."

     "You've always liked your improbably theories, but I do think it is a nice sentiment. And, honestly, it has as much evidence behind it as any other reason I gave think of for his unexpected behavior." Tond mused with a hint of tease.

     "How about you and I go out for a ride?" I said to Sulfaer as I ignored him, "I bet you're a horse who can't stand to stay in a stall for long."

Sulfaer practically began dancing around the stall.

And the day was lost to me. I stopped thinking of anything else but the world that was rushing by as soon as I took Sulfaer down the paths that I used to ride with Talron. There were a few moments where I got confused as my mind had me imagining riding my first first horse instead of his strong-willed descendent, but I was otherwise utterly captivated by my new friend. Sulfaer rode faster than Talron with much less effort. Every tall hill we climbed was nothing to him. He tired not even when many hours passed and the sun began to sink below the horizon. One would think I had barely rode him at all given his despondent mood when I returned him to the stable after realizing I had spent far too much time out on my own.

I was greeted with another large hug from Abrien when I returned home.

     "You've been gone for a long time." she complained, "I had wanted to do a lot of stuff together."
     "I'm sorry. I got carried away. I promise we'll play as much as you want tomorrow. We can do what you want now too."
     "I would like to, but you have some visitors."
     "Who?"
     "Um, two women."
     "I meant what are their names?"
     "I...uh, can't remember."

The corners of my mouth almost twitched into a smile. It appeared ada was correct about Abrien's lack of ability to recall information.

     "They said they're your friends."
     "Does one have brown hair and is one darker skinned?"
     "Yes!" Abrien said enthusiastically.
     "That'll be Galith and Unoviel."
     "That's them! They're upstairs."
     "Alright, thank you."
     "You're welcome!"

Abrien hurriedly dashed out towards the back entrance. I had  a suspicious feeling that she was making her way over to the swings again.

I didn't have to go upstairs to find the visitors. Galith and Unoviel came down the stairs right after Abrien departed. They noticed me and rushed over. The silence that persisted for a little too long would have been awkward had the silence not been necessary for it all to sink in. Like so many other people and things, I had not thought of my two closest friends in years. To have them suddenly before me and a part of my life once more was as overwhelming as it was amazing.

     "Ellothiel. It's great to see you." Unoviel said.
     "I must say the same." I reciprocated.

There was a bit more silence as we all thought of what to say. What did one discuss after being separated for centuries?

     "Have you two been waiting for long?" I asked.
     "Not really. We knew you would want to have some time with just your family, so we waited until only recently to come see how you are doing. But, you would have spent the day out riding instead." Galith teased.
     "I got carried away." I repeated with a small laugh.

Unoviel suggested we make ourselves comfortable in the library area right next to us. It had been where we had spent a lot of time when we were younger. I swear half the reason Unoviel used to love visiting was so she could browse through all the books our family owned. She could read a whole one each and every day. So she was usually left to search through the new ones while Galith and I chatted.  True to the past, Unoviel stood in front of the bookshelves looking for material she had not read before while Galith and I picked up a conversation.

I only wish I could say our talking was as comfortable as it had been before. For me at least, it was incredibly difficult to find the right words to say. It was no mystery that I was not nearly the same person I used to be. I started to get the feeling that I couldn't relate to my two friends in front of me. My way of thinking had diverged from theirs by a massive amount. Then there was me carefully thinking over every word I spoke. I didn't want to say anything that decreased my standing with them. Galith and Unoviel still didn't think much of the humans. I was afraid if I argued too much for the younger race's case then I would be seen as having been manipulated or brainwashed. I knew that's what everyone already thought given that they all did know of what had happened with Wesley. He was another subject I didn't want to touch upon. Galith and Unoviel surely would chastise me for if I tried to explain how my feelings towards him had been genuine.

The three of us made our way upstairs to my room after some time. The plan had been for me to show Unoviel the books I had written, but that plan was quickly deterred by Galith and Unoviel spotting the changes in the nook. They both walked over and stared.

     "What is all this?" Unoviel asked curiously.

    "Some of the things I brought back with me. My children's stuffed animals, a few of the paintings they made, souvenirs from trips I took, and pictures among other items. Mementos of my time on the other side of the wall, essentially." I explained.

Unoviel made her way farther into the area to see more closely what was there. Galith took a few steps inside as well, but she merely looked for a few seconds before walking over to me. She led me back a few paces and began whispering to me with an expression on her face that I really didn't like.

     "How long are you planning on keeping all of these things here?" she asked.
     "Uh, forever?" I said in confusion, "Why in Goddess' name would I take them down?"

Galith gave me a sympathetic look- the kind that I knew meant that she did indeed think I had been manipulated.

     "It won't do you any good, that's why."
     "I completely fail to see how. These mementos help me to feel happier when I otherwise am being pulled down into darkness by what I have lost." I spoke more firmly.

Galith's expression grew even more sympathetic and a tad bit sad. The truth was all too clear. She thought my mind was warped. She thought the humans had twisted to the point where I didn't know any better. I was speaking ridiculousness in her eyes, but it was the kind of ridiculousness she thought she could fix.

     "Oh, Ellothiel," she sighed, "You shouldn't feel that way at all. There is no reason for you to feel depressed. There is no reason to have to need human objects to cheer you up."

     "Excuse me? My children have all died. The living people I gave birth to have been forever taken away from me. How on earth would that not make me upset? How could I not want to have reminders of what was most precious to me?" I asked indignantly.

Unoviel, clearly being able to hear the conversation, nervously turned her head as she hesitantly listened to the conversation. I understood I should have stopped the conversation myself right then and there. It could only have a bad ending. However, Galith continued on before I could take another breath.

     "Listen, I get that you would feel attachment to the infants you bore, but I believe you took your role a bit too seriously."
     "Galith-"

     "No, listen. I'm telling you as your friend that you need to clear your mind and open your eyes. You had human children. Children with human fathers. I will grant that your children were better than most because they could claim some of the purest elven heritage, but at the end of it all they were still a part of that horrible race. You did your part. They fulfilled theirs. You should leave it at that and brings your thoughts back to your people instead of lingering on what has no point in being remembered."

I stared at Galith. Unoviel, standing behind her looking very worried, became invisible to me. Though I wanted to feel angry, the emotion didn't come. I began to pity Galith instead. I felt sorry for the way that she was. This was what our isolation had done to us. Her being the way she was would have been the way I would have been had I not been given the order. In fact, it was the way I had been. My people had assumed the humans had brainwashed me. The ironic reality was that we had brainwashed ourselves. The children born from parents who had survived the fighting had been manipulated into believing a fact that was no longer true. The world was nothing like the world they had grown up thinking it was. There had never been a chance for them to take a look around and decide what they thought with their own hearts and minds.

     "Galith..." Unoviel whispered quietly to break the silence.
     "If you don't mind, I would really rather you leave." I instructed stiffly towards Galith.

Her expression dropped as it finally dawned on her that she had spoken something entirely uncalled for.

     "Ellothiel, I-"
     "I mean it. Please leave. I'm not upset with you, but I would no longer like to have your presence around at this moment."

Her head drooping to the ground as she turned sheepish, Galith hurriedly left the room. I turned to watch her. The return of the silence was horrible. It was stiff, tense, and awkward. It didn't help that I could feel the pain welling up within my chest again. Unoviel had always helped to comfort me in the past, but I didn't want her to see me how I would soon be.

     "Unoviel...." I managed to creak out.
     "I understand," she said gently, "I'll give you some time to yourself. I think it would be better for me to go talk some sense into that silly girl anyway."
     "Thank you."

Unoviel gave me a smile as she passed by. She exited the room, and sound of her departing footsteps echoed until they faded into nothing.

I began pacing about the room. I did not want to start crying again for I really was tired of it. I understood it had only been a few weeks since Lemerion had died and that I was still well within my bounds to grieve, but I knew if I let myself get carried away that I would return to the truly dark place I never wanted to be in again. Somehow, I managed to keep myself together. The minutes that passed until Eloril showed up went by without me shedding a tear. The crying didn't come even after he led me to the bed so I could hold him tightly while I kept on trying to keep my composure.

     "Unoviel told me Galith said something incredibly insensitive to you." he gave the explanation for his appearance.

I nodded. Eloril sighed.

     "Sometimes I can't stand that girl and her terrible habit of not thinking her words through before she says them." he mumbled.

I didn't answer.

     "I know it's a useless question, but are you alright?"
     "I just hate all of this. I'm so exhausted of being depressed. I can't stand feeling empty and alone even though I have so many people I love around me. I want to feel normal again."
     "Hmm, sounds like you need an extra special cuddle today."

I gave him a look when he said that, but Eloril was entirely serious. He had me stand up so I could be sat on his lap like a little child. I'm sure we looked a little preposterous, but the extra proximity did assist me in growing calmer.

     "You smell nice." I said.
     "Well, thank you." Eloril chuckled brightly, "That's good to know."

I smiled lightly as I rested my head against his shoulder. The negative emotions were steadily falling away as I relaxed. Exhaustion began to seep into its place instead.

     "I remember holding you like this when you were truly the smallest infant I had ever seen. It still boggles my mind that so many days have passed since then."
     "I know what you mean. It seems crazy that only this morning we were in an airport back near Riverview."
     "That is actually true, isn't it?" Eloril acknowledged in amazement, "As soon as we stepped through the gate it's like that all disappeared."
     "I'm going to miss it."
     "Yeah, me too."

I snuggled more against my brother. I shouldn't have mentioned Riverview. It was already destroying the brief moment of peace I had found.

     "I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand this place." I admitted.
     "What do you mean?"
     "To be in all these nostalgic places and to meet everyone again is nice enough, but I feel such a disconnect from almost everything around me. I wonder if I'm too changed to be able to live here anymore."
     "Where else are you going to go? The human side where you'll have no choice but to keep on watching those you care about die?"
     "I felt comfortable there."

    "You can feel comfortable here too. Come on, 'Lo. It hasn't even been a day yet," Eloril chastised, "Remember how I told you it took time for me to adjust to living here after I visited you for the first time? The time I spent with you then is nothing compared to how long you've been away. It will take a while, but if you don't force it and let the old habits come back then you'll surely feel at home eventually."

     "But the fact is that I don't want to revert back to how I was. Not even a little. What happened with Galith has shown me how blinded everyone is. Now that my eyes have been opened, how can I get along with those who are still stuck in the dark?" I asked desperately.

     "You'll have to open their eyes for them then." Eloril said simply.
     "An impossible task."
     "Just like giving birth to one hundred half-human children."
     "Come now, Eloril."
     "I'm serious."

I scoffed, rolled my eyes, and said nothing further. Eloril pressed me about his idea, but I blocked him out. I wasn't going to deal with his preposterous suggestion. That is...until he practically forced it upon me. I continued to lay against him shoulder, but I soon found myself falling backwards rapidly. Eloril had removed his support, which almost sent me tumbling off the bed. I was frozen there stunned when Eloril caught me to stop that from happening.

     "Eloril!" I cried.
     "Oh, please," Eloril scoffed himself, "As if I would ever actually drop you. At least on purpose."
     "Haha."

I attempted to move out of his grasp, but he held me there in that half-falling position as he stared at me with an intensity that was somewhat unnerving.

     "What?" I asked defensively.

     "You know how I just said it took me time to adjust back so I could function like everyone else here once more? The truth is that I hate that I have to adjust. I hate that you have to adjust. Yes, there are always going to be differences between us and the humans. Yes, our ways of living are going to contrast. However, you're right. For us to be this isolated isn't doing us any good anymore. You've seen how the humans have changed. They pretty much idolize us now. They've grown and matured. War and destruction like what they waged in the past will never happen again. It's about time everyone learned that as well."

     "One person's efforts are not going to change what an entire country thinks, especially if that one person is me."

     "You have to be kidding! Ellothiel, you are the one and only person who has the ability to change our people. I told you when I brought Erien to visit how you doing the order was beginning to shift the thinking over here. That happened with you not doing anything more than what you already had to do. Image what you could accomplish if you actively tried to make an influence. Perhaps you taking off the blindfold of everyone else around us is merely the second step in your order. You've planted the seeds that will change the humans. Now you can plant the seeds that will change the elves."

     "Me changing our people was not a requirement of the order." I pointed out dryly.
     "Not, it wasn't. I suppose it is the part you get to choose to do. You can be the change, or you can let things proceed the way you don't want them to."
     "I don't have the strength to do what you're asking," I said in tired exasperation, "I am one breath away from crumbling. To face the faults of our people will be the finishing blow."

    "What if you find a better reason for trying though? Don't do it for our people. Be selfish. Do it for yourself. Do it so you can live in a world where you don't have to face the insensitive words like the ones Galith spoke. Do it so you can have a homeland that you want to call home."

My muscles released their tension. I silently cursed Eloril for being so logical and correct while he held me properly again.

     "I don't know." I mumbled a few seconds later.
     "That's better than the outright rejection you were giving me a moment ago."
     "I really don't think I can do it on my own though."
     "No, I suppose not. But you weren't alone when you did the order. There's no way I'll let you be alone during this new endeavor."
     "I'm only promising to think it over."

     "That's perfectly fine. I'm not saying you need to jump on the matter right away. There is some adjusting and healing you can do on your own beforehand. The first order of business is to make it through your welcoming party tomorrow evening."

     "Ugh, don't make me think about that right now."
     "Will do."

I returned my head to Eloril's shoulder. My mind was beginning to ache. There was so much I had learned about the people and world around me that day. Eloril's suggestion had added another daunting thought that burdened me. However, I did have to admit that he really was right. The world around me had to be changed if I wanted to have any hope of finding peace in it again. I would consider the matter with more vigor after tomorrow. Though the party was being thrown with good intentions, a premonition was telling me that Galith's blindly insensitive comments were only the first of many that I would have to endure in the days to come......