Completed

Lemerion was glad to be getting out of the house. Spring had decided to go out with all the force of a typhoon. The roaring winds were just as endless as the rain. Flood warnings came almost every day. The farmers were beginning to worry that all of their crops would be absolutely ruined. Thankfully, nature's wrath ended when summer began. The black stormy days gave way to bright blue skies with white, wispy clouds. The heat remained at just the right temperature as well. For someone who loved the heat like Lemerion, the change was a most welcome one.

The better weather had allowed us to go ahead with our plans for Saviel's graduation party too. It otherwise would have been a pretty gloomy affair what with us having been cooped up inside. But no, we were all out in the wonderful sunshine as our family and Saviel's friends filled up the little area around the gazebo to celebrate her transition to adulthood. Saviel and Minia spent a lot of time chatting to each other. Minia, who had recently had her birthday, had grown even closer to her sister in the past few months. She would have rather had her sister stay inside of moving into her own place, but Minia knew Saviel was going to go no matter what. I assumed that was why she practically became Saviel's shadow.

With so many of my children willing to cuddle Lemerion, I was able to move around and enjoy the party more freely than usual. There were activities scatted about the area, but the majority of my time went into talking with Andethon. I was struck with surprise once more similar to how I had been struck with surprise back when he grew into an adolescent. We had only just moved to Riverview. Only a little bit of time had passed since everything with Silas had happened. That's what it felt like to me. However, reality was smacking me yet again and tossing down all the comforting lies I told myself. Andethon's gray hair and wrinkles were hard to ignore, and I wished I could have pretended he was the same youthful boy I wanted him to remain forever. To converse with him and hear him talk about his long life was more disconcerting than I had expected it would be. Still, I couldn't cut the conversation off because I had learned a very hard lesson long ago that, no matter how painful it was, it was better to enjoy the time remaining with my older children instead of pushing them away thinking the unavoidable heartbreak would never come if I kept my distance.

It was hard to have a proper conversation though. I wasn't doing much with the activities, but everyone else was. Delindir had brought along a portable keyboard to entertain us all with music. Someone had turned on the radio on the other side of the park as well. Abriel, Gellrin, and Elradith were playing horseshoes. There was game of tag going on. Erumaren and Anawen, who was pregnant with her first child, were facing off two party crashers in an apple bobbing competition. Yes, the party was in full swing.

Then the unavoidable happened. It was not Andethon who had passed away, but Delindir. He who had been making such wonderful music for us all to hear was soon buried into the earth. I tried to deal with his death like I had been doing with the deaths of his siblings for centuries now. Unfortunately, there was no stopping the wheel that had began to spin. With no more children left for me to bear, time rushed forward with more haste than ever.

Even little PK's death was a sign of that. The lizard that Cugu had had to leave behind because of pet rules at his apartment had also floated off to the great beyond. His death should have been no more than a teeny tiny bump along the road for me, but each and every single hint of mortality and loss that I saw only pushed me down further.

My head span at how fast my life started moving. Weeks turned into months and months jumped into years. Elradith had ceased to be a child. She started attending high school along with Minia. With her birthday, she became more of a prima donna than she had been before. It didn't matter how many times she had already checked her appearance. Elradith always had to give herself a glance over one more time before she would finally leave the house to head out to wherever she was off to.

Lemerion had already begun school as well. A bright and energetic boy, he made friends easily. I was thankful for a time that he was the lone young one I had to look after. It took so much energy to tire him out. I could scarcely keep track of him most days. The only way I could get him to stay in one space for long was to have him tend to the chickens. The complete opposite of his uncle, Lemerion adored our feathery friends. He got along with them so well that most would follow him around whenever he came near. Lemerion was the one who fed them, and most of the time he would clean out the coop when it suited him.

I have to admit it. I spoiled Lemerion. What else was I to do? Minia and Elradith barely needed my attention anymore, and I couldn't waste one single moment of Lemerion's youth. I almost always bought him what he wanted. I would help him with his homework more than I should have so we could go play in the river instead. It felt like everyday I was experiencing something for the final time- like Lemerion's last baby tooth falling out or him being able to ride a bike without my help. Those sort of things that I would never get to experience again with my own child.

Eloril's visits became my air. I hid from him how poorly I was doing, but I hardly think I was fooling my brother. Whether he could sense the truth or not, Eloril did not pry further than I wanted. He was simply there. Him being there was what I needed most desperately. I needed his visits because they reminded me that not everything would disappear. When it seemed as if the entire world would cease to be when the order was completed, he was the hope that there was something more beyond it all. Eloril smiled constantly as if nothing was wrong. However, I could tell he was only pretending to be cheerful for my sake like I was pretending I was alright for his. I knew it hurt him too to see the children getting older and me growing more despondent. We both took comfort though in knowing we could lie and pretend and just take rest by creating illusions together.

Sadly, Eloril was not around when I truly needed him to be there. Enough years had passed, and Andethon's time had come. The tiny boy I had raised in isolation for a year and who had been the good that had come from the bad was gone. I didn't cry much at his funeral. Somehow, the pain was far too great even for tears. Andethon's death hadn't fully settled into my heart either.

I wonder if it every did actually sink in that he was gone. I figure it must have. After Andethon died, time spiraled out of control even further. Weeks felt like minutes. Years felt like hours. A gust of wind had blown the wheel faster. Every time I woke up in the morning my life and those in it were completely different. I thought we had only just celebrated Saviel's graduation when it was time for Minia's. I silently prayed that she would want to stick around for a while, but it would prove that Minia didn't want to wait to take on the world. A lover of animals, it was her dream to not only call many of them her pets, but she desired to help those without homes find homes of their own.

The next "day" was Elradith's birthday. Unfortunately for me, she was eager to leave the nest too. As charismatic as she was concerned about her appearance, Elradith got a job where talking to people and opening them up would be a large requirement. I never would have thought it, but she got a job as a private detective.

Elradith's departure left...Lemerion and me. He and I- the two of us were all alone in the house that could easily hold ten. I was afraid that it would end up being just me before too long. The years had already changed Lemerion from a child to a teenager. I could merely be grateful he didn't drift away from me like most other boys do from their mothers when they get older. I hated the silence of the house, but my final son and child was always willing to spend time with me. Us being the lone ones around helped us grow closer than ever. We could spend hours watching television or simply talking and the day would be over before we knew it.

Thankfully, Lemerion was growing up well and well-grounded despite my easy-going parenting with him. He had an innate sense of duty and obligation that kept him on the right path. I rarely had to get him to do his work for he had gotten into the habit of doing it right away with the proper effort it required. Then he would do some more work. Lemerion had high aspirations for the future, even though he admitted that he didn't know what they were yet. He wanted to be prepared for whatever he ended up striving for.

I couldn't help but to be jealous when Lemerion unexpectedly started dating. I did want to be selfish and keep my son to myself. For the first time, I might have gone ahead and openly acted just a tad bit spiteful with an intention to scare Miss Cora Price off. My actions had no effect. Cora was similar to Elradith. She had this slight complex that had her believing she was better than most others. All she did was roll her eyes and shrug off my petty actions as if she believed I simply didn't know better.

We both matured in time. I accepted that Lemerion had found his one and began to act my age. Cora looked at the world more rationally and thoughtfully thanks to Lemerion's influence. Neither of us would have believed it when Lemerion and her started dating, but we actually grew to like each other quite a lot. This was a good change for Cora would go on to be a constant in my life. Lemerion asked her to marry him not long after they finished school. She said yes, and I gained my final daughter-n-law. A big summer wedding was thrown. Our family and friends took over the festival for the occasion. I was happier watching Lemerion be married off than I anticipated, but I suppose that had something to do with the fact that the new husband and wife were more than excited to call my home their home as well. Lemerion might have been attached to me a bit too much, and I believe Cora was happy to not have to pay any money for a nice place to live.

They went exploring in Egypt for their honeymoon. Not too long afterwards, I joined them on a trip there as well. It was quite an experience to stand in the shade of the massive pyramids. It was one of the many miraculous situations I had just dreamed about before. To have no more young children to watch over did have some benefits. I was finally able to do the traveling I had wanted to do for so long. It seemed as if Lemerion, Cora, and I were in a new area of the world each weekend. I had more money than I knew what to do with. My son and daughter-in-law wanted to see all there was to see before they truly settled down. It all came together nicely for us. I got to see France and China again. They got the experience of a lifetime.

Whether we were back at home or in some foreign country, I always wound up going off by myself. There were a few times where my irrational desires had me considering conceiving again, but why I really continued to sleep with men was because I was lonely. So very lonely. It had been too long since I had lost Wesley. The warmth of what we had had could no longer be reached. There was no similar warmth waiting for me when I returned home. Even if it was merely for a few hours or half an hour, I craved the feeling of foolishly believing I could have what I wanted if I kept on sleeping with men. I could be tricked during the act, but the physical satisfaction never made up for how hollow my chest would be afterwards.

It took a few years, but our extensive traveling started to slow. Lemerion had discovered his goal in life. The profession of being a firefighter had called to him. He went through the necessary training, and in no time at all he was taking the ridiculously lengthy walk to the fire station on the other side of the street to go to work. Large fires like the one that had consumed our house rarely happened in Riverview. I didn't have to worry much about Lemerion being hurt. He would spend most of the time getting his hands dirty by helping to keep the fire engine and the alarm system at the station running smoothly. It was getting to do such technical but physical work that he truly enjoyed.

I was relieved that Cora had chosen to be more of a homemaker than a member of the work force. She did occasional typing work from the computer, but mostly she helped me keep the house in good shape, take care of the bills, and otherwise kept me company. If I had been alone while Lemerion worked, I don't know what I would have done with myself. Gone crazy, probably. But no, I had greatly needed distractions and another big one on the way. Cora was pregnant with her and Lemerion's first child. I was more than ready to have a little one running about the rooms again. It just didn't feel right to have only adults about.

That first child ended up being a baby girl. Lemerion had said it was fine for Cora to find out the gender ahead of time, but he had wanted to be surprised. It was nice that I had boxes and boxes of things for baby girls so that Cora didn't have to go out and buy items that otherwise would have spoiled the surprise. My newest granddaughter was given the name Natalie. Lemerion and Cora adored her like crazy.

My heart and worries were calmed for a while, but time was relentless. It gave me no break. Little Natalie was a newborn. Then she was a toddler. Inheriting Lemerion's hair and Cora's eyes, she was quite the cutie. I got to help her learn to walk and talk, but seeing her become her own person upset me as much as it lifted my spirits. She, too, would be grown before I knew it. Natalie, too, would die and leave me.

It steadily grew to that point where everyone would indeed leave me. There were many years that separated the heartbreaking days, but it seemed like to me I was always wearing black.

Abriel was gone. Gellrin followed.

Erumaren was next.

Not long after Lemerion and Cora's son Lyle's second birthday I lost Celendel and Celenia.

Isebrilia...

Cugu...

Anawen...

Saviel...

Minia...

Elradith...

Cora...

I tried. I tried so hard not to lose it. However, it was impossible. All the things, all the people, that had kept me sane were gone. I only had Lemerion. It was just the two of us again in the house. Natalie and Lyle were out living their own lives with their families. I was clinging with all my might to the last of mine. It took all my strength not to cry whenever I saw him. I so desperately wanted to be the supportive mother he had known for the rest of whatever time he had left. What I gave him was a sobbing mess that constantly begged of him the impossible- for him not to die. I understood I was breaking his own heart as much I was breaking mine. I had known from the moment when he first fully comprehended his position in the order that he resented being my last. He did what he could to comfort me, but the situation whittled us down until we were about to crumble.

And then...

On the same day I experienced the heartbreak of losing my first child, I buried my last. There are few words to describe how I felt. Each breath I took was sheer, unbridled torture. I had never been so utterly destroyed. Not even Cirabel's death had agonized me so much. How I did not drop to the ground right then and there to follow my son I will never understand.

The silence was more torturous than my own breathing. I could hear every small sound. The ones that were only being made by me. For the first time in 557 years, I was childless. I didn't sleep at all. I had no desire to eat. I just sat on my bed, cried, and stared. The smiling faces of the people on the pictures on the wall were no more than bodies in the ground. People who had been people were no more than something for the earth to claim. I had been told there was a purpose to this all. However, I could only think that what had come out of the past half millennia was me knowingly stabbing myself in the heart again and again for no good reason. The humans hadn't changed. The world was hardly any better off than it was before. All my hoping and wishing had been useless. Everything was useless...

I only noticed Eloril when he moved in front of me. I had tried to get him here before Lemerion had been torn away from me, but it had been too late. My son had passed faster than Eloril could travel. Not that an earlier arrival of his would have made any difference.

Eloril didn't say anything for a long time. He simply stared at me sadly. I had no words to say to him or ada either, for I could sense ada standing out in the hallway watching from the door. In fact, I didn't want any of us to say anything at all forever. If someone spoke, I would have to leave. If someone spoke, I would have to go to a place where my heartbreak would never be understood.

And that's exactly what happened.

Eloril reached out his hand for me to take it. I didn't move. I didn't want to go with him. I wanted him to leave so I could be alone when the pain overcame me and I was swept away. Eloril took my hand by himself anyway. His warm touch nearly scalded my own skin that was so cold. My brother flinched at the chill, but he refused to let go. He instead held my hand tighter. Eloril looked me right in the eye even though I wouldn't look back. He said the words I never wanted to hear.

The order was completed.

It was time to go home......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tribute