Passing Time

I was watching television again, desperately hoping one of the channels might make some small sort of mention of me and my disappearance. It had been weeks now since Silas had taken me. There would definitely be a fuss about the situation by now as ada, naneth, and Eloril would have received the news. I bet ada and Eloril rushed over to the human side leaving naneth in charge at home. She probably lucked out. With my kidnapping to distract him, Eloril most likely hadn't though to mention everything that she had done to me to ada. I flipped to another channel, and watched it for a while. Nothing. Another channel. Nothing. I flipped back several channels. I was always paranoid that as soon as I moved on that there would be something broadcasted about me. There was never anything. I must have sat there for another hour continuing my work. When all the hundreds of channels had been gone through, the remote smashed into the floor as I tossed it to the ground again. I had to stop doing that as that was the third one Silas had to buy as I had broken the others, but I couldn't help it.

My frustration was peaking. So badly did I want to scream and wreck half the place! That's when Wesley showed up right on schedule. He leaned over, wrapped his arms around me, and placed his head against mine. He said nothing, but I calmed instantly. Ever since that first day, he has shown up just when I need him the most. I was left to debate if he really only was an image from a dream. I couldn't possibly be half-asleep all the times he has shown up. My more realistic explanation was that I was going crazy. I truly could feel my mind going down chaotic paths, and my behavior was becoming increasingly more sporadic and unpredictable. However, potentially losing my mind was what was actually saving me. Slipping away allowed me to see Wesley. He always pulled me back to safety, just as he was doing then. The two of us remained in that position for a long time. I grasped at his arms and tried to pull him back to me when he began shifting away. I told him he couldn't leave. Wesley chuckled. He wasn't leaving. He simply needed to stretch out his back after being hunched over for so long.

Such a requirement like that was a curious point for me. I suppose my mind was conjuring up a realistic portrayal of him, but it was beyond me how Wesley seemed to have such physical needs. He would snatch a bit of my food saying he was hungry after Silas disappeared when he brought my meals. Every so often Wesley would go to "use the bathroom", and I swore I could hear the toilet flushing. Whatever he interacted with while he was around- a book, the television, the chess set- would appear in the manner in which he had touched it even after he vanished. Then there was the fact that he felt so real. It was if he was actually there. There was one day when the weather was stunningly gorgeous. Wesley and I were resting against each other doing nothing but allowing ourselves to be mesmerized by the glorified puddle. Wesley's touch was so similar to what I remembered from when he was alive that I forgot for a moment that he had died. However, I began to fall asleep, and he vanished suddenly. I nearly fell over from the unexpected lack of support.

Another week passed. The days, though horrendously slow, were beginning to blend into each other. I had let the fact that I was pregnant leave my mind until the growing of my stomach reminded me of my child. I grew addicted to sitting outside in the spring beauty and gently rubbing the bulge. Doing so made me feel both calm and guilty. I was excited for the child despite the fact of who his or her father was, but I wish I had done more before I began to grow to try and escape my cage. I should have at least climbed to the top of the wall. There might actually be a way down. Now I didn't dare. I probably also could have gotten Silas' gun away from him. His guard had always been down when he comes in to talk. If I had managed to steal it, running away would have been no problem. But no, I accepted being trapped for whatever reason. The consequence was me giving up any escape plan now as there was no way I would risk hurting my baby.

The lone hope I had of rescuing myself was convincing Silas to let me go. He has begun spending more time with me ever since he brought me a new dress to fit my growing stomach. While I remain understandably furious with the man, I never allow my anger to show. I am nothing but polite and cheerful to that man. I do my best to smile constantly and make him happy. It eventually struck me that making him think I enjoy being here was counterproductive to my goal, so I began making it clear that I preferred to go home. I would slowly build our conversations up to us talking about me potentially going home one day, but that was generally when Silas cuts the talking off and abruptly departed. He wouldn't come back to talk for a while after that. Still, he has steadily been able to handle me talking about home more and more. Mostly he liked hearing of my children. He was stunned speechless when I revealed to him that our child would be my eighty-eighth. That was when he finally began at least listening to me about the order. It was easy to see he didn't fully believe me, but he started to see there was more to my situation than what he had thought there was.

I went outside one day, and was stunned by the heat that overwhelmed me. I held out my hand to feel the strength of the light touching it. The cool spring breezes had vanished. The warm gushes of wind and the chirping of the crickets from the world beyond the wall revealed to me that summer had come. I was not pleased. I had expected to be out of here before the season had changed. With Silas not appearing nervous or worried in any sort of manner, I hesitantly began to realize that my family and the police were nowhere close to discovering my location. If they had been, surely Silas would be showing some pressure. To see if what I had thought previously was correct, I one day suddenly asked him who else was helping him to keep me here. That made him jump sky high. He grew upset and yelled at me to never ask anything like that again. He rapidly bolted out after that. It was obvious then there was definitely someone or multiple people making this all possible. I wondered if they all shared the same sentiment towards me as Silas did. They could all be crazy. Perhaps it was the other one or ones keeping the police puzzled while Silas' job was watching over me.

I forced myself to be optimistic that a bit more time would allow my family the chance the find the last of the information they needed tor rescue me. My captors couldn't have that great a defense to keep the police away for too long. Or I hoped they didn't. It was hard to think positively given how able even crazy Silas was. If he had help from normal-brained people who had power, I was in trouble indeed. And trouble getting away looked like it was in my future. Three more weeks passed. Silas was complacent as ever. There were no signs that I would be found. I made myself take many deep breaths multiple times throughout the days to stop myself from panicking. I also requested from Silas some seeds so that I could plant a little garden. He brought me five, and in the summer heat the plants sprung to life almost instantaneously.It was a good thing I had another distraction for I had pretty much run out of things to do. All the movies and shows were beginning to repeat themselves. Silas couldn't bring me books fast enough to match the rate I was reading them. I could only stand playing chess for so long, and I really had never had much interested in computer games.

There were only three times when I didn't feel dreadfully bored. Working in my little garden was the first distraction. The second was writing in the journal I was keeping on the computer. I recorded everything on it as Silas never touched my computer. I made sure to keep track of every single detail: what I had done, the meals Silas gave me, what we talked about, what I felt, and even Wesley's appearances. I didn't know why I bothered to type down mostly mundane topics, but I couldn't help but to feel that the journal would be handy to have in the future.

The last thing I did that swept away my boredom was playing my violin. I became addicted to it. My like for the instrument grew more vast than the affection I had for it when I was little. Back then I had been distracted by all the other activities I could do. Now, having nothing else to do, it had become my companion. I played my songs for my child as much as myself. I knew the child would be able to hear the music. I dreaded thinking about giving birth while still being trapped, but if that did turn out to be the case then I wanted him or her to have some connection with the rest of the world. He or she would know something of the cultures beyond the wall. Silas brought me sheet music from human composers at my request so I could adequately give my child a variety of sounds.

More weeks went by. The rain grew constant. It meant that my plants thrived, but I was kept to the confines of the room and the space under the balcony. I often sat at the table outside to watch the rain fall. There was something about the atmosphere about such weather that made me feel a sense of peace, although it was more likely that the rain simply made me tired. Though I couldn't enjoy the sun when the rain came around, I found myself attracted to the idea of sitting still and not doing anything. I wouldn't even think of anything. The rain washed everything out of me as it washed the world clean with its presence.

The rain drops eventually turned cold and dreary as still more weeks went by and summer faded into autumn. Saying I was heartbroken was an understatement. How could so much time be going by with nothing happening? I couldn't be that far away from Twinbrook. I had been unconscious for perhaps twelve hours. Silas could have only taken me a few hundred miles. Six months was more than enough time to get that far. I quietly understood there was a lot more to the situation that was making it difficult for this place to be discovered, but I was struggling so much trying to keep myself composed that I needed any outlet I could take. Complaining about how long the search was taking was one of those outlets.

My baby was smaller than I had been expecting. My stomach had not grown as much as it normally did. That eliminated the possibility of me having twins, and it made it more likely that I was carrying a girl. Silas was insistent that we would be having a boy though. Clearly, he had no way to tell. He just assumed he was right, and I humored him.

However, there was one day where I lost my upbeat mask around him. Silas was going on much like a typical expectant father would of all the things he would do with his son. He couldn't wait to see him grow. He couldn't wait to teach him. Silas then said something along the lines of wanting to hold him tight. That's what set me off. I started crying so terribly, and my legs pretty much gave out as I fell to the floor. Silas was absolutely confused. It took me a minute to blubber out what was wrong. Silas had made me think of Thoronton. He had been so tiny when I left, but now he would be so big. My baby boy wouldn't know me at all. I didn't know him at all. I didn't really know what he would look like, what his personality was, or what he liked to do. I missed all of my family terribly. I was so lonely, but it was Thoronton I missed the most. It was killing me to be separated from him. I wasn't getting to hold him tight. I wasn't getting to see him grow. I wouldn't be anything more to him than a name he could barely understand.

I lost my voice, and remained there on the floor crying. Silas moved closer to comfort me, but he suddenly turned on his heel and left the room. He practically slammed the door shut. I think I had almost convinced him and his conscience to let me go, and he had departed to stop himself from making that happen. The days passed, and I realized that had to be the reason. Silas stopped coming in to talk. He only quickly opened the door to place my food or new items on the floor before he swiftly locked the door again. I had almost broken his resolve. Now he had to give me a wide berth. My intention had not been to sway him. I honestly had been overwhelmed by my frustration, my sadness at not being with my children, and my hormones from the pregnancy. If I had known how close I was to breaking him down, I would have pulled his arm to stop him and begged to be be let go. I'm sure I could have convinced him in that moment. But I had lost my chance...

I sighed a lot over the next few days after that realization. I moped around the room for a long time. I was lying on the bed one afternoon, and didn't bother to move when I heard the door unlock and open. It was a strange time for Silas to bring something, but I didn't care at that moment about whatever he had brought- until the door closed and locked and I heard the moving about of something. I scrambled out of bed to find that Silas had dropped off a dog! He rushed over with haste, the friendly thing that he was, and began licking my feet. I picked the adorable thing up. He was already staring at me as if I was the most amazing thing in the world. So the dog was Silas' solution to curing my loneliness, huh? Well, I couldn't lie that I wasn't ecstatic to have a real companion even if he couldn't talk. I named the dog Ralfilas, or Ral for short.

For the next several weeks, Ral kept me very much distracted from my boredom. He was still a young dog, and had boundless energy. I could barely get anything done for he demanded so much attention. I couldn't even take a proper bath. Unlike some other dogs I've seen, he loved getting clean. With no door to the bathroom, I had no way to stop him from rushing over and leaping into the tub with me other than locking him outside.Then Ral would howl the whole time. I changed my bathing routine to taking showers instead so I could get clean faster.

It was a good thing Silas had thought to bring a smaller dog. The yard space was just big enough to keep Ral satisfied. His favorite thing to do was play fetch. His version of fetch anyway. I would throw the stick, Ral would get it, and almost bring it back. He loved to stop right before he got to me, and tempt me to chase him a round for a bit until he wanted the stick thrown again. I didn't mind the variation. The activity helped me to get the exercise I had been lacking.

Ral was also a nice companion when I slept. Despite being smaller than normal, my baby did continue to grow. What matched its growth was the increase of pain in my body. I had to sit down a lot more, and naps became more frequent. It was only when I rested that Ral decided he should rest too. He was certainly a cuddly thing. He refused to sleep anywhere other than right next to me. In a strange way, he was like a young child. I was relieved Ral was so attached to me though. It was a great comfort to pull him close to me while I slept and know he would still be there when I awoke. Then, every single time I cried from the situation I was in, he would hop onto my lap to lick my face.

And I began to cry a lot when the temperatures dropped, the snow started to fall, and the windows began to frost. Fall had become winter. Eight months had passed. I knew I would be giving birth to my son or daughter in this place. The short, gloomy days of winter and the increase in my depression caused me to sleep all the time. I dreamt of home and nothing else. Ada, naneth, and Eloril were at the house with all my children and me, and nothing would ever be wrong. When I closed my eyes and drifted off, what I wanted when awake became real in my mind. Then I would wake up and want the dream to be reality. Then the dreams would grow more intense. It was another of those cycles that fed itself.

Most importantly though, those dreams made me realize something. I had stopped being upset at naneth. I had quietly dealt with and accepted the truth, and figured out that the only thing I wanted more than to get away from my prison was for things to be peaceful between us all. I wanted to talk to naneth about what she had said. I wanted to find out her true feelings for me now that I hadn't had the heart the listen to before. I believed there was a strong chance we could have the relationship I had always desired. Eloril had most likely made some announcement of her actions to ada by now. While I had thought previously that ada would never separate from naneth even when he learned the truth, I feared he might have done so or would do so. My kidnapping could be partially blamed on her. If she hadn't caused so many problems then she and Eloril wouldn't have left. Silas wouldn't have been able to take me. I prayed to the Goddess that my parents hadn't separated. I was so exhausted of feeling angry, upset, and depressed. I would forgive naneth if it would make everything right.

And I just wanted things to be right.

The last four weeks of my pregnancy went by slowly. My belly stopped growing as my son or daughter reached his or her full size. I tried a few times to place my hands in the exact spot where I had placed them in estimation so long ago. The child was truly smaller than I had anticipated. I was rather grateful for it, for it would mean the labor would be less painful than normal. The labor would come at any time. I wondered how Silas would react to our child being born. I hoped the birth would be the final hit that would strike his conscience and make him realize how it wrong it was to keep me here.

It was several days later and an hour after dinner when my water broke. It was pitch black outside. Massive storm clouds released a terrifying amount of whipping, swirling snow. Ral was stationed at the glass door watching and growling at the flakes. Him being preoccupied kept my labor smoother than it was already going. Nothing out of the ordinary was happening. The pain was moderately minimal. I made no attempt to alert Silas to what was going on. I hardly wanted him there. As I knew he would try to brainwash the child when he or she grew, the less time and influence Silas had on him or her the better.

Silas turned out to be right about our child's gender. I gave birth to a boy, which was mildly surprising. He was very tiny compared to the sizes of my others sons when they were born, but my little Andethon was healthy and happy. He barely cried, and loved me holding him. However, his birth was bittersweet. Now there was definitively no hope of me escaping on my own. I could only pray that it wouldn't be too much longer before I was able to get out of here through my family's help. I would hate for this place to be all my son knows......