Continuing On

Though I was indeed grateful Wesley's pain and agony was not lengthened unnecessarily, my heart still broke into a million pieces at his passing. My grief fully hit me several minutes after I woke up that night, and even Ranna's loud crying was lost on me. The craziness started a few more minutes after that when Maldor came to see what was going on when my daughter's crying didn't stop. I remember him alerting Elemir, Elemir freaking out, Maldor going to get Ranna, and me being almost absolutely useless. The hours until the sun rose were long indeed.

The days that followed were longer yet. The troubles I encountered were nothing new. My heart bled, I found it hard to summon the will to do much of anything, I barely slept or ate, I cried all the time, and I found myself attracted to the spots where Wesley and I would often sit and relax. However, my familiarity with such burdens did nothing to make their weight less. One of the few reliefs I had truly was that I had no doubts or regrets. Even my great heartbreak did not make me question whether or not I had done the right thing. I knew I had. The satisfaction of having had all those wonderful years helped pull me through where as the guilt I would have had if I had pushed Wesley away would have dragged me down further. My suffering was terrible, and yet I knew I would overcome it.

One Chance

I woke up several hours later in my resort room. It was around mid-afternoon, and Wesley was lying there close to me. His eyes were closed so I expected him to be asleep, but as soon as I moved he sat up in a flash. I knew the malfunction that had happened with my gear which he told me about was not my fault, but I couldn't help but to feel guilty for worrying him so much. I think I worried him a bit more when I tried to tell him about the chest. Apparently, there hadn't been one. I was confused as it had seemed so real. I suppose the lack of oxygen affected my brain a lot faster than I realized though.

Wesley was adamant about us not going diving again. With the sharks and then this, there had just been too much bad luck. I agreed. I did, however, go swimming not long after I woke up completely against Wesley's protests. The fear of the water was settling within my chest, and I had to get over it sooner rather than later. I wasn't very worried about my safety since I felt perfectly fine after all that sleep and Raine was with me the entire time. We did have to spend a fair amount of time sitting at the pool bar drinking some juice first though before I was comfortable with actually swimming. In the end, I was glad I pushed myself. The fear was quickly forgotten.

Hopeless Dream

It was after several more days of practice and training when Wesley determined I was skilled enough to do some actual diving. I was excited when he gave me the good news, but nothing but nervous once it came time to put the gear on. All I could think about was the gear breaking or something going horribly wrong. Wesley reassured me time after time that nothing would happen. Even if there was an incident, he would be there to help me out.

It took us a while to get the suit to fit properly over my head. My ears hurt too badly being pressed so tightly, but it was difficult finding a way to poke them out without absolutely ruining the material. They really do get in the way sometimes. However, Wesley and I were successful at finding a solution. It was time to dive. I followed as Wesley led the way.

Make-Believe

I woke up before Wesley the next morning. I showered and dressed, and the lights were still off in his room. I decided to go ahead and have breakfast so he could sleep some more. Apparently, this was the wrong thing to do. Wesley was not happy I hadn't woken him up. I had gone ahead and had what should have been our first meal as an official unofficial couple together without him. As a result, I had a second breakfast. I didn't mind since I really do love the resort's food, and I thankfully hadn't eaten all that much the first time around.

It was incredibly warm that morning. It only made since to start the day off at the beach snorkeling. I waited while Wesley got the gear, and when he showed up I spotted the tattoo on his shoulder that I had completely forgotten about. I naturally had to ask Wesley the particulars about the design. Well, he started, I had made a brief mention the day before that my name related to a type of flower. So he had gotten a flower design. The green was for my eyes, the lilac was because it was my favorite color, the white was because I had this pure aura around me, and the black was simply to hold it altogether.

I stared at Wesley in confused amazement. He couldn't actually be serious about all of that. Wesley was perfectly serious though. I couldn't believe him. That tattoo was permanent. Why on earth had he thought it would be a good idea to base the whole thing around me? Wesley repeated what he had said the previous night. Meeting me had helped me more than I would know, and more than he was ever going to let me know. The tattoo ensured that he had a way to think back to good times once we separated. I still couldn't get the whole thing to make sense in my head, but I had to just accept what he told me. It's not like there was any way the tattoo could be changed.