Hopeless Dream

It was after several more days of practice and training when Wesley determined I was skilled enough to do some actual diving. I was excited when he gave me the good news, but nothing but nervous once it came time to put the gear on. All I could think about was the gear breaking or something going horribly wrong. Wesley reassured me time after time that nothing would happen. Even if there was an incident, he would be there to help me out.

It took us a while to get the suit to fit properly over my head. My ears hurt too badly being pressed so tightly, but it was difficult finding a way to poke them out without absolutely ruining the material. They really do get in the way sometimes. However, Wesley and I were successful at finding a solution. It was time to dive. I followed as Wesley led the way.

I truly thought I had fallen asleep and was dreaming. I've seen pictures before that were taken underwater, but being there myself was a completely different experience. There really is no way to properly describe it in words. I was so amazed at the new world around me though that I forgot half the reason I wanted so badly to go diving in the first place. I wanted to find a shell for each of my children, and Nora of course, as a souvenir. While I understood it would be a lot easier to buy the shells sold in the stores, I thought it would be much nicer to find the shells myself. However, I was surprised and disappointed when I only managed to locate one. Wesley told me later on that he had taken me to a spot where all the rookie divers go. It was therefore popular, and usually picked pretty clean. We would be able to go to places for more experienced divers soon enough though. I could find my shells there.

There was one moment where Wesley and I were swimming around when I became somewhat sad. We were just going along normally. Then we spotted something shuffling along the ocean floor. I thought it was a squid. Obviously, I couldn't help but to think of Sind who painted the creature so often. I wished he could have been there in that moment to see it in its natural habitat. It was only after we got a bit closer that I realized the animal was an octopus instead. It was saddening, but relieving in a way too. I was able to push the heartbroken thoughts of my deceased son away for a while longer. Wesley and I were able to get rather close to the octopus. It did not care about our presence one bit, and continued shuffling along until it was well hidden in the ocean vegetation.

I never wanted to surface, but the air in our tanks began to run out and we had no choice but to end our diving session. As soon as I broke out into the open air I noticed a large shadow beneath the water very close to us. Wesley and I thought it was a dolphin, but it was not. We clutched onto each other frozen in fright as three sharks circled around us for half a minute, although it felt like an eternity. I honestly believed we were going to die. You would be right to assume that I never think about myself dying. Elves only die through heartbreak or extreme physical wounds- like a sword through the heart or shark teeth ripping the body apart. The sharks thankfully grew bored with us, and vanished from sight. Wesley and I rapidly made our way to shore. The two of us were so shaken up we didn't go anywhere near the ocean for the rest of the day. It was just as well. We made sure to report the sharks, and it was just after we did that we learned report after report was coming in of others who had seen sharks too. An announcement soon went out that no one was allowed in the ocean until the creatures moved on.

Wesley, Raine, and I used our time being stuck on the main island to explore. I had been under the impression that I had already seen everything, but I hadn't even been close to seeing all the places the island had to offer. Every hill we climbed and every corner we turned brought us some new spectacular view. It was hard to believe I hadn't noticed it all before. My favorite place that we found was a grassy spot near the highest point of the island where a large waterfall cascaded into the ocean below. The atmosphere was so pleasing that the three of us had a picnic lunch there. I spotted some empty house lots near the base of the waterfall. If the time ever came for my family to live in Islo Paradiso, I would most likely want to live there.

Besides the outside world, we also explored many buildings and shops as well. We ended up spending a lot of time in this one pub of sorts. It had a little bar where Wesley showed off his mad milkshake making skills. I told him he should quit his job at the sports store to make the drinks instead, which Wesley jokingly responded favorably to.

It was funny to watch Wesley and Raine interact. They had grown incredibly comfortable with each other so quickly. They truly did strike me as if they were a pair of siblings. I'm sure any outsider who heard their quips at each other surely thought they were the biggest bullies, but their jests were clearly all in good fun. I had the best time merely sitting there watching them have a go at each other like it was television show.

In our exploration we also found a small park with a playground for children. However, it was completely empty when we came upon it. I was glad for this since we, three fully grown adults, took it over. Raine and I went on the playground, slide, and finally the swings, but Wesley was having none of that. All took him too high off the ground. With his extreme fear of heights, the only thing left for him to do was play in the sand. He did so merrily. Raine and I stayed on the swings most of the time. We tried to see how long we could stay in sync with each other. Incredibly, we managed to swing perfectly in time for two whole minutes. I told Wesley to turn around to watch us, but apparently even just watching us swing high was too much for him. Honestly, I don't understand how we was able to get on the flight that brought him here.

It took two days for the sharks to get bored with the islands and leave. I was relieved we were finally able to go back into the water for I know I was feeling cooped up. Wesley, Raine, and I rented a boat so we could finish our exploring- this time getting around to all the small non-inhabited islands. We came to last one having found nothing exciting or of interest. Then we came around to the other side, and our jaws dropped. There was another beautiful waterfall flowing into a gorgeous hidden pool. The three of us just had to take a swim there. I wished there was space on that island for a house, for that was definitely where I would want to be if I lived here. Wesley, Raine, and I pretended as if that amazing place was something out of a fantasy story- that the water was magical or something.

I realized one day, with a bit of horror, that my vacation was almost over. I only had a few days left, and this lapse of time management was because my job of ignoring my departure date had been done too well. In fact, I had completely forgotten I even had to leave. Wesley and Raine were going to be in Islo Paradiso for another week still. I understood I was being selfish, but I called Tinaldor to ask if he was alright if I extended my stay another week. I told him I had plenty of money to pay for the expenses. Before he answered, Tinaldor asked how the vacation was going. Mostly he wanted to know if it was helping me out like he and my other children had hoped. I explained it was doing wonders. I would be alright coming home on the original date, but I wanted nothing more than to have that extra week. Tinaldor told me to go ahead and stay then. Considering I've so rarely had a break during the three-hundred plus years I've been doing the task, one more week was a perfectly acceptable thing to ask for. I thanked him profusely.

Wesley, Raine, and I were all simply minding our business at the resort the following day. Then an announcement was passed around to the vacationers staying there. A couple was going to be married at the resort at mid-afternoon. Since it was so unplanned and unprepared, the couple was fine with inviting everyone vacationing to be there for it at their want. It seemed to me like the two men were rushing into the marriage a bit prematurely and hastily, but since I didn't know a thing about the two I did not judge their decision. Our group of three went ahead and attended the ceremony. It was short and to-the-point, but very sweet nonetheless.

It was interesting to see how the whole resort came together for this one couple that no one even really knew. A party had been planned as soon as the wedding announcement had gone out. The staff was certainly annoyed by the unofficial use of the property, but since almost every guest was participating they did nothing. They would have had all of their guests at their throats if they tried to stop us. I felt a bit bad for them. I made sure our group kept our actions respectable and within the normal resort guidelines as usual. It was surprising just how long the party went on. What wasn't surprising was how late Wesley and I stayed up. We can never seem to get to bed at a decent hour. There was too much enjoyment to be had from the lovely atmosphere, and the waltzing music playing allowed us to do some proper slow dancing. 

It was hard to think about stopping for it was one of those moments you never want to end. Wesley also looked incredibly attractive in his vest and formal dress. I wanted to take in the sight as long as possible. The comfortable silence overtook us once more, and I was more glad than ever I had been a bit selfish and asked for that extra week. However, Wesley then said something completely unexpected that changed how the entire evening went. He brought up the task. I asked him what about it. Wesley had been thinking of it a lot, and had decided he wanted to help by having a child with me.

I instantly stopped dancing and pulled away from him. Surely he had had one too many glasses of wine. That insulted Wesley. He had only had two and so was entirely sober. Wesley was confused as to why I had reacted negatively. He thought I would be all for the idea. Wouldn't it make more sense to have a child with a man I knew, liked, and trusted rather than with some random man with whom I had a one-night stand? I let Wesley know it was because we had spent all this time together that I couldn't go along with the proposal. He didn't know what he was saying. But he did, Wesley retorted. This wasn't some random idea that had popped into his head. Almost every second since the moment I told him about the task had gone in to considering the options and consequences. Wesley couldn't understand why I was so adverse to having a child with him.

Once this upcoming week was done, our fling would be over. Wesley would be heading back to the east coast, and I would return to Twinbrook. He had to go on with his life while I went on with mine. I couldn't see Wesley being the type who would get me pregnant and then be okay with living so far away and denying the child the presence of a father. Wesley said he wouldn't be denying the child anything though. I hadn't allowed him to get to the next part he had to say yet. In truth, he had been strongly considering moving to Twinbrook.

What?

Wesley ploughed on through my disapproving confusion to tell me he had already been planning on moving out of his city anyway. He hated it and all the bad memories. If he was already leaving, why didn't he move to the place where we could be close? I told him that after our vacations ended there wasn't going to be a "we" any longer. "We" were only temporary, remember? All of what we were doing had to end. Wesley had to continue with his life as if we had never met. He had to find the happiness he deserved, and find happiness with another wife if that was his fate. Wesley said he could do all of that in Twinbrook just as well as anywhere else. The two of us could certainly still be friends.

Oh, really? Him moving so far across the country to be close to me and have a child with me didn't make it sound like mere friendship was what he had in mind. He could say he wanted friendship, but I could tell he was expecting more. Wesley wanted to know if wanting something more with me was that wrong. It was very wrong, I said bluntly. How had he even thought to consider such a foolish idea? He wanted me to love him even though he knew he would be dead in what would feel like a mere minute for me? He wanted me to grow attached knowing there would be satisfaction for him yet only heartbreak for me? There was too much pain in having any sort of real relationship with a mortal man.

Wesley had only been a momentary distraction as I had been a rebound for him. We could absolutely not be anything more than that. Such a hard look appeared on Wesley's face. I had not seen him angry before, and now I was terrified to look at him. He sent a chilling glare my way before he roughly pushed past me to leave the resort.

And there it was. Because of the task, yet another man I had stupidly come to care for, even if I had only meant for it to be for a short time, was walking away from me.

I slunk into bed after I went back to the room. I laid there unmoving for a long time. While I attempted to sleep, I don't know why I bothered. The adrenaline of the moment wore off only to let the guilt sink in. I cursed myself. I knew everything I had said to Wesley was the truth, but why had I gone off at him in such a manner? I know Wesley would have understood much better what I was trying to say if I had told him in a less crueler way. It was just when I saw the longing for me in his eyes and how it was beginning to morph into something that would grow out of control I feared for both of us. What Wesley wanted would hurt us terribly in the end. He deserves so much more than a doomed relationship with me. It was too much to let him believe in a hopeless dream for even one second.

The hours ticked by slowly, and I was starting to lose it a little. My emotions were overwhelming me. I wanted Wesley to come back. I never wanted to see him again. I wanted him to forgive me. I would rather him hate me forever. Midnight came and went, and I remained all alone. Then, finally, Wesley walked in through the door. He knew I was awake. In seconds I rushed out of bed and pulled him further into the room by the wrist. I couldn't help myself. I knew I was making the situation already worse than what it was, but I was so gladdened he had returned. I chastised him for not coming back sooner. Wesley could have easily become angry with me again, but he waited patiently until my fear was released and the tears of relief came. He understood I had worried he would not come back.

As he gave me a light hug, he joked that of course he would come back- this was his only place to sleep. I rolled my eyes, and after a light chuckle at himself for saying a pretty pitiful joke Wesley turned serious. He really didn't approve of how I had said all that I had said, but he was glad I had said it. Everything I told him was absolutely correct. It had indeed been foolish to let his emotions get out of control. Mostly he had left me so he could deal with the truth and get a hold of himself again. Wesley revealed he still wanted to leave his offer of having a child with him open and confirmed that he was continuing his consideration of moving to Twinbrook, but he swore he would never place me in a position where he would hurt me. He would handle whatever path our relationship went down responsibly.

I wanted to trust him. Though I had said all those things, I wanted to have a child with Wesley too. If I could not be bound to him through a romantic relationship, being tied to him through a child we could raise together seemed like the next best thing. However, as we cuddled against each other for comfort I wondered if it was possible for us to keep ourselves in check. Could we actually do it, or was it wishful thinking? Being on the bed there as we were didn't make our chances look good.

In the days following that night, Wesley and I didn't talk about the situation. We continued on as if nothing had happened though we each were secretly mulling over the topic within our minds. My main concern truly was of the consequences that would come about if we lost control and took things too far. As I pondered and pondered the matter, I wished someone would come and tell me what to do. It kept popping into my mind that Sind would be the one to do so, but I knew I only kept thinking of him because I finally saw a squid while diving. Wesley had taken me to a spot where more experienced divers went. He was confident I would be fine. Like the octopus from before, the squid completely ignored me. I watched it intently though. It was colorful and interesting, and it was fun to see how it swam.

Then something else caught my eye. It was another shell, which I only needed one more of to have a souvenir for everyone back home. I eagerly swam towards it. However, as I got closer I spotted a large, wooden something hiding in the shadows of the rocks it was up against. When I got closer I saw it was a chest. I had to be seeing things. Really, there couldn't actually be a chest there. It was too perfectly placed, and how in the world had such an old thing not already been discovered and opened in a still rather popular diving spot? It seemed a ridiculous idea that no one else hadn't noticed it.

It briefly occurred to me the location of the chest was indeed known, but it was also known that it wasn't meant to be opened. If that was the case, then surely Wesley would have told me about it. My curiosity was greater than my hesitation. I simply had to know what was inside. Part of me wanted to find something rare and valuable that I could show off and brag about. And yet, I pulled and pulled on that lid and it refused to budge. I reasoned then that it being so difficult to open was why it had remained untouched. The lock was clearly broken though, so it was actually possibly to open the chest if one tried hard enough. I kept trying while putting all of my effort into it. Then I had to take a moment to rest when I began to feel lightheaded. I was exerting too much energy and wasting my oxygen.

Unfortunately, as I stood there attempting to catch my breath it rapidly dawned on me that there was no more air for me to inhale. No matter how hard I tried to pull the oxygen into my lungs there was simply nothing there. The only thing for me to swallow was ocean water. Panic instantly settled into my chest, and my head began to spin greatly. I knew my air shouldn't have run out yet. Wesley and I hadn't been down that long. Also, why hadn't there been any warnings or signs of a problem? I did my best to start swimming towards the surface, but I barely got anywhere. The darkness rapidly closed in as I stared numbly at the chest. The back of my mind was screaming to me that I could not pass out here, but the rest of me thought it was safer to retreat into that darkness. My body stopped being able to move completely. I felt myself sinking towards the floor. My vision grew darker and darker until it overtook me and I was gone.

I had no idea how much time had passed or what had happened. All I knew was that, in what felt like both a split second and the longest eternity, I was blinded when I tried to open my eyes again. The blackness had been replaced with a world of white that burned and stung horribly. The sun was streaming so powerfully from over Wesley's shoulder that I barely caught a glimpse of his greatly worried expression before I closed my eyes to retreat back into the darkness.

Wesley shook me furiously. He had seen me open my eyes. I had to open them again, and keep them open. I moved to push him away, but my body was as heavy as lead. There was no hope of me moving in even the smallest of ways. The sand was warm and comfortable, which made my fight between consciousness and unconsciousness that much more difficult. Wesley persisted in his apparent great delight of shaking me. I told him just to let me rest. He asked how I was breathing, and I replied with a small "fine." I truly only wanted to sleep.

It was silent for a moment. Then, in a tone of voice as if he was giving in to a fussy child, Wesley told me to go ahead and sleep. As long as I was breathing fine now, I would be alright. He mentioned something about another diver getting a boat to bring us back to the main shore. I failed at nodding in recognition. I don't think I had any idea at the time exactly what was happening or how out of it I was. All I did know was that Wesley kept a reassuring and steady grip on me as I drifted off once more......