One Chance

I woke up several hours later in my resort room. It was around mid-afternoon, and Wesley was lying there close to me. His eyes were closed so I expected him to be asleep, but as soon as I moved he sat up in a flash. I knew the malfunction that had happened with my gear which he told me about was not my fault, but I couldn't help but to feel guilty for worrying him so much. I think I worried him a bit more when I tried to tell him about the chest. Apparently, there hadn't been one. I was confused as it had seemed so real. I suppose the lack of oxygen affected my brain a lot faster than I realized though.

Wesley was adamant about us not going diving again. With the sharks and then this, there had just been too much bad luck. I agreed. I did, however, go swimming not long after I woke up completely against Wesley's protests. The fear of the water was settling within my chest, and I had to get over it sooner rather than later. I wasn't very worried about my safety since I felt perfectly fine after all that sleep and Raine was with me the entire time. We did have to spend a fair amount of time sitting at the pool bar drinking some juice first though before I was comfortable with actually swimming. In the end, I was glad I pushed myself. The fear was quickly forgotten.

Wesley was still worried the next day. With him not calming down anytime soon, I completely avoided any water to hopeful calm his heart. We instead did more quiet activities like going to the local library. Wesley went off to use one of the computers while Raine and I read. It turned out to be a good thing that we were somewhere with such a relaxing atmosphere because it was while I was mid-page turn when the full weight of the situation finally hit me. First it was the threat of the sharks, and then I could have been lost as my dear Cirabel had been lost. That's two times- two times I could have died. And I certainly would have drowned had Wesley not been keeping his constant diligent watch on me.

In actuality, I was more shocked than scared by the realization. It was just peculiar to think that I, as an immortal, could have lost my life. I expect death for my children and the others around me, but not for me. It is true that I had wished for my own passing after Cirabel's death, but even then I never thought about what dying was like. I simply wanted it. Now I was pondering more about what passing through the veil felt like. What did the other side look like? What was it like to be close to the Goddess? Do elves and humans even end up in the same place? There were so many questions that came to my mind.

However, the most important knowledge I took away from the whole thing was that being an elf did not make me immune to the dangers of the world. I could no longer be complacent thinking true harm only happened to others. I, too, had to take advantage of the opportunities that would come to me as not even an immortal can know with surety whether he or she will actually live forever.

That's why I had to tell Wesley of my decision as soon as I could. It was annoying since I just wanted to go right up to him then and there at the library, but the others around would probably think I was crazy. No, I wanted until we returned to the resort. Wesley and I made our way to the small and currently empty art gallery on the second floor. I was still afraid of the consequences we might face, but, honestly, my desire to be selfish overpowered my fears. I wanted more than anything else to be bound to Wesley through a child. I reminded him that he had promised to be responsible about the whole thing, and so he was expected to hold to that. I would give him one chance to conceive a child with me, but we would not do it here and he would have to wait a while. Ris was still very young. I wanted to let her grow a little more before I thought about adding another child to the home.

Wesley was in such a state of happy shock that he said he was fine doing whatever I wanted. Complicated feelings entered my chest as a hint of longing for me remained hidden deep within his eyes, but I hoped once we separated Wesley would then have the proper time away from me to push those feelings aside completely. I had to be happy for him too though, for Wesley appeared so excited that it was if I had just given him the best present in the whole world. I also had to suppress a laugh as I realized the basic premise of what we were planning was a tad ridiculous. However unusual it was though, Wesley and I were happy. Wesley gave me a big hug. He was confident everything would be alright. I came to the same conclusion. I really could trust him. He had saved my life after all.

Unfortunately, things became sadder when I had to grapple with the reality that the end date of my vacation was approaching yet again. There was no pushing it back this time. Real life was waiting for me. Wesley, Raine, and I did not stop from sunup until sundown. We did what we could to fill every moment with fun activities to make the most of the time we had left. There would be too much regret if we missed out on something during this once in a lifetime occasion. A decent amount of our days were spent taking walks along the beaches. Mostly this was for my benefit so I could find the last of the shells I needed for souvenirs. Too many were either broken or plain ugly, so it took a while to find the perfect ones. I did manage to find the six I needed in the end though.

When we ran out of ideas of things to do our default choice was going to the summer festival. Since there was usually a new attraction or form of entertainment each day it made going there daily worthwhile. However, the soccer goal that Wesley really wanted to use was almost always occupied. We could wait around for hours and never get the chance to snatch it. That is until one lucky instance where we arrived at the festival just as those who had been using it left. Wesley practically ran up to the thing and hugged it. I had no desire to play, but Raine was all for it. She did admit she had never played soccer before, but she was not going to back down from the challenge. Her fighting face was firmly set as the two of them began.

However, to put it politely- Raine sucked. It was when I first met her and she was telling me about herself that she revealed her original greatest dream was to be a gymnast. Her mother had been on her high school's team, and Raine always loved watching the old videos of her performing. It was terrible luck for her then when it turned out that she had very little coordination when it came to sports. Raine knew she would break herself badly if she insisted on continuing with gymnastics, which is why her goal shifted towards becoming a veterinarian. It didn't help that Wesley refused to go easy on her no matter how many times I reprimanded him to get his excitement at finally playing under control. There were a few moments where the ball was heading straight for Raine's face, and I feared we would soon be making a trip to the hospital. Thankfully, she had at least enough coordination to move out of the way in time. Every single ball went into the net though. Somehow, Raine managed to enjoy herself despite this. I think she merely liked trying. Her optimism was inspiring.

Then it was Wesley's turn to block. To be fair, Raine was pretty good at kicking. Wesley was simply much better at the sport. There were a few instances where I thought he was finally going to miss, but Wesley was determined to not let a single ball pass him. It didn't matter how he had to dive, if he hurt himself a bit, or how ridiculous he looked- he went for everything with determination.

I asked him when the two were done playing why he wasn't an actual athlete. Wesley explained that he hated real pressure when playing. He only did sports for the fun of it. As soon as too many expectations were placed on him, his skills and abilities greatly suffered. It was a perfect explanation that fit the Wesley I had come to know.

For the last two days of our vacations, we completely ran out of things to do. All of our hard work of exploring and trying everything had come to a fruitful conclusion as there was nothing new left for us to find. Wesley was disappointed there wasn't a bar or club or something of the sort to hang out at. Instead, we resorted to lying on the beach. It was nice getting to soak up the warmth and bright sun while the chance presented itself. I even got a bit of a tan, but it faded quickly. It was just as well. I thought I looked strange with it. Though those two days were mostly spent sunbathing, it was those times that gave me some of the best memories. The adventurous activities we did were fun, but it really was the talking, laughing, and enjoyment of Wesley and Raine's company that was my most favorite thing. Wesley and Raine never did stop their sarcastic bickering. I eventually lost my patience and told them to shut up. Three minutes of blessed silence passed before they started up again. I had to chuckle in exasperation and roll my eyes.

Of course, I had my fair share of alone time with Wesley in addition to the time the three of us spent as a group. It only seemed appropriate that Wesley and I retreated to that same spot where we stayed most of that second night together. We didn't do anything like we did on that night. We just brought a large picnic blanket, lied there with the occasional cuddling going on, and talked. Well...okay, that's a partial lie. There was some kissing every now and again. Mostly Wesley did it to tease me or when he grew bored of my rambling.

We were more melancholy when we went there on our last full day together. It was hard to believe our time was finally over. The dream-like weeks that had stretched out so long were nowhere to be found anymore. Wesley and I tried to do some serious talking about what was in store for what we would be facing ahead, but it was too unpleasant to think about such things at that point. It was easier to ignore them for a little while longer as had been the norm for us.

Raine was the first one to leave the next day. She had many things to prepare for before she started her new job, and so her plane was leaving relatively early that morning. Wesley and I woke up earlier than normal so we could share one last breakfast with her. None of us really knew what to talk about. The impending separation was suffocating. I made myself smile when it was time to see Raine off at the front of the resort. I promised to keep in touch with her, and contact the others she had given me information for. Raine likewise promised that she and her family would do some genealogy so I could find out more about the descendents from when I lost track until current time. 

I struggled with letting go when Raine's taxi came to take her away.

However, it was considerably harder to watch Wesley leave. His flight was departing several hours before mine was, which meant I would be all alone for a while. I said I would accompany him to the airport, but Wesley said I wouldn't be surprised to learn he becomes pretty scared once he gets around so many planes. He would rather I not see him in such a state. Thus, our last moments were had in the exact same spot where we said goodbye to Raine. It took all my effort not to cry. Wesley was determined that I didn't see him with a sad expression on his face when he left, so I was determined to do the same. Besides, I would be seeing him again in a few months after he got things sorted out with where he would be staying and finding a new job. Our farewell was only momentary.

We kissed as if it was the last time we would see each other again though. I suppose, in a way, our goodbye was a permanent one as well. We were not going to be the same people when we met next. The way we acted at home was so different from how we acted here. Wesley was quick with his departure when his taxi came. I wasn't sure if it was for my benefit or his. I was left with several hours being completely to myself where I went to what had been our room, and forced all the tears out. Then I reminded myself that I was happy too. I was going home, and I couldn't wait to see my family again.

The flight took a little less than half the day, which meant I got home a few hours before dinner. It was such a strange feeling when I entered Twinbrook. I was reminded of the way I felt when I returned home from that first overseas trip to France. It was if the whole thing had been a dream. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary when the taxi pulled up to the house and I walked inside the front door. Honestly, I was a bit scared I wouldn't receive a warm welcome considering how I had been being absolutely nasty to my children before I left. My fears were unfounded for I was tackled with hug after hug as soon as everyone realized I was back.

Then they all stepped back to look at me with wide eyes. I had forgotten about my hair and clothing, and having my children gawk at me made me embarrassed once more. They wanted to know what had happened to me, and what exactly I had been up to. I told them they could blame Ithilas for the clothing, and that the lilac coloring was only temporary. It would wash out with one more good scrub. I told Menel, Nonion, Elrandra, Emethien, and Nora a bit more about my vacation while leaving out those particular details that they obviously didn't need to know. Menel and Nonion were sharp though. They said, in a teasingly knowing manner, that it was clear I had had a lot of "fun" while I was gone. I gave them a look, but I neither denied nor confirmed the truth.

The commotion calmed down after ten more minutes. The children went about doing what they had been doing before, and I decided before I really began unpacking to take a nice shower to relax first. I also needed to rinse the last of the dye out of my hair. When I finished, I put my normal clothes back on and stared at myself in the mirror for a long time. I understood I was looking at myself, but it somehow didn't feel like me. It was a bit frightening how quickly I had grown used to being the person I was when I was in Islo Paradiso. While I had missed my normal self while there, it was my adventurous self I missed now that I was home. The two truly are completely different people. It took me a while to accept the change, but I accepted it gladly when I realized I was simply my normal self. I wasn't the depressed, angry, and bitter one anymore. Everything was as it was supposed to be.

I became somewhat horrified when I realized I had indeed spent three weeks away from my children. That was almost a whole month! It hadn't felt like a long period while I had been distracted, but I felt guilty then for staying away for such a time. Then there was the fact that I had previously been acting so poorly. After I thought about it, I came to the conclusion I definitely did not know my children as much as I wanted. I needed to spend more quality time with each of them- which was a promise I had made before but had unfortunately forgotten.

I started that very evening with Menel. She was excited to show me that she had moved up a belt rank in the martial arts, and wanted to try out all she had learned by sparing with me. It was good fun. However, it was a very tough match. I only just managed to win. It was entirely due to the fact that I really haven't been keeping up with the skill while Menel practices it constantly. She wasn't upset about being beaten. She was only more determined to get better so she could win next time. I knew the time when she would overpower me, at least when fighting in this style, would come soon, and I was more proud than worried.

Nonion came to ask me a question while I was unpacking more afterwards. His eyes were instantly drawn to the spare packages of sparklers I had brought back with me. While I had intended them for the whole family to use, Nonion was so eager to light them all at that moment that I went ahead with his request. The things are so cheap I knew it would be no problem to buy more later for the others. I couldn't help to be reminded of Wesley when Nonion had a great time setting off sparkler after sparkler, but I pushed him out of my mind. I wanted that moment to be just about me and my son. We really did end up using all the sparklers, which was quite a feat considering how many there were. I kept seeing little lights in the corners of my eyes after we finished.

It was soon time for dinner. We had the leftovers from what Menel had made the previous evening, along with some small samples of food I had brought from the islands. Everything was delicious. My children were happy about the food I brought, but they were happier still when I showed them their souvenirs. I had brought them more things besides the shells, but it was the shells they were most excited to receive. I let them pick which one they wanted. Menel picked the brown and white striped one, Nonion took one of the conches, Elrandra liked the scallop, Emethien grabbed one that was spotted and egg-shaped, and Nora took the other conch. That left the other egg-shaped one for Ris. The children decided to place the shells on a shelf in the living room instead of keeping them separately in their rooms.

I devoted all of my time after dinner to Ris. I had forgotten how quickly an infant as young as her would grow. It was saddening that she got so big while I wasn't there to watch her. I was glad too though, for she wouldn't remember the way I had been. She would never know about all those negative feelings I had about initially becoming pregnant. I spent the entire evening snuggling her, and she was happy and content through all those hours. Ris smiled pretty much the whole time too. I wonder if she had missed me, and was glad I was back as well.

Over the next several days, I got around to giving Elrandra, Emethien, and Nora the quality time they need and wanted. It was the first time for them I really showed interest in their hobbies and activities, which they were all too eager to show off. Elrandra had taken some painting lessons while I was gone, and her desire was simply to have me watch while she worked on her newest piece- a recreation of a character she saw on television. I thought the character as funny looking, but I was amazed and pleased to see another of my children had clearly inherited my naneth's skills for the arts. Elrandra was so happy with her work that she asked if it was possible if we could sell it. She and I did a little advertising. Remarkably, the painting was bought for a decent amount of money.

Emethien didn't want to show off a skill or talent so much as she wanted to show off how energetic she was. That's probably the biggest difference between her and her twin. Elrandra is much more reserved and drawn to the quiet, but Emethien loves being loud and moving around. She wanted to play all sorts of games with me. We played board games and video games, which I am terrible at, and we also went outside in the backyard and to the park where we played on the playground. Emethien's favorite thing to do though was pillow fighting. That girl is actually pretty strong. There were time where the pillow felt more like a bag of sand, and my own pillow was often hit right out of my hands.

Nora's request was more surprising. She wanted to not only listen to me play the piano, but she also wanted me to give her a lesson. Honestly, I was unsure if I could fulfill her request. My musically talented children have taught me some of the instrument over the years, but I am by no means qualified to instruct anyone else in playing. Nora was determined that it would be her activity with me though. I did my best then, and was stunned at how much making the music calmed and relaxed me after getting sound wound up with all the running around I did with Emethien.

Nora didn't mind my mistakes. She sat on my lap when it was time for her listen, although I sensed she really just wanted the excuse to cuddle with me more than she actually wanted to learn how to play. It was that moment when I understood the cautious way I had approached her before was completely unnecessary. It dawned on me next that though Rithranduil had said the cause of his woes had been my doing, it was more likely the issue was his more than it was mine. If I had truly done something so terrible as to cause such behavior for him then surely I would have picked up on it or it would have affected at least one of his siblings as well.

I continued to devote a bit of time each day with all the children individually. It was almost amusing how quickly our new routine was formed and how set we became in it. It truly was like I hadn't ever left in the first place. The only reminders I had of my time at the islands were the shells in the living room, and the constant calls from Wesley and Raine. Before I knew it, three weeks had passed. Then a total of six weeks had passed. Then more time flew by to reach Menel's birthday. Ty came over, and we had a dinner celebration for her. Menel was planning on continuing her study of the martial art. Her greatest desire was to go to China for a time. I was nothing but happy this time around to see my baby girl grow up so happily. her birthday also made me realize that I really had settled back into a normal life. Well, as normal a life as it can ever be with a family as unique as us......