Warning

While it felt like the summer lasted forever, everything has been moving so quickly since then. I was astounded when it was time for Ris' birthday again. My adorable, cheerful little toddler changed into an adorable, cheerful little girl. The only time Ris isn't really cheerful is when I make her go outside. She has grown a dislike for the outdoors, which I naturally cannot understand. It boggles my mind how anyone cannot find the beautiful world of nature that gives birth to everything we use an amazing gift with which to be grateful for. Ris stubbornly stays inside though. I make sure then to keep her productive and active in order to make up for her lack of movement and exercise.

Nora, who is Ris' opposite since she loves the outdoors, will often come in to play with her despite her own preferences of where she wants to be. The two of them are fond of simple hand slap games and things like Rock-Paper-Scissors. They can play it for hours trying to see how long of a winning streak they can keep up. I like watching them from the corner of my eye when I get the chance. It's still hard for me to wrap my mind around the reality that the two are not sisters. That Ris is Nora's aunt is mildly astounding, but it's even more astounding when I remind myself that my babies Amonost and Adonnen are her uncles. The children in my house definitely do not have typical relationships with each other.

Speaking of Amonost and Adonnen though, those two boys are being absolutely spoiled. It's not difficult at all to take care of them since Wesley offers so much help. His work can be incredibly stressful or last hours longer than it's supposed to, but he'll diligently show up each day to see his children. I've told him he can take a day off every once in a while. Wesley refused since I never get to take a day off. Why should he? In order to make things easier, Wesley often ends up staying the night. He sleeps in the spare bedroom, of course. I don't even allow him to go into my room anymore. There were too many close encounters during our first several weeks of being only friends. Not that we have much of an issue with our relationship anymore. I suppose it has something to do with our reproductive urges being calmed with the birth of Amonost and Adonnen, but I find myself thinking less and less about wanting to be with Wesley in that way. Such an attitude helps further since I can focus more on our friendship instead.

Elrandra has continued her painting without pause. Likewise, Emethien has been just as motivated with her inventing. I can scarcely pull the two of them away from their activities. I find out that sometimes Emethien even continues her projects late into the night, and thus I have begun to feel less sympathy for her when she complains in the morning about being tired. It is both lovely and something of a nuisance to have our house steadily fill up with the items she has invented. I say lovely for it is nice to see that all her hard work is leading to progress, but all of her works have become a small eyesore against all the nice, normal decoration. Unfortunately, most of what Emethien makes doesn't seem to have a real purpose other than being something interesting at which to look. In that way, I guess I can say she is creating art like Elrandra is.

Spooky Day was a big day, and not just because it was a holiday. It was also Nora's birthday in which she blossomed into a beautiful young lady. I found myself staring at her perhaps a little longer than I should have. It was simply that I realized Nora's maturing face bears a striking resemblance to Analinde's- although Nora's is much softer. She also has those golden eyes that match her fair hair, and slightly darker skin. I suppose it's more appropriate to say that Nora takes after Kenya though instead of Analinde. However, even to this day I've rarely had a good chance to get a real proper good look at her.

Due to Spooky Day and autumn in general, I have been making a lot of seasonal foods like pumpkin pie. I make that one in particular the most since it's Ris' favorite things to eat. If I'm not careful, I'll find her eating it for every single meal. I'll occasionally let her get away with it. That's because otherwise I'd have to do more cooking than what I already have to do in order to keep everyone in the house fed. The situation isn't anywhere as bad as the time when we had the full house with Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan along with the other children at the time and ada and Eloril, but it still feels as if whatever I make is gone within seconds.

We normally don't have very big birthday celebrations for the babies, but naturally Wesley wanted to make Amonost and Adonnen's first birthday something extra special. He was able to get out of work earlier, and he showed up at the house with all sorts of decorations. Everyone helped out, but Elrandra and Ris had the most fun going wild with making the house look like a party store. After that was the celebration. The boys loved their cake, and barely paid any attention to their presents. Wesley and I took them outside to ride the bee spring rider. They loved that even more than the cake.

We found Amonost having Wesley's hair and my eyes and Adonnen having my hair and Wesley's eyes an interesting development. Wesley was insistent that we style their hair just like his. I had no reason with which to disagree, and let Wesley have their way. I must admit that I think it's an adorable thing for them to match their hair. It was already clear before, but it became clearer that Amonost and Adonnen are complete daddy's boys.

While I'm still hoping there will be a day when I have identical twins, I like that it's so easy to distinguish between Amonost and Adonnen. I'm not only talking about their physical appearances either. Their personalities are very unique as well. Amonost is certainly a space-case. He's always staring at nothing looking very much absent minded. It's hard to get him to focus his attention on one thing, but it's also very easy to keep him distracted and happy. He also seems very bright as well. Adonnen is more like Wesley in that he's incredibly adventurous and energetic. I have a bit of trouble getting the boys to sleep at the same time since Amonost likes to sleep a lot and Adonnen barely sleeps at all. I always walk into the nursery to find Amonost snoozing away while Adonnen is more than ready to do something. It is gladdening he at least is content to play quietly in his crib until I come to get him.

Autumn was over and winter had arrived before I knew it. The start of the new season also brought along about a foot of snow within a short amount of time. Winter doesn't last as long in Twinbrook as it does some other places, but it definitely comes with a lot of power behind it. It didn't take too long before the children had their first snow day. Surprise surprise, Elrandra spent it painting and Emethien spent it inventing. A bit of sun had come out so Nora decided to take a walk, and Ris stayed inside to have a tea party with her stuffed animals. I went about minding my business and keeping the house in order. Nora returned much sooner than expected, and appeared rather serious. She apparently had a message for me from someone. I was told only that I should take a walk along the coast. I was curious as to why I had to do such a thing, and Nora told me I would find something. It was very important. Nora seemed unsure about the whole thing herself, and while I had initially felt hesitant as well I soon had the prompting that I really did need to go.

Naturally, I had no idea what I was looking for. I actually started out at the beach keeping my gaze downwards as I thought I was looking for an object. As I went further along I ended up on the sidewalk, and it wasn't too much later when I understood I wasn't supposed to be looking for a thing at all. It was a person I was meant to find. It all made sense as soon as I saw him standing there in practically the exact same spot where he had been that long time ago. It was clear that Rithranduil was waiting for me this time around. There was this certain quiet aura about him that was a stark contrast from what I have felt from him for so long.

I slowly approached him. Rithranduil glanced my way, but he wouldn't look any further in my direction. The whole thing was highly awkward. I had no idea why he wanted to talk to me, so I had even less idea of what I should say or do. The seconds ticked by like hours. Rithranduil finally started talking. We began with simple, casual topics you would normally hear in any basic conversation. Rithranduil eventually began digging a bit deeper as he was curious and wanted to learn more about his siblings who were living with me since he had never really met them. He wanted to hear about Nora too, of course. The more I talked and listened to him speak the more I realized he was building up the courage to say what he really wanted to say. Rithranduil's voice was so soft and gentle, but my heart was racing in anticipation at getting to the real purpose of our meeting.

I was about to go crazy waiting for Rithranduil to get to the point, which I think he could sense for he finally turned to properly face me. There was a sad and guilty look on his face that my chest then constricted tightly. I never want my children to have to make such expressions. I wanted to just pull Rithranduil into my arms right there and then, but I knew he needed to get his words out first. He started by apologizing for that whole night where he hit me. I had to pause and think about what he was talking about, and I had admitted I honestly pretty much forgotten about it. Rithranduil told me that he thought about it everyday. He had wanted to apologize for so long, but he was weak and too much of a coward to come up to me. That's just him though- a pathetically weak person who can't handle his mistakes. I couldn't understand why he was saying something like that. Apparently, it's a pretty obvious thing to see once I learn of how he made something that shouldn't have been a problem at all into a really big problem. Instead of trying to deal with it rightly he kept making it worse so he wouldn't have to face it. I asked Rithranduil to explain further.

He asked me if I remembered the time when he told me the reason for his actions and behavior was unintentionally my fault. Of course I remembered that. Well, Rithranduil began to admit, the reality was that the blame was only ever his. I was just a scapegoat for his emotions. He then struggled to say more. I prompted him to continue, and let him know I was not going to judge him or get upset for I could clearly see that was a concern of his in telling me the truth. All I wanted to do was help me. Rithranduil smiled wryly. That was the "issue" right there. After what he had done to me I still want to help him. I still loved him. The basis for everything was that Rithranduil believed I was lying whenever I said I loved him. When I asked why, he told me it was because of the task. He has hated it for so long.

Rithranduil looked even more heartbroken, and found himself unable to look me in the eye any longer. I waited patiently so as not to pressure him. Rithranduil had a lot of trouble forcing more words out, but he did continue to speak. At first, he had no complaints about the order I had been given from the Goddess. It was something he had accepted as being a part of his life just as the rest of us had accepted it. Rithranduil had no clue as to why the idea suddenly came to him, but a horrible idea did come to him. It was more like an epiphany. Rithranduil believed at the time that he had stumbled across the real revelation that he was simply one out a collective- a number in a tally who was only born to be a number. He thought that supposed purpose of his was the lone reason I bothered to care about him. Otherwise, I would have never wanted him. Rithranduil saw my love as a shallow love that was forced because of my obligations. He was angry at me for giving him such a purposeless life.

That's why he began to act out, for Rithranduil thought it wouldn't take much to dissolve my shallow feelings, expose me as a fraud, and free himself. The more I clung onto him trying to prove that I did love him only made him hate me more. He believed I was challenging his resolve. However, Rithranduil refused to give in until he showed everyone who I really was. His behavior kept escalating in order to do that, and he rejected his siblings since he didn't want to be around those who were too foolish to notice my illusion. There weren't worth his time if they were so stupid as to be tricked into believing a false reality.

Rithranduil wasn't sure when the change in his thinking came. It felt to him as if it took both years and seconds for the shift to happen. His realization was that he had been wrong- very wrong. He understood he was much more than a number to me. I really did love him, and loved him deeply. The guilt was so overbearing that he had no idea how to handle it. In the end, Rithranduil came to the conclusion that the best thing to do was to make it up to me by removing himself from my life. He escalated his behavior even further so that I would reject him and no longer have to put up with the horrible child that he was. It was all for my benefit. The anger that he used to get from hearing me say that I loved him turned into guilt. The reason he remained angry was because I hung on so stubbornly. Rithranduil was so desperate to break away that he was willing to do anything. The result was that night where he hit me.

Then the news came that Kenya was pregnant. He couldn't bear to see his child be taken away before she got the chance to be born, and so Rithranduil was eternally grateful that I had given Nora the chance to live. He had been there at the hospital when she had been born. It was only then when he understood the love I felt for him, and how he truly was the most horrible person in the world. Though Rithranduil knew how terrible his behavior was, it was difficult to change from the person he had forced himself to be into something better. That's why he kept his distance from Nora. He didn't want to corrupt or negatively influence her. He purposely broke his own heart by ignoring her so that she would want nothing to do with him.

Since his graduation, he's worked hard to steadily become a more responsible person that one day he might actually like. Rithranduil had managed to find a bit of self-worth, but it was only recently when he gathered enough courage to say what he should've spoken up about years ago. His eyes then began to grow wet. He tried to keep speaking, but he stumbled over his words until he grew silent. I really didn't know what to say to him. I was glad I finally knew the truth, but I wished I had tried harder to find that truth so I could've spared my son some pain. I ended up pulling Rithranduil into my arms. He accepted my hold thankfully. In that moment he had the body of a man, but he became a little boy again. I quickly forgave Rithranduil for everything so that his conscious could be clear. If he wanted everything to be alright, then everything would be alright. He would always be welcomed home with arms wide open.

I held Rithranduil until he calmed down, which took a while for there was years of regrets and burdens that he had to softly cry out. I expressed to him again that he would always be part of the family, and then invited him to spend the evening at the house. Rithranduil said he would like that. In my excitement, I began trying to lead him away not noticing he had more to say. He stopped me and revealed there was one last important things I needed to know. I was vastly confused when I was asked if I had noticed anyone suspicious recently. No, I answered. Rithranduil admitted that up until this point whenever he saw me or his siblings around town he was sure to avoid us. However, he would sometimes watch us from afar. It turned out that he was not the only one doing so. Rithranduil said he had spotted a youngish-looking man who would watch me and my children from a distance. Sometimes he took pictures. It happened far too often for it to be a coincidence or a simply curiosity of the man. Rithranduil's desire to warn me of him was partly what gave him the courage to meet and talk to me like this.

I'm pretty confident in my natural instincts. I haven't sensed any danger when I've been out and about in the town, but I promised Rithranduil I would keep a much closer watch on my surroundings. I would alert the police at the first sign of trouble. When I asked Rithranduil more about what the man looked like, all he could say with certainly was that he was white.

Rithranduil and I talked a bit more about the matter as we walked to the house, but we agreed as we got closer to our destination to push it aside for the moment. Rithranduil seemed nervous about the man's presence, but there wasn't something in my heart telling me I didn't really need to worry. It was more me feeling so comfortable about the whole thing than the actual news of the man that made me hesitant.

Anyway, when we walked inside the two of us practically ran right into Nora. Elrandra and Emethien were still busy with their activities, and Ris was now taking a nap like Amonost and Adonnen was. Nora just sort of stared at her father with an unreadable expression. After some prompting, I convinced Rithranduil to tell his daughter everything he had told me. Not only did she deserve to know, but it was the most likely way he would earn her forgiveness and and understanding. It was clear Nora didn't believe all of his words right off the bat. However, she did listen willingly and said she would allow Rithranduil to have a more active role in her life.

She tried at first to put on a distant front, but it was all too clear when Nora let Rithranduil hug her that she had been waiting for this moment for a long time. She, too, was glad that he had come around. Watching those two embrace and smile gave me this sense of peace and completeness that I have not known for quite a while now. Everything was finally falling back into place. My happy little boy had returned.

My feelings were further cemented at dinner. Rithranduil was nervous about being around so many of his siblings again. However, he experienced no real animosity from Elrandra, Emethien, or Ris as they had not been born when everything happened. I had told them the basics of what had occurred, but I had left many of the worst details out. Thus, they were able to quickly accept their brother. Then Wesley showed up after his work finished. It felt like were a true family.

The girls were disappointed the next day when the school remained open even though it snowed rather decently again. They had really wanted to go ice skating at the pond. I told them if they promised to make sure their homework was done right when they came back then they could go to the pond right after school to get some skating in before the sun sight. It feels as if the world is already so dark by 4 o'clock these days. I knew I was not the only one who couldn't wait for spring to arrive. Elrandra, Emethien, and Nora were out at that pond for two hours. They came back somewhat sore as none of them really have much experiencing skating. I gave in and let them all take a nice hot bath first before they had to buckle down and do their work.

I had allowed myself to forget my own work though. With Rithranduil reconciling with everyone and with Wesley around constantly to care for Amonost and Adonnen, I forgot I had to continue the task. I mentally smacked myself. Wesley and I definitely weren't going to have another child, but I still could not let our situation become like what happened with Eiji. If I want to prove to myself, Wesley, and the Goddess that our close relationship can work out than I can't delay what I need to do. I started getting back into the swing of things by walking around our little section of the town in order to get to know my neighbors better. Our family has become a constant in Twinbrook now that we've been here a while, but the others living around us are steadily coming and going. I didn't expect to have much luck, but I ended up having all the luck in the world. I discovered that in one of the largest houses there now lived several single men amongst the women who lived there also. I chatted up a few of them, but it was Mr. Henry Atwood who was the most interested in me. We managed to find a quiet spot in the house where we talked and bonded for a long while. The two of us then ended up in one of the bedrooms where he proved to be even more interested......