The End

~Eloril~

I was able to remain oblivious to the commotion for a little while. After finally getting the opportunity to raise two of my own children, who could be very delightful, zoning in an out at the appropriate moments had been a skill I had quickly picked up. Letting my mind wander was even easier to accomplish considering the fact that I was also rather tired. I lazily flipped to the next page in my book. The words were barely sinking in, but the half-hearted skimming I was doing was a much needed distraction. If only it had been a strong enough distraction. The commotion got so much louder that I couldn't ignore it any longer.

Peace

It was a confusing several weeks until Eloril and Erien's wedding. Ceremonies generally took place near the groom's home, but Erien's parents put up a fight for a while to have it take place in the northern lands instead. They argued the exception could be made seeing as how they and Erien would live separately afterwards. Tradition had it that they would move in with our family, but Taragond and Milui were going to continue being advisers to the northern leaders. They couldn't do that if they moved to the east. Everyone was fine with delaying the ceremony so we could travel to Erien's home- save for nana and Erien herself. Nana had been frustrated since she was the one in charge of making most of the arraignments. All of her hard work would have been thrown out the window. Erien simply didn't want to have to bother with the traveling. It was naturally her opinion which swayed her parents' hearts. We went ahead with nana's plans.

As nana's plans were incredibly traditional, the ceremony was thrown at the common grounds. There was little to do in terms of setting anything up seeing as how the emphasis of the event was on the bride and groom and not the decor. Guests were welcomed and greeted for the first hour after things started off in the later part of afternoon. Once everyone had been acknowledged, the proper ceremony began. Ada, nana, Taragond, and Milui said a few words before Eloril and Erien exchanged vows and rings.

Answers

"She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living." - Eloril, Compromise.

"I asked him why he always shows up like this- now and when he came before to reach me when I was at my lowest point." - Ellothiel, One Special Day.

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A Proposal

It was an odd thing. Not too long ago the park where festivals and parties were held had been full of people. Now there were only a scarce few remaining. It was to be expected for a early afternoon celebration. They did not usually hold the grandeur of the parties that began around supper and lasted until the next morning. An all night celebration had been what ada had been planning, but my stubborn insistence that I would not attend such an occasion frustrated him to the point where he agreed to move my welcoming-back event earlier in the day. It was the lone way he was able to get me to come. One could otherwise not throw a party if the one it was for did not show up. The result didn't make ada happy, but I was satisfied. My people had thankfully realized that my mood was not particularly cheerful. I was welcomed by all, but everyone was content to leave me be for the most part. Some did strike up a conversation. I began conversations as well. However, the fear I had that I would face more insensitive words became something I didn't have to fear at all. It was true that many of the party-goers expressed their thoughts of me surely being glad the order was over, but that was the extent of what I had to handle.

Most of the discomfort that was experienced was a result of the still awkward air between Galith and I. I had sought her out that morning to reconfirm that I wasn't upset. She had asked to be forgiven, and I had forgiven her. It was when she acted as if that had never taken place when I did begin to grow somewhat upset. In truth, I had already moved on past the whole issue. Galith's comment had hardly been the first inappropriate thing that had ever been spoken to me in my life. It was more frustrating to have her linger on the matter than the actual matter had been. I had hoped to speak more about it to her, but with her and Rendion being the two in charge of providing music for the party there was not a moment to talk.

Home

I felt both nervous and calm as I stood there. My body was certainly hesitant. It was frozen like a statue.  My mind and heart, however, well, perhaps I was panicking so much that my heart was racing so fast that the constant hum was the source of the otherwise empty feeling within my chest. Whatever was going on with me, I actually didn't want it to stop. That morning had been the first morning in weeks where I hadn't woken up sobbing. It was the first time since my life utterly fell part where I felt relatively sane. The sight of what was before me was causing a state of surrealism that was blocking out the heartbreak that had been plaguing my existence.

Desperation

It was strange having Eloril back after having him gone for a while. I hadn't realized when I sent my family away just how much I would miss them- even though I continued to believe my choice had been the best one. To have my brother back was incredibly comforting. Eloril's presence gave me the boost I so desperately needed in order to be able to go back to being on my own until his next visit. I was glad nana had been persistent about him still coming around. I had come to think that I knew pretty much all the answers and paths a situations could have, but in this case I was shown that there was still some thing about which nana knew best.

The one downer about Eloril's trip happened when we took a walk alongside the river. He had suggested we go closer to the water. I believed he merely wanted to enjoy the sounds of the quiet current, but the truth was that Eloril wanted to talk to me in an area more secluded. It was then that Eloril revealed to me how ada continued to be highly upset with me over me having banned him from visiting. Apparently, he had made a stance of not writing letters to me and not opening the letters I sent him in an attempt to persuade me to change my mind. As much as his decision hurt me, I knew they were because I had hurt him. However, I was adamant about not revoking my decision. I let Eloril know that. He had already figured that would be the case, and so he told me not to worry. He, nana, and I all understood it was impossible for ada to stay mad at me for long. We reasoned he wouldn't last a month before the guilt of ignoring his little Calenmir got to him and he was the one changing his mind.

Planning

I'm sure ada thought he was helping me to feel better. I had let him know when he came visiting again that I was pregnant. That had led way to him bringing up that it might be wise to discuss basic plans about me returning home. Ada came into my room while I was taking a break from writing to have that discussion with me. Technically, I would still not be home for a long while since I would never dare to leave before that moment when my last child had passed on, but he was still bringing up all sorts of things. He thought it would be best if nana and Abrien came home a little before me. That way they could get them set up before they had to stress about preparing for my homecoming. Ada understood I would rather not have any big sort of celebration. However, there at least had to be one night of feasting. That I would have completed an order from the Goddess would be no small thing. Then he backtracked to suggest ideas of how all the items I wanted to bring me with could be transported back. I had left with almost nothing. I was returning with roomfuls of stuff. Ada hadn't been too pleased when I had first mentioned all of the mementos I wanted to keep. I was stubborn though. Knowing I was going to eternally suffer the pain of losing over one hundred children, retaining some of the treasures they cherished was the minimum that should be allowed me.

I let ada ramble on as he continued with his suggestions. I was hardly paying attention for I didn't like making such plans. To think about that particular future wasn't desirable. All he was doing was slamming the harsh reality of what I faced at me over and over again. He spoke so excitedly. I understood ada was looking forward to finally having me home, but it seemed he had forgotten that all of what he mentioned would be taking place when my heart would be the most shattered it would ever be. How could thoughts of a rich feast and night of festivity excite me when I'm sure the last thing I would want to be doing is cheering on the fact that all my children were dead?

Busy

The period of where I didn't want to get up to do anything lasted about a week. I had to thank nana in a away for forcing me to think about how little time Maldor had left. The constant thoughts had prompted me to call him as much as I could before the inevitable happened. That inevitable was bad enough, but what really brought me down was how quickly Naldir had followed. I hadn't even been aware that he had been sick. Apparently, his wife and children hadn't wanted to worry me. None of them expected his illness to take his life so suddenly. But it had. I had lost two sons within a span of several days, and there was little anyone could do to cheer me up. It wasn't as if cheering me up was possible anyway. I wondered if I had ever been truly cheerful since Elrunamir's passing. I might have thought I was happy, but there was that pain always underneath. It was endless and deep, and it only grew more so with each day that sped by. The number of children left to grant me temporary joy was rapidly dwindling while the number of deaths that caused my heartache mounted ever higher.