One Special Day

It was the knocking on the door that woke me up. Obviously one of my children wanted to come in, but opening my eyes was much harder than I anticipated. It felt like I had been sleeping for an eternity even though it had been quite difficult to actually fall asleep. The back pain caused by my pregnancy had just hurt that badly. The knocking came again- louder this time. As I wearily sat up, I very vaguely noticed I was not wearing the same clothes I had gone to bed in. My stomach had grown too big for my normal night dress, but for whatever reason it was what I was clothed in.

And, my stomach was its usual size. I started to panic and feel terror as I wondered if I had somehow lost the baby while sleeping. However, there was no sign that such a thing had happened. Even if it had, there was no way my stomach could have shrunken so drastically in a mere few hours.

Treachery

As I feared, the birth of Lomenia, Lithaldoren, and Lueth made an extension to the house more than necessary. We would have had to get rid of everything in the living room to otherwise accommodate them. I thought our family was going to face a huge setback for our goal of returning home. Blessedly, the extension did not cost nearly as much as I anticipated. My older children chipped in yet again, and we also received a large amount of money from another source. I told Elioviel and Morti not to leave me anything. They had to worry about their own children instead. However, despite the many times I told them I did not want money left to me in their wills they went ahead with doing just that. It was frustrating, but with how badly I needed the money I could not decline their offer of love.

On a completely different note, I realized something interesting after the triplets and I worked out some semblance of a schedule for them where I could get more sleep. This is the first time since it was only Elrunamir and Ureliel where the children I've birthed for this task have been equal in numbers for both genders. I've now given birth to 32 boys and 32 girls.

Compromise

I thought the wait during the past two weeks to hear of my sister's fate was the worst waiting I would ever have to suffer through. However, the mere two days I had to wait for ada and Ellothiel's return proved to be much more frustrating. Two days was how long ada said it would take for them to travel back to Aurora Skies.

When ada told me he had found Ellothiel alive, I was so very glad. I was even more glad that Garthon and Rieldir were not around because I began to cry from relief. It was not simply a few tears that flowed down my cheeks, but I cried with such an intensity that I have not since when I was a young child. The tears that I've held back through this mess in favor of appearing strong to comfort the others flowed out all in that one moment.

Ada had even more good news for me. Ellothiel was doing better than either of us could have believed. She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living. Ada says there remains a bit of chill on her skin, yet she can smile, and perhaps more importantly, gather the strength to handle her grief.

It was in some woods where ada found Ellothiel. They went to the nearest town to buy a charger for her phone, and we now resting in a hotel. They rented a long-distance taxi, but even by car the journey would still take at least two days. I let Garthon and Rieldir know the news as soon as they got home. I think they are still somewhat bitter at how Ellothiel was treating them, but they want things to just return to normal as much as I do. They were quietly excited at the prospect of finally having their mother home.

Unfortunately, because they have some kind of mandatory tests going on at school, I wasn't able to call them in sick so that they could wait with Elioviel and I on the day ada and Ellothiel were due to return. I got Eli ready for the day, and we waited on the steps all morning.

The Search

I should have known.

I should have known something was wrong when Ellothiel didn't come back by her normal time. While it might be that she rarely eats anything anymore, she at least manages to find her way back here by lunch. However, noon came and went with no sign of her. I was too stupid to notice until I started clearing up the plates. It's just been so hard keeping my thoughts straight and coherent lately.

The grief lingering in my heart is quite unlike what I felt the last time I was here. I met Elrunamir and Ureliel when they were already so far along in their lives. Their passing hurt of course, but that pain was nothing like what struck my chest when I saw the lifeless body of the little girl I'd helped teach to walk and talk limp in Garthon's arms. There's no wiping the memory of her blood soaked face out of my memory.

Then there is Ellothiel. I have no choice but to watch her grow paler, grow weaker every day. Last time I was able to comfort her. This time there's no way I ever could. As badly as I want to ignore the truth, the truth is that it's now Ellothiel's decision alone whether she will live or not- and I fear she's leaning towards not.

Gone

I wonder if there's something wrong with Zuri. Not that she's been sick or upset lately or anything like that, but she has recently been coming into my room every night to sleep next to me on the bed even though all I ever do is ignore her. I don't understand why she has seemingly become so attached to me. I suppose it's a good thing though that Eloril adopted a dog who is so accepting and full of love instead of a completely anti-social one. Zuri has also stopped chewing away at my furniture, so that's good too.

Leaving the Nest

I am glad that someone has inherited my mother's artistic talents. It is good that I have taken up writing for Elaril is constantly attached to the easel. He can finish paintings much faster than I can. Of course, his works are still that of a child's, but it won't be too much longer before they are brilliant. Maybe I can save one of his paintings some day, and bring it back with me when I return home. I'm sure my mother would like that very much. I would as well for Elaril will be long dead before such a time comes. That painting will be all I have to remember him by......

I try not to think of that cold reality.

Imagination

Everyday my children do something surprising- sometimes even before I have the chance to properly wake up. This morning it was Ureliel causing the situation. I hadn't even changed out of my nightclothes yet. I was heading to the bathroom to shower when I found her suddenly sprinting out the front door in her pajamas! I brought her inside right away, and asked why she was so shaken up. Ureliel told me she thought there were monsters under her bed. She said she checked and saw some, which was why she bolted out of the house. I looked under the bed with her to show her there was nothing. There wasn't even a lost sock. I could tell she was embarrassed so I haven't mentioned the matter any further.

Growing Older

I can't believe it, but Elrun's birthday came once again. He's now an adolescent, or "teenager" as his age group is more popularly called here. Either way, this birthday of his has left me a bit scared. Firstly because his body is going through rapid changes, and it is likely he'll become more rebellious and troublesome. He's already begun to wear a jacket that has a skull on the back. I won't judge too quickly though. Elrun has given me no reason otherwise to think he'll become a troublemaker. He's still the same sweet boy I know.

What I'm actually more scared of is the reality that my first baby will leave after his next birthday. He'll be all grown up, and will move out. I don't understand how human mothers deal with the rapid growth of their children. I've said it before, but if Elrun was a full elf he would still be crawling around as a very young toddler. He hasn't stated his intentions as to what he wants to do when he becomes an adult, but I hope he stays close by.

It is nice that he's able to help out around the house more. Our trash receptacle keeps getting knocked over again and again by stray animals. Elrun is quick to clean up the mess, and he's eager to help look after his siblings so I can rest or get other work done. Elrun has made me almost cry once although not for any of the reasons you might be thinking. Even though he's busy with school and helping me out, he went and got a part-time job at the local food store. Elrun said he got the job because he wanted to and that it would be good work experience in the future. I know it's because he doesn't want us to have to worry about money ever again. Ureliel and Elaril won't seem the same struggles that Elrun has, and he seems determined to keep it that way.