The Unthinkable

Elrun and I took another walk out to the park. Well, one of the parks. There are many in the town- each designed for a certain animal for residents to bring their pets to. Sometimes there will be people about, and other times there will be no one in sight. That day the park was fairly full of people. It was also a beautiful morning with Elrun and I had both having slept peacefully, so I was feeling pretty good.

However, that trip to the park also showed me something troublesome. I set Elrun on the ground to play with the two other toddlers that were there. I kept an eye on him, but I also made the acquaintance of three men. Through some subtle hints, I got them to reveal their relationship status. All three of them were married. It dawned on me that this town had a distinct lack of men suitable for assisting me on this task. How would I ever continue onward like this? I would never make it home if I kept on having such terrible luck. That was when the most horrible thought came into my head.

I might have to seduce them anyway.

I quickly tried to throw the thought out of my mind, but it would not be gotten rid of. It lingered, catching me off guard the second I let my mind relax. It tried to rationalize itself. It would make me think of my family, my land, and my people. Depressing visions of me being doomed to wander forever here flashed across my eyes. "You'll have to do it at some point," the dark thoughts whispered to me, "These men will go to other women anyway. You might as well take your chance. If they are willing to give themselves away so easily, then you can't really be blamed..."

I fought with my own mind all day. Elrun was well-behaved and went to bed quickly, but by the time I placed myself down to go to sleep, I felt as if I had been awake for a hundred years. I found sleep somehow, but it did not come willingly. The thoughts penetrated into my dreams. Even in my sleep I could find no rest. I woke up feeling more exhausted than ever.

My own thoughts wanted me to break. They got their wish. If it would stop these thoughts, then I would do anything.

I called over one of the men I had met the day before, Mr. Shawnee Fox. I hesitated, but my confused mind urged me forward. I felt disgusted with myself, but I was just as disgusted with Mr. Fox because of how easily he fell for my advances. It was if he was waiting for this kind of situation to come along.

Everything we did became completely blurred within my mind- much more so than my experience with Rodney. Shawnee was leaving my house before I could ever register what had happened. Elrun, having no idea what was going on, was playing innocently on the living room floor. The two of us started on his walking again. I was in shock for days. I didn't take Elrun out. I didn't talk to anyone. I just spent time with my child, and doing my painting.

It was when the nausea came that I finally snapped out of my daze. With it came the horrible realization of what I had done.

This task was reprehensible, yes. However, my family at least would think no less of me because it was an order from the Goddess. I wasn't told to seduce married men though. I lowered myself and shattered any sense of purity that I might still have had. Had I already become so corrupted by the human world? The thoughts stopped haunting me, but my mind was more restless than ever.

Never again. It might be the only way I could redeem myself. Even if it took me a hundred years to find a suitable man, I would never give in again and sleep with the husband of another woman. I didn't think I could take it.

The only thing that convinced me to get out of bed was Elrun. His innocent smile and laughter is what made me feel alright again. His eyes looking at me with so much love and trust helped me to feel not entirely deplorable- as if I was still the good person I wanted to be. I just wished I could give him more. I was barely bringing in enough money to avoid repossession let alone having enough to purchase anything else. All he had was two toys to play with- the teddy bear I bought him originally and the doll from Rodney's relative. It was mildly relieving that Elrun turned out to adore that strange toy so much though. Elrun dubbed it Lala, and hardly leaves it alone.

A couple more days passed before a state of normal started to come back to me. However, as fate would have it, things grew worse again.

With me being paranoid about the lack of morals and integrity of the human, race, I knew when I moved here that I had to take extra care to keep my house and belongings safe. It didn't matter if I was only taking Elrun outside to play in the yard; I locked the door. I had remembered as I always did to lock the door that evening as well, but somehow the thief managed to get past the barrier. I can barely understand why or how, but the thief took our toilet. It was only after she got it that I heard her and woke up. She was still searching around the house so I called the emergency I number I had been taught. I had been taught how to fight well when I lived at home. I could even fight incredibly well. However, I knew humans had strange and devastating weapons the elves would never dare to use. That woman could have had one. I would have rather her steal everything in the house rather than risk grave injury trying to stop her. I wasn't so much concerned about what the pain I might incur, but I refused to do anything that would separate me from Elrun. Risking my life was not worth a few temporal possessions. The police did thankfully arrive within minutes though. The man who showed up did his best to fight with the thief, but even he was no match for her. She was able to force him down before she escaped.

The policeman told me he would work on the case and see what he could do to catch the robber. It has been days since then, and I have heard absolutely nothing. With the event being such a low level crime, I began to doubt that the humans were really trying to deal with it. I naturally had to purchase a new toilet right away. I thought our old one was bad, but the new one was even worse.

I had wanted to use the money to buy a cake for Elrun's birthday, but now he will have to go without one......