Unsupervised

It might have been raining, but I ignored the weather and took Sind with me across the street to Maywood Glen. I had just been in the house for so long that I had to get out despite the water falling from the sky. I have to admit that it isn't for legitimate reasons that I haven't really left the yard, but that I've been hiding myself. I don't want anyone to ask me questions about this pregnancy. It is not as if I can lie. The truth will be revealed when this child is born, but what sane person will not think me crazy when I do tell the truth? I chose to go to the Glen when it was raining to avoid people, and thus avoid the questions.

Thankfully, the rain truly was light. It was also warm and felt good as it dripped onto ours heads. Sind was having the time of his life playing in the small puddles. I picked the wild fruits and vegetables while he was preoccupied. That helped me to spend less time in the grocery store afterwards getting the rest of what our fridge needed. It was very lucky that no one else was at the store save for a grumpy cashier who had no desire to talk. Sind and I returned home without problem.

Simple Joys

I don't think it has struck me until this day of just how much time has past since I left home. Some days it feels as if I have only just left, and on others I wonder if that life was nothing but a dream. Then I look at the child in front of me. Elrun's birthday has come, and he aged up into a beautiful little boy.

It was strange to me to see how fast he has grown. I know all parents think their children grow up too fast, but it is especially true in my case. If Elrunamir was a full elf, he would still be a newborn. By the time he reaches adulthood, this supposed elf counterpart of his would still be a toddler. It scares me to think that one day will come where he will be an old man while I will look no older than I do today. He will pass before me. All children I bear here will. I wish there could be something I could do to change that, but reality is cruel. Perhaps having to watch the children that I love slowly pass into oblivion is even crueler than this entire task.

I still have no money to buy Elrun some more toys. He says he is fine with the teddy bear and Lala, but I'm not fine with it. When I think back to my own childhood and how much I had, I can't help but to feel as if I'm failing miserably. My stomach has also gotten much larger. The next child will be arriving soon, and things will only get harder. I am going to do all that I can though. Our situation might be tough at the moment, but someday luck will fall upon us.

The Unthinkable

Elrun and I took another walk out to the park. Well, one of the parks. There are many in the town- each designed for a certain animal for residents to bring their pets to. Sometimes there will be people about, and other times there will be no one in sight. That day the park was fairly full of people. It was also a beautiful morning with Elrun and I had both having slept peacefully, so I was feeling pretty good.

However, that trip to the park also showed me something troublesome. I set Elrun on the ground to play with the two other toddlers that were there. I kept an eye on him, but I also made the acquaintance of three men. Through some subtle hints, I got them to reveal their relationship status. All three of them were married. It dawned on me that this town had a distinct lack of men suitable for assisting me on this task. How would I ever continue onward like this? I would never make it home if I kept on having such terrible luck. That was when the most horrible thought came into my head.

I might have to seduce them anyway.

I quickly tried to throw the thought out of my mind, but it would not be gotten rid of. It lingered, catching me off guard the second I let my mind relax. It tried to rationalize itself. It would make me think of my family, my land, and my people. Depressing visions of me being doomed to wander forever here flashed across my eyes. "You'll have to do it at some point," the dark thoughts whispered to me, "These men will go to other women anyway. You might as well take your chance. If they are willing to give themselves away so easily, then you can't really be blamed..."

I fought with my own mind all day. Elrun was well-behaved and went to bed quickly, but by the time I placed myself down to go to sleep, I felt as if I had been awake for a hundred years. I found sleep somehow, but it did not come willingly. The thoughts penetrated into my dreams. Even in my sleep I could find no rest. I woke up feeling more exhausted than ever.

My own thoughts wanted me to break. They got their wish. If it would stop these thoughts, then I would do anything.