NaNoWriMo Chapter Four Excerpt

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This was the fourth excerpt posted from my novel, Found in Time.

“So, do they sound good?” Ella asked.

“They sound amazing.” Peter agreed, “If I didn’t know you had written those songs I would have thought some famous composer had. Granted, I know nothing about music so that might not mean anything coming from me. What you’ve accomplished is incredible.”

“Thank you.” Ella said, her confidence swelling. Even though Peter really had no clue about music, it still meant a lot to hear praise coming from him.

“You know what? Brooke and I have been talking and trying to plan a time where she can come out here to meet all of you. She is a big fan of music, especially of violins. I’m sure she would listen to your music for hours if she could.” Peter then said.

Ella hoped he couldn’t see how her smile faded and her jaw tightened. Ella knew he meant what he said as a compliment, but he had brought Brooke into the conversation. She was so sick of hearing that woman’s name. Couldn’t Peter talk to her anymore without bringing Brooke up? The fact that she might have to meet her soon didn’t help any either. There was already too much of her in Ella’s world. If Brooke came to the house, Ella was sure to lose Peter completely.

“I’ll have to write many more songs then.” Ella joked to hide her distain.

“That would be nice.” Peter said.

His smile had faded as well now, and there was a look on his face that there was something strong running through his mind.

“What are you thinking?” Ella asked.

“It’s nothing really.” Peter attempted to shrug it off.

“I can see there is something more you want to say. Feel free to share.” Ella nudged. Peter laced his fingers and held his hands together tightly.

“It’s just that I don’t think you’re going to like what I want to say.” Peter warned.

“What are you going to talk about?” Ella questioned. As long as it wasn’t about Brooke, Ella felt like she could handle whatever he had on his mind.

“It’s about your songs.” Peter told her.

“What about them? You said they sounded good.” Ella said curiously.

“They are good. They’re really good. However, listening to them made me very concerned for you.”

“What do you mean?” Ella was very confused now.

“They sounded so….so sad. Absolutely depressed, actually. It’s said that composer’s songs are unconsciously influenced by their life and emotions, right? Their music is effectively an auditory extension of their state of mind. With your songs sounding so sad, I can’t help but to think that’s what you feel all the time.” Peter explained.

Ella’s mouth opened in surprise. That definitely wasn’t anything like what she was expecting.

“See, I told you that you wouldn’t like it.” Peter reminded her.

“I’m not ‘absolutely depressed’! I’m fine.” Ella pointed out forcefully.

“Or you’re just saying that, and possibly you’ve gotten used to feeling down all the time that you can’t even see how you really feel.”

“Excuse me?! I think I know my own feelings better than you do.” Ella said angrily.

“It’s what it seems like though. You haven’t come to talk to me as much recently, but I want you to know you can. You’re getting older now and leaving your childhood years behind. Maybe you feel as if I won’t be able to understand you anymore. I mean, I’m not a girl, so I won’t know all the changes you go through. Brooke and I talk about a lot of things though, and she’s taught me a lot about how girls think so―”

“Argh!” Ella cried out in frustration, “You want to know why I don’t talk to you so much anymore?! That’s why! It’s because every single time I try to have a conversation with you, no matter what it is, you have this horrible need to bring Brooke into it! I’m tired of hearing how perfect, and beautiful, and smart she is! It’s infuriating and annoying! Why can’t we talk with it just being the two of us?! I don’t want to hear about Brooke anymore!”

Peter was shocked by her outburst and sudden reveal. Ella had been trying to find a nicer way to tell him, but the words had come out before she could stop herself. Peter looked a little hurt, but as he spoke it was still in that way that made Ella twitch with anger. It was if he really did think he understood more about her feelings than she did. He was talking to her the way one might try to rationalize with a fussy toddler.

“I talked about Brooke to you because you were the only one who listened without trying to tease me. I didn’t realize I was overdoing it. I’m sorry. This situation is showing me though that we do really need to talk more. It’s not good to keep so many negative feelings buried inside.”

“There are more reasons why I haven’t talked to you besides Brooke, Peter!”

“Well, what are they?”

“Ask me, ‘Are you alright?’” Ella demanded.

“Pardon?” Peter said, confused.

“Just say it!”

“Fine. Are you alright?”

“It’s about time you said that.”

“Ella, I don’t understand.”

“You only just told me Brooke taught you so much about girls, but I’ll explain it simply for you. First though, where were you when Light attacked us?” Ella questioned, folding her arms.

“I was inside. When father brought Hazel inside, I helped Henry and Hattie tend to her while most of the others looked after Alma.”

“How long were you with her, and what happened after that?”

“I was with her for about half an hour. She had recovered a lot by then, but we left her to rest some more. I went to my room to write a letter….to Brooke, telling her that we needed to push her visit back because of all the trouble going on. Then I spent a little time with Alma before jumping back and forth between checking on the forest and helping the others.” Peter explained.

“And what about me? If you had time to write a letter to Brooke, why didn’t you come and see how I was doing?”

“You weren’t hurt though, were you?”

“No. I wasn’t. But does that really make it so that you feel there was no need to come and comfort me when you gave some so quickly to Hazel and Alma? Did I even cross your mind at all?!”

The following silence and the guilty look on Peter’s face answered Ella’s question without words being necessary. Ella gripped onto her violin tighter. When he had given it to her, Peter told her that he would never push her to the side like the others did. The passing time and this situation showed that instead he was only doing it more.

“I didn’t mean to forget you. It was just a chaotic experience. My mind slipped and I made a mistake.” Peter said to break the silence.

“You’re wrong, you know that Peter? I’ve turned ten, but I haven’t changed. It’s you! The past you wouldn’t have left me alone outside terrified after everyone else pushed me to the back of their thoughts! You would have come to see me right away, and let me know that things were alright! But no, you don’t bother with me because I didn’t have any physical injuries! Instead you care more about writing a letter to some stupid woman about some stupid, trivial matter!” Ella told him crossly.

Peter’s eyes narrowed and his face grew dark. Ella knew she was seeing his real face now. He wasn’t holding back his own frustration anymore.

“I said I was the one who made a mistake. There’s no reason for you to insult Brooke because of it, or perhaps you’ve just been waiting for the chance to slur her because of some petty jealousy you have towards her.” Peter accused.

Jealousy?! Ella couldn’t believe he had the audacity to say she was jealous. Peter truly had changed. If he was the brother she knew, he would have been able to see that Ella was scared instead of jealous. Peter forgot how much he meant to her, that he was the only one who could support her when the rest of the family stood against her. Jimmy could comfort her, but he wasn’t able to help her fight.

Now she was losing that support. Peter was too concerned with Brooke and their relationship to see that his relationship with Ella was slipping faster and faster away. He was becoming like the rest of the family now. While he said he would understand, he clearly didn’t. Just because there were no physical scars, she wasn’t worth his time. So no, Ella wasn’t jealous of Brooke. She was terrified because she was taking her beloved brother away from her.

“You’re wrong again. You honestly don’t understand anything about me anymore. It’s fine though. I’m used to people not caring me about me.” Ella looked away from him, her gaze towards the floor stiff.

“I’ve been so supportive of you over the years, Ella. I can’t believe this is what it’s coming to. I’ve worked hard so you never saw how much effort I was forced to use in order to help you. You haven’t known of the countless arguments I’ve had with the others when I stood up for you when I had nothing to support you with. Honestly, you’ve frustrated and annoyed me many times, but I kept quiet. No longer though. I’m tired of watching you play as the victim. You need to stop acting as if everyone in this family is out to get you, and try to actually help yourself for once.”

There was venom in every word he spoke. Ella’s eyes grew wide, and she lifted her head to glare at him. She was playing the victim? That’s what he thought about her all these years? It wasn’t surprising, but of course it stung. It stung so badly. Ella’s muscles ached as she fought back the desire to start hitting him. She had never been this angry and upset before, even after all the terrible things she had gone through. Instead, she half-shoved, half-threw the violin into Peter’s arms.

“You can take this back. I don’t need some stupid making up present.”

Peter didn’t get the chance to respond. Ella quickly snatched Jimmy, who had been too horrified by the conversation to jump in and try to help. She ran towards the stairs, leaving her brother sitting alone in the silence.