The Choice

It was hard to ignore the pressure I felt. Each day I found myself being pulled more and more towards going against what ada wanted. I tried as best as I could to think of every reason and excuse I could use to throw away what my own heart was telling me, but it was one of those things that would not be gotten rid of. It didn't help that I began to see more and more of Marty. Riverview was such a small place. We had kept running into each other and had ultimately become friends. He came around to the house a few times a week. All the children loved having him play video games with them seeing as I still wasn't interested in those things. I had hoped that our growing friendship would change Marty's mind about doing certain activities with me, but it was all too easy for me to catch those glances of desire he sent my way. They didn't disgust me. I was facing a situation similar to the one I faced in Sunset Valley where I had to wait to have children after we were forced into the small house. Though my intention wasn't to have children, I had gone on and slept with other men just because I missed the presence of that kind of intimacy. I was feeling that same kind of frustration now.

The frustration eventually overpowered me. I had so little work to preoccupy me. Whether I should choose the Goddess' or ada's way and my body's desires were all I thought about. Then something too perfectly coincidental happened that pushed me fully towards the Goddess' way. The older children were at school. Nana had only just taken Abrien, Abriel, and Ral out on a stroll. It was a rare thing to have the house to myself, and then Marty shows up apparently having been let out of work early with little explainable reason as to why? It was all too much to pass off as simple chance. That particular person was tired of waiting and was showing me once again who was really in charge.

Marty had come over to ask me some questions about how to start a garden because he wanted to grow his own, and he knew I was pretty good at tending to plants. You should have seen his face when I took things in that totally different direction. I don't think he minded though.

Naturally, I mentioned nothing to nana about him having been over when she returned. I was too scared of what she would say. It was my hope that when the signs began to show that I was pregnant again that I could simply lie and say I had gone to the hospital. If I did it that way every time, then everyone could be happy. Although, I knew that would never work out. Marty had such a distinguishable facial structure. The similarities between him and our child would surely be too great to be denied. I also knew I was incapable of lying to my parents for long periods of time. The guilt always got to me.

I continued to keep things all hushed up for a while though. My main focus then became centered around making sure that Ranna was alright. She had gotten tired of me pestering her with my worry, so I got Delerith to be my spy. She would call her sister and talk to her when Ranna was sick of me being "mothery" as she liked it call it. Delerith would then report to me on how things were going.

My hiding of what I had done didn't last very long. Ada had come for his visit, and it was almost always him who made me cave and spill my secrets. I only made it to the second day of his return before the truth came out. I thought I had tossed away the pregnancy test I had taken properly, but nana had seen it and told ada that I was pregnant again. He was fine with it at first seeing as how he had thought I had gone to the hospital. When he questioned me about it, I was far too shifty. I began to lie, but decided a few seconds into my fib that I couldn't do it. Ada was already realizing what I had done when I went ahead and confirmed it.

I thought his expression was terrifying then. It got so much worse when ada caught on to the fact that I actually liked sleeping with the men and had done it even when I hadn't needed to. I had assumed those particular feelings of mine had been obvious, but it seemed ada hadn't noticed. He had believed I had only slept with men because I thought that had been the lone way to do it. Ada was beside himself seeing me still give myself away even though there was a way to conceive without involving intimate physical contact. Nana and everyone steered clear of us as ada went off. He was really, truly upset. I didn't say much for I had known his near yelling had been coming. I simply let him say what he needed to get out. After what felt like an hour, he stopped his reprimand, sort of scoffed at me, and walked out of the room.

I really had known the scolding was coming, but it did upset me despite my best efforts to not let it drag me down. Surprisingly, nana helped me to feel better. Ada had locked himself in the nursery, so she and I sat downstairs and talked for a while. She actually wasn't upset with me. I was rather confused until she reminded me of our conversations about men we had had while we were pregnant with Abrien and Abriel. Nana had been aware of my real feelings for quite some time now and agreed that it was better to give my children the chance of having a proper father. It was true that some of the men never were involved like they should have been. However, most came around and did their part.

I expressed my worry over how upset I had made ada. I could scarcely recall him getting so angry- and especially so angry at me. Nana gave me a half smile. She told me there was no need to feel that way. Ada would calm down and forgive me before the day was out. It was more his own feelings of guilt than my actions that were causing him to grow upset. Nana stopped smiling. She said he had a tendency to place much more guilt and blame on himself than he should. He blamed himself for both of his parents' deaths. Ada felt horrible that he hadn't been able to stop his father from dying at the hands of the humans and that he hadn't been able to comfort his mother after his loss. Then there was a plethora of other things- that he hadn't been able to save more lives, that nana hadn't felt as if she could confide in him when she was struggling, that I had been been allowed to be hurt for so long, that he hadn't done more when I had been sent away, that he hadn't been able to stop Silas from taking me, and so on. Those were the bigger things. Nana also rattled off a bunch of other smaller events. What she revealed that caught my attention the most was how ada felt guilty about how he hadn't been able to help the elf who had rescued me or his parents more. I had known ada hadn't wanted to punish that elf, but now his parents were suddenly coming into play? Of course, nana refused to say anything about them when I asked. It was apparent she hadn't meant to mention them at all, but she had accidentally said something she shouldn't have said.

After an hour, I snuck a peek into the nursery. Ada had locked the hallway door, but not the entrance from my room. He had gotten the fussy Abriel to take a nap and was cuddling with Abrien. I didn't go in and disturb him. I simply watched him instead. I couldn't help but to project myself as if I was my sister. I imagined the gentle way he tended to her was similar to how he had cared for me. I was pulled down by my own negative feelings again. I knew I had done what had needed to be done, but I really couldn't stand hurting ada when I knew how much he loved me.

We avoided each other after he was done in the nursery. I had no idea how I was supposed to begin apologizing or if ada was in the mood to forgive yet. So several hours passed with us awkwardly walking away or leaving the room if the other showed up. Things eventually shifted towards ada trying to get my attention, but I continued to make myself scarce whenever we got close. Part of me was scared he was going to go off at me again, but the rest of me knew he simply wanted to move past the whole thing. I didn't feel as if I was ready to be forgiven yet. It was only when it grew rather late into the night when I gave in. I just wanted my ada. I pretty much ran right over to him and began apologizing with an intensity that shocked him. It became clear quickly that he wasn't upset anymore, at least not like he was before. Ada was disappointed, but had come to see the logic and reason behind my choice. He had also come to agree with it.

I hadn't expected for him to come around so fast. Needless to say though, I was most relieved when he gave me a reassuring embrace. The two of us were able to talk properly after that. While I had been avoiding him, he and nana had had their own discussion about how I could progress with the order like I wanted with them also being able to guarantee my safety. They had come up with what they thought was a good compromise. I was surprised to learn that due to all the media exposure of my kidnapping that word had gotten out about how I was looking to have a lot of children. Though a skewed reason had been given as to why, there had been perhaps an uncomfortable number of men willing to offer their help. Ada and nana were sure a good number of them would still be interested. It had been ada's idea that Maldor could do thorough background checks on the sensible ones, and nana would be in charge of talking to them beforehand and getting to know their characters before they presented themselves to me for me to judge them on my own. Ada and nana figured such a system would scare away those with more shady intentions. I thought it was an inspired idea. It really was the best way to go about things and give everyone what they wanted.

Eloril actually got amusement out of learning about the situation when it was his turn to visit. He had known from the beginning that I was never going to stick with ada's original proposal. He revealed with a smile that he had also never deluded himself into thinking that I only slept with the men because it was my duty. Eloril was rather stunned ada hadn't caught on sooner.

We didn't talk about me too much. I had wanted to hear more about what was going on with my brother. My main interests were in how he was handling all the responsibility of basically taking on more than half of the work of ruling our people and how he and Erien were doing. Eloril let out a really loud exhale when I asked about the work. He said it was obviously a lot of work. It had escaped him until so much of the responsibility had been placed upon him exactly how much was expected of our family. Ada and nana had done a good job of hiding just how much they had to deal with. Eloril was enjoying the job though. He had always loved being challenged and now he was feeling truly useful.

Eloril thought him having so much responsibility was good for his and Erien's relationship as well. It was showing them what things could be like if they did ever marry. It had always been the plan for Eloril to take on more of nana's work once he could be called a real adult. That generally didn't happen until an elf reached his or her first millennium. While nana had become adept at helping ada to rule, she didn't have a knack for leadership like ada and Eloril did. She was better at being a support like I was. Eloril did complain that he didn't like how little he was getting to see Erien, but the distance was confirming to him that his feelings towards her were more serious than a simple, temporary infatuation.

With Aewen and Alcarien's birthday, the house got much less crowded. With Delerith and Delindir's birthday, the house felt as if it had become empty. I had known their departure was coming, but as always I wished it hadn't been on the horizon. There was nothing to be done though. My youngest set of twins graduated and grew older. Delerith managed to be valedictorian. The two of them were able to get jobs right away- Delerith as a writer and Delindir as an interior decorator. Before they moved into their own place, I heard whispers from the two of them that Delindir was considering marrying Anita before too long as well.

Another birthday followed theirs. That birthday belonged to Abriel. I was worried she would feel lonely what with her having no siblings her age, but her birthday made it more apparent to me more than ever that Abriel was a solitary soul. She was entirely comfortable being by herself, and even preferred it occasionally.

I was absolutely floored seeing Abrien and Abriel together. Abriel had known for a long while that Abrien was older than her, but still couldn't fully believe that that was the truth. I struggled to believe it as well. Abrien was so tiny. Abriel was so big. It would continue to be that way their entire lives. It would only be when my daughter was reaching the last years of her life or had even been dead for some years when Abrien would be close to appearing the age her niece looked currently. I couldn't wrap my head around it.

The temperature began to drop. The leaves began to fall. The quiet town of Riverview became even more quiet once most of the harvesting was over. I was rather disappointed there were no seasonal festivals, for a harvest festival in a farming community surely would be a grand event. Andethon found other ways to make the season exciting. There were enough trees in our yard for him to build up several large piles of leaves. He, Thoronton, and Abrien enjoyed making a mess out of them.

Nana and Abriel spent a lot of time together. Abriel had inherited nana's talent and interest in art. The two of them would head down to the art museum whenever there was a new exhibit. They would sometimes go even when there wasn't anything new. They claimed they always discovered something they hadn't seen or noticed before. With how many times they went, I found that hard to believe. Both got a great amount of enjoyment from their trips though.

I got a call one afternoon. Ranna had gone into labor, and get this- had given birth to another set of twin boys. They were identical this time around unlike Ari and Helmut who were fraternal. Ranna and Henry named their new sons Ernesto and Matt. I was glad to see that the birth had pumped some new life into Henry. It had been a while since I had seen him so cheerful or healthy. I prayed he would keep on pushing forward as long as he could both for the sake of my daughter and their sons.

The dishwasher broke one morning. This caused a large backlog of dirty dishes because I had apparently failed to teach my children how to use a sink to clean them instead. I would have left the dishes until Thoronton, Andethon, and Abriel came home from school, but they began to stink so bad that I had to clean them. I also called a repair service seeing as how I wasn't in the mood to get down on my hands and knees being pregnant like I was. However, the man who was supposed to come never came. I couldn't get in contact with the company again. I left them a long voice-mail of complaint and gritted my teeth as I repaired the dishwasher by myself anyway.

Nana, in order to be more helpful I suppose, tried her hand at cooking with the human appliances. I was rather apprehensive for cooking had never really been her strong suit. It was more common for her to completely burn whatever she was making than it was for her to make anything edible. To my amazement, the human cooking appliances seemed to fit nana's style more than our ovens back at home. Nana only burned the pancakes once before she was able to remake them perfectly the second time. After that, she got even better.

A bit frustratingly, I went into labor shortly before I was planning on making my way downstairs to get some breakfast. I had nana bring me up a bit of lightly buttered bread, but that didn't stay down too long. I would go hungry for the several hours that my labor lasted. I got a beautiful new daughter as compensation. Nana and I were both slightly surprised to see that Gellrin had inherited nana's hair color. It made the thought that perhaps Gellrin would take more after us than Marty enter our minds.

There was a karaoke machine that was installed at the gazebo down in the center of town. It gave Thoronton and Andethon more of an excuse to spend time there. I was mildly confused and stunned that Thoronton was willing to sing along with his brother given how shy he was. He really enjoyed using that machine though. The two actually asked if we could get one for our house, but when I asked them were they thought we could put it they realized that there really wasn't any space for such a big thing. They simply had to make do with the one available at the gazebo.

I had to sigh and shake my head when I opened the door after hearing strange noises coming from the main bathroom upstairs. The shower head in the shower had come loose and was leaking water all over the floor. Ral had somehow gotten inside the room. He was having a grand time getting himself wet in the large puddle. I left him to it while I fixed the shower. That made it possible for me to dry him off with a towel afterwards instead of having him traipse water all about the house.

While I had been pregnant and not able to practice my martial arts, I had taken to teaching myself how to play the piano instead. I had all but mastered the violin so it seem appropriate to try my hand at another instrument. I was still quite bad when I played for my children at the feast party I threw that weekend for no good reason other than to get everyone together. They praised me anyway, mostly out of kindness I'm sure. The party was a great success. The only one who wasn't able to come was Aewen. She had gone into labor while on her way and naturally had to be taken to the hospital instead. I wasn't sure if I would have to bring Alcarien there too. She looked as if she was ready to pop!

With Thoronton, Andethon, and Abriel all able to have their own room, I realized it time for me to become pregnant again even though Gellrin was so young. However, I wasn't in much of a rush. I only made a passing mention of my desire to nana. Thus, I wasn't expecting for a young man, Mr. Duncan McDermott, to show up at the house several days later. Nana and Maldor had already gone ahead and prepared a few potential fathers for me, which I hadn't known. It made sense for them though to interview the men before the need came. I would otherwise have to wait longer than I would like.

I wished I had been given any sort of warning that I would have to be ready so soon. It was certainly disconcerting to have a man I had never talked to before walk into my house with only one intention in mind. Thankfully, Mr. McDermott was more than eager to talk for a long while until I comfortable. Nana and Maldor had done a good job in picking him out. He was easy-going and entirely sweet. I was thinking while we were talking that the method we had decided on had another benefit I hadn't noticed before. The men were intending to help get me pregnant. They knew what they were getting themselves into. I wouldn't have to fret over whether or not our children would be rejected.

That thought allowed me to relax. It wasn't too long after that when Mr. McDermott and I got down to doing what he had come here to do......