Memory Lane, Part Two

You can believe I was even more exhausted and irritable after the flight to China. I don't know how Eloril continued to have what seemed like limitless energy, but I supposed he had more drive and purpose towards all the traveling. He was determined to do what he could to help me remember. I was more nonchalant about the whole thing. It was like what Eloril told me in Appaloosa Plains. I had to let myself relax and not force my brain into chaos. If there was anything more that was going to come back, it would come back when it was ready. I was pulled out of my bad mood again though when the visit to China turned out to be a lot of fun. Eloril and I spent most of our time outside of the main town. We went to this sort of sanctuary area where the desire to meditate proved strangely strong. I was somehow able to tell Eloril the proper way to fully let oneself float away, and he picked up the skill pretty quickly. The two of us sat there for a good long while. It was that hour or so that really helped me calm down and regain focus.

Right next to where we were was a martial arts academy. Of course, Eloril wad drawn to it the same way a moth is drawn to a light. The instructors there were more than willing to give him a basic lesson, and it was revealed to me that I already knew the art very well. My belt level was only one level below the highest ranking one could earn. I understood fighting is all about muscle memory and that my body hadn't forgotten that like it had everything else, but I was overwhelmed by just how quickly I picked everything back up. Eloril and the instructors were thoroughly impressed. However, Eloril then thought it would be a smart idea to spar with me. We decided to only use the fighting style used at that academy and not the other techniques we had been taught. at home Needless to say, I easily won. It was only after the match was over that I remembered something.

     "Oh no!"

     "What is it?" Eloril asked in confusion and with a slight hint of concern.

     "I had wanted to keep these martial arts a secret from you and ada! I was going to whip the both of you with it once the order was over and I returned home!"

     "Did you not just whip me now?" Eloril responded with a loud laugh, "Don't worry. I won't say anything about this to ada so you can try your little sneak tactics like you want."

     "Good. Otherwise I would have had to take you down for the second time today."

     "You want to try saying that after we have a match where everything goes?"

     "I thought you'd never ask."

At that, it was like the good old days. We might have scared the instructors a little by our sudden and more intense fighting. Eloril and I were really just goofing off though. The match ended as most of our matches did- in a tie.

Before I knew it, it was time to get on another plane. I stopped complaining partly because I had grown used to the traveling but mostly because I was bound to annoy Eloril if I kept whining. I slept through most of the flight from China to Sunset Valley anyway. However, it was after the taxi dropped us off near the house I had stayed at that I realized something was wrong.

     "How come we came here?" I questioned.

     "You lived here." Eloril, perplexed, responded.

     "No, why did we come here now? So far we've been going to these places in the order in which I lived and visited them. I recall living someplace else before I moved here. Why did we skip over it?"

     "It was always my intention to visit that place last," Eloril responded, not looking too happy, "If any of these towns are going to help your memories return, then that town is going to be the one to do it. I'm hoping once we get there that having seen all the rest of the places will have loosened your suppressed memories to the point where Aurora Skies will be the final push that sets everything free."

     "And if it doesn't do that?"

     "We'll think of what to do next then if it comes to that."

Like we had for the larger house in Appaloosa Plains and the house in Monte Vista, Eloril and I took a walk down the sidewalk where we stopped for a few minutes to stare at yet another place I had once called home.

     "This is nice, but I feel as if it's rather small for the amount of children I would have had."

     "It was initially. How did you fix the problem?"

There he was making me think again.

     "I built rooms downstairs in a basement."

     "You spotted the staircase through the window, didn't you?"

     "Yeah."

We stared for a minute longer before Eloril made a mention about doing some exploring and sight-seeing.

     "What about the other house?"

     "Other house? What other house?"

     "I lived someplace else while I was here."

     "Did you? You never said anything about that to me, ada, or nana."

     "I didn't? I'm positive there's another house though."

     "We'll let's take a walk. Perhaps we'll come across it."

So we took a walk. It wasn't that hard for us to discover the building. It was only two blocks away.

     "You lived here? This looks even worse than your first house in Appaloosa Plains." Eloril said in surprise, "Why did you move to this dump after being in such a nice place?"

It took me a while to answer. I had to stare at both the house and the surroundings. I had to desperately think of the children who would have been living with me at the time. Ada and Eloril had given me a brief run-through of all my children several times after I had been brought home from the hospital. After a lot of thinking that made my head ache once more, I managed to put together some sort of explanation.

     "We had lost all of our money. One of my children was the reason for that, I think. This place was all we could afford. I don't think I told you because I was embarrassed. I think I also didn't want to worry you. If you had known how bad things were you would have rushed right back over to help. The last thing I wanted was to keep interfering with the path of your own life."

     "I appreciate the sentiment, and I know the past can hardly be changed now," Eloril started, "But I wished you had told me. I definitely would have come to help. I think I'm more worried now knowing that you were struggling so badly than I would have been if you had been honest from the beginning."

     "Sorry."

     "It's alright. Like I said, there's nothing either of us can do to change what happened so long ago. Just don't let it happen again."

     "I won't."

     "You know. I feel like the house was bigger than this though. I'm fairly certain I added onto it when I gave birth to multiples." I pointed out.

     "Given that I didn't even have the slightest idea that you lived here, this is one of those things that I'm going to have to take your word for." Eloril replied with a shrug.

A passing local then spotted us staring at the house. She was able to give us the answer to my confusion. Due to the house's bad wiring, a fire had broken out about a year ago. It had caused the extra part of the house to be burnt to a crisp. As such, after the place had been fixed up again all that was left was the original layout.

With that curiosity fulfilled, Eloril and I went ahead doing our exploring. We strangely ended up at the cemetery after wandering about the main part of town for a while. It hadn't been my intention to bring my brother there, but my feet led me as if they had a mind of their own. The sensation of being drawn to something didn't end until we stopped near a section of hedging on the south side.

     "This is a nice view of the town." Eloril pointed out.

     "Mmm."

     "Although I'm supposing there's another reason we ended up at this particular spot." he correctly guessed.

I didn't say anything to that. I didn't want to state the obvious, so Eloril did it for me.

     "I'll further suppose you came here or spent time with someone here after one of your children passed."

I said nothing again.

     "We should look around and visit your children who are buried here." he suggested.

     "I don't want to."

     "You can't avoid this part of your life forever. Unfortunately, the pain of losing your children has been something you've dealt with for a while now, and will continue to be something you will have to deal with for eternity. I wish that wasn't the truth, but if you run away and don't deal with it then it's going to catch you one day and break you down when you're unprepared."

     "We'll, I'm going to keep running for now. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but I'll face it when I feel like I want to face it."

It was Eloril's turn to go silent. I glanced over at him, and he shifted hesitantly. I didn't take it as a good sign.

Neither of us said anything in depth about the subject again. We shook off the tense atmosphere, and finished our time in Sunset Valley. Then we got on yet another plane to go see yet another place. It was a series of islands where I had come to vacation by myself. It was where I had met Wesley. Before we reached the counter to check in, I recalled something ada had told me.

     "Two of my sons used to live here." I said.

     "Yes, Amonost and Adonnen- the twins you had with Wesley."

     "One died shortly before I was taken, and the other died shortly after he received news that I had been found." I repeated what ada had said.

     "Yes," Eloril confirmed with a heavy sigh, "Adonnen escaped the worry of having you missing, and Amonost got the relief of knowing you had been found."

He said nothing further. The two of us checked in at the resort we would be staying at for the night.

We received a key for room, and walked about the resort for a while before making our way over to it. Somehow, this place was more familiar to me than almost everything had been until that point. To give an example...

     "Eloril?"

He was just about to unlock the door.

     "Hmm?"

     "This is the exact same room."

     "You mean this is the room where you stayed when you came here?"

     "Yes, the one Wesley and I shared."

     "Having a guess at what you two did, perhaps we should ask for a different one." he said wryly.

     "Oh come on. If they haven't changed the mattresses by this point, then I would strongly question their sanitary practices. Besides, you know every bed in this place will have been used for that purpose at some point."

     "Not by my sister."

     "Like you've never sat down on my bed at home before? Now that one I've had forever."

     "That's something I try to forget," Eloril revealed with a smile, "Ugh, fine. It'll be more troublesome than I would like to change rooms anyway. It was hard enough just getting a reservation here."

After dropping our stuff off, I quickly took my brother's hand to lead him right back out of the room.

     "Slow down. You've suddenly gotten very cheerful. I don't know if I like it." he teasingly complained.

     "This place is energizing. Plus, I thought of something that we have to do."

     "Which is?"

     "People are staring at us like we're crazy because of these clothes."

     "So? We get those kind of looks all the time. Why does it matter if we get them here as well?"

     "What we have on just doesn't suit this place at all. It's time for a make-over."

     "I'm alright with-"

His sentence was cut short when I pulled his hand to lead him away from the room he had been retreating back towards.

     "Hey, 'Lo, I really don't-"

     "Too bad. You put me in charge of what we're going to do, and this is what I've decided to do."

     "I'm not the smartest person sometimes." Eloril mumbled as I kept pulling him along.

It was even harder getting Eloril in the clothes I picked for him than it was to get him in the clothing store. I must admit, it took a lot of effort to hold back my laughter. Eloril rarely ever loses his composure. To see him so flustered and truly embarrassed was hilarious and cute at the same time. The fact that I picked something for me that showed a lot of skin didn't help him either. We walked out of the store with him acting as if he was entirely naked or something.

     "Stop being like that. You look like a fool."

     "I feel like a fool! This outfit is ridiculous!"

     "It's fine," I repeated for the thousandth time, "If it wasn't for the tips of your ears sticking out of your hair, no one would even have the slightest idea that you are an elf. What you're wearing is perfectly normal by human standards. The only reason anyone is going to look at you strangely is because you're acting strangely."

     "I can't help it! And how can you stand wearing that?"

     "What do you mean?"

I smiled sarcastically as I placed my hand on my hip that I cocked to the side slightly. I got the reaction I was hoping for.

     "Stop that!"

Eloril made me stand normally.

     "What's the problem?" I asked with a laugh, "Don't like the reminder that I have sex appeal?"

     "You're my baby sister! You're not supposed to have any...appeal."

     "Really? You need to loosen up. It's just a word. Come on, Eloril. Say 'sex.'"

     "I refuse."

     "It's easy to say it though. Sex. See? Sex sex sex."

     "Stooop!"

Eloril actually covered my mouth with his hands, which made me laugh even harder. He was being so much like a little child. I took pity on him though when I saw how truly red his cheeks had become. I was pushing him a bit too much a bit too soon. I promised to stop teasing him, and suggested we go to the nearby park. To Eloril's relief, there wasn't a lot of people around. We made good use of the snow cone machine as we each made two of the treats. Even with it being spring, the islands were as hot as if it was summer. The rapid change in temperature was slightly overwhelming even for us. We had a more mature continuation of our previous conversation after we finished eating.

     "Sorry for teasing you so much." I apologized properly seeing as Eloril's cheeks were still a bit red.

     "It's alright," he responded by a shrug, "It wasn't a topic I would typically pick to joke about, but it was actually fun having you tease me again. You're more like you when you do."

     "You think this is all working then?"

     "I think it's making a difference. I had expected that there would have been more improvement by now, but that was probably just me getting my hopes up."

There was another bout of silence. I thought Eloril was feeling a little depressed about my memories not coming back as fast as he would like, but he was eyeing my outfit with a partly-embarrassed, party-disapproving look instead. I folded my arms.

     "Sorry," It was his turn to apologize, "You know, me not wanting you to do...adult stuff was the reason for that huge argument I told you about back in Appaloosa Plains. Even now, even after when I've unfortunately been in the house several times while you were continuing the task, the big brother in me wants to keep protecting you and having you stay the cute and innocent little girl I remember."

     "I suppose I feel a similar way," I responded, which caused Eloril to glance at me curiously, "When I first woke up not knowing anything, all I remembered you as was that little boy from way back when. It was strange seeing you all grown up. It still does feel somewhat strange. You're all handsome and whatnot," I teased lightly, "I bet whatever girl courts you is going to feel incredibly lucky."

I expected Eloril to give a witty or sarcastic comeback, but he didn't. He simply sat there with this weird, goofy, and almost guilty smile on his face.

     "Eloril?" I pressed him in confusion.

That smile on his face only grew wider. He also shifted in amused hesitancy. I put my words and his behavior together, but the explanation that struck me couldn't possibly be true. Right?

     "Eloril."

The smile grew wider. He looked away sheepishly, and laughed a little.

     "Eloril! What?! How long?!"

     "Well..." he started, suddenly looking truly guilty then, "It's been...about forty years now."

     "What?! Forty?! That's way before any of this amnesia stuff happened, and I have a feeling you never made a mention of this to me before, have you?!"

     "You've always been really worried. You've always feared no man back home will want you now that you've had to do this order. To be honest, your fears are unfortunately very justified," he revealed sadly, "I hear them talking a lot- the boys who used to flirt with you and the ones who avoided you because you had been too high above them. They always say how noble and faithful of a woman you are for doing the order dutifully, but then they always say it's such a shame no man can expect a future with you. You're tainted because you've been touched. Marrying you would make them unclean as well. They don't want to deal with all the baggage you'll come with either. It makes me sick listening to them. I can never be around that kind of conversation for long because otherwise I'll beat those idiots to a pulp. I did hit one of them once when he actually came up to me to apologize for what a damaged sister I'd have when you'd return."

He paused, and fixated his eyes on the ground.

     "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel left behind. I didn't want to hurt you by making you feel jealous that I was getting to live the life some think you can never have. I also didn't want you to feel as if you were missing out, and I certainly didn't want to distract you from the order. I thought I would be alright with not telling you because I wasn't sure if she and I would last until the time you came home. I'm still not sure if we'll be together forever. I don't want to rush into any decisions. Unlike for humans, our marriages are for eternity. We only have one chance to get it right. There is so much time until we need or even want to consider marriage too. We haven't talked about it at all. We simply enjoy our time together, and are letting our emotions lead the way. I do feel seriously for her though. The fact that I was so adamant I wouldn't court until you returned but that I'm courting her anyway says a lot about that."

I sat back, folded my arms again, and let it all sink in. I had been momentarily angry, but I had truly understood the reason Eloril had given for not wanting to tell me about his secret. We sat in silence for a few minutes as I got used to the idea.

     "We really are growing up, aren't we? You're courting. That's amazing. Weird, but amazing."

     "Yeah." Eloril agreed.

I paused.

     "Soooo. What's her name?" I asked with an excited smile.

     "Erien." Eloril laughed once more.

As the day progressed, Eloril became more comfortable with his appearance. He became more focused on scaring away those who made advances on me once they learned he was my brother and not my boyfriend. We were able to relax from the obnoxious human youths who thought I was crazy for not being insanely attracted to them by spending some time soaking up the sun in the lounge chairs on the beach by the resort. I heard a lot more about Erien at that point. Eloril was willing to tell me much more than I expected once he saw that I wasn't going to tease him about his relationship. I think the most interesting thing I learned was that what made Eloril decide to start courting her was that she was willing to hold back her feelings and not pressure him to court her unlike some others who never stopped hounding him. According to Eloril, Erien was one of the few back home who empathized with me as much as anyone back home who had no idea of what I was really going through could empathize with me. She had understood how much Eloril cared about me, how concerned he was about me, and was able to be fine with him putting me first for a few years when he had made plans to visit again. The more Eloril told me about her the more I liked her. Eloril was glad to hear that. He had been fairly confident we would get along well, but he hadn't been able to help worrying nonetheless.

We spent a lot of time on those lounge chairs. Eventually, we grew tired of talking and simply enjoyed the view in silence. I was trying again to recall what I could about the place around me when...

"..."

     "...Eloril?"
     "Hmm?"
     "Did two children just run past?"
     "No?"
     "That's what I thought."

Dinner was had at a nice restaurant that evening. We went to another beach where there were fireworks, we played with sparklers, and we stayed up a bit later than we should have to stare at the stars. Both Eloril and I slept deeply and peacefully though. Eloril even forgot about all the things Wesley and I had done in our room. I, in the meanwhile, was secretly prompting the recollections of those moments to come back. I didn't anticipate what doing so would do to me. Though I did sleep well, when I was beginning to pack my luggage to prepare for getting on another plane my cheerful mood suddenly vanished. Me straining to bring Wesley to the surface of my mind had at least managed to return some of the feelings I had had for him. All of a sudden I was swept away by an intense wave of loss and grief. I had originally wanted to stay on the islands longer, but my desire changed to wanting to get away as soon as possible. I didn't want to be here if he wasn't here. I didn't want to be where a man I still couldn't properly remember saved me from the depression I had been steadily sinking into.

My unexpected tears worried Eloril. He was quickly able to deduce missing Wesley as the source of them though, and comforted me before taking me out of the resort so we could wait at the airport instead.

I assumed the dread I felt as Eloril and I took our second-to-last plane trip was because of that little incident. However, the worry and reluctance that appeared in my heart only grew worse when we reached Aurora Skies. I wanted to leave there much more than I had wanted to leave Isla Paradiso. Eloril had to give me a push, sometimes a literal one, to get me to even walk. I kept quiet about what I was feeling, but Eloril would have had to have been an idiot not to notice. What made everything worse was that I knew Eloril knew why I was feeling what I was feeling. He was going to be the one to lead me to where I knew my heart would break. I thought it might have been the house. It wasn't. Eloril and I simply stared at it as we had the others. Eloril didn't make me guess or remember anything that time around. He went right ahead and told me of things such as how he surprised me by having ada come along for a visit, how I had given birth to quadruplets, and how I had let him take in a dog that I had thought was odd.

Eloril slipped his hand in mine. He was going to bring me to where I didn't want to go. I tried to lead him the other way saying I wanted to explore what was further down the road. Eloril tightened his grasp, and wouldn't let me move. I couldn't look at him.

     "I don't want to go." I whispered.

     "I don't want to go either, but we have to."

     "No, we don't."

     "Yes, we do. Ada drilled it into my head that we have no choice in the matter. If I don't bring you there now, he will personally tie you up, bring you back here, and force you there anyway."

     "They would never let us on a plane with me being tied up."

     "You know what I mean, 'Lo."

     "I'm not going."

     "Then I will tie you up and drag you if that is what it will take."

     "I told you I will deal with this sort of thing when I feel I'm ready to deal with it."

     "Ellothiel, see?! You know where we're going even though you have no clue where we're going. The old you is in there, and she's so close to the surface. She'll never come back though if you keep running because you don't want to face what is unpleasant."

     "Haven't I been hurt enough?"

     "You've been hurt more than any one person should be. However, ignoring the past isn't going to stop you from being hurt now or from being hurt in the future. The old you knows how to handle all the pain though. This you clearly doesn't. You can either deal with it in this one moment or let it overwhelm you and destroy you in the days to come."

He pulled on my hand again to try to lead me away. I didn't move. Eloril pulled harder, so I planted my feet more firmly to the ground. Eloril yanked on me so hard I nearly tripped. Though I attempted desperately to loosen my hand from his, he was more determined than me.

     "Damn it, Ellothiel!" he growled, "You have no idea how much I suffered almost losing you the first time around! I will drag you there if you give me no other choice, because I am not going through that again!"

It took all my effort not to cry. Collapsing to the ground in sobs seemed for a brief moment as if it would prevent me from going to our destination, but I quickly realized this was one instance where Eloril was going to honor his words if it killed him. I let him start leading me so I wouldn't have to bear the shame of this town seeing me be carried to our goal with me being a crying mess.

Eloril softened the closer we got to our goal. His firm grasp turned into a supportive hold as he brought me up a hill to a cemetery. I had known we would end up at one. Eloril became frightened, I think, at how pale I turned and how deep my breathing became. Still, we didn't stop moving. I was allowed to have my hand back when we were almost there, but it soon grew apparent that Eloril never should have let go. As soon as we took those first few steps into the cemetery I was lost. My brother had to dash the few steps he had gotten in front of me back when I all but dropped to the ground.

     "Ellothiel?" Eloril asked quietly, running his hand over my back.

     "I can't, Eloril," I sobbed, for the tears had come, "I can't. I can't!"

     "We're so close. She's right over there, Calenmir. Just a bit more."

I somehow stumbled to me feet with Eloril's help. He had used ada's pet name for me, which really showed how desperately he was trying to appeal to me. Eloril practically half-carried me a few rows back and down until we reached a grave at the very corner.

He didn't have to tell me whose grave it was. He didn't have to tell me what had happened to her. I knew everything just by looking at it. The headstone was too painfully familiar- as was the grief that absolutely crippled me. Eloril could do nothing but give me barely any comfort as an old rage of terrible and negative emotions tore me apart. I cried without restraint. I grew so cold so quickly, which definitely did frighten Eloril. That was when he held me tighter, rocked me more, and suggested we call ada on the phone. I shook my head. I couldn't get one coherent word out. How would calling ada do anything other than worry him to death?

The scene I was causing went on for hours. Several people came to the cemetery to visit their own loved ones. They left quickly after they spotted me. I wasn't sure if they did so out of sympathy or if because I was bothersome. Eloril eventually started singing lullabies from home as he had no other idea what to do. What I had no idea of was how I ever managed to calm down. I suppose I have to give credit to the words that suddenly floated to me from afar. They were the words that saved me the last time I had battled the storm I was facing, and they saved me again then.

     "Ellothiel, she wouldn't want you to fail. I don't want you to fail. You're too precious to too many to be lost like this. You're a giver of life and love, not a victim of death and darkness. You have the strength to create a happy ending for yourself and those you hold dear, and I swear I will always do what I can to help you along."

A strange warmth spread across my lips after I recalled those words. Steadily, the pain lessened. Slowly, the chill left and the crying almost stopped. Eloril breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and I breathed a silent one. We remained where we were for a long while afterwards. I needed all that time to find composure and the strength to stand. When Eloril helped me to my feet, he asked nothing about whether any memories had returned to me. He wanted to get to our hotel room as much as I did.

We were both too exhausted to hold hands. Eloril wearily led the way while I trudged behind. I could have never imagined what happened next though, and to this day I still don't know how I could even begin to rationalize what I saw.

A young girl's giggle stopped my walking. It was a laugh I knew far too well. With Eloril not noticing that he was continuing on without me, I stood frozen as I watched the two figures. She was being held by a man just as familiar to me as she was. I could tell they were as close as could be. She was entirely enamored with him. After she kissed him on the cheek, the two of them noticed me. He smiled at me, and my heart melted. She smiled at me, and I couldn't help but to smile back even though small tears still ran down my cheeks. I wanted more than anything to run over to them, but I knew I couldn't. They would disappear if I did. So I continued to stand there.

Then she brought me back.

I flinched slightly when she began to move. She had given me an encouraging smile, and then pulled her arm back as if she was about to throw something. When her arm snapped forward, all she did was point at my head. She was so confident though, and he looked knowingly expectant as well. Whether she unlocked what had been trapped or whether she had simply known the exact second it would come back, everything did come back. Rushes of sights from times past flooded my head. Overwhelmed but not overburdened, I relived it all within a matter of seconds. The new me had been absorbed into the old. My mouth dropped slightly open as I stared at him- my baby. He held my other baby so lovingly.

The two of them would go on to disappear soon. Before they did, he gave me another smile that said so many things. I wasn't alone. They had never really left me. He didn't believe our family was doomed to the fate I thought we were. He didn't want me to hurt so much. Above all of that though, the last words he communicated to me comforted me the most. He looked at me, looked at her, and gave me a proud and steadfast grin. He didn't say the words, but I heard them all the same. Those words...

     "Don't worry. I've got her......"