Thursday, August 22, 2013

Embarrassment


It's taken the last few months, but I can say with confidence now that we've all adjusted to this new situation we're in. For the most part. The never-ending loud noises and unavoidable run-ins that occur in the house, coupled with my decreased patience because of my pregnancy, sometimes cause me to really slip every now and again. I have no choice but to leave the house and go somewhere else to stop me from doing something really stupid. When I calm down and get a grip on my senses, I'm always greeted with warm smiles, hugs, and a lot of love when I return. That is all I need to make everything bearable.

What has also helped is that ada worked past that uncomfortable and unsure stage he was in when he first arrived. Now he acts just like he does when we're at our home. With his and Eloril's personalities, I feel like I've simply added two more big kids to my count of children. The two of them never stop playing. In truth, them playing with my children is what helps the most. Lomaraniel, Serith, Tirith, Renduil, and Rion love having the extra attention.

Although now that I look at ada more, I realize the way he is here is the most carefree I've ever seen him. I assume this is because he doesn't have to worry or stress himself out over dealing with all his duties that he must do to watch over our land. He's also surprised me, because he hasn't tried at all to be a parent to my children. He will help to keep them in line. However, he is so far refusing to interfere with how I'm trying to raise them despite his own personal opinions.


As comfortable as ada is at this home though, he only rarely leaves the yard. He takes runs with Eloril, and that's it. He loves my children because they're mine, but he still wants nothing to do with other humans. It's hard for me trying to be the bridge between us all. All the wonderfully nice humans I've come to know here were excited to meet the father I told them had come to visit. Ada turns down all invitations I've offered. He stays inside to read instead. 

I understand his reluctance, I truly do, for I clearly remember being the same way when I first arrived to the human side. It was only because I faced exile that I bothered leaving the house and putting myself out there. However, there's no reason for ada to do the same. I don't fault him for not trying to make connections. I just hope that some day he'll make an attempt. My heart is now so unburdened by taking that risk to let hate go. Maybe the pain in ada's own heart can be lessened as well.


But besides bringing us together as a family, the passing months have done something else. They've made my stomach much larger. My labor ended up being exactly on my expected due date for once. I anticipated everything going as smoothly as before, but ada caused a bit of an issue. Naturally, he was very concerned when he saw that labor had come upon me. He made me lay down instantly. When he asked whom he needed to call to help out, he then became horrified when I told him I've almost always just done it by myself.

He would not accept that. He told me he would rather I be taken to the hospital instead of giving birth by myself. Eloril tried to help me out as I tried to convince ada as best as I could that everything would be fine. I've done it so many times the act has become second nature. Ada was unmovable. I told him just to help himself then. That finally quieted him down. He became too embarrassed to speak. Eloril put the whole thing to rest by stepping up and saying he would assist me. He's already helped before anyway. Ada and I both agreed.


The labor was what I believed it was going to be- easy and quick. Eloril didn't even have to do anything. He simply sat nearby and teased me throughout the whole process. I both laughed and threatened to sew his mouth shut. Ada was stunned by how soon the baby came. I reminded him that I told him the labor was going to be no problem. I think he finally understood what I had been saying.

I let ada hold my new son first, and then told him he could name him. Ada agreed again. I had to laugh, and then explained to a confused ada that he was much easier to convince than Eloril. Ada laughed too. Perhaps he was just a bit more greedy, he said. He had hoped I would give him the chance at some point. I had, so he took it right away. There was no way he was going to pass up the opportunity and honor. Ada chose to name my son Sidhion after his own father, Orsidhil.


I got an unanticipated high amount of sleep that night, I kept waking up instinctively only to find that Sidhion needed nothing. He did not cry once throughout the night. You would think I would be grateful for this, but worry only began to mount within my heart that something was actually wrong with my son. Then I found out the truth. I found myself unable to fall back asleep, but I remained in bed trying to do so. The next thing I knew ada was sneaking in the room. He very quietly tended to Sidhion before slipping back out. 

I smiled widely. Ada was making sure I got the rest I needed to recover from labor. It was help I was incredibly grateful to accept. I wonder if ada's help is what it would be like to have a husband at my side assisting me in caring for the child as one should be. If this is true, then I'm having a hard time creating sympathy in my heart towards those mothers who complain loudly but have always had someone to help them thus compared to me who has had to do it all alone for so long.


I certainly needed all the extra energy I got for the following weeks that came. There was so much work to be done. We eat through the food I make just as fast as I can make it. Each time Eloril gathers up the dishes, I want to faint at the sheer amount of them. I really am providing for an army. Besides cooking, there was also the party to plan. Lomaraniel, Serith, Tirith, and Sidhion are all having their birthday on the same day. It's not just the fact that the four of them fall on the same day, but also that it's the first birthday we'll be celebrating with ada and Eloril both here.


If I thought the house was crowded before, then it is empty normally when you compare it to how full it was with all the rest of my children back. Ada was left stunned once again. He was amazed originally when he saw that I was taking care of Mara, Serith, Tirith, Renduil, and Rion all at the same time. Two children is a large family back home. Five is ridiculous. Sixteen is just sheer insanity. I think ada was overall pleased once he got to know the rest of my children here in Aurora Skies though. He saw them as well-adjusted, good-hearted, and positively proactive members of society. 

Them being they way they are is the whole reason I'm here anyway. My goal is not just have 100 children, but 100 children who will each make a difference in their own way towards the betterment of helping heal the damaged world and restore the old glory of the human race.


The party reached deafening levels as the time came to blow out the candles. I'm glad I thought to warn the neighbors beforehand. I bought a cake for each child, even Sidhion this time despite him being an infant. Lomaraniel went first of course, and grew into the beautiful, confident woman I always knew she would be.


Then it was Serith's, Tirith's, and finally Sidhion's turn. Serith and Tirith grew up gorgeously, that was no surprise. The surprise was Sidhion. I was amazed to find out his hair is the ashen blonde color that both Serith and Rion have. Since this particular fair coloring isn't mine, I can't explain it as my genes being overpowering this time around. I'm sure Derrek will get a laugh out of this, and tell me once again the universe is messing with me.


Night began to set in, and the amount of people in the house started to dwindle. However, Mara then introduced me to a guest I hadn't noticed before at all. I couldn't see how I missed him given his unique appearance and rather odd clothes. Then Mara told me that he had only just arrived, the late timing being no fault of his own.

Then she abruptly explained that he was her Axel. She used her smarts to figure out a way to make him visible and real to everyone else. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to say or how to react. I could only stare at Mara with my mouth slightly open in confusion. Mara simply smiled at me. She said it was alright if I was confused or still didn't believe her. This Axel in front of me is real, I can accept him, and that's all that matters.

Some of her siblings, and Axel, helped Mara to move her things out of the house. She was going to live with Fiendir for a while so he could teach her more about sculpting. I had a feeling as I watched her leave though that she and this Axel fellow won't be apart for too long. Something tells me their relationship is incredibly close.


Sunday was thankfully very calm. Ada and Eloril watched over and played with Renduil and Rion all day, and Serith and Tirith went to visit David. The only thing I had to worry about was playing with and teaching Sidhion.


And somehow, things remained in that calm state for a good long while. In fact, I began to lose track of just how much time was actually passing. It was only when I went to change the month on the calendar that I realized I needed to become pregnant as soon as possible if I wanted to stay on schedule. Yes, the house is crowded, but Renduil and Rion will be having their own birthday soon. Then Serith and Tirith will be out on their way not too long afterwards. If I wait too long, I'll have a big gap like I did between Herindur and Minai after Londuil and Ninnor left.

What gave me a bit of trouble was the thought of doing something with a man with ada in the next room over. If he would just leave the house every once and a while. His stubbornness left me with only the option of taking my activities to the house of the man I'd be sharing time with. As luck would have it, I met Mr. Leroi Schaffer. He was very interested in what I had to offer, and he lived alone in his own apartment of which we made good use of.


I knew it would become obvious I had slept with someone when my belly would begin to grow again, but I wanted to keep the fact that I had a secret for as long as possible for ada and Eloril's sake. Unfortunately, Leroi unknowingly messed up everything even though he was just trying to be kind.

Perhaps half an hour after I returned home from our encounter, Leroi arrived at our house bringing my umbrella that I forgot at his place. And it had to be ada who opened the door and talked to him. I quietly listened and secretly watched their meeting hiding behind my bedroom wall. When Leroi told ada I had been at his apartment, I could see and sense ada's up till then cheerful mood completely dissipate. Leroi didn't notice though. He asked if I was home, but ada quickly lied that I was out. Leroi asked him to pass the message that he would like to spend some more time getting to know me onto me. Ada said he would, but quickly rushed Leroi out of the house.

Ada, somehow knowing I had been listening, turned towards where I was. I didn't want to move, but he refused to come over to me. I had no choice but to go meet him in the middle of the hallway. Ada handed me my umbrella back. He wouldn't look me in the eye, and there was such a hardened expression on his face. My own face flushed with sheer embarrassment. Neither of us said anything. 

Ada's expression eventually turned sad, and he hurriedly walked away from me when Rion called for him to come help finishing building the block tower they were working on......

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