Forever Separated

It really is interesting how things work out sometimes- like how a person you meet for the first time whom you think you want to avoid at all costs becomes a dear friend. Naturally, I am referring to Lar. I gave him a chance to impress me after his not so wonderful first impression, and now I can't believe that I ever wanted him to go away.

Unfortunately, he is only in Aurora Skies for a few more weeks. He is a photographer who is always on the move. While he does have an apartment back in his hometown, it's only a couple days out of the year that he is actually there. The rest of the time Lar is off seeing the world taking pictures for some big magazine the children have heard of but that I knew nothing of. Lar gave me a couple copies to look at, and I was amazed to find out that almost a third of all the pictures in each were taken by him. He explained that he usually is in one place for only a couple days in order to be able to take so many pictures of so many places, but that he requested more time here since he felt he hadn't captured the perfect photograph of this place yet.

What was the most surprising thing to learn is that Lar is actually going to Monte Vista next. Lar was really excited to go there once he realized he would get to meet more of our family. We even arraigned him to stay with Pararil and his family instead of booking a hotel room. To let you know, I am not the only one who finds Lar's company enjoyable. I let Lar temporarily move into our spare bedroom so we could talk more conveniently and I could tell him more about my home and myself. Idhren and Elwen talk and hang out with him just as much though. Elwen especially has so many questions for Lar. He takes her massive amount of curiosity in stride, although I suppose he understands the feeling of having so many questions and having the burning passion of needing them answered quite well.

In my efforts to become pregnant again, I found a very unique and excitable man named Derrek Rush. It seems that he loves everyone and everything, but more importantly, is knowledgeable about all that he loves. As soon as I met him he began to talk nonstop. I could barely get a word in, let alone make any proper advances towards him. However, I did learn a lot of interesting new facts that I was genuinely interested in. Mr. Rush's most particular fascination is in astronomy and the general forces that just make the world work. He taught me so much about topics I've never questioned. I've honestly never bothered to really figure out why there are seasons, why there is weather, how we are all kept grounded on this earth, and so on. Even if I hadn't gotten anything else out of Mr. Rush besides information, I would still have counted myself very lucky.

I did manage to achieve my aim though. It took a lot of work, but I did manage to get Mr. Rush to catch onto my advances and agree with them. We made our way over to my house since his did not have a proper double bed. Everyone was supposed to have been out so I thought I wouldn't have to worry about any awkward situations with bringing yet another man over. Thus I was unprepared when Mr. Rush and I walked inside and Lar was standing right there. My face flushed. I knew Lar understood why I had to do what I was doing, but he was giving me one of those serious, deep, almost sad looks he has a tendency of making.

Mr. Rush asked who Lar was. I quickly lied and said he was my son-in-law visiting from out of town. I didn't want to risk him leaving because he thought I was in a relationship with another man. Lar blessedly went along with the lie. He started to smile, and explained he was merely here for a second to collect the tripod he left behind by accident. While he tried to keep his expression cheerful as he left, at the last second I caught some anger and disappointment hidden in his eyes. I don't believe Mr. Rush noticed. It must be because I've come to know Lar so well that his true emotions weren't lost on me. Seeing that anger and disappointment made me think back to that whole situation with Eloril when he first arrived.

I pushed both Lar and my brother out of my mind when it was time to get down to what had to be done. The experience I had with Derrek is perhaps the most interesting intercourse I will ever have in my life. Derrek was excited when he realized I wanted to sleep for him, but because it was an opportunity to lean more about the body and the reproductive stimuli and responses instead of simply wanting the pleasure. What we went through was more like an experiment than an intimate act.

I was reminded a lot of the conversation about intercourse and love I had with Mendy, Noemi, and Brynda that one night at the beach. The open communication Derrek wanted between us about the specifics of our bodies was uncomfortable at first until I grew to find the discourse freeing. Then surprisingly, I found our time together incredibly enjoyable. Derrek strove to find the most intense reactors for my body, and so was constantly asking what felt best. Up till this part, most of the time I've let the men I've slept with determine what happens and gone along with what they wanted for themselves. The only other instances I can remember getting so much pleasure before was my encounters with Yves and Eiji.

After our non-intimate intimate activity was over, Derrek and I continued to talk. The conversation flowed smoothly and naturally to children seeing as they are a common result after all of what we had just finished doing. I casually slipped in the idea that I might become pregnant to see what Derrek's reaction would be. I kept the fact that getting pregnant was my goal a secret. Surprisingly unsurprisingly, Derrek responded positively to the idea. It was another experience that would give him the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. I breathed with relief knowing ahead of time that he was alright with having a child.

Derrek left after we had a mid-afternoon snack. My morale was higher than it had been in quite a while, and with the house empty, I was able to simply relax in my happy feelings.

Lar was the first to return home. His down, surly, and slightly angry mood was a stark contrast to mine. I let him go about his way hoping he would be able to move past those negative emotions. The last thing I wanted to do was push him before he was ready to talk to me and make everything worse. Realization came to me that he was only becoming more upset as time went by. He needed to talk to get over the worst of it. I asked him if he was upset with me. He instantly sighed loudly and apologized. No, I had done nothing wrong. The only one he was upset and frustrated with was himself because he couldn't do anything to help me or stop me from having to go through this whole task.

Eloril? Did you get plastic surgery before visiting again, was what I asked Lar. Obviously, that confused him badly. I couldn't help but to smile and laugh a little. I explained that he was acting and speaking so much like my brother that I had to wonder if he was him. Lar just chuckled quietly and shook his head at me. It was then that he did something unexpected that made me heart skip a few beats. Lar moved close to me, and tenderly placed his hand against my cheek. I didn't know how to react to his stare that was almost lovingly in nature. He apologized once more.

I wanted to become fixated in that moment for eternity. Somehow his skin tingled against mine, and I was lost in the mystery of those blue eyes of his. Lar has been so open with us. He has told us so much about his family and his life growing up, but there's always been something that he has held back. I can't even grasp an idea of what it might be. It frustrates me that I simply cannot figure it out. Then the eternity I wanted didn't last long. Lar pulled away and gave me another smile. With a nod of his head, he left the room. I sat down on the couch and stared out the window.

Once my stupor broke, I needed to preoccupy myself. The best idea I could come up with was checking the mail even though I knew there would be nothing from my family there. It was only several days later that the thought to ask Lar for help finally occurred to me. He said he didn't personally know any human contacts or where to find them right away, but he would see what he could do.

I called Derrek as soon as I knew I was pregnant. He moved his work schedule around so that he could be there at the first ultrasound with me. We asked to have the gender revealed, and we were told that we were going to be having a girl. Since then, Derrek has not been able to keep his excitement contained. He keeps going on and on about not being able to wait, and wondering so badly about how our genes will combine. I told him my idea that my elven genes might be stronger than human ones to get his opinion, and Derrek actually agreed. He says it is a good explanation for why normally dominant traits end up being overpowered by what is supposed to be recessive. He also revealed there's no way for us to be sure though other than for me to go through a lot of physical testing. We both knew none of that was going to happen.

As much as Derrek has been going on about the technical things of pregnancy and the development of the child, he talks just as much about how happy he is to get the blessing of the opportunity to be a father.

Before too long, we had to say a temporary goodbye to Lar. His time in Aurora Skies had finally run out, and he had to be moving onto Monte Vista. It was horribly sad to be seeing him go, but Lar promised to come back to see the baby when she was born. Something else he also promised was a lot of professional quality pictures of my children in Monte Vista.

When he got in the taxi to leave, I comforted myself by reminding myself over and over again that he would be coming back.

There was one day where I nearly had a heart attack. I took my eyes off of Meldiron for one second so that I could use the restroom. When I returned to the living room, he was nowhere to be found. I searched the whole first floor, and the second floor as well since he had recently learned how to crawl up the stairs. I even tried to hunt him down outside- though it would have been impossible for him to get past the closed doors. Just when I was about to really start panicking, I went back into the living room to find him playing quietly inside the toy box. It took me a minute to catch my breath. Meldiron is going to be one of those children I need four eyes to watch over properly.

Elwen went on a field trip, and won a supposedly special seed in some sort of content her class had. She was given no inclination as to what it might be. We chose to plant it considering that one plant by itself is not hard to look after. Elwen loves watering it, and surprisingly, weeding it and fertilizing it as well. We're both very excited to see what it will grow up to be. I just wish the adults on the field trip didn't get my daughter's hopes up by telling her something truly special will grow only to have some vegetable we can get at the store sprout instead.

There was a few hard weeks that I had to deal with. Mendy passed away. It was peaceful and because of her age, but it still felt too soon. I finally got to meet the children she was so proud of at her funeral. After that day, I found myself making the trip up to the cemetery a lot on my daily walks. I was hit by that horrifying feeling of overwhelming grief on the day that would have been Mendy's wedding anniversary to her husband. Mendy is now yet another person I am forever separated from.

Elrunamir, Ureliel, Elaril, Sildor, Lothirien, Aravilui, Arluwen, Amadrie, Elerith, Nadrien, Threlad, Cadriethiel, Nikara, Iselith, Saradith, and most recently Anithien- they're all gone. How could I not cry? It was even harder to hold back the tears when I realized all the children I bore in Appaloosa Plains have now gone beyond my reach. That chapter of my life is truly and completely finished forever......