Compromise

I thought the wait during the past two weeks to hear of my sister's fate was the worst waiting I would ever have to suffer through. However, the mere two days I had to wait for ada and Ellothiel's return proved to be much more frustrating. Two days was how long ada said it would take for them to travel back to Aurora Skies.

When ada told me he had found Ellothiel alive, I was so very glad. I was even more glad that Garthon and Rieldir were not around because I began to cry from relief. It was not simply a few tears that flowed down my cheeks, but I cried with such an intensity that I have not since when I was a young child. The tears that I've held back through this mess in favor of appearing strong to comfort the others flowed out all in that one moment.

Ada had even more good news for me. Ellothiel was doing better than either of us could have believed. She wouldn't say anything other than that she was able to talk to someone who gave her the encouragement she needed to find enough meaning to want to keep living. Ada says there remains a bit of chill on her skin, yet she can smile, and perhaps more importantly, gather the strength to handle her grief.

It was in some woods where ada found Ellothiel. They went to the nearest town to buy a charger for her phone, and we now resting in a hotel. They rented a long-distance taxi, but even by car the journey would still take at least two days. I let Garthon and Rieldir know the news as soon as they got home. I think they are still somewhat bitter at how Ellothiel was treating them, but they want things to just return to normal as much as I do. They were quietly excited at the prospect of finally having their mother home.

Unfortunately, because they have some kind of mandatory tests going on at school, I wasn't able to call them in sick so that they could wait with Elioviel and I on the day ada and Ellothiel were due to return. I got Eli ready for the day, and we waited on the steps all morning.

The Search

I should have known.

I should have known something was wrong when Ellothiel didn't come back by her normal time. While it might be that she rarely eats anything anymore, she at least manages to find her way back here by lunch. However, noon came and went with no sign of her. I was too stupid to notice until I started clearing up the plates. It's just been so hard keeping my thoughts straight and coherent lately.

The grief lingering in my heart is quite unlike what I felt the last time I was here. I met Elrunamir and Ureliel when they were already so far along in their lives. Their passing hurt of course, but that pain was nothing like what struck my chest when I saw the lifeless body of the little girl I'd helped teach to walk and talk limp in Garthon's arms. There's no wiping the memory of her blood soaked face out of my memory.

Then there is Ellothiel. I have no choice but to watch her grow paler, grow weaker every day. Last time I was able to comfort her. This time there's no way I ever could. As badly as I want to ignore the truth, the truth is that it's now Ellothiel's decision alone whether she will live or not- and I fear she's leaning towards not.

Gone

I wonder if there's something wrong with Zuri. Not that she's been sick or upset lately or anything like that, but she has recently been coming into my room every night to sleep next to me on the bed even though all I ever do is ignore her. I don't understand why she has seemingly become so attached to me. I suppose it's a good thing though that Eloril adopted a dog who is so accepting and full of love instead of a completely anti-social one. Zuri has also stopped chewing away at my furniture, so that's good too.

Oddest Looking Dog

Naturally, I miss Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan now that they've left the house, but since I have Cirabel I find it much harder to be sad. Her recent birthday was a very joyous affair, and she is turning out just as beautiful as I anticipated. Bradley was glad she takes after me. The only thing Cirabel is missing is my ears. Since she's my first daughter in so long, I haven't been able to resist dressing her up in all sorts of pretty shades of pink. Cirabel seems to love everything pink so it works out great.

Daughter

It was prom time for the teenagers. Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan all pooled their spare money together in order to rent a limousine to pick up their dates and take them to the prom. What they got wasn't quite what the expected though. The limousine that picked them up had its heating brake earlier in the day. Since all the other limousines were booked for that day, the company only had the broken one left. The boys had to wear jackets and warmer clothes over their suits as they reluctantly got into the vehicle. The company refunded them a large percentage of their money, but naturally, they still weren't happy with the situation. Things eventually picked up for them at the dance though. Elrelas even won prom king.

Wishing

Some days it's very difficult dealing with all the noise that comes from Isilmar's room. His is on the second floor and on the other side of the house form where mine is, and yet I can hear almost every note that he plays on his guitar. I would get frustrated with him about it, but since he's becoming such a wonderful musician I don't mind listening most of the time. I asked him if making music is what he wants to do with his life, but Isilmar isn't sure. He's got the skill, but it's unfortunately clear he doesn't have the confidence in himself. I believe he can do it if he really wants to and is determined to work hard at it. The performances he puts on for the family are amazing. If he would just be a bit more proactive at getting other people to hear what he can do, I'm sure he'll see his gift properly then.

Tag

What is it like to have free time? I can't even remember what it feels like to have the smallest break. I suppose it's something similar to that one peaceful second where everything's quiet right before I slip into my nightly deep sleep brought about by exhaustion. Even with ada, Eloril, and Ortherion's help, I can barely keep up with Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan. I'll be trying to teach one of them when another needs his diaper changed. I'll try to use the restroom, and all four boys will need to be fed at that exact moment. It's a constant cycle of changing jobs. Just when I begin to think everything is about to be taken care of, one more issue pops up.

I knew to expect some of this given my experience with Aravilui, Arluwen, and Amadrie, but I never realized how adding simply one more child would make the whole situation ten times harder. At least unlike the time with my triplets, I don't have worry about money or not having enough beds. The house will have just enough space to fit everyone comfortably.