Color My World Short Story #4

As we found our way upstairs and into Eden's room, I found myself drawn to the corner. There was that curiosity to explore what hadn't been seen before. It wasn't that I hadn't been in here previously, but there simply hadn't been many reasons to come in. Eden had only invited me in one other time, and that had been years and years ago when the pictures in the corner hadn't been there.

     "Meadow was so adorable when she was younger." I cooed.

     "Wasn't she?" Eden smiled.

He placed down his bags of stuff. With Allium, Meadow, and their friends off enjoying their weekend, Eden and I had done some shopping after our book club finished its meeting.

     "Who took the pictures?" I asked

     "I did."

     "You know, you've shown me pictures of her at this age before. I really haven't seen photos of her at any other age though past the ones you have from when you moved here."

     "That's because there are none," Eden sighed, "The only pictures that exist of her besides the ones taken here were all taken by me. It wasn't long after these pictures here that my adult life really got moving. I visited my parents and Meadow occasionally, but I stopped having the urge to take photos of her. It really didn't cross my mind. If I had know then that my parents couldn't be bothered to capture anything of her life, I would have acted differently. However, I didn't know."

I frowned as Eden moved over. He didn't appear too happy either, and it drove me to finally ask for details I hadn't ever really gotten.

     "You've always hinted Meadow had a rough time with your parents." I pointed out.

     "It's hard to admit it. They were great parents for me. Yet...having Meadow wasn't what they wanted at all. They did pretty much everything they could to prevent my mom from becoming pregnant, but she still became pregnant. I believe that my parents did care for Meadow deeply, but they let their frustrations and selfish desires blind them and turn them into something awful. Meadow was always taken care of physically, but our parents totally neglected her. It got to the point where even at age six they thought her capable enough of looking after herself that would leave for a week for a business trip and not bother with any sort of babysitter. Meadow could walk herself to school, and as long as she had money and food she would surely be alright..."

     "That's horrible." I remarked indignantly.

     "I blame myself too. I thought I was a good brother. I would visit every few months. I would come down for the holidays. I made sure Meadow had presents for her birthday and Christmas. I would sometimes call her on the phone. She would smile when she saw me. She would tell me she loved me. In truth, I was so distant to her. I never tried to really connect, and I dismissed all the blatant warning signs of how badly she suffered. None of it hit me until our parents died, until I saw Meadow was so distraught thinking it was her fault that she wouldn't talk to anyone."

     "Why did she think it was her fault? Someone else hit your parents' car, and that was what killed them, right?"

     "That's the truth. Meadow could only think it was her selfish wish that caused it though. She dared to ask for attention by requesting our parents buy her a toy. They would be gone on another business trip during her birthday, and she demanded she have it before they left. That demand caused them to never return. With how messed up she was because of how worthless they made her feel, it's no wonder she blamed herself."

I sighed. I glanced back at the pictures of the happy toddler, and I thought of the beautiful little girl who was blossoming into a wonderful young woman. It also wasn't hard to recall how Meadow had been in the early days of me knowing her.

     "It's so infuriating, hearing of someone treating their child like that," I huffed, "Allium wasn't exactly a convenience for me either, but how could I ever take it out on him? Sure, he made life difficult at times, but he's given me so much more back in return that I would never dare to act as if I was better off without him."

     "You're a good person, Rose," Eden smiled, "And I'm grateful you've been there for Meadow all these years. There are gaps I can't fill for her no matter how hard I try, what with me being a guy, so I'm glad she has you. And, I mean, you basically saved her life that one winter. I owe you so much."

     "I've been happy to do it, and thank you, Eden. I don't feel you should blame yourself so harshly. Whatever mistakes you made or you feel you made in the past, you are being an amazing brother to Meadow now. I remember her when you first came here. She was so shy, so scared, so nervous about so much. She has changed incredibly. She is beyond happy, and I know that's because of how much love you've shown her. I mean, she even has the confidence to handle dating Allium." I couldn't help but to joke.

     "I know." Eden replied in pouting disbelief.

     "Still hard for you to handle it even though it's already been six months since they've been together?" I laughed.

     "It wouldn't be so bad if Allium didn't constantly-"

     "Wind you up? I know, Eden, I know." I comforted kindly, cutting off the common complaint he asked me nearly every week to fix.

How little did he know that was entirely out of my control.

It took a lot of willpower not to burst out laughing thinking of all the preposterous texts my son had sent Eden to bother him that Eden had shown me. I did feel for him, but...I kind of got a kick out of seeing him so wound up too. He was a trooper and handled it all with grace, so I hoped Eden wouldn't hate me too much for it. Off he moved to the other side of the room to start putting his purchases away while I paced about. My merry thoughts kept me entertained for a moment. Then a simple glance to the right brought up a thought that had slowly been creeping tighter and tighter around my brain until I thought of it nearly every time I saw the man next to me.

Eden was pretty attractive. He was handsome without his appearance being overly rough or overly soft. His personality was so sweet and inviting that I often forget, despite his muscles being right in front of my face, that he was rather toned. Eden and Blaze were always at the gym, although Eden didn't seem to particularly enjoy it. I wondered why it was that important to him to be so fit. Perhaps he wanted to stay healthy so Meadow couldn't lose him before it was his time to go? Did he want to look good for the ladies? I couldn't wrap my head around that. After our kiss under the mistletoe, Eden had made sure to profess to me later that he was straight. However, I hadn't seen him show a single hint of interest in any woman since he'd moved here. Apart from whatever girlfriend he'd had in high school, I hadn't heard of him being in any other relationships either.

     "Hey, Eden?"

     "Hmm?"

     "I..." I hesitated, "I know this must be an odd question coming out of the blue, but aren't you lonely?"

Having just sat down on his bed, Eden stared at me with confused curiosity. I moved closer, fiddling with my engagement ring.

     "Lonely?" he asked, "Lonely how?"

     "Like, don't you want a girlfriend? Don't you want to get married? You don't seem to ever focus on it."

     "Oh, that. Honestly, I really do want to get married. I'd like to make a family, but I've just got too much else to deal with to make it a reality. I'm not at the point where I can be a proper partner for someone. I wouldn't make any woman happy right now."

It was difficult for me to understand that. Nothing I knew about Eden had me thinking he was overwhelmed or would hold a woman back. 

     "What about you?" Eden's questioned interrupted my thoughts, for he naturally noticed my downcast expression.

Having his prompting to help me, I took a deep breath to do what I had wanted to do for a long time. My hand shaking, I slowly slid my engagement ring of my finger and placed it on the bedside table. Eden instantly stared at me, puzzled.

     "I gave up on Jacaranda years ago. I don't think he abandoned me, but I don't think he's ever coming back. Honestly, I think he's dead. He got killed in some sort of accident or something maybe. In any case, I know that this ring has no weight anymore. I want to get rid of it, but I can't break Allium's heart. He's such a mama's boy," I chuckled pitifully, "He has incredible faith in me. If I believe, he'll believe. I don't want to break that just yet. I don't want him to be scarred any more than he's already been scarred. Remember Meadow telling us how distraught he was when she got stuck on that mountain in Wonder Light? He cares more deeply than his joking personality has it appear."
     "He's a good kid." Eden said kindly, and that meant a lot.

Leaving the ring behind me, I joined him on the bed. Initially, I only took his hand in mine as I stared at him intently.

     "I don't get why you feel you're not meant for a relationship as it stands, but don't you want to remedy the emptiness in your chest somehow? It's frustrating, but I can't stand the idea of loving someone else other than Jac even though I've given up. I'm not there yet, and I don't know when I'll ever be. Still, if I'd find someone who would just want to fill that gap with me a little, I'd take the chance."
     "I...suppose? I'm not quite sure what you mean you when say 'fill that gap a little' though." Eden scratched his head.

I should have just said what I meant. That was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, I was letting myself get emotional. It hurt so much bringing up the truth to someone else when I'd barely admitted it to myself, and at the same time I was convinced Eden was the best one to help heal me. That I was the best one to help heal him. I simply had to show him that. That's why I moved firmly on him in one quick movement. He barely had time to react before I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed him as deeply as I kissed him under the mistletoe. Perhaps I kissed him even a bit harder.

     "R-Rose?" Eden pulled his head back the second the shock wore off, stuttering in his anticipated surprise.

Rational thoughts hit me then. I had just destroyed our friendship. I totally had. Me planting that proper kiss on him that one Christmas had been fine, but I was wholly out of line launching myself at him without any kind of consent. I couldn't be any more of a bigger idiot.

However...

Eden didn't pull any further away. He stared at me for a moment with wide eyes, but not with ones of disgust or rejection. Guiltily flicking my gaze up at him from under lowered lashes, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry even more with what Eden did next.

     "I see." his calm voice said softly.

With a gentle pull, he pressed me more against him. He positioned himself so we could both be more comfortable, and he guided my lips back to his.

     "I-I don't mean that I want us to be anything serious," I escaped the kiss after a moment, needing to make my intentions clear before anything further happened, "It's just to have someone close for a moment when we need it. To know that someone cares even if we're not meant to be together. Just to..."
     "I know, Rose. I know." Eden echoed me with that sweet look of his that came so naturally.

The floodgates having been opened with his smile of permission, I leaned against him fully. My fingers wound their way up his chest under his shirt as we kissed without ceasing, and, for the first time in fifteen years, my heart rested peacefully in a bit of the sanctuary it had once known.