To Belong

Ever so slowly, the weather has changed. The temperature has been getting colder and the days have been shorter. Summer seemed as if it would last forever, but the autumn season has finally unseated it. The mass of green leaves are now a beautiful rainbow of gold, red, and yellows. I've always found the changing of seasons to be a fascinating time, so my mood has been good recently. The only thing that has been bringing me down is the nausea that keeps coming in the middle of the night. I have not missed that aspect at all.

It certainly was another bittersweet experience when Sildor's birthday came. It will be sad not to have a male around. I smile when I think of how silently excited he is to move in with his friends and not be completely surrounded by girls all the time. I know he'll miss all his little sisters though, for why else would he suddenly begin to tease them a lot more? He has to get as much in while he can. His plan is to become a journalist, and as I said, move in with a couple of his friends.

He fixed the television box for me one more time before he left. Now that we have this big house, even the absence of one person is missed. Something feels empty. I cannot wait until my new child is born, although is does feel weird to be having children that will be younger than their own nieces and nephews. I suppose that's a feeling I will have to get used to. By the time the last child is born, who knows how many generations from my children now will already exist? I doubt I'll be able to keep track of how far the bloodline spreads.

On a happy note, Ureliel has been doing well for herself. She met a man named Humberto Singleton, the son of Rodney's brother. That would make him Elrunamir's cousin. Anyway, Ureliel and Humberto have gotten married. The ceremony was beautiful, and I was so happy that Ureliel found someone after struggling with the decisions she had previously made.

I won't lie that I didn't feel secretly jealous as I watched my daughter and son-in-law exchange vows. It's so hard to watch my child obtain the one thing that has slipped out of my grasp. All the things that I deeply desire I will most likely never be able to obtain anymore thanks to this task. For example, a man that loves me who won't leave after we spend the night together, or a child that I don't have to watch age until they meet oblivion.

I feel so absolutely lost. I don't belong here. That can be said without hesitation. However, I don't know if it's possible that I belong at home anymore either. How can I exist calmly in that innocent and peaceful world after everything I've been through here? I wish I could contact my family, but I haven't found any means by which to get in touch with them. I fear it will only be silence between us until this task is over.

While the children were at school, I decided to head to the fall festival that has recently arrived. I've decided that it's not good for me to just stand around only watching. While I still might not like the human race, I can no longer deny that this place is my temporary home. I have to accept it as best I can. That means I have to get involved and try to get a better understanding of the people around me. 

I tried all the various things I could while in my pregnant condition. The scary house was interesting, but I wasn't afraid. I suppose I see things too logically. It was impossible for me to forget everything that popped out at me was fake. I've also had a fair bit of combat training in my youth, so my guard was naturally up the whole time. Mostly I laughed the whole way through. Afterwards, I gathered up some pumpkins at the patch planted in the center of the fairgrounds. 

They were for the girls to carve before Spooky Day. We had Aravilui, Arluwen, and Amadrie's birthday first though. I wonder if I'm blessed or cursed to have so many beautiful daughters in the house. Thankfully, there haven't been any troublesome boys I've had to chase away, but it's only a matter of time.

Speaking of time, time went on and I once again went into labor. Maybe it's because so much time has passed since my last pregnancy, but the process was much more painful than before. Well, compared to my first five pregnancies at least. I don't think I'll ever experience one quite as awful as the triplets' birth again. I better not, for I think I might go crazy. I've had the experience of raising three at one time, and that's all the experience I need. Twins wouldn't be so bad I suppose.

In the end, I gave birth to another girl. I named her Elerith.

The next day was peaceful with just Elerith and I in the house. She has been a quiet baby so far, and one that is simply addicting to hold. With Ureliel having become pregnant with Humberto's child, I decided it would be nice to have her over. She eagerly agreed, and said she would be over soon. However, she was taking too long to arrive. I worried that some had happened, and I was in for a shock when I stepped outside to check if I could see her coming.

Ureliel had arrived, but had once again gone into a painful labor that wouldn't allow her to move. She was standing in the yard in the pouring rain. I tried to bring her inside, but she demanded she be taken to the hospital. While my preference is to stay as far away from that place as possible, I know Ureliel feels comfortable there and I won't force my ideals on her. I gathered Elerith, and the three of us went to the hospital. Humberto met us there.

After a couple hours, Ureliel gave birth to a girl. I fear the males in our family are going to be vastly outnumbered. Ureliel named her daughter Ashleigh. Humberto and I helped Ureliel and Ashleigh get home and comfortable, then Elerith and I returned home ourselves. I set both of us down for a nap.

A couple days later, I gave the girls their pumpkins and they spent the afternoon carving different designs into them.

We placed them outside for Spooky Day the following day. Honestly, I've never considered using pumpkins in such a way. It truly is a clever and creative way to use them. Since we were able to roast the seeds, little of the pumpkins went to waste. That made me happy.

Then it was time for Elerith to age up. She looks so much like Cruz, although she does have my ears. It is truly calming to have so much time to spend with one child- to cuddle, play, and teach her at a relaxing pace. Of course, it's nice to have four older girls all willing to help when needed. 

It's certainly a trade-off from the hectic days when they were toddlers themselves......