Heartbreak

Eloril and I have always been similar- especially in regards to our dreaming and imaginative minds. I'm sure while he was searching for where I had been whisked off to, he visioned that he would arrive in a grand manner and vow to take me back home no matter what he had to do. When he accepted that I must remain here, I saw him thinking of how he would be the most helpful he had ever been in order to make things easier for me. He talked of finding ways to bring in plenty of money and the such.

Unfortunately, reality keeps hitting him hard. Another way we are the same- he also has no skills to be employed in human works nor the necessary papers to allow him to do so. I wonder if he even got proper recognition from the humans to be here at all. As the weeks have passed, Eloril realized there really isn't much he can do to help. Mostly he assists with the chores and keeps the girl entertained. Still, I've never seen his good attitude falter. It seems he knows just him being here is the most important thing.

Eloril was astounded to see the rate at which Threlad grew. He asked me if that was normal, or if something was wrong. When he asks me things like that, I see the same naivety that I had when I first arrived. It is hard not to smile widely when Eloril asks me to explain all the machines and what everything is for. How Elrunamir had such patience to answer everything cheerfully is beyond me. Eloril's questioning and curiosity makes him seem like a child himself.

Anyway, I explained that Threlad was growing up as he should. He inherited Jermaine's hair color and my eyes. It is amusing to watch Eloril try to teach and take care of Threlad. He's too cautious and hesitant with him, and treats Threlad like a porcelain doll. I know this is because Eloril thinks humans are so much weaker than elves. To be fair, this is true. I do not say this as an insult. It is only the ways things are. Still, even if Threlad wasn't a half-elf, Eloril doesn't need to hold him as if the slightest pressure will shatter him into a thousand pieces.

Since Eloril has a lot of spare time, he goes out for runs multiple times a day. He's used to doing a lot of physical activity at home, and after traveling for so long, I'm sure he feels restless being in the house. It doesn't matter what the weather outside is like. It can be cold or raining, and Eloril will still run. Obviously, he is not affected by such things just like I am not either. He does not seem to be aware that his running has gathered him quite a bit of attention. Most of that attention comes from the women of the town. Quite like our ada, Eloril doesn't even have to do anything and women will flock towards him. This trait apparently caused our naneth some grief until she established her position in ada's life.

Ever since Eloril arrived, Elerith and Nadrien have blossomed so much. I believe this is because unlike my other daughters, they haven't had an older brother or a father-figure like Charlie around. They've been missing that influential connection of a male role model. Eloril is unknowingly filling that missing gap. Elerith and Nadrien love spending time with their uncle, as well as listening to his ridiculous tales of all the "amazing" feats he has done at home. I let him speak his harmless stories, but can't help but to roll my eyes through all of them. At least Elerith and Nadrien aren't really taking them all that seriously.

Unfortunately, Nadrien's mood has been dropping over the past couple weeks. It has not escaped me that she's trying to hold back asking questions about Calvin because she doesn't want to be bothersome. It's finally hit her that I really know nothing about him. I can't possibly tell her the things she wants to know, and it's left her rather depressed. Since she seemed fine before Eloril arrived, I think his coming is what reawakened her desire to feel a stronger connection to her father even though he is deceased.

As I was wondering what to do, Nadrien came up to me suddenly one day and asked to see Calvin's grave. It was raining quite hard, so I told her we would wait for better weather. She would not have it. Nadrien wanted to go as soon as possible. I planned for the trip to be just the two of us, but she wanted everyone there. When we reached Calvin's gravestone, Nadrien began to cry. Even though the two of them never met, she still felt heartbreak over his loss. Nadrien has needed time to grieve just as any other person does when they lose a loved one.

I wish I could have done more to comfort her. However, I have never experienced the loss of someone dear to me. I dread the day when word comes that one of my children has finally passed on.

Needless to say, everyone's mood was not particularly cheerful for the rest of the day. Elerith, always the positive one, announced we were all going to the spring festival on the following day. Our going certainly did the trick.

Nadrien had a wonderful time finding all the hidden decorative eggs scattered throughout the festival grounds, and got quite a bit of candy as a result. Elerith kept herself entertained by playing the festival games. I saw her sneak towards those ridiculous kissing booths a couple times. I can't believe people actually pay others to kiss them! Elerith must have been interested in the man working one of the booths. I think she saw my gaze though, and that's what kept her away. If I ever found out she did something so preposterous, we both know there would be trouble.

There was a small dance floor provided at the festival, and melodic music was being played. Eloril, ever the gentleman, offered me a dance. Only one, he teased. More than that, and the others would get jealous. I laughed. Of course there are no others. Leave it to Eloril to pretend that his attention is so widely divided. We ended up dancing for a long time. I miss the parties and festivals of home, and my desire to be there has increased. With Eloril's arrival, I feel that things can actually be alright there when I return.

A thief attempted to ruin our night. It's been so long since anyone has tried to steal from our house. I had a new alarm installed as soon as we moved here, but I'd completely forgotten about it. When that deafening noise came, I thought something absolutely awful was about to occur. I stayed in my room as always until the noise quieted. Then I found Eloril subduing the thief. How he managed to ignore the noise and fight is incredible. Eloril kept firm hold of the thief until the policewoman arrived to take him away.

Despite the horrid weather the next day, I decided to venture out to meet more men. I tried the various buildings I've gone to in the past, but no one was around. That's when I was surprised. I actually found a decent number of people out and about in the parks. Why any humans would want to be out in this type of weather is crazy. Still, I ignored that thought to introduce myself to the couple men there were. Unfortunately, like almost every other time, the men were engaged with other women.

I was about to give up for the day when I got a call from Lothirien inviting me to join her in attending a local party. Having never attended a human party before, I almost said no. I was so nervous. When she told me of how many people were there, I knew there had to be some man there willing to unknowingly contribute to the continuation of the task. I accepted Lothirien's invitation, and met her at the house the party was at.

It was full of people. I wasn't sure where to start, but I decided meeting the men I had never seen before was a good start. Before too long I met Mr. Alfred Cacia. We talked for some time. I picked him out first from among the other men there. It's not really something I'm proud of, but I have gotten quite good at discerning which men will be the most receptive to my advances. With the party being very loud, we decided to head back to my house to further our conversation. I strengthened my flirtations when we arrived.

However, I couldn't suggest going to the bedroom to Mr. Cacia for Eloril came out of nowhere. He starts yelling at Mr. Cacia and tells him to leave. Before I can understand what's going, the two men are having a fierce argument. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Mr. Cacia eventually became fed up and stormed out of the house vowing never to return.

I didn't have the chance to even get angry for Eloril started ranting at me. He demanded to know what I was doing. Was he really that dense? What else would I be doing? I was trying to continue the task, of course. I told him that despite what he thought, most human males will not just throw themselves at me. It actually takes effort to coax them to be willing to sleep with me. I tried hard to calm Eloril down, but it was impossible. He would not listen to me.

Eloril kept going on. He told me that he never wanted me to bring another man to the house. I was setting such a terrible example for all my children. I was harming them in ways I couldn't imagine by having all these strange men over, but I was doing just as much damage to myself. I was becoming one of them. Eloril talked as if I was morphing into some sort of disease that had to be purified. Then he told me he would've rather that I chosen exile instead of accepting the task. It would've been better if I remained the sister he knew instead of this strange being I had become.

The sister he knew? What has happened to the brother I knew? I know that Eloril is most normally laid-back and calm-headed like our ada, but he has naneth's temper as well. Still, I can not see why he would allow such hurtful words to escape his lips. He has a bad habit of taking his anger out on the wrong person when he becomes upset, but I can't ignore his actions now. I let him have his rage. Then I made my position clear for the second time.

I had made my choice. There might be many things I wish were different or that I am not pleased with, but my life here isn't bad. Even this task is worth doing if it means I get to have my children. No matter how difficult it becomes or what others think of me, I refuse to give up on it. I will see it through to completion no matter what it takes. Lowering myself to sleep with almost a hundred men means nothing to me anymore. It's just part of my current existence.

If he could not accept that this is the way my life is, then he should leave now and completely forget about me until I return home. I would do the same. I would rather it be that way then have this brother I don't know before me.

There was silence when I finished speaking. Then, without another world or attempt at collecting his things, Eloril walked right out the door.

I understand that I forced him to make such a choice, but it does not stop my heart from breaking any further as I watch his figure steadily grow smaller and smaller......