Nine Left

Nana and I were absolutely dumbfounded. We had both expected with complete certainty that Gellrin would take after her father. We were not prepared in the slightest for her to take so much after nana. Andethon had nana's hair and eyes, but Gellrin had the whole package- the hair, eye, and ears. It was also fairly clear Gellrin inherited more of my facial structure than she did Marty's. I was pleased. Nana was beside herself. Andethon, who had always been her not-so-secret secret favorite grandchild, began to get a bit jealous. Nana could hardly be separated from her new adored grandbaby. I, on the other hand, was more than willing to let them be together so much. Of course I did my fair share, but it was also nice to have more time than I had anticipated to do more of the things I actually wanted to do.

Unfortunately, that time soon got cut short. I thought Ranna had gotten herself into a bit of a tight spot when marrying Henry. Aewen and Alcarien went way past her though, and Alcarien more so than her twin. Aewen had at least been troubled to wait until her relationship with her boyfriend was strong enough to begin doing activities I wished they would have waited longer to start. There was little I could do but to be happy when Aewen announced that she was pregnant. She went on to give birth to a daughter she named Esperanza. Alcarien, however, took the plunge far before she and her boyfriend were ready. Don was willing to stand by my daughter- until it was revealed that she was having triplets. He promised to see the girls and pay ample support, both promises he stuck to firmly, but he quickly cut off all other ties with Alcarien. That left her essentially on her own as a first-time mother with three newborns to care for. I went over to assist her and Aewen every time I had a second to spare. Claire, Suzanna, and Elise were mild-mannered infants, but it was never-ending work with there being four infants in the house when you included Esperanza. Things were not very cheerful over there for a while.

That dour situation made me wince when my own pregnancy began to show, until I realized I was projecting my daughter's life into my own. I had no reason to feel down about my child and every reason to feel happy. So I felt happy. I was also curious. This pregnancy was supposed to be one where I didn't have an ultrasound to discover the gender. I almost caved and asked if my child was a boy or a girl when I went for a check-up, but I managed to reign my want to know in before it got the better of me.

For once, I managed to prepare myself properly before it was time to face another one of those birthdays. It was Thoronton's big one- the one that would have him take his first steps into the world of adults. Though I did prepare myself for its coming, that's not to say I still didn't cry and get perhaps a bit too emotional. I blamed my tears on my pregnancy. What I struggled with when letting Thoronton leave was all the time I missed thanks to my being kidnapped. I had missed his first crawl, his first words, his first steps, and all those other moments parents wait so expectantly to see. My family had managed to capture all of them on video, but of course it wasn't the same. I wished so desperately I could go back and fix everything that went wrong. Naturally, such a thing wasn't possible. I had to get a grip on myself and realize I was going to miss out on one more important milestone in my son's life if I didn't stop yearning for the past.

And Thoronton's birthday was a happy one. He graduated with good grades, but that was no surprise. It didn't take him long before he found a good job as a journalist. Instead of getting a place just for him, we worked it out so he could move in with some of his friends.

It was a good thing I had long ago gone and bought that second easel. Thanks to all of their trips to the art museum, Abriel was constantly inspired to create new works of her own. The house always smelled of paint due to both her and nana churning out painting after painting. I didn't mind until I became pregnant, because the scent of the chemicals bothered my stomach. The two grumbled, but so kindly reduced the amount of their creations.

Having to put my martial arts training on hold once again, I went back to practicing the piano. I was actually getting rather good for only being self-taught. It didn't take long for me to prefer spending the time getting better while having my family putter about. Andethon had grown an addiction to teaching Ral as many tricks as possible. Ral was getting old, but his intelligence was as creepily proficient as ever. He picked up what Andethon taught him quickly.

I got to show off my improvement at the next party the children and I decided to throw. Seeing as how we had already thrown a feast party, Andethon and Abriel thought it better to throw a costume party than to repeat ourselves. It ended up being a combination of both due to all the food my older children brought with them anyway. It was highly amusing and exciting to see what everyone dressed up as. I did have one moment of silliness though that I thankfully was able to keep to myself. There was a period of several minutes where I kept staring at a few people. My belief was that the costumes were so well done that it made me impossible to recognize which of my children was wearing that outfit. Then my brain finally worked it out that the people I was staring at were not my children. They were my children's friends that had crashed the party. I laughed to myself before getting a plate of food.

There was a lot of merriment at the party. After my little piano performance ended, most got in some dancing to the normal music playing on the radio. There were some pranks here and there, and the house buzzed with conversation and laughter. I wasn't laughing though when I went to find out what the source of the loud noise coming from the entrance of the house was. For whatever reason, Marty had been possessed to bring his dog along with him. That dog was making a mess out of my poor potted plant. Marty, though he was close by, hadn't noticed. You can bet I alerted him to what his precious pooch was doing right away. I heard quite a few apologies from him, and Marty soon departed from the party to take his lovely animal home.

Prom was the day after the party. Despite not having a date, Andethon had been looking forward to it for weeks. He got himself ready and went to the event with his friends. I didn't see him until the next morning given that he came home so late. Andethon had some good news and bad news to tell me. It was beyond him, but he had been voted prom king. That was the good news. The bad news- the crown he had received was ridiculously big. He had to use his hand to support it when he showed it to me, and his whole hand could have fit in the extra space. I teased him that the large size was so that his head would fit once it swelled from his ego at being crowned king. Andethon rolled his eyes and chuckled sarcastically.

Gellrin was very good at entertaining herself. She absolutely loved to play, and her favorite toy was the xylophone. I could leave for the nursery for stretches of a few minutes to start a load of laundry or do a bit of cleaning while she was content to hit at it merrily. Though her melodies were often chaotic, it was surprising how often the sounds she created were somehow decent. The biggest fan of Gellrin's music was Abrien. She would wiggle and coo whenever her niece started playing.

It took me longer than it should have to realize that fall had been swept away by winter. I suppose I didn't notice because fall hadn't actually been swept away by winter. It was technically the time of year that was marked with snow, short days, and hot chocolate, but the temperature barely dropped and the snow didn't come. Thoronton came over to help Andethon put up our holiday lights, but they looked awfully out of place what with there not being a snowflake anywhere.

I went into labor at a more convenient hour this time around. I was fed, clean, and relatively full of energy. Nana was handling Abrien and Gellrin, and Andethon and Abriel were entertaining themselves downstairs. I was able to let the hours pass in relative peace while I focused on what I had to do. I ended up giving birth to a boy. I named him Erumaren. There was a bit of craziness after his birth seeing as nana and I had forgotten to put up the crib he needed. Thankfully, Andethon was more than willing to help nana while I rested with my new son.

I had been happy that day. In the following day, and the ones after that, I found myself becoming more troubled. I felt worried and scared all the time, and those feelings only got worse even though it escaped me for a while as to why I was feeling them at all. It got to the point where I couldn't hide my emotions. I talked to nana about them, and we passed them off as a simple bout of the baby blues. Nana assisted me more and got Andethon and Abriel to take on a few more responsibilities around the house. However, I grew more and more afraid no matter how much anyone tried to help me. I was at an utter loss.

Then I realized what the issue was. I had stepped over the threshold. I hadn't consciously known it, but I had known it all the same. Gellrin had been the ninetieth child of mine born for the task. Erumaren was ninety-one. I laughed at myself. Back when I gave birth to Milmarion, I felt as if I was so close to finishing. I had been slightly frightened then that I had given birth to half of the children I needed to bear. This time around, when it hit me that I only had nine children left to go, the fear hit me with a fury that only frightened me further. I began to shake. I had to sit down. There was so much I wasn't looking forward to when the order was completed, but what scared me the most was the knowledge that it wouldn't be long now before all of my children would be dead. I had understood there would be that point where they would be lost and I wouldn't have anymore to give me a reason to keep pressing forward. However, now that moment was something I couldn't ignore. It was a truth that stuck to me and wouldn't be gotten rid of.

Nana eventually wandered into my room to find me in my state of despair, but there was hardly any comfort she could give.

I improved slowly over the new few weeks due to me forcing myself with every ounce of energy I had to be happy. Despite this, my mood could still not be called cheerful. I suppose that it was why nana wrote to ada to tell him to visit sooner than was planned. She had anticipated him showing up to be something of a surprise, but if she had wanted to keep him coming earlier a secret then she shouldn't have left her letter on the table for me to stumble across while she went to use the restroom. I was incredibly glad that ada came around quickly though. I pretended to be surprised for my parents' sake. Ada did help me feel better as well. He said nothing about my worries. Nana must have whispered to him that they were something I didn't want to address aloud. Instead, ada played his goofy side up more than normal. He did what he could all the time to make us all laugh. I did enjoy that, but I think it was him simply being there that was the greatest comfort.

Surprisingly, it was the coming of the snow that allowed me to feel mostly normal. I was going to have to deal with the horrible reality I faced in the future forever now, but I was at least able to push it to the back of my thoughts as best I could. The snow's arrival simply gave me a distraction. There was all the winter clothes to dig out, and extra cleaning to do thanks to all of the snow and salt being tracked into the house. Andethon and Abriel were ecstatic when the first flurry appeared. It came so suddenly that school was canceled the next day. The two wasted no time that morning in rushing outside to build snowmen and have a snowball fight.

Nana encouraged me to move my martial arts equipment inside, but I chose to keep practicing outside. The cold of the snow didn't bother me or affect my body negatively. It was nice to have that mild chill about while I otherwise got hot from my physical exertion. I was working on the skill with every spare second I had, for I was determined to finally reach the last belt level. My joy was great when I accomplished that goal. I received what was perhaps my favorite uniform, but I also received the pride of having mastered something that not many mastered.

The house became rather chaotic not long after that. All four of my children had their birthdays one right after the other. The first birthday belonged to Andethon. You can believe I cried a lot, but we were all surprised when nana cried as well. Her burst of emotions did make sense given that the two were so close. I think the fact that Andethon did remind nana so much of her father had something to do with her tears as well.

Naturally, Andethon wanted to move into his own place. It was hard to do, but I gave Andethon permission to take Ral with him. He simply had more time to play with him than I did, and I knew Ral had gotten closer to Andethon than he was with me. Ral must have sensed that he was leaving, for he gave me lots of licks before the departure time came. I gave him many hugs back. I had never been so grateful towards a dog in all my life, and I doubted I would be so grateful ever again.

The birthdays went in order of age. That meant Abriel's came next. In addition to loving art, she gained a love of books. It was if I had Aewen in the house again. Abriel powered through book after book leaving her spending money slim as she spent it all on art supplies and the newest novel releases.

Gellrin continued to surprise nana and me. I was sure more of Marty would show up in her appearance as she aged, but for the moment she continued to take after nana. Seeing her face was actually rather surreal. Nana did keep going on about how similar they looked. It was sort of like I was getting to see my mother grow up even though I obviously never forgot that Gellrin was my daughter instead.

And finally, it was Erumaren's turn. He was a handsome little lad, albeit a slightly spacey one. I was glad he had a tendency to lose focus though. It meant I had to put more effort in when teaching him, and that gave me the distraction I needed. I wasn't ready to accept that he had grown so much yet. I wasn't prepared to deal with his getting older. I ignored and pushed aside everything I didn't want to face. As a result, I pushed aside the passing of the days. They turned into weeks and then into months. Erumaren and the rest of my children got even older. The time for another pregnancy drew near. However, I looked at the calendar, glanced away, and decided to hold off that pregnancy for an indefinite amount of time. I was going to hold off making it only eight children I had left to bear for as long as I possibly could......