Punishment

Whenever all six of my children are in front me, I really have to stop and wonder once again why I went ahead and slept with another man. The signs of a new pregnant haven't shown yet, but I can feel them coming. I know it will only be a matter of days before my stomach starts to pull a little more tightly against my clothes. I miss the times when I only had Elioviel to take care of. I can't forget that it was my goal to fill the house up though. I've definitely reached that goal. I just hope I can keep my sanity throughout all of this.

Leaving the Nest

I am glad that someone has inherited my mother's artistic talents. It is good that I have taken up writing for Elaril is constantly attached to the easel. He can finish paintings much faster than I can. Of course, his works are still that of a child's, but it won't be too much longer before they are brilliant. Maybe I can save one of his paintings some day, and bring it back with me when I return home. I'm sure my mother would like that very much. I would as well for Elaril will be long dead before such a time comes. That painting will be all I have to remember him by......

I try not to think of that cold reality.

Growing Older

I can't believe it, but Elrun's birthday came once again. He's now an adolescent, or "teenager" as his age group is more popularly called here. Either way, this birthday of his has left me a bit scared. Firstly because his body is going through rapid changes, and it is likely he'll become more rebellious and troublesome. He's already begun to wear a jacket that has a skull on the back. I won't judge too quickly though. Elrun has given me no reason otherwise to think he'll become a troublemaker. He's still the same sweet boy I know.

What I'm actually more scared of is the reality that my first baby will leave after his next birthday. He'll be all grown up, and will move out. I don't understand how human mothers deal with the rapid growth of their children. I've said it before, but if Elrun was a full elf he would still be crawling around as a very young toddler. He hasn't stated his intentions as to what he wants to do when he becomes an adult, but I hope he stays close by.

It is nice that he's able to help out around the house more. Our trash receptacle keeps getting knocked over again and again by stray animals. Elrun is quick to clean up the mess, and he's eager to help look after his siblings so I can rest or get other work done. Elrun has made me almost cry once although not for any of the reasons you might be thinking. Even though he's busy with school and helping me out, he went and got a part-time job at the local food store. Elrun said he got the job because he wanted to and that it would be good work experience in the future. I know it's because he doesn't want us to have to worry about money ever again. Ureliel and Elaril won't seem the same struggles that Elrun has, and he seems determined to keep it that way.

A Blessing

With this entire task, and the way things have been going for me so far, I never thought I would catch a break. I work hard, but as soon as I get enough money to feel comfortable some new necessity comes along to leave us destitute. I don't understand why everything revolves around money for you humans. We have no real need for a currency back home. Everyone works because they want to make each others' lives better. With everyone helping out, there's little left that requires money to be bought. If anything, we rely more on trading. It seems as if such a peaceful system will never be achieved here. Humans are too greedy. They want too much, and are never satisfied with the riches that they already have. Unfortunately, I have found my thoughts revolving around money constantly as well though.

So I made a wish. I might not have felt great love for the Goddess lately, but she is not an evil being who takes pleasure out of her people's suffering. I believed that she would find a way to help me.