Gen One- Chapter Thirty Two

I couldn't help but to feel proud as I watched Frost chase Allium around and pelt him with snowball after snowball. For so many of our younger years it had been the opposite way around. Allium had never given Frost a break. That's why it was nice now that Frost had grown into his body that he was able to repay the favor. Allium kept on trying, but he just could not escape.

     "Argh! Get off me you big nerd!" Allium cried out in frustration as Frost landed a particularly big hit on him.

     "If I'm such a big nerd, then why are you the one taking a beating?" Frost taunted.

He sent a massive kick of snow cascading onto Allium's face and laughed merrily as he let Allium give chase. There was no competition between the two though. Allium had no chance at catching up.

Amaranth and I were smartly staying out of the line of fire. We had been participating in the fight earlier, but neither of us had been that into it. At least, not in the rough way Allium and Frost were into it. Laughing at their aggressive play fighting was a more entertaining option.

     "Charming has really gotten Frost riled up today, hasn't he?" I chuckled as Frost was going after my boyfriend with unusual vigor.

     "He was asking for it- making Frost face plant into the snow like he did." Amaranth replied.

I glanced his way when that response wasn't as cheerful or enthused as I expected it to be. Amaranth, in fact, didn't seem to be paying a lot of attention to the fight. He looked slightly weary and stretched thin.

     "You haven't been fighting with Cocoa again, have you?" I asked in concern.

     "What? No. We haven't even been fighting," Amaranth denied a bit too quickly, "I just stayed up late last night doing my homework. I don't know what I was thinking taking this AP Physics class this year instead of waiting next year when I was more ready."

     "Were you able to get your assignment done?"

I seriously doubted that his homework was the only thing Amaranth had been fighting with last night, but I wouldn't press the matter until we had a more private place to talk.

     "Not really." Amaranth shook his head dismally.

     "Would you like some help? I can always come over later." I offered.

     "Yes, please." Amaranth accepted so eagerly I laughed again.

Allium and Frost actually half wrestling with each other directed my attention back to them. I was quite surprised at Frost's ferocity, I must admit. With him normally being the calmest and most laid-back out of the boys, to have him so rambunctious was really quite peculiar. I think Allium was enjoying it though. He loved rough-housing, despite the many swears I heard coming from him as Frost landed another solid hit on him, and Frost was filling in the void that Amaranth had left for the day.

Amaranth, in fact, had been proving hard to entertain that day. We had been pulled all over Berrybrook because he hadn't been content doing anything for long. We did one thing for a while before moving on to the next. The rest of us didn't mind as long as we had some fun. This was one of the first weekends in a long time where we were all able to get together and hang out, after all. As corny as it is to say, the most important thing we cared about was being together. Although, on that particular day, Amaranth's peculiar mood had him spending his time together with me in a bizarre way that eventually had me worrying out of my mind. It started when he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He had taken to walking around behind me to mess up the snow, and with me watching Allium and Frost so intently I jolted when the sudden embrace came.

     "What are you doing?" I said as calmly and as teasingly as I could, hoping I was hiding my heart racing from shock well.
     "I'm cold. You always cuddle with someone when you're cold and out in the snow, so I figured I take a page out of your book." Amaranth explained with a smile.
     "But you never get cold."
     "Of course I do."
     "But, look," I began as I touched his hand, "My skin is ice compared to yours."
     "Just because I'm warmer than you doesn't mean I'm not colder than I normally am." Amaranth shrugged.
     "I don't see how holding someone who is colder than you can warm you up though. Surely it would work to the opposite effect."
     "Do you have a problem with me holding you?" Amaranth pouted sarcastically.
     "No," I chuckled, "But Charming might."

Amaranth nodded lightly in acknowledgment of that. He then gave my eardrums a scare too.

     "Al!" he called after him.

Allium and Frost stopped their fight to turn and see what the shout was about. Allium instantly frowned when he saw the two of us.

     "Hey." he said disapprovingly while folding his arms.
     "Can I hug Meadow?" Amaranth requested like a child wanting a cookie.
     "You've already got your sneaky mitts on her."
     "Well then, can I keep hugging her? I'm just cold." Amaranth continued on innocently.

He earned himself a long, hard look from Allium before Allium shrugged.

     "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just keep your hands where they're supposed to be." he instructed.
     "Most certainly." Amaranth agreed brightly.

It wasn't several seconds later when Allium suddenly bent over and whipped a snowball right at Frost. It was the first one of his that had struck both true and hard. I laughed when I realized Allium had purposely caved quickly to Amaranth's request in order to get at least one sneak attack in.

Not that Allium's caving was really necessary. Amaranth could have gotten away with hugging me without having to worry about making my boyfriend jealous because we were soon doing something else instead.

     "If you two really don't have anything better to do than stand there, then you should come and help us instead." Sunset beckoned.

Honestly, I hadn't been paying attention to what she and Sunflower were doing. Seeing that they already had most of the base of a small igloo finished surprised me. We had gotten quite good at building them over the years- primarily because the little brats running around today weren't nice like we were back in the day. Each igloo or snowman we made was kicked and smashed to pieces by the following morning thanks to the local demons.

     "Might as well." I accepted, pulling on Amaranth's coat arm to lead him forward before he could protest.

He almost did open his mouth to protest too, and for good reason. As soon as she had others to do her work for her, Sunset would always mark herself as the "brains" of the operation. She gave us the right "instruction" on how to work most efficiently and on all the ways to build most effectively. Sunset enjoyed being the leader, but she also enjoyed being bossy too. Amaranth managed to sneak in some complaining by making faces after she gave each set of her instructions. Sunset was oblivious to them since Amaranth had his back to her. Both Sunflower and I had a hard time containing our giggles and wide smiles. We were so amused by him that building the igloo and Sunset doing little to help was actually quite fun.

However, true to his mood that had persisted throughout the day, Amaranth grew horribly bored the second the igloo was finished. Allium and Frost still hadn't worn themselves out yet, and Sunset and Sunflower wanted to enjoy the igloo before it got destroyed. That's why it was just Amaranth and I who made our way across the street to the little cafe and shop. We both grabbed large, very needed hot chocolates before taking a seat to relax. It felt wonderful to get off my feet and start warming up my very wet toes.

The two of us relaxed and sipped at out drinks until the adrenaline rush of moving from a cold place to a warm place wore off. I really did want to talk to Amaranth about Cocoa. Given that Amaranth did have more free time to spend with us and with how I was seeing the two act in the halls at school, I had plenty of evidence to back up the idea that they weren't doing well- no matter how firmly Amaranth denied it. Unfortunately, he was getting good at sensing when I was going to bother him about it. I barely got my mouth open before he brought up my own undesired topic. One of the two that never went away.

     "Have you looked at all that admissions stuff I sent to you about Twilight North?" he asked.
     "I did."
     "And?"
     "And?"
     "Did you at least consider doing anything with it?"

I glanced away and pretended to take another sip of my hot chocolate even though there was nothing in the cup besides some syrup sticking to the bottom. Amaranth let out a long exhale of exasperation.

     "I'm sorry. I know you hate talking about this, but that's why I'm so confused," he said, "You say you don't want to go to college, but until we started high school you were the most excited out of any of us about going. Then you came out and said if you had to go that you would go to Twilight University. That doesn't make any sense. Even if it's not something your heart is entirely into, wouldn't it be better to go to a place that could at least challenge you and give you a degree that's worth something rather than those worthless scraps of paper they give out at Twilight University? I mean, no offense to Al. It's great that he'll at least go somewhere where he might be able to eke out decent grades."
     "I know it makes more sense to go to Twilight North, but it's so expensive," I mumbled, "If there's a chance I might not be able to go to college all of a sudden, I would rather have wasted less time and less of Eden's money applying by choosing a place that's not so elite."
     "Why would you not be able to go to college all of a sudden? Worried you'll get sick too much?" Amaranth asked with concern.

I said nothing once more. I rubbed my thumb against the side of my cup.

     "Frost wants to go to Twilight North too, and Sunflower says she would like to go as well if we can help her improve her grades a bit more. The suites I talked about are co-ed, and you can pick which one you want if you apply early enough. You two could have a suite right next to ours. With Al only being a fifteen minute walk down the road, it'd be easier to hang out with each other there than it is now! Doesn't that sound amazing?" Amaranth encouraged.
     "I would love for that to be the case. Very much. I just..."

I was unable to finish my sentence. Without being able to tell the truth, there was no chance I could ever explain myself to Amaranth in a way that he would understand and accept. My words stuck in my throat, and I stubbornly got up to get more hot chocolate so I wouldn't have to say another word.

Amaranth, thankfully, realized he was pushing me too far and didn't even address me getting up when I returned. Instead, he eagerly asked me to join him on a little walk around the shop. It didn't take long before we ended up on the quieter, second floor where I spotted a used and slightly battered telescope.

     "You're not going to be able to see anything. It's way too sunny and that glass is completely frosted over." Amaranth pointed out when I placed my eye against the eyepiece.

Exactly like he said, all I saw was a big blur of white nothingness. I had known that would be the case though.

     "Tell me what I would see from this location if it was night then. I'll imagine it." I requested.

Amaranth took a seat on the floor, most likely so he could get a better perspective of the sky.

     "Well, there's be Aquarius-"
     "Summer constellation."
     "Very good," Amaranth smiled widely, "You've paid attention well."
     "Naturally, and nice try trying to trick me."
     "Just had to check."
     "Well, now that I'm worthy, really do go ahead and tell me what I'd see."
     "Orion would be pretty clear this time of year. He'd be right in front of you just above that office building, in fact. You'd have a nice view of Taurus as well."

And on Amaranth went, pointing out which constellations were where and how much of them I'd be able to see. He was so accurate one would think he was simply lying to appear impressive, but I knew incredibly well that he truly was just that impressive. Amaranth had taught me enough anyway so that I could confirm with my own knowledge that he was being honest. However, I found myself paying less and less attention to the imagined night sky and more attention on Amaranth when I snuck glances at him out of the corner of my eye. His gaze would occasionally turn towards the window, but otherwise it was set on me. It was a stare that was hard to classify, and after several minutes I realized the reason I felt like I had run a mile or something was because my heart itself had begun to race. So perturbed by my newly found nervousness, I couldn't even teasingly ask why Amaranth was looking at me like I had done so long ago after that one Thanksgiving.

What made things worse was that I could not shake off the feeling, and it threw out the window my ability to read my friend. When Amaranth had "shown" me all of the sky that he could show, I gave up on the telescope. We began talking again, and with every passing second I couldn't help but to think that Amaranth was looking at me in a way he had never looked at me before.

     "Y'know, Cocoa actually hates coming in here. With me anyway." Amaranth revealed.
     "Yeah? Why?"
     "Because we usually only end up here when it's dark out, and I do get drawn to the telescope. She claims that I'm avoiding her since I spend so much time using it."
     "You would think she would have learned by now that that's just how you get when there is a telescope around." I said with a forced chuckle.
     "She's good at figuring out other people, but strangely enough she doesn't seem to be the same way with people she's actually close with." Amaranth rolled his eyes and chuckled himself, "You're much better in that regard. You really value everyone and who they are. I've heard you've even started to turn Purity around."
     "Um, thanks." I responded a bit quietly.

My brain started going all sorts of weird places. It came up with what it thought was an answer for Amaranth's unusual smile. It looked a lot like Allium's flirty grin. The one where I could talk about absolute nonsense for hours on end, and he wouldn't mind because he was being his goofy self who enjoyed just watching me ramble on. Sadly for me, my supposed "solution" was what got things really spiraling out of control. The idea that Amaranth could be flirting with me knocked me silly. He couldn't be flirting with me! He was dating Cocoa for one, and this was Amaranth of all people. He was just my best friend, and he was the last kind of person to ever even think about pursuing another girl while he was still attached. I had merely gotten a friendly compliment. The fact that Amaranth made more eye contact with me  and appeared to hang onto my every word was my imagination. Surely, it had to be.

I was relieved when Allium showed up, for all of five seconds. Amaranth and I were making our way back down to the first floor when he found us. He made a beeline over to where we were and looked at Amaranth suspiciously while wearing a wicked grin.

     "I thought you two were just going to grab some hot chocolate real quick. You've been in here for forever. I really hope you haven't been making any untoward moves on Meadow." he joked.
     "Oh, I definitely have.  We've been making googly eyes at each other since the second we walked in. I'm a raging flirting maniac who's been making Meadow swoon with my nerdy knowledge of burning balls of gas millions of trillions of miles away." Amaranth replied back likewise.
      "See, I knew it," Allium continued on, giving Amaranth a friendly punch on the arm, "With that kind of lady-killing charisma, no girl is safe from you. Not even the girlfriend of your best friend."
     "Especially not the girlfriend of my best friend." Amaranth agreed with haughty sarcasm.

I stood there fiddling timidly. I knew the two were just messing around. Just joking. However, with my mind having gone to that stupidly outrageous place it was convincing me even more that, somehow, the delusional imaginings that Amaranth was flirting with me were true after all. I was so confused at what my head was doing to me and how my heart was still racing that I only caught at the last second after Allium turned towards me and spoke that I had any idea of what he intended to do.

     "Since you corrupted her, I'm going to have to banish your presence."

That was what Allium said before he began wrapping his arms around me and landed a big kiss on my lips. I really hadn't been paying attention, so I stood there more stunned instead of participating like I should have. This was definitely noticed, for Allium burst out into laughter at my expression when he pulled back.

     "A little warning next time, Charming." I rebuked lightly.
     "What did you think I was going to do?" he chuckled.
     "I wasn't paying attention. I was zoning out." I admitted softly.
     "Sorry, I guess, then?" Allium apologized lovingly before ruffling my hair.

Allium continued to endearingly pester me. I didn't get the chance to go along with it, at least not on the inside, because I happened to glance back and catch an expression on Amaranth's face that I never thought I would see. It was in those seconds after Allium kissed me, and I could have sworn Amaranth looked so upset that is almost seemed like he wanted to absolutely pummel Allium. He then glanced away, his expression taut and tense and reading that he would rather be anywhere else than right there watching Allium flirt with me. Amaranth's face instantly brightened up and he gave me a wide smile the second he saw me looking his way, but the damage had already been done.

That exchange went unnoticed by Allium. He took my hand and lead me over to the comics section of the shop as he searched out the latest issue of one of his favorites. Desperate to get my mind focused on anything besides the bizarre happenings with Amaranth, I searched through the stories I liked too. I wasn't a big comic reader, but Allium had gotten me interested enough. Amaranth made his way over to the book section, which I was actually quite relieved about. My heart had not stopped racing for one second, and I needed that break badly to collect myself. I was relieved when after buying our purchases we all quieted down as we started reading. There wasn't any conversation past Amaranth's brief curiosity.

     "What did you two pick up?" he wondered.
     "Toadsim Ninjas" I answered.
     "Juice Pulp Romance." Allium replied.
     "I feel like you two grabbed the other's copy by mistake." Amaranth said in amusement.
     "Am I not allowed to like sappy, mushy, lovey-dovey stories?" Allium asked in mock hurt.
     "You are allowed to like whatever you like, Al."
     "Good."
     "What did you get?" I asked Amaranth, "Does it have anything to do with space?"
     "It's a collection of old legends about the constellations and stars."
     "Do you ever read anything not space related?" Allium questioned.
     "I think I did once. I didn't like it." Amaranth joked.

We went back to reading. I was halfway done with my comic when Allium's phone rang. He picked up the call and moved to the other corner of the room, but Amaranth and I could still hear every word he said.

     "Can't they just take her with them?" he asked the caller.

He listened.

     "Surely there has to be someone else who can watch her."

Another pause.

     "What about you, mom? You have the day off, and you're way closer than I am. It's gonna take me at least twenty minutes to get home."

Allium frowned at whatever his mom said.

     "You're going out again? You said this morning that you didn't have any plans. You knew I had some though. Why should I be the one to give up my day off?"

He rolled his eyes multiple times as his mom spoke for quite some time. He eventually mumbled his reluctant agreement to do whatever she was requesting, and he hung up before coming back over and sighing.

     "Have to leave?" I asked.
     "Yeah," Allium sighed, "You know that little girl I babysit from time to time who lives across the street? The one who has autism? Her mother has gone into labor with her second child, and they need someone to watch Cream while they go to the hospital. Her parents are afraid the foreign environment will upset her too much. They want me specifically to watch her since I'm one of the few people that Cream really likes. She likes my mom too, but apparently she can only watch Cream until I get there because she's made more of her secret plans that she doesn't like talking about."
     "That's rough."
     "A little, but mom has bribed me by saying she'll pay me double what Cream's parents normally pay me when I babysit. If the labor lasts for a long time, I could be earning some big money."
     "I'll be expecting a fancy date in the near future then." I teased.
     "We'll see," Allium laughed with a smirk, "Do remember it's your turn to treat us on our next outing."

I shrugged at the reminder before giving Allium a better kiss when he swooped down to give me a parting one before he said his goodbyes.

It didn't take me long after he left to realize that the front of the store was now empty. There were no other customers, and the employee watching the counter was taking a break. I decided there was no better time to ask what I wanted to ask earlier before Amaranth escaped back into his book.

     "So, how are you and Cocoa?" I prodded, leaning a bit closer towards Amaranth.
     "We're fine." Amaranth responded too quickly once again.
     "Am, I didn't ask because I don't know how you two are doing. I asked because I do know that things haven't been the greatest with you and her for a while. I'm just giving you the opportunity to talk about it." I pointed out.

Amaranth slumped in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck.

     "Every relationship has its rough patches. Cocoa and I are just going through one now. Just like you and Al did after that one weekend that you, him, and Frost refuse to say anything about. Just like how things haven't been the same between you and him ever since you returned after you vanished."
     "Don't try and change the subject by making this about me and Charming. We did have some things to work through once I got back, but though things aren't exactly the same as they were before that doesn't mean we're struggling. The situation might not be perfect, but we're talking about it. We still enjoy being with each other. You seem to be avoiding Cocoa every chance you get."
     "She's been getting more and more possessive and jealous in a way that I've never seen her act before," Amaranth finally admitted in a mumble, slumping down further, "I don't know if it's because she's sensing that we're breaking apart. Maybe she's trying to clutch onto she me so hard that she's overdoing it. Whatever the reason, she's become suffocating."
     "Have you talked to her about that?"
     "I mean, it's pretty obvious that she's annoying me..."
     "No, Amaranth," I chastised, "That's not how it works. You got angry at her that one time for her assuming you would be at Zero's. You can't blame her for getting angry when you go ahead and assume that she knows every thought going through your head by your actions alone."

Amaranth pouted, folded his arms, and rolled his eyes the other way. He really was such a teenage boy sometimes. I figured it would be best not to push the matter any further though. He had let me get off the hook about school easily, so I would let him get of the hook about Cocoa easily.

     "Should we see what Frost and Sun are up to? If they're fine splitting up, maybe we could head to your place so I can help you with your homework." I offered.
     "Sounds good." Amaranth accepted quietly.

Frost, Sunset, and Sunflower were perfectly fine with us going our own ways. They wanted to see a movie that Amaranth and I had already seen, so they went off in one direction while Amaranth and I headed off in the other. The instant they turned the corner and disappeared from sight was when Amaranth suddenly slipped his hand into mine.

     "What are you doing?" I repeated myself.
     "Holding your hand." Amaranth answered simply.
     "Why?"
     "I knew it would be cold. You're always cold in the winter," he smiled, "Besides, we used to hold hands all the time, but we haven't for a while. I miss it."
     "We held hands a lot when we were kids. Now we're both almost adults who are each dating someone else."
     "Oh, you're worried someone's going to get the wrong impression." Amaranth chuckled.
     "Of course! Cocoa's already gotten horribly jealous at me for simply spending time with you. If someone tells her they spotted us walking about with hands linked, then you know exactly what kind of conclusion she's going to come to."
     "Here. We won't link fingers then. It's that more acceptable?"

Amaranth's voice was still cheerful. He wasn't acknowledging the nervousness or reluctance in my own voice at all. He merely shifted how he was holding my hand before looking forward as if nothing was wrong. I hesitated on whether or not I should yank my hand away. I had only just sort of gotten rid of the stupid thoughts that Amaranth had been flirting with me, and now here he was bringing them right back. He wanted to hold hands. And, if he had had his way, we would be holding hands in the way couple's did. I had gotten the admission out of him that Cocoa was driving him up the wall, and he wasn't doing one thing to make me think that he wasn't trying to make a move on me.

He had no idea that he was driving me crazy. I couldn't work out his intentions at all. Anyone outside of the situation would think he was subtly flirting with me, but he was being so nonchalant. Amaranth was brushing it off so quickly it could be that he honestly did think that him suddenly hugging me and wanting to hold hands meant nothing. Then, again, there was the fact that Amaranth was not the type of person to flirt with one girl while dating another- particularly if that first girl was me. Amaranth and I were close, but Amaranth and Allium were just as close as well. That Amaranth would actually ever sneak around behind his back was an impossible thought to have.

We were halfway to his house when I had to claim my hand back. I was letting myself get way too riled up, and part of me wondered if it was getting to be a certain time of the month. I did have a tendency to get a little emotional and unreasonable then. I should have had another two weeks to go, but I would rather get an early visit than try to think of the other reasons for why I felt flushed, embarrassed and for why my heart just wouldn't stop pounding. Blessedly, Amaranth was totally fine with me letting go of his hand. His calm acceptance and continued casual conversation with me helped me lean every so slightly back to the proposal that he didn't mean anything by his actions and that I was blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Still, I was glad when his building came into sight. It wouldn't end up being our destination though.

     "Uh-oh. Looks like Blaze has a visitor." Amaranth said right as we were about to cross the street.
     "Does he?" I wondered, catching at the last second the door to his place closing.
     "We should probably find some place else to hang out at for a while." Amaranth suggested.
     "I'm only going to be helping you with your homework. We shouldn't bother them."
     "It's not us bothering them that I'm concerned about," Amaranth explained with a strange grin, "Meadow, do you remember when I told you about Blaze's encyclopedia?"
     "Encyclopedia?" I repeated in confusion before remembering, "Oh."
     "Yeah." Amaranth laughed loudly.
     "Is...is he really that bad?"
     "You don't want to know."
     "I'll go ahead and agree with you on that."
     "Good choice. Well, c'mon. The activity center is right down the road. Let's go there."

If I had known that my thoughts from before would rear their ugly face right back up again, I would have made an excuse right then and there in order to allow me to leave for home. Naturally, I had no idea how rough a time I was in for. We paid to get in, and Amaranth's next suggestion led to the problem.

     "How about we play some pool?"
     "I've never actually played before," I revealed, "I know you hit the other balls with the white one, but that's it."
     "I'll teach you then." Amaranth promised cheerfully.

I was excited at the prospect of learning, for I expected Amaranth teaching me pool would be a lot like how Blaze had helped me learn how to play horseshoes. Part of me wondered if it was knowing what was going on with Blaze that drove my mind to places it usually wouldn't go. Or, maybe it was because Amaranth had been staring at me earlier that I found myself staring at him. I hardly paid any attention to the lessons he gave me about how to hold the cue and how to use angles to my advantage. What I did notice about him were the things I typically only noticed about Allium or famous movie stars. How broad his shoulders were. How he did have a rather attractive facial structure, especially when it was gently serious as he concentrated. How his hair fell over that face.

My heart rate was up there again. I think the lone reason I kept somewhat calm in those minutes is because I passed the sudden obsession with Amaranth's appearance off as a simple realization that he was growing. With him being practically a year younger than me as well as Allium, I told myself that I was simply noticing how he was finally catching up to him in terms of development.

     "That help you get the general idea of everything?" Amaranth asked, his question piercing my thoughts.
     "Eh, yes." I said a little too loudly, having once again been startled.
     "Good. Let's start an actual game now. I can explain until I turn blue, but practice is really the only thing that's going to make you better."

And so we began a game. Amaranth started it off to make things a bit easier for me, since I doubted I would hit the white ball let alone anything else. I contemplated if he just wanted to win though. Amaranth remained highly competitive even after all these years. He sank half of the balls in just three shots before he missed, which meant I had pressure on me. There was never any hope of me winning though. It wasn't just that I sucked. It was because of my stupid head. Amaranth came over to help me get into the best position, and him getting so close had me thinking I was going to have a heart attack. Pure luck was the lone reason I was able to sink two balls.

However, I soon messed up way worse than I was expecting. I don't even know how I did what I did. I think when I took my shot I accidentally scrapped the cue too hard against the top of the table. Not only did I lose my grip to send it clattering onto the table, but I managed to hit two of the balls so hard that they both flew off the table and rolled loudly across the ground. One made it all the way to the break in the wall that led to the skating rink. Several heads turned our way, and I buried mine in my hands.

     "Don't worry. It was cute. It was cute." Amaranth reassured hurriedly, "That was actually incredibly remarkable."

He wrapped one arm around my shoulder, gave me a quick kiss on the head, and comfortingly rubbed my arm. It was the way he almost always comforted me when I was scared or super embarrassed. The fact that him doing it now had my heart racing so fast that I felt like I was going to pass out was what broke me, although I suspect me forgetting to breathe had something to do with my lightheadedness as well. I knew I had to get away from him before the situation got any worse- if it even could.

I somehow made it through the end of the game. Amaranth suggested we play another until the effects of my heart beating faster than normal for so long paid off to my advantage.

     "You alright there?" he asked.
     "I'm starting to feel a little dizzy. I...I think I should go home."
     "Of course," Amaranth accepted quickly, "You've been doing real well with not getting sick so far this winter. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful. Just let me dash to the restroom real quick, and we can get a cab."

I didn't like the idea of sitting next to Amaranth in the back of a car at that moment, but I nodded my agreement to him before he left for the restroom. I could pretend to be sleepy against the window or something. I also had the minute or so until he returned to try and collect myself once more. I honestly smacked my head a few times. Me being this way was definitely my fault. I had taken one stupid idea too far, and now I was paying for it. However, that made me grow even more concerned. If I was letting my imagination about something that wasn't actually going on bother me this much, then what in the world was wrong with me?