Gen One- Chapter Thirty Four

I sat back in my chair with a little sigh. I hadn't been that hungry, so choosing a muffin to eat for my snack had seemed like the best choice. What I hadn't realized was how big that muffin would be. I should have listened to my stomach and not eaten all of it, but the thing was just so darn good that I had gone ahead and done just that. The tight feeling across my abdomen and little burps I let out quietly were worth it. Amaranth finished eating not long after I did, which left Allium and Cocoa. Allium normally would have wolfed down his pie, but we had had a big lunch at my house earlier. Cocoa, I think, was trying to be polite by taking tiny forkful bites out of her danish.

I took the brief moment of silence that passed to once again remark at the situation. When Cocoa suddenly invited Allium and me on a double-date with her and Amaranth, I hadn't been sure what to expect. Part of me had been too nervous to hypothesize her motives. I considered dates more private things than situations that were meant to be shared. It felt like it would be hanging out more than a romantic outing. And, so far, hanging out was what it had been. The four of us were chilling instead of wooing and flirting with our respective other. However, that helped me to see more of what Cocoa wanted. I strongly suspected she hoped bringing Allium and I along would reduce the problems I heard she and Amaranth had whenever they tried to date on their own. The first twenty minutes of our time together went well, although it didn't stay that way for long.

The conversation we had been having picked up again when Allium and Cocoa were done eating as well.

     "So," Cocoa said with interest, staring right at me, "I heard you've finally been convinced to apply to Twilight North."

I bit my tongue to hold back a more massive sigh. Now that my friends and I were entering our senior year, college was all everyone talked about. It drove me up the wall and made my skin tingle every time someone mentioned it, but I had no choice but to put on a smile and pretend I wasn't sick of the subject.

     "I had to," I revealed with a small laugh, "No one would stop bugging me about it, and, once Eden decided he had to pester me too since he wasn't satisfied with me only applying to Twilight University, I just went ahead and started the process to get everyone off my back."
     "You might be thanking everyone in the long run. You're really too good for Twilight University and its pathetic diplomas," Cocoa encouraged, "No offense, Al."
     "No, no. Bash the place all you want. I think it sucks too," Allium chuckled, "I would like to go someplace ranked a little higher. However, without Meadow nearby I have no hope of passing my classes, and she doesn't want to go any further than Twilight City. I'm fine with just any degree though. It'll give me something at least until I can figure out what I really want to do. I kinda wanted to go to a trade school, but my mom is determined to see me go to an actual college since she and dad never went."
     "You're more than welcome to join me in my cooking classes." I offered teasingly, knowing exactly what Allium's cooking was like.
     "I prefer not accidentally poisoning people." he joked along.

I gave him a friendly pat on the arm.

     "Perhaps we can work on you producing actual edible food this summer," I comforted before readdressing Cocoa, "Speaking of summer, you have any exciting things that you're going to do?"
     "There's an Aspiring Journalist convention I'm going to. I wanted to bring Am along, but he's refusing to come." Cocoa pouted.

At that, Amaranth instantly rolled his eyes and shook his head.

     "For the last time, I'm not refusing to come with you. I have other plans that conflict with the dates."
     "What do you have planned?" I asked curiously, hoping to steer the conversation away from an argument seeing as how Cocoa's eyes had narrowed.
     "Twilight North's preliminary introduction program. It's something they offer to prospective students who applied right away like I did. It's basically two weeks of mock classes so everyone can see if they fit into the university's teaching style and pace. It helps them eliminate students who would drop out anyway, and the ones who go and then finish their freshman year there get a general education credit. With me getting the chance to meet the professors I've heard about and use the equipment they have, there's no way I would pass up the opportunity."
     "But you know I asked you to come with me long before you decided you were going to go there." Cocoa muttered under her breath as she fiddled with the rim of her glass.
     "And do you not remember what I told you then?" Amaranth retorted irritably, "I wasn't sure if I could go because I wasn't sure if I could afford it. Blaze is paying for me to go to the program. He wasn't interested in wasting his money so I could spend a week following you around doing nothing while you talk to people and take pictures. Then I got the acceptance letter, and that should have been the end of the matter."

He sent a glare Cocoa's way, which made her own glare deepen. It looked like she was going to open her mouth to say something when Amaranth mumbled an apology to Allium and I when he saw us shifting and glancing at each other uncomfortably.

     "So, your birthday is coming up soon, Meadow. The big 18," Cocoa changed the topic, hiding the tension in her voice as much as possible, "You're the first one of us to become an official adult. Got any big plans?"
     "Not really, if you're talking about doing things I wasn't allowed to do before, I mean. There isn't anything I'm interested in doing that I couldn't already do. I don't bring the topic up too much either because it makes Eden mopey. Even though we still have this year of school left, he's acting like me turning 18 means I've already left the house."
     "He's such a sweetheart. It's gotta be weird for him too since he's your brother, but he's sort of like a parent to you as well."
     "Weird is right, and I've actually been thinking a lot about our situation recently. Back when Eden was my age, my mom would have been pregnant with me. Trying to imagine what it would be like to find out I'd be getting a baby brother or sister when I'm already this old is hard."
     "I would love to get a younger sibling even at this age," Allium said wistfully, "Being an only child is too boring."
     "I think you'd be a great older brother. But, would you want a brother or a sister?" I wondered.
     "Hmm, well, a brother would be nice because I could teach him to be just like me-"

Amaranth earned a sarcastic warning stare from Allium when Amaranth unceremoniously cleared his throat in jest at the idea.

     "I like the idea of being the 'Eden' to a possible 'Meadow' though," Allium continued, "I can't say I'd prefer one over the other. Fraternal twins with a boy and a girl would be best, but I'd be happy just the same either way."

Mostly Allium and I bantered back and forth about what it would be like if Allium suddenly got a younger sibling. We skirted around who the father would be since Allium had become withdrawn about discussing his father in depth in recent years, but we debated merely for fun what colors the boy or girl would be, what his or her name could be, and their potential personalities were discussed as well. In the end, we boiled the imaginary siblings down to a pink and gray boy named Gallium who enjoyed theater and orange gelatin or an all pink girl named Hollyhock who loved singing and catching frogs. The subject of how Ms. Charm would handle the new child came up with Cocoa broke through our talking with a rather unsettling, at least to me, accusation.

     "Why do you keep staring at her?" she demanded at Amaranth.

I turned my head this way and that to figure out who this other girl was, even though I understood well enough that 'her' was me.

     "Why do you keep doing this?" Amaranth practically mocked back in the same sort of tone, "I'm not staring at her. I'm looking at her, because that's what you do when someone is talking and you're paying attention."
     "You're such a liar. You weren't looking at Allium when he was talking. Your gaze had been firmly set on Meadow."
     "Cocoa..." Amaranth mumbled, shaking his head again before resting his head in his hand.

Allium and I exchanged more uncomfortable and awkward glances. I had to acknowledge both Cocoa's gall and her possibly her lack of tact for calling Amaranth out right in front of us. That was part of the reason I was so unnerved, because I knew she was right on the mark. I had kept my own head turned towards Allium because I noticed that Amaranth's gaze on me did not move once. It had set off the kind of thoughts I did not need to be thinking of at that moment. I grew more sheepish when it looked like the two were about to start up a real argument when Allium cut it off.

     "Alright, the both of you. None of that. We're on this date to have fun, so we're going to have fun. Meadow and I are going to go do some karaoke, so I suggest you follow along." he commanded.
     "Huh?" I said in confusion.

I had no choice in the matter as to whether I was singing or not. Allium took my hand, helped me out of my chair, led me to the other side of the building, and put a karaoke microphone in my hand. Amaranth and Cocoa dutifully followed, standing a little way from each other while doing their best to shove away the tension between them once more. I had only gave the two of them an encouraging smile before I realized that Allium had already chosen a song.

     "What song did you pick?" I asked as the music started.
     "I dunno."
     "You don't know?"
     "I picked it at random. It's more fun that way."
     "But I don't know this song!" I began to panic slightly.
     "I don't know it either." Allium admitted.

I stuck my head down close to the monitor as the words appeared way before I was ready. The first line flew by by the time I got through the first couple words.

     "This melody is horrible." I complained.

There was a counter melody on the off beat that made it impossible to get a good feel for the beat of the song.

     "The lyrics are too fast!" I complained further as the words on the screen flew by.

I couldn't keep up. I tried making up my own melody to match what the song was giving me, but it was a false hope to think I could save our performance. My random spurts of words were interjected by Allium's monotone and heavy singing that was slow and off beat. The whole thing had the effect I think he was wishing it would have though. I could barely breath because I was laughing so much. We spent more time making fun of the other than we did singing, and Amaranth and Cocoa chuckled right along. I was wiped by the time the tune was over.

I figured it was only fair to share the fun. I turned on my heel, selected a random song, and followed Allium as we took the step down off the tiny platform the karaoke machine was on.

     "Your turn!" I prompted eagerly as I gave Amaranth and Cocoa a gentle nudge up.

The two of them hesitantly took the microphone, but a smile split onto Amaranth's face when he recognized the song. I smiled too. Of course I would pick the song that he knew backwards and forwards. His timing was perfect, and I must say his pitch was close to it too. He worked through the words with a breeze. Cocoa, unfortunately, did not have the same luck. She bent close to the monitor much like I did to eke out the few words she was able to put to the melody. Having Amaranth giving her the basic string of notes helped, but Cocoa wasn't really known for her singing abilities. Her quiet attempts at following along were mostly drowned out by Amaranth's confidence.

     "I have never heard that song before in my life," Cocoa admitted when the song was done, "Is it an old one?"
     "It's quite recently, actually. It's the theme song to Quartz Prism's new movie." I explained.
     "That explains why Am knew it so well." Allium scoffed in amusement.
     "See. You should have come along when I invited you to go see it. Then you would have known the song." Amaranth teased Cocoa.
     "His movies have gotten so boring though. Quartz is kinda a has-been now too."

I expected the extreme gasp of sarcastic shock and dismay Amaranth let out, but there was no way of knowing how the mood would take a horrible nose dive south once again.

     "Blasphemy!" Amaranth exclaimed with mock insult, "If you say such things like that, I don't know if we're meant to be anymore."
     "Then go ahead and break up with me already! I'd be you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Cocoa half-shrieked at him, forcing his expression to drop.
     "Cocoa, it was a joke."
     "I know! Do you think I'm stupid?"
     "No." Amaranth replied with an impatient exhale.
     "Joking about breaking up with me shouldn't ever be a joke. It's not funny." Cocoa pouted, folding her arms.
     "Sorry." Amaranth apologized.

I was quick to note how forced it sounded.

     "We have our work cut out for us with these two, huh?" Allium leaned over and whispered in my ear.

I nodded reluctantly. If this was how Amaranth and Cocoa were when we were there with them, I hated to think about what they were like when we weren't around.

Allium took charge again and suggested we go upstairs to make use of the plethora of arcade games. He and Amaranth bolted over to the skeeball machines the second they saw them to start up a little competition. Cocoa looked quietly disappointed for some reason, although I think it had something to do with Amaranth going off and doing his own thing without asking if she wanted to join or asking what she wanted to do. Playing foosball was what Cocoa wanted. I told her I didn't mind playing with her, and so soon the two of us had our own heated match going. Cocoa, despite her more feminine style, was not like Bud when it came to the game. She didn't mind one bit about accidentally breaking a nail or hurting her hands as we twisted and whipped the poles back and forth. I pretty much forgot about the boys, and it seemed like Cocoa did too. She shifted right back into her normal, fun, friendly self with no sign of the temperamental, clingy, and jealous version of herself anywhere.

I eventually missed one of the rods and smacked my hand quite painfully against the table. With our score being tied, Cocoa and I called the game a draw. Amaranth and Allium, however, had no desire to be pulled out of their competition just yet. Cocoa and I left the room they were in to make use of the other machines in the other room. Cocoa spotted a toy she wanted from the claw game, so we ended up there.

     "I can never get anything from these stupid things." Cocoa complained lightly after she failed again on her third try.
     "If you really want the bear, I can get Charming out her after he's done playing skeeball. He's gained quite a talent for getting what he wants since he's played it so much."
     "He likes a challenge or something?"
     "He's too stubborn for his own good," I laughed, "I always end up looking into the claw machines we come across out of curiosity, and as soon as he sees me looking into one he refuses to let us go on our way until he gets me something I want."
     "How very noble."
     "Eh, well, it's one way he can guarantee a nice kissing session with me, so it's really for that reason more than the goodness of his heart that he does it." I shrugged in amusement.
     "Amaranth is too much like Blaze," Cocoa tried to joke, but I could hear the sadness in his voice, "I found a stuffed animal that was exactly like the one I used to have when I was little. Richly, the jerk of a brother he was at the time, ripped it to shreds after a big fight we had. There was no way to repair it, and I was devastated losing it. I never loved a toy as much as I loved that one. When I found a sibling of it in that machine, I was prepared to spend all my money to get it. Amaranth tried once himself to be nice, but after he failed he said he wasn't going to waste more of his money on a hopeless cause. He wouldn't even let me have a go because then we would have been late to whatever planetarium show he was insisting we see. It was the third one we were going to that week."

Cocoa shook her head as she paused when she failed again to get the bear.

     "He's never liked that I don't share his passion for the stars as intensely as he does, and he got upset with me because I kept shifting during that show. I hadn't wanted to go at all, but I went because he wanted me to come along that badly. I should have just admitted that it was the last place I wanted to be and let him go on his own. It would have made the time more enjoyable for the both of us. He and I went our separate ways as soon as the show was over because we were annoyed with the other. I went back to the claw machine to find that the toy had either been won by someone else or that it had been buried so deep that I had no chance of ever finding it- let along winning it. I've scoured the internet and all sorts of toy stores, but I've never been able to find it again."

I held my breath when the claw grabbed up a prize. It wasn't the one Cocoa was going for, but I hoped she would win something at least. Unfortunately, the vampire teddy bear was too heavy and dropped right back down. Cocoa sighed, shook her head, and gave up. She moved away from the machine, and I was left to follow.

     "It doesn't sound like him, does it? What I've just told you? About him not caring in the slightest about something that meant the world to me?" Cocoa questioned, looking my way but not really desiring or expecting an answer, "I'm really not stupid. I know I've been horrible to him. I know I make him miserable a lot. I know almost everything the rest of you see is seen through his eyes. But..."

She stared out the window with a dull glaze in her eye.

     "He's not perfect either," she continued quietly, "I've tried taking your advice, Meadow. I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't want to talk. Any honest discussion I attempt to have with him is brushed aside. Amaranth just claims I'm being dramatic and clingy again when I bring the subject up. He doesn't understand that we can't simply poof things back to the way they were and not bother ever mentioning the problems we're having now. You and I both get that, but I have no clue how to make him see it. I wonder too often if I'm wasting my time though. If he's so against fixing what we've happened to break, then I guess he's not interested in fixing us. He's probably waiting for me to get sick of it all and break us up so that he doesn't have to do it."
     "Cocoa, no," I countered quickly even though I was highly unsure of the conviction of my words, "I don't think it's like that. I don't think Amaranth is like that. If he's holding on, it surely has to be because he's not ready to let go either. He must still have hope that the both of you can get past this. You and him have always been close. I saw that from the moment I met you. Things might not be the greatest now, but if you keep trying I'm sure you can pull through."
     "Do you really believe that?" Cocoa asked hopefully.

I cringed inwardly being asked that same sort of question for the second time, and I hated myself when I realized I had to give the same answer I had given before.

     "I want to."

Cocoa, thankfully, accepted the answer with grace and cheered up as she and I moved throughout the second floor playing various games. Amaranth and Allium appeared when they finally grew bored of skeeball, and that was when Allium came up with another proposal. Right in front of the cafe where we were was a massive lot with a just as massive hedge maze. We were all tall enough to see over the top, but our eye level was still just at the right angle to have the green blur together to make the path disappear into itself.

     "Let's get into teams and see who can get through it first!" Allium's suggestion came after he led us outside.
     "We should switch pairs up too." Cocoa added.
     "I was thinking the same thing myself." Allium agreed.

That made me wonder if he planned this new excursion as an excuse to give Amaranth and Cocoa a break from each other.

     "So it's you and me, Cocoa. We'll be Team Pink, and Am and Meadow can be..."
     "Team Christmas!" Amaranth declared energetically.
     "Sure," Allium shrugged, "We'll start at the other entrance. You two start at this one. You have to exit through the opposite side as a team to win."
     "Aren't we at a massive disadvantage though? I thought Meadow knows this maze like the back of her hand." Cocoa pointed out, and it was true.
     "You two can have a ten second head start." I conceded merrily.

Amaranth and I watched in amusement when Team Pink made their way into the maze. They really did have no hope of winning. Allium was just like Eden in that he had the most terrible lack of any sort of sense of direction. The two of them initially entered the maze holding hands, but that didn't stay true for long. As soon as Allium and Cocoa took their eyes off us once Amaranth and I began our way in, I dragged Amaranth down so that we were crawling along. I had him follow me over to the southwest corner filled with dead ends where we hid.

     "Why exactly are we moving about this way?" Amaranth whispered.
     "I know this maze perfectly, and you know it relatively well, right?"

Amaranth nodded.

     "We could go to our exit with no problems, but where is the fun in that? I think we should mess with Team Pink a bit first." I proposed mischievously.
     "Where did they go?" Cocoa's voice floated to us as if on cue.
     "Hiding probably," Allium guessed before calling directly to us, "You two better not be planning something!"
     "It looks like we are," Amaranth sarcastically and quietly answered him, "But what exactly is our plan?"
     "To split the two of them up. Charming said we had to win as a team. They might be able to make it if they work together, but as soon as Cocoa and him are split up they have no chance."
     "How are we going to do that though?"
     "By rustling the bushes. Charming is attracted to the noise. He thinks it's squirrels and stuff, and he follows them because he believes they know how to get out. No joke," I confirmed when Amaranth's face contorted in amused disbelief, "You go after him. He'll be easier to escape from if he gets close. I'll go after Cocoa to see if she'll go towards or away from the noise since I can hide better from her."

My words grew less and less determined and drained of vigor as I took little glances back Amaranth's way as I spoke. He would have seen those glances if he had been looking at my face, but my cheeks flushed when it came to my attention that his head was bent down looking someplace entirely different. I smacked him in the chest.

     "What?" he said as he tried to play innocent.
     "Keep your eyes where they belong." I attempted to warn as indifferently but still as seriously as I could.
     "I was just looking at you."
     "It's the part of me you were looking at that's the problem."
     "I swear I wasn't," Amaranth tried to string me along, "But since you're pointing it out..."

He smiled impishly as he purposely looked down again. That earned him a stronger smack and a deeper scowl from me.

     "Please refrain from being a perverted teenage boy at this moment." I demanded.
     "Sure, sure." Amaranth grinned back.

I motioned for him to get moving, my stern expression easing up only slightly when he stopped briefly to make a quick comment that he was merely teasing. I was relieved when he was out of sight, but that didn't stop my heart from racing. What he had just done, more than anything else, affected me greatly. I knew there was no one behind me as I crawled along making the bushes shake near Cocoa and discovering she moved away from them as she thought I was about to jump out and scare her, but I was constantly checking over my shoulder for someone. I was continually holding down my skirt as well feeling as if I was showing everything to everyone despite me not showing anything to anyone. There was no getting rid of the paranoia even when there was a solid bush wall behind me.

It really was the thought that it was Amaranth looking that drove me the craziest though. I clutched at the grass as I hid from Cocoa, Amaranth's girlfriend, as I struggled to come to terms with how the idea of Amaranth looking at me in that way influenced the thoughts in my own mind. I was utterly embarrassed, but it wasn't the unpleasant kind of embarrassed. It was the way I had often felt around Allium as we steadily allowed ourselves to get physically closer. There mere inkling that I might be alright with Amaranth having such a gaze on me unwilling brought back how attractive I realized he was when we played pool. I recalled all the times we had gone to the beach and how he hadn't worn a shirt. I remembered each time I went to his house to watch a movie. Before we started dating, we almost always ended up cuddling together in our pajamas on his couch. I remembered his warmth and his comfort, and doing so made me nearly cry out. It was growing next to impossible to deny what was happening. How I was desiring something I didn't want to want. I shook slightly and breathed deeply in a desperate attempt to quell what refused to leave me be.

I threw myself into chasing after Cocoa even more intently. My plan had worked well. Allium and Cocoa had dared to separate just a tad to cover more ground faster, but with their own confusion added on to the confusion Amaranth and I were creating they soon discovered that they were nowhere near each other even when they were near each other.

     "How did you get over there?" Cocoa demanded in irritation as the two got as close as they could, "I thought you were right behind me!"
     "I thought I was too, but I guess not." Allium chuckled hopelessly.
     "Now what are we supposed to do?"
     "I could always climb over-" Allium started more quietly.
     "No cheating!" Amaranth's voice called out from wherever he was hiding.
     "We can't see them, but they can hear us," Cocoa warned, "Ugh, just stay there. I'll try to get to you."
     "Will do, captain!" Allium agreed cheerfully.

Amaranth and I found each other working in total silence and not being able to see each other found each other faster than Cocoa found Allium. Amaranth was smiling wider than before when he saw me, and at first glance the way he was acting before appeared to be gone. The two of us stood up better but remained crouched as we moved along back to another hiding spot. I thought we were fine, so I turned and opened my mouth to speak. That was when Amaranth suddenly collected me and pulled me back onto the ground with him. He covered my mouth before I could let out any cry of surprise, and Allium rushing by on the other side of the wall where we were showed me why. I hadn't known he was that close or that he had started moving around again.

Two blessed seconds or so after Allium passed by was how long I was able to remain oblivious to the manner in which Amaranth was holding me. My head swarmed and buzzed with desire more than ever before. Amaranth's arms were around me just like I had been remembering. His warmth was there too, as was his scent and the light tingle of his breath against my skin as he held me close. It was easier to relent to how relieved I felt resting against his chest in the way our bodies seemed to fit perfectly more than it was to continue denying that remaining like that wasn't what I wanted most in the world.

     "Close call, but it sounds like he's far away now," Amaranth resumed whispering, "And it looks like our plan went off without a hitch. It was hilarious getting Al chasing random noises. Thank you for being such a genius girl with great ideas."

His arms wrapped around me tighter. A quick kiss was placed against the side of my head before I could protest, and I cringed again at how difficult it was to protest. Then, the pull grew that much worse. My body burned with heat when Amaranth's lips didn't pull away. He couldn't get them to pull away. I could tell. Soft, light, and cool, they tingled as they traveled down to my cheek where they were pressed in a much less friendlier way for a much longer amount of time. I inhaled and didn't exhale at the deep ache and craving that spread through my chest and momentarily pinned me frozen. I don't know what would have happened had I not heard Allium's and Cocoa's voices in the distance. The sound of them forced me to yank away despite every inch of me screaming for something deeper than a kiss on the cheek.

     "Get off of me!" I exclaimed as furiously as whispering would allow.

In my haste to get out of the hold that was making me question everything I thought I wanted, I went at Amaranth harder than intended. My elbow sunk solidly into his stomach while I missed his shoulder and half shoved his face back as I tipped him into the bushes.

     "Your girlfriend is fifty feet that way!" I rebuked harshly and instantly in case Amaranth strove to retaliate, "If you're not happy being with her, then go ahead and break up already! I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend though, so don't think for a second that I want anything to do these misplaced attempts at flirting!"
     "Meadow, I didn't mean-"
     "Don't bother! Let's just get out of this stupid maze."

I stood up with a huff and hurriedly mapped out the route to the intended exit. Amaranth followed along, and blessedly Allium and Cocoa were stuck at the other side of the maze. They were so intent on finding their way that they didn't notice our reappearance or the fact that we won the little competition. I stood turned away with my arms folded, and I would have stayed that way had Amaranth not been brave enough to grab my shoulder and turn me back around.

     "Meadow, I'm sorry," he apologized, preventing me from speaking this time around, "I didn't mean to upset you or cause any...misunderstandings. We're close friends, but you're right that I shouldn't take certain boundaries for granted."
     "Just stop," I commanded firmly, "Do you think I'm blind?"

Amaranth instantly hid behind wider, sheepish, puppy dog eyes to try and convince me he didn't know what I was getting at. It didn't work.

     "Do you seriously think what you just did could ever be considered nothing more than friendly? Do you think I can't see you when you stare, or that I don't know what's going on in your head when you do? I understand you're not happy with Cocoa at the moment. However, don't make the mistake that I'm someone you can come to to ever return the kind of feelings you once had with her." I chastised bitterly.

At that, the guilt sank in. Amaranth stared at me like I had whipped him. It basically confirmed that I was right, but even if it had to be said it didn't make me feel better about saying it. Not handling the new surge of emotion well, I was about to turn away again when Amaranth nodded and looked at me. I was drawn into his eyes that were so red and bold. Like the purest of rubies they were, and unlike the bright but shallow lights that were Allium's eyes, Amaranth's were deep and inviting of something more. They lured me in and got me lost so quickly that I was distracted my from anger.

     "I really didn't mean anything by what I did," Amaranth urged, and though I knew he was lying I let him continue, "Truly, I didn't. Doing something with you behind Allium's back...I couldn't. I swear. And I'm sorry, again."

Those eyes pleaded at me, and I freed my long held inhale as I gave in.

     "It's alright, and I'm sorry too. I overreacted. I shouldn't have jumped to a conclusion either. You and Cocoa have enough to worry about without me getting upset at you too."
     "It's fine." Amaranth accepted, giving me a small smile.
     "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
     "Hmm? Hurt me? Oh," Amaranth spoke in confusion before laughing, "That tiny shove? Meadow, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that to hurt me."
     "I'll make a note of it." I laughed back softly.

As the laughs quieted, a still awkward air settled over us. I shifted timidly before I thanked the gods for Allium.

     "Hey!" he called to us.

He and Cocoa were back together, but they were farther from the exit than ever. Allium gave me a small wave once he had my attention.

     "I see that you won. Think you can rescue us now?" he requested.

I laughed louder.

     "Don't move. I'll be right there." I told him, rolling my eyes before reentering the maze to help my friends find their way out.

With how the double-date had gone so far, I don't know why I had any expectations that it would get better and stay better. Despite their terrible loss and occasional irritation, Team Pink had a great time in the maze. We even spent more time going through it as I tried to teach them the paths. When we got bored of that we walked around for a long while before stopping at another shop so Allium could use the restroom. The building was one I hadn't been in before. I wandered about exploring and discovering, and it was me discovering that Amaranth and Cocoa had found a corner of their own to have a discussion in that started the downfall of the rest of the evening. I hesitated about eavesdropping, but hearing Cocoa saying something about Amaranth making a choice caught and kept my attention.

     "You need to sort through that head of yours and get it all straight. It's getting to the point where I don't care what happens. I just want you to decide what you want so all this uncertainty can stop." Cocoa was practically pleading.
     "I really don't think we should be talking about this right now." Amaranth mumbled.
     "I don't know what time is good either! If talking to you when you're not busy and we're alone is a bad time too, then what other situation would you prefer?"
     "Just...not now."
     "Maybe it has to be now. I can see you doing it, and she's not going to be blind to it much longer either."

I bit my lip and shuffled myself further back around the corner. I could tell the two of them were going to be playing the pronoun game, but I had a horrible suspicion as to who they were talking about.

     "If you're obsessed with her, then just admit it already." Cocoa prodded.
     "I'm not obsessed." Amaranth mumbled once more.
     "You have that picture of you and her as your phone background! You think I haven't noticed that you're staring at it all the times you claim to be texting?"
     "You're making things up."
     "No. I'm talking to you about the truths that you refuse to admit. If you can't be honest with yourself, then someone has to be."

The conversation ended there. Amaranth was at a loss for words, and Cocoa was struggling. I had to leave my hiding place as well. Allium was done using the restroom and was looking for us.

The worst blow came near the end of our time together. Allium could tell that the air between Amaranth and Cocoa simply wasn't going to improve. We planned to stop at the beach to watch the sunset before we called it a night. The evening summer air was warm, and the rolling wind off the ocean was light and refreshing. None of us desired to get messy, so we stayed away from the shore. Amaranth and Allium splintered off into their own pair again, which left Cocoa and I to hang out together again. I couldn't look her properly in the eye after hearing what I had heard, but we managed to have a decent time finding shells anyway. It was when she went to the bathroom to try and fix one of the straps on her shoe that had broken that I heard what had me in quiet tears when I tried to sleep later that night.

     "You seriously need to end it now." Allium was encouraging Amaranth when I got closer to them.

I had intended to join in on their conversation being held at the lifeguard hut, but I ended up sneaking behind a palm tree and a bunch of rocks and bushes to hear what they wouldn't say in my presence once more.

     "And don't try and tell me that you do want to keep dating her. Everyone can see that you and Cocoa have been done for a long time." Allium then warned.
     "No, I know," Amaranth admitted, "I want it to end, and I've wanted that for a long time."

My chest tightened. Well, there was the support I had given Cocoa being blown right out of the water. She had been right, and I was wrong.

     "You're both miserable, and neither of you deserve to be. Yeah, you've both been jerks to each other, but you're not the nasty sides of you that keep being drawn out. You and Cocoa will be better off stopping the mad, sinking boat you're clutching to. The two of you might remember that you actually do like the other. As friends."
     "You're too optimistic," Amaranth shook his head, "Do you know the percentage of people who are able to still be friends with people they have disastrous relationships with? It's not good."
     "Eighty percent of statistics are made up. Including that one. Screw percentages and ratings. They're just numbers. Not one of them can be specific to every kind of situation out there. Cocoa's not the kind of girl to hold a grudge or hatred towards someone if they come to her with honest intentions. Sure, you two will be angry and upset once you break up. But, once you've had a rest from all the stress, you'll be able to talk to each other honestly whereas you find it impossible to do so now. You'll be able to say what you want to say because you won't have the threat of breaking your relationship over your head. The sooner you kill what's causing all this drama, the sooner you can repair what you once had. Heck, you might as well get it over with tonight. Meadow and I will be going home in one direction. You and Cocoa will be going in the other."

Amaranth scoffed loudly and spoke with slight bitterness.

     "You talk like it's so easy to break up with someone. Unlike what everyone makes it out to be, it's not something you can simply do. In fact, I have a lot more sympathy for Sap now. Looking someone you care about, deeply care about, in the eye, saying words that will devastate them, knowing that they're going to break down and you're going to have to watch them cry, being unable to comfort them because you're the one causing the pain, fearing for how much you'll be hurt yourself, understanding that it's going to be nothing but misery and heartbreak for weeks or months afterwards, risking the chance that you could lose this cared about person forever- honestly, it all makes me want to run away and never come back. It makes me wish I had never bothered with a relationship in the first place, and, to be quite frank, I'm getting sick of people like you who have no idea what this feels like telling me what is best."

 
Silence. That was all that passed between them. It drowned out the soft crashing of the waves, the call of the gulls, the breeze of the wind, and the distant music playing in some house. On and on it went. I froze in place scared that my own breathing would be stolen. I hated that it did turn out to be taken away. Some awkward tension was expected given Amaranth's barb at Allium, but Allium wasn't one to stay quiet for so long. With each slow second that ticked by I anticipated a "You're right, but..." or a "It's true that I don't quite get what you're going through, but..." or any sort of acceptance that Amaranth was right. However, the silence played away. I wasn't the only one it was confusing. Daring to peek around the palm tree, I watched as Amaranth glanced Allium's way with a deep frown.

     "Al?" he questioned in concern.

Allium leaned against the fencing and stared out at the sea. I held my breath tighter than before. Already my heart was constricting itself so tightly that it sent the rest of my chest hollow.

     "How are you and Meadow?" Amaranth asked, a question I suddenly didn't want to hear because I now dreaded the answer.

Allium took a long time to answer. I didn't waste any of my energy hoping the answer would be a good one. Allium would have responded already if that was the case. There wouldn't have been a need for such a drawn out reply. He confirmed it for me too when he spoke, because his voice was that of the mature, budding man that did rest underneath the perpetual child.

     "I don't know." the gentle but determined admission came.
     "What do you mean you don't know?" Amaranth asked the question I wanted to shout out, "You two look like you're having the time of your lives together whenever I see you. If you're trying to tell me that you don't...love her, then I'm going to have to call you a liar."
     "It's not so much a problem with me not loving her. When I'm with her, everything feels like it's as it should be. But, as soon as we go our separate ways..." Allium trailed off before his breathing shook deeply, "I'm terrified. Fucking terrified."

I turned my gaze away. I knew I shouldn't have been surprised at all, for I knew very well why Allium was terrified. I had seen it lurking in his eyes. I had known all the times he cut himself off that the admission he had given Amaranth was what he had been trying to tell me.

     "I'm supposing this has something to do with whatever she told you after she came back from her two week 'vacation' then?" Amaranth mused knowingly.
     "I should have taken her word for it. I shouldn't have pressed her to tell me. She didn't tell me all that much, but what she did reveal was more than enough. I promised her I wouldn't say anything about it to anyone else, so I can't give you details, but what's going on with her doesn't just run the risk of her vanishing forever without a word. All of us are technically in danger knowing her, and with me knowing even just this little bit more I'm that much more at risk. Maybe I'd feel better if I knew the whole truth so that my mind could stop coming up with all the extreme ideas it likes to torment me with, but I don't think any relief I would get would last long."
     "The truth is that bad?"
     "Apparently so," Allium replied in frustration, "I wish I could say otherwise, but I do know the struggle you're going through. I can't count how many nights I've been unable to fall asleep because I was wrestling with the decision on whether or not I should call it quits the very next day. I know I've wanted to run away. Hide in Bayport with my grandparents until she grew sick of me or something."
     "You do want to break up with her then?" Amaranth wondered in saddened curiosity.
     "It's what I've said- I don't know. I just don't goddamn know. There are days where I want to scream it at her that we're over, and there are days where I wonder what the hell is wrong with me in thinking that I should ever let her go. She said it herself that she's not normal, and she's right. She's amazing."

Allium's breath shook harder. He was choking up.

     "What makes it all worse...is if...what if I'm more like my dad than I realize? I'm pretty certain Meadow doesn't have a clue what's going on in my head. She thinks everything is fine. My mom thought everything was fine with her and dad too. She swore it to me so hard throughout all these years, and I believed her. Now, however, I don't know what I believe. I have no idea whether I should curse my dad or be more understanding because I could be putting Meadow through the exact kind of mess he put my mom through. Letting her go or holding on...I don't know what's best. I don't know which I want more. I don't know what's kinder or crueler to her."

Allium and I let out shaking exhales at the same time. The ground kept my stare, and his voice grew softer yet.

     "I just don't know."