Gen One- Chapter Thirty Six

No matter how many times I blinked or rubbed, exhaustion roared up to make it feel as if my eyes were drying up inside my head. I would have been able to count the hours of sleep I had gotten in the past three days on just my two hands if my mind hadn't been just as useless as my desperate attempts to convince myself that it didn't seem like a good idea to go sit on a toilet in the bathroom and nap sitting up. I had fallen asleep in one class, but my teacher ended up leaving me alone. It was as clear as it had always been that I had no real reason to be there after he woke me up the first time, and I not only answered the quick string of questions he asked but stood up to teach the next minute or so of the lesson before sitting back down and resting my head against my desk. I wouldn't have ever dared to do such a thing before, but I think even the teacher understood it was best to leave the girl who could dance circles around him when it came to the knowing the information he was sharing alone when she was overwhelmingly exhausted. I had done my best to control myself since then. Sleeping in class was naturally much prefer to hiding out in the bathroom, but I didn't want to be a distraction for the other students who did need to learn. Not that most of them paid attention anyway. Their laziness was not a massive concern of mine at the moment though. Standing next to my locker, my more pressing issue was remembering what my combination was.

I gave up trying to remember after several more seconds and let muscle memory turn the dial for me. Somehow, it worked. I replaced the books I didn't need with the ones for the rest of my classes. My eyes were rubbed at again, and the instant I opened them I spotted something coming towards me that shouldn't have been heading my way. Honestly, it wasn't because I was angry that I got annoyed. My anger has subsided surprisingly quick that afternoon. The vast confusion I had already had being amplified a hundred times over had been what kept me annoyed, and now my irritation was increasing because the idiot was completely ignoring his sense of self preservation.

     "Go away." I commanded with a frown.

I expected Amaranth to walk away immediately or hesitate briefly before following my instructions. He did neither. He got closer, but not close, before stopping. With no choice, I turned to give him an exasperated glare. That was when I got my first glance at Allium's handiwork. I had heard from Frost, who as always was doing his best to remain the neutral party between us all, that Allium had done quite a number on his currently former best friend. If I had been smarter, I wouldn't have gone to Allium's house to reveal what had happened when I was still shaking and bawling my eyes out. Perhaps my boyfriend would have reacted a bit less violently. I definitely would have attempted to calm him too had I known what his fury would lead him to do. As it was, I only found out the next day that Allium had sought Amaranth out to give him the mess on his face when Blaze called Eden to give him the scoop. However, Amaranth appeared to be taking the beating with dignity. He was ignoring the stares he was getting and didn't mind the slight cringe on my face when I spotted the practically black bruising. Truthfully, I did feel horrible about what had happened. Amaranth shouldn't have kissed me when I told him to stop, but not being able to tell everyone how much I wanted him to kiss me painted his actions in a much more abusive way. A judgment he didn't deserve. My guilt is what stopped me from walking away then when I should have. It would have prevented Amaranth from getting more rage thrown at him.

     "I don't want to disturb you for long," Amaranth said rapidly, for he was aware as well that he was taking a big risk, "I just want to apologize again. I was thinking so much of what I wanted that I didn't stop and think how my actions would affect you. I didn't mean to cause you any grief. I'll leave you alone since I know that's what you want. If you ever think I'm worth your pity and you desire to talk to me again, I'd love that. However, from now on you won't be seeing or hearing much from me until then. I promise."

I wanted nothing more than to grab Amaranth's sleeve, keep him in place, and tell him he didn't have to do that. I wasn't giddy over how he had chosen to finally be forward about his feelings, but I definitely didn't mean what I said when I said I hated him. In fact, the hatred I had for myself for saying those words was much stronger than any negative emotions I had towards him. The hollow heartbreak hidden behind his composed mask made me want to give him the most massive hug I could and be the one pleading for forgiveness instead. However, even if I had had the courage to do such a thing, there was no chance for me to follow through. Amaranth had barely gotten his last syllable out when he glanced behind me. His eyes widened slightly with fear, and he instantly backed away. Amaranth kept on backing away when Allium stepped past me to give him a rough push. Allium glared at him with a silent rage, sticking that furious face closer and closer towards him until Amaranth was halfway down the row of lockers. Amaranth's head remained turned to the side the whole time. The expression he wore was akin to that of caged animal being scolded by his owner.

Still not speaking, Allium tightened his glare locked firmly on Amaranth for an uncomfortable amount of time. He came back over to me, grabbed my hand and shoulder, and led me in the direction opposite of Amaranth when he was satisfied that he had been forced back enough. I made no effort to say anything to Allium or to protest against him. Not even the weekend spent at his grandparents had calmed him down. Even I could do little to quell his anger. I had discovered it was better to let him fume quietly by himself until he calmed down enough to be reasonable, for however long that would last. I wasn't sure what was upsetting him most. The fact that someone else had kissed me, or that it was Amaranth who had done it.

Allium and I entered the computer lab further down the hallway. For the first time in our three years of high school, all of my friends and I had a free period together. The computer lab was our typical choice as the library was too stuffy and the cafeteria didn't have computers. Frost, Sunset, and Sunflower had already claimed their computers when Allium practically sat me down in a chair for me. He even went as so far to turn the computer on and get the things I needed from my bag as well. I was about to say something to him when he abruptly left the lab. It was only when the door was closing that I realized he wasn't quite done with Amaranth just yet. I sheepishly brought up the programs I would need while I listened to Allium berate Amaranth as much as he could without getting in trouble for fighting. There was a lot being said about Amaranth never getting near me again, and I also caught quite a few variations of the word 'betrayal'. I sighed heavily and accepted the sympathetic smiles from my friends.

     "They'll be okay." Frost said supportively.
     "I don't know about that. I've never seen Allium this angry, and what's happened has left quite the gap of trust between them. Then there's the fact that, okay, Amaranth deserved a hit or two, but for Allium to hit him that hard that much? I wouldn't want to be close with someone who did that with me." Sunflower pointed out.
     "It's one of those guy things. Besides, I guess this is kind of a karma coming around. Back before us three boys met you and Set, Am and Al got in a big fight. It was Am who bloodied and bruised up Al's face that time. They barely spoke for months, but they came around then too. And I'm not saying that both of them haven't been massive assholes who did things they shouldn't have done," Frost said quickly when Sunflower frowned at him, "But they're still Am and Al despite their actions. Two good people who chose to do one bad thing. They should get whatever consequences they deserve, but I don't think we should be so hasty to expect that their relationship and Am's to us is doomed forever."
     "Well, I'm going to be pissed at him for a good, long while. I seriously cannot believe he would sneak behind Al's back, and especially do it in the way he did!" Sunset exclaimed, folding her arms.
     "I think you're imaging how he did it to be a lot worse than the way he actually did it," I finally gathered my courage to mumble out more of the truth, "It wasn't like he slammed me against the wall, demanded that I love him, and forced a make-out session on me."
     "But he did still have you pinned against the wall, didn't he? He ignored you when you said to let you go. He kissed you, his best friend's girlfriend, when you told him not to, right?"
     "Well, yes, but-" I began timidly.
     "Then I don't see much difference."

I opened my mouth to counter that, but Allium's reappearance distracted me. Sunset went back to working on whatever she was doing since any of us mentioning Amaranth's name infuriated Allium further. He grabbed a chair from an empty desk, put it down next to mine, and sat down with a huff. I gave him a smile and made my voice more cheerful.

     "Are you sure you don't want me to just help you with this assignment later after school? The school hasn't blocked that Fun 4 Kids website yet. We could play that ice cream battle game instead." I suggested to try and improve his mood.
     "I want to get this annoying assignment over already," Allium declined, doing a rather impressive job at controlling the ire in his voice, "My mom said she was probably going to need my help a lot tonight, so I'm not sure if you'd be able to come over anyway."
     "That's understandable. Did you remember to bring your flash drive today then?"

Allium nodded, and we plugged the device in to bring up his work. On the outside, I was helping Allium with the essay. On the inside, I spent the whole period trying to make sense of the situation just like I had been doing all weekend. I felt like Amaranth now. I didn't know which way was up. The more I thought I figured out, the more confused I became. The lone piece of information I had patched together was that the reason I ended up snapping at Amaranth wasn't so much because he kissed me when I said 'no', although that did play some part, but it was because the shock of him telling me Allium wanted to break up had sunk in at that moment. He might have had good intentions by warning me, but it was done just as abruptly as Allium's supposed plan would have had it been.

Thinking about that was where some of the greatest confusion started, because...Allium and I were still together. Allium, though irritable, had been a sweetheart to me over the weekend when we stuck with our plans to see the play in Bayport. He even came back to Berrybrook with me instead of staying at his grandparents' so he could keep me company at my treatment session. Allium hadn't breathed one whisper that sounded anything like the start to a break up, and he was clearly as furious about Amaranth's traitorous behavior as any devoted boyfriend would be. I couldn't reason if Amaranth had been lying after all, because it didn't seem like he had been, or if he had misunderstood Allium's intentions. The thought that Allium had simply changed his mind, perhaps temporarily, wasn't an idea I liked entertaining.

There had been one break up during the past weekend though. I found out when Cocoa called me that evening that she had seen Amaranth practically confess his undying love for me and kiss me without my consent. I'm sure she was hurting more than she let on by telling him they were done, but she admitted she was relieved their relationship was finally over. She didn't even mind that Amaranth kissed me when they were still technically dating because of that relief of the stress. Cocoa, thankfully, didn't blame me for any of the mess.

I accepted Sunset's invitation to hang out at the festival park by our houses. There was an act being performed later, and we both hoped it would cheer me up. I contemplated for a moment going home and getting sleep instead, but I didn't see why trying to rest when I had been failing at it so hard for the past several days would get me any better results. I had entered a state of dazed calmness anyway. I was more eager to be distracted than be alone with my thoughts. Not that I was going to get a break from the situation with Allium and Amaranth with Sunset. She was stuck on the subject almost as badly as Allium.

     "I can't believe it. I just can't believe it," she said for about the hundredth time that day, "Amaranth. Amaranth of all people did something like this. He's normally part of the glue that keeps our happy troupe together. To do something like that to you. Are you sure you're alright?"
     "Besides the fact that this is all very stressful and I can't sleep, I suppose I'm holding up well enough."
     "I don't believe that either. He held you up to a wall and forced you to kiss him."
     "Sunset, would you stop making it sound like he assaulted me? It wasn't like that at all," I complained, my exhaustion really grinding down my patience, "Sure, he had me against the wall, but I could have shoved his red little butt to the ground with ease if I had really wanted to. I could have...stopped the kiss too..."

Sunset instantly quieted and raised a brow.

     "Did you want him to kiss you?" she questioned suspiciously.

Her eyes widened slightly and she stared at me harder when I shifted sheepishly.

     "Yes." I whispered, not having the energy to lie either.
     "Okay, so...you like Amaranth?"
     "Yes." I whispered quieter, almost in humiliated horror.
     "Wow! That's, I mean, I suppose I can understand why. Doesn't make it any less shocking, but in some ways I'm not surprised either. That forces me to ask though- what about Al?"
     "I like him too!" I exclaimed before letting out an agonized sigh, "I like Al. I still want to be with him. But...I like Amaranth too, and he said..."
     "Said what?"

I took a deep, shaky breath. Talking this deeply about the matter with Sunset had not been my plan at all, but I had no strength with which to fight my tongue that apparently wanted to tell everything. With Sunset being relatively accepting about my problem for the moment, there was little reason for me to hold back.

     "Amaranth said that Allium told him he was planning on breaking up with me this past weekend." I admitted.
     "Seriously?!" Sunset exclaimed herself before frowning deeply in confusion, "But you're still together."
     "And in some ways, it's made this all worse. I don't know if Am was lying or what. I don't know what Al was actually planning. To tell the truth, I was worried anyway that a break up could be coming. Al has been struggling for a while on whether or not he wants to be with me. I have to admit that I've wondered if we should call it quits myself as well."
     "You did just say that you want to keep dating Al though." Sunset reminded me.
     "I know." I mumbled.
     "Well, I think you need to ask yourself the important question here. Who do you like more? You have to find that answer or else you could make yourself miserable being with the person you don't really want to be with. It won't do any good for Am or Al either."
     "Maybe I shouldn't be with either of them." I sighed.
     "There is that option too. You're clearly under a lot of stress. It's not like you need to be in a relationship to survive, otherwise I would have died off long ago. Not dating anyone for a while could help you relax, get your head straight ahead, and prepare you for whatever romantic move you want to make next. However, it's not something you choose right away- as you would still have to break up with Al. You really do need to do a lot of thinking."
     "Thinking is all I've been doing for the past couple days. I just want to shut my brain down already," I laughed wryly, "But I suppose I can't avoid it in the end."
     "We can avoid it for now though. Let's go get some pie from the vendors." Sunset suggested cheerfully.
     "That's the best plan I've heard in a while." I laughed for real.

I needed more afternoons off from thinking more than afternoons I got off from thinking. I did learn how to force myself to sleep, but even at night my mind refused to let me rest. However, my body learned to accept my weariness and stressed state, so I at least did better in not dozing off during school hours. I also picked up the habit of going for a long jog almost every day. Not much of a runner, the lengthy and strenuous exercise helped my mind to focus on my physical movement instead of my current dilemma. I began to grow accustomed to the workout, and soon I could run all the way into the city with no problems. There was one day where luck, bad or good, had me running right past the person who had kept true to his word. I think Amaranth had memorized my school schedule and routes through the hallways so he could avoid me, for I now only caught glimpses of him in the cafeteria. I sometimes caught sight of him as he walked home, and occasionally Frost mentioned the two of them hanging out. Other than that, all other traces of Amaranth had been removed from my life. Leaping for joy after spotting him leaving the comic shop seemed like the best idea ever. It had been a week and a half since the incident, although the lack of fading on Amaranth's bruise didn't show it. Amaranth gave me a hopeful small smile and wave as I ran past, but I did run past him. He got a little sideways glance from me, but that was it.

I cursed myself the further I got away from him. However, it seemed necessary at the time to continue ignoring him. I hadn't come to my decision yet. All irritation and anger at Amaranth had faded, which left nothing but some guilt and all the longing I had felt for him before. Now that he had kissed me, I wanted him to kiss me again and again. The craving grew more unbearable every day. Allium kissing me made it worse, and that should have been the signal that gave me the answer I needed. Still, I kept on convincing myself that Allium was the one for me. There was no way to toss out the years we had been together so easily. Part of me was also terrified that what Purity said was true- that Amaranth only seemed so desirable because he was something new. Something I hadn't had before. I feared that if Allium and I ended and I went to him, that eventually my strong feelings would die off and I would find that Allium was who I truly wanted after all.

The reversed truth of that was so obvious it should have been painful, but, in my intense worried state about the passing days and the lack of Companies being brought down, it made more sense to ignore the warning signs and garner what support I could from the shakiest state my romantic relationship had been in so far. Allium was sweet in that week or two after the incident. He remained exactly like I knew him to be. Then, little by little, his attitude changed. He was less eager to meet up with me. He did meet up less with me. The smile that was normally so prevalent on his face started to hide itself away. Allium told less jokes and didn't laugh nearly as hard as he used to. More often that not, his mood was melancholy and perhaps somewhat irritable. His mom invited me over for dinner one night since she felt like she hadn't seen me in a while. The evening turned out to be a stark contrast from that one day with our painting projects at the park. Allium had another art assignment to do. He half snapped at me when I tried to help him. That left me sitting on the couch awkwardly watching television while he sat on the ground, staring at his blank drawing pad and moping over what I'm sure was a million different reasons. I received no goodbye kiss or hug. Allium didn't text me all weekend, and I didn't text him either. As I had fun hanging out with Sunset, Sunflower, and then for even several hours with Cocoa, I found that...

I didn't want to.

Not even the most ominous signs of the impending heartbreak did anything to lessen that heartbreak though. I was just deluded enough to think that things could continue on this way. I mean, even mine and Allium's third homecoming came and went. We had entered our third year of dating, and two whole months had already passed since the afternoon with Amaranth. Summer had shifted into fall, and I daresay I managed to allow myself to be somewhat excited about college. My application for Twilight North had been finished and sent. I had gone ahead and applied for the astronomy program. My own spur of the moment suggestion to work at a planetarium had grown on me.

I was finally planning backup plans in case that program turned out not to be for me on that overcast Tuesday afternoon. The weather was getting just cold enough for a good fire, which I merrily started. The scent was something that truly relaxed me. I was giving the moderate flames a good poke when there came a knock on the door.

I was expecting it to be Sunflower. Her grades were at the point where we weren't quite sure if Twilight North would accept her. Thus, she had been coming to me often for help on her essays and such. I must admit, I was rather perplexed when it was Allium, with his gaze hesitant to meet mine, who was on the other side of the door. It had been a while since we had met up without a planned time, and it had been longer still since he had come over of his own volition.

     "Hey." I said, hesitant on whether I should mark his arrival as a good thing or bad thing.
     "Hey," Allium answered back, something about the tone of his voice sounding forced, "Is Eden around?"
     "Actually, he's out at the moment. Not for long though. He's picking up the pizza we ordered for dinner. I hope he brought a jacket with him or something. He chose to walk, and now it's raining, I see."
     "Yeah. Just a little. It's not too bad right now. I hear it should be getting worse though." Allium responded somewhat softly.

I had to acknowledge that this unanticipated meeting was not going well. Allium and I had been quickly reduced to talking about the weather.

The next minute went exactly how I expected it to go though. Button, curious to see who had come through the door, rushed over with her floppy ears bouncing up and down. I was pleased to see that she retained her ability to make practically everyone who entered our house smile an actual smile no matter how somber they were otherwise. I did get to see Allium's real grin for a second, and the pain of realizing I couldn't remember the last time I saw it hit me hard. He was such a lively and optimistic person at heart, but there was something broken that was crushing him down.

     "Someone is getting some gray hairs." Allium noted as he let Button sniff him before petting her.
     "Ah, well, she is starting to get up there in age. She's going into her ninth year now." I said a bit sadly, not liking the thought of ever losing Button.
     "She might be getting older, but she's still a puppy at heart. You can see it in her eyes. She'll be living a nice while longer. I can tell." Allium encouraged, letting me see that optimistic person for a moment when he flashed his supportive smile my way.

I smiled back, and I think I hid the sinking disappointment I felt well when that smile vanished the second our eyes met. There was no reason to bother hiding it though, for Allium wretched his gaze away.

Button, satisfied to give her good old friend Allium a sniff and a lick, left us to get back to whatever she had been doing. Taking a silent, deep breath, I stood up straighter and brightened my voice.

     "So, what can I do for you today?" I asked.
     "My mom sent me to get back that book she lent to you."
     "Oh," I hid more disappointment, now knowing Allium's appearance hadn't actually been of his own choosing after all, "Already? It's only been two days. I haven't even had time to finish the first chapter."
     "She said to say sorry. She needs it for something for her book club. After she's done with it later this week, she said you could have it back until whenever you're done."
     "That's fine. I probably wouldn't have gotten around to reading it much this week anyway." I shrugged, "I put it on my shelf in the other room. Here."

Allium followed me on the long fifteen foot trek to my study area. The book was soon off the shelf and in his hands.

No sooner did he have it in his grasp than did his expression fall. There was a lingering silence that ensued that I didn't like. Sensing something unpleasant, I was about to attempt a diversion by asking if Allium and Ms. Charm wanted to come over for dinner, but Allium stopped me in my tracks. He resumed talking before I could even open my mouth.

     "There was actually another reason why I cam over." Allium revealed.
     "Oh?" I repeated.
     "About what you told me after your return from those two weeks..."

My heart soared for a second. Finally. I thought Allium was finally going to tell me everything he had been too scared to talk to me about so far. We would be able to address the underlying issue and actually work past the slump we were in. There had been several times where I had wanted to start the conversation myself, but I hadn't wanted to let Allium know that I had been eavesdropping.

Unfortunately, my incorrect assumption only led to a bigger drop when Allium's true intentions became clear. He fidgeted for several seconds, I think put off by the optimistic expression I gave him, and struggled with his words. Syllables of nonsense spilled out of his mouth until he pieced together the sentence he was going for.

     "What you've been telling me about the situation since then, it's all been a lie, hasn't it?" he questioned almost in reluctance.
     "Lie? What do you mean?" I tried to play innocent.

Allium wasn't fooled.

     "About the situation not being as serious as I was thinking. About the problem getting taken care of. That kind of stuff that you've been telling me. It was all just an act to make me feel better, wasn't it?"
     "It wasn't...I haven't been lying. You know, I think I simply over exaggerated the problem in my own head, and-"
     "Meadow." Allium interrupted me firmly.

I withdrew under his unimpressed stare. Apparently, me lying about me lying wasn't some he approved of. I pouted and cringed when I was forced to admit the truth.

     "What's the real situation like? I want to know what's going on." he demanded lightly.
     "Mostly the same, although you can say it's gotten a bit worse," I mumbled, "Eden thought he had a lead that could help us, but considering that he's not saying much to me anymore I believe the lead is coming up dry. I'm...running out of time too..."

A deep frown appeared on Allium's face. Mentally slapping myself, I instantly regretted admitting too much of the truth. He had asked for the basics, but now I had gone ahead and given him some specifics.

     "Running out of time? For what?" he asked in confusion.
     "Uh...just..." I mumbled even more pitifully.

The awkward silence returned, and it seemed like melting to the floor in horror was a good option when Allium quickly figured out the answer to his question.

     "You're running out of time until the point where you'll have to leave," he said incredulously in disbelief, "The point where you'll disappear and never come back."

I nodded feebly.

     "I thought that was only if 'they' found you." Allium questioned in horror.
     "I wish that was how it was, but it isn't. Eden and I are only able to hide because of a certain factor, but that factor is limited. Once it's run its course, there's no way we could shelter ourselves here in Berrybrook any longer."

Allium's mouth hung slightly open, and he did nothing but stare hard at me again for yet another bout of silence.

     "You have one seriously fucking crazy life, don't you?" he wondered, nearly in awe.
     "Unfortunately." I grinned weakly.
     "I thought that maybe Eden just got in a little bit of trouble with the law, or that your parents owed something to someone and now you and Eden are saddled with the debt."
     "I wish. We're all completely innocent though- Eden, my parents, and me. Our lives have been turned into a big mess because of 'their' selfish greed. I'm paying big time just for being born."
     "And there's really nothing I can do to help?"
     "Not unless you're actually a super secret agent who has allies in every organization that has any kind of power- good or bad."
     "That sounds awesome, but, alas, I am not."

My grin got just a tad bit bigger. That sarcastic statement was the closest thing to the big jokes Allium normally told. I dared to be optimistic again, but my folly was repaid by being struck down even harder than before.

     "Damn it, see?" Allium complained irritably without warning, "This is why I wish I had listened to you when you said it would be smart to run. I hate wanting to help you so badly but not being able to do anything. It makes me feel useless. What I really despise though is how goddamn awful hearing that makes this that much more painful."
     "This?"

Allium turned incredibly nervous, and I couldn't hold back the thought lingering in the corners of my mind.

     "Did you come over here to break up with me?"

Allium let out a massive sigh that sounded more like he was trying to expunge every last wisp of air from his body. His expression turned sad, he rubbed at the back of his head sheepishly, and he took forever and a day to respond.

     "Yeah." he eventually answered softly.
     "Allium."
     "What? I understand that my flirting with you way back when could reasonably be misunderstood as friendly joking around, but have you really thought that this wasn't coming? I haven't been happy, and you've been able to see that. You haven't been happy, and I've been able to see that. We had a good run. You won't ever catch me saying that I regret a moment of it, but it's time for the good thing to come to an end."

Allium backed away when I reached for him, and I felt myself starting to crumble. Shock and disbelief was holding me together, but there was no doubt in my mind that that was going to last long.

     "N-now hold on," I protested, "You can't just have this come out of nowhere. Can't we at least talk about the issues we've got between us? We both know there are problems that we've been ignoring. It makes more sense to try and bridge the gap before giving it up as a lost cause."
     "That's the thought I've been using to stall myself for the longest time even when I felt like I had to end us. However, even though I never worked up the courage to have an honest talk with you, I realized it wouldn't do any good," Allium said dismally with a shake of his head, "You're not going to tell me anything more in-depth about your problem, and, honestly, I don't want you to. Knowing more would not help me when I'm already struggling with knowing less. Like I said, just getting that tiny bit more of an explanation out of you now has made this worse. The only thing that could possibly change my mind is you guaranteeing me that the problem is genuinely solved, but we both understand that's not going to happen."
     "Were you going to break up with me that one weekend?"
     "Huh?"

Thick confusion engulfed Allium.

     "Amaranth said...on that one day...that he had to warn me. He said you told him you were going to break up with me that weekend when we went to Bayport to see the play. That you were going to hide out with your grandparents while I was forced to return to Berrybrook because of my treatment."
     "He told you that?! God, just when I was starting to calm down with him a little..." Allium scoffed.
     "It was true then." I muttered dolefully.
     "He misunderstood me, Meadow. I swear that's the honest truth. I told him it was a plan I was considering. It was never the plan, and it was something I had already scrapped long before Amaranth did what he did. I thought with that plan that giving us some distance would be good, until I realized that it wouldn't. My grandparents would have killed me, for one, especially my grandad since he would have had to drive a heartbroken you home. And how could I have made you miserable when you already had a miserable day at the hospital planned? I do respect you more than that."
     "You're springing this up on me now." I pointed out, folding my arms.
     "How else am I supposed to do this? Give you the dreaded 'We need to talk' text? Call you and let you write in your planner that our break up will be scheduled for next Thursday at three? There is no other way for me to do this than suddenly and painfully."

My desperation mounting, I took a quicker step forward when Allium avoided me again. I clutched onto his shirt and brought his lips to mine. He protested for a moment, trying to back away and loosen my grip. He gave in soon afterwards when I persisted. The kiss had the opposite effect I wanted on all fronts. It did nothing to persuade Allium. It was instantly clear that the lone reason he succumbed was because he understood that this was his last chance. The goodbye parting to the past two years. The final kiss before the 'never again'. My chest bubbled and tightened the longer the connection of our lips lasted. So fondly I remembered the first time they touched. I hadn't ever dared to think anything could beat that joy or rush of desire. However, that kiss had been beaten, and now the stinging sensation piercing me grew as I sapped less and less from the current one. Allium's lips were flat and cold. There was no spark or lust or pleasure. It was a bland and wet mix of skins that no longer craved another. My breathing hitched slightly. Why was there nothing? I looked at Allium, and I loved him. I loved him so much I wanted to scream. There was no denying it. Sadly, what couldn't be denied, no matter how much I wanted to, was that my love for him had changed. As a person, I adored him more than ever. As a person I was in love with, our flame had burned out.

Still, I pushed on for as long as Allium would allow. It wasn't a great deal longer. He pulled his head back, and I was unable to follow. My chest did another tumble before sinking when the light kiss he placed on my forehead was more comforting than the actual kiss.

     "Meadow," Allium whispered, and for a brief instance hearing that name roll off his lips lent me strength, "I do want to thank you. I thought I was going to be one of those hopeless cases where I had to watch the girl I loved love someone else. You made me feel things I didn't know I could feel. You gave me reason, purpose, and a will to be strong. You made me proud to be me, because I was amazing in your eyes. Not to mention that I think I'll manage to graduate high school next thanks to you. I think I've even matured a little."

I couldn't return the small smile he gave me, but his faded away instantly anyway.

     "But this does have to be the end," he continued, "Not that I don't want us to be friends, but I know that's going to have to be a position I re-earn whenever you're ready to accept me again. I do hope you know that this is just as excruciating for me as it is for you. So, let's not drag it out and put ourselves through more agony, 'kay? The decision has been made, and the time has come. The sooner we stop clinging to what's dead, the sooner we can grieve, heal, and move on."

Slowly, Allium pulled back from me. He watched, waiting for me to say anything or do something. Too frozen in my horror, his hand slid out of mine, and we were no longer connected. Allium forced another weak smile on his face.

     "Sorry for ruining your afternoon. If you're not too furious, tell Eden not to make the death I'm sure he's going to concoct for me too brutal," he chuckled pitifully before growing melancholy, "And, I'll see you around, Medy."

I stared with my mouth hung open and my hands clasped tightly in prayer that this was a nightmare as Allium began making his way towards the door. He barely made it three steps until it sunk in that this was indeed the crippling reality I was in. Allium's back truly was facing me. The second he walked out that door, the second he was no longer mine.

Allium's foot wasn't even passed the archway when he was halted. A mad cascade of tears broke past my defenses and drenched my cheeks in seconds. If Allium wasn't so sturdy, I would have bowled him right over as I madly leapt forward to clutch him back.

     "Meadow, c'mon." he sighed in heartbroken annoyance.
     "You can't." my weak voice cracked and squeaked.
     "I have. It's not that I've entirely stopped loving you, but our relationship wasn't doing what it once did for me. It wasn't doing it for you either."
     "I need you. I'm terrified, and you make me feel safe."
     "You have Eden. You have three other incredible friends who would do anything for you. You have that one damn idiot who can love you better than I ever did," Allium turned his head to raise a brow at me, "I might be stupid, but I'm not that stupid. Don't think I've been oblivious to the development on that front. But, anyway, you do still have me. If you need my support, I'll support you. It just won't be as your boyfriend."

I sobbed hard against his back, and when Allium started wriggling out of my grasp and grabbing my hands to undo my hold I seriously considering biting the back of his shirt to stay latched on.

     "You managed to hold me back like this before. I'm sorry, but it's not going to happen this time." Allium promised.
     "Charming, please." I pleaded.

He faltered. He stopped resisting for one fleeting breath, but before I could inhale again he was free. My arms were too weak and useless from the overpowering surge of despair and pain coursing through me that they practically dropped to my side of their own accord as Allium took a giant, determined step forward.

I gave up. I abhorred the situation, but, despite it breaking into a million pieces, my heart understood that Allium was right on all accounts. It knew it didn't want him romantically anymore. It knew forcing me to pretend that wasn't true would only tear me down in the end like Amaranth and Cocoa had been torn down. Allium was doing me a favor. He had found the courage to hurt me horribly now so that I wouldn't be hurt worse further down the road. I wanted to say something, but I could only stand there and bawl my eyes out. I never noticed when Button padded up behind me, curious about the commotion.

     "I'll call you later, alright? Maybe tomorrow?" Allium proposed as he slowly inched his way towards the door, "I'll understand if you don't pick up, so just answer when you really want to."

More sobs and sniffles was his response. I almost didn't glance up because my sight had been once again reduced to nothing more than a swirling blob of distorted shapes and colors thanks to my tears. My head did have to raise, however, when my furry companion rapidly brushed past me. The sweetheart Button usually was had quickly been replaced by the protective, vicious side she did have.

     "Button, no." Allium chastised when she growled menacingly at him.

The rebuke had the opposite effect Allium wanted. Button's snarl intensified, the growl in her throat rumbled deeper, her teeth were bared deeper, and she let out a few scathing barks that had me jumping.

     "Can you call her off? Please?" Allium requested, almost pitifully in terror.
     "Not unless you're going to un-break up with me." I muttered in defiance.
     "Meadow..."

Allium took a scared step back when Button growled and bark more ferociously still. Her teeth got dangerously closer towards Allium's direction.

     "I think you're really going to want to leave before she forgets that she ever liked you." I warned, having strong faith that Button wouldn't actually bite Allium, but being worried nonetheless.

Timidly, Allium took tiny step back after tiny step back. Button followed him every inch of the way. She unleashed more furious barking and took a warning lunge when Allium bolted and slammed the door behind him the second his hand found the knob. His terror was so great that I caught him running down the sidewalk until he was safely around the corner.

I stood hopelessly in the same spot I had been standing in, staring at the door with eyes wide with shock. Three minutes? Maybe four. That was how long he had been here. That was how quickly my day had been destroyed. The romance I had grown and worked so hard on had been cut before I had a chance at saving it. I truly did know it had to be done, but the pain seizing me more and more intently with every breath argued the opposite. I practically fell to my knees when Button, sweet once more, came over to almost accidentally push me to the ground with one of her trademark hugs. I had held her tightly many times, but I don't think I ever embraced her as tightly as I did in that moment.

     "Oh, Button," I cried into her mass of fluff, "Why can't everyone be like dogs? God, the world would be so beautiful."

The somber wistfulness I felt was interrupted by the opening of the door. I stupidly assumed Allium had returned, but I was naturally wrong.

     "Ethereal, I've got the pizza!" Eden called throughout the house, not seeing me from his position, "And, get this. Some other guy changed his mind about the cinnamon sticks with his order. I got them sold to me for half price. We can each get our own box! Now we don't have to fight over them."

I didn't move an inch. My voice was suddenly locked away. All I could do was miserably clutch onto my dog as I listened to Eden head into the kitchen, fiddle with his keys, and set the food down.

     "Ethereal?" Eden called again when I didn't respond or make an appearance.

I sighed. Even a whole box of cinnamon sticks wouldn't do anything for me. I tried futilely to wipe my tears, and I braced myself for more of the coming storm where I heard Eden's footsteps wandering about as he came to find me.