The Second Punch

Slowly, a little by little day by day, I've learned to go about doing what I need to do cheerfully even though Elrun is gone. Keeping myself busy is what helps the most. Nikara and I spend a lot of time outside now that she has gotten older. She grows to look more and more like her father with each day that passes. Yves hasn't been able to afford the trip over, and I don't have enough by myself, so the two still haven't met. The two talk on the phone all the time though. It's enough for now.

Eloril actually nudged me to go out and start the task again. It seems that he's come to the conclusion that the birth of a new child helps to make me happy again. It's not as if I haven't realized this myself. I'm not calling him ignorant, but of course he doesn't understand how difficult it is to even think of giving myself away right now. It was bearable before because I had gotten used to it. My heart is still bleeding too much to put effort into any action. A man would have to be crazy to do anything to me with the way I am. It's truly impossible.

Or so I thought. I was taking one of the walks I've recently made a habit of when I went past the salon. Since I had never been inside before, I went inside to see what was there. What was there was a man named Rigel Starr. He reassured me that his hair color was certainly natural when I asked him about it. I have no idea what humans eat or drink to make their hair and eyes such strange colors, but if there's something out there causing this then I need to learn what it is so I can avoid it. I found out something more interesting next though. Mr. Starr was actually the one living in our old house.

I began to feel bad that I had thought so poorly of him before when I hadn't even known who he was. There was absolutely no reason for me to be angry at him. He then revealed that he had recently separated from the woman who had been living with him, Arasa Etael. She had moved to another town only a couple days ago. I don't know if Mr. Starr was desperate or thinking he could make Miss Etael jealous, but he quickly called off his shift to take me back to his house so we could sleep together. Here was the one person who would do what I needed without requiring anything from me. I gave in and took my chance.

It was the strangest sensation to be back where it all started. However, I had to keep reminding myself that I own nothing of this place save for the memories in my mind. Shadowy figures of my children in the past kept running about in the corner of my eye. Those visions of the past were all I could think about from the point we started until the time I was walking out the door. Rigel wanted me to stay the night, but I didn't want to give him the impression that our time together was meaningful in any way. The experience was quite a step down from the passion I experienced with Yves.

I feel so numb inside, although that's not particularly Rigel's fault.

Even though I had declined to stay the night, I still ended up leaving rather late. Honestly, how long we were together was completely lost on me. All I wanted to do was to return home. I was confused when I realized I was walking towards the backyard of Rigel's house. No, I had to tell myself. This wasn't home anymore. Where did I think I was going? That's when my chest filled with horror. I saw those familiar lights, and within seconds, the aliens appeared above me. Now I understand why Lothirien hadn't been able to run away those two times. There was something about the aliens' powers that kept me helplessly in place as they took me.

And yet, what happened was nothing like I expected.

Actually, I only remember one conversation from my time with them. They took my memories of the rest away. I can say for certain that they didn't do anything bad to me. Instead, they thanked me. They thanked me for looking after Anondil despite the risks and despite what they had previously done to my daughter. Before they let me go, they apologized and promised my family would be left alone. I don't understand how they knew I had Anondil, but I am glad that an understanding has finally been reached.

Inspired by the snowman Nikara and I made, Cadrie has been filling the backyard with all sorts of them. Most of them have begun to melt. This had made Cadrie complain and dread the coming of spring. She wishes that winter would never end. I, on the other hand, can't wait for it to be over. I want to feel renewed as the rest of the world does when the warmer weather arrives. Everything just looks so lifeless and bleak to me right now.

Although I've slowly risen out of the darkest depression, blackness still remains in my heart. I want to make sure everyone else can be happy despite my own feelings. It's why I have let my children manipulate me more than what I would normally let them get away with. The most recent thing they convinced me to do was to buy a hot tub. Truthfully, I wish to try it out as well. There are many hot springs in the northern land back home. Ada and naneth would take Eloril and I there every decade or so. Visiting those hot springs are some of my fondest childhood memories. Since it seems like this hot tub is very similar in feeling to a hot spring, the desire to get in was almost overwhelming.

Unfortunately, it will be some time before I get to go in. As I am now pregnant with Rigel's child, I know that I should not expose myself to very hot temperatures as that is bad for the baby. I get by watching Anondil and Cadrie enjoy it.

I decided to get an ultrasound this time around. It is very good that I did for I discovered I will be having twin girls. I probably won't say anything to Rigel about it. I haven't even spoken or seen him since that one night. He did reveal then that he absolutely hates children. The fact that he didn't want to have children was why he and Miss Etael separated. I actually had to lie to him that it wasn't the right time for me to become pregnant in order to convince him to sleep with me.

Though there's the slim possibility that Rigel will change his mind, I doubt it will happen. I don't want my children growing up knowing that their father hates them simply for existing. I would rather never allow them to meet. That way these girls can believe their father cares for them even though they'll probably get angry at me for refusing them to know each other. I'm confident that they'll forgive and understand my intentions some day. If they want to find the truth out later in life then I won't stop them then.

The snow finally melted and the warmer weather came. Cadrie stopped complaining long enough for Anondil to invite her to come down to the festival with him. Eloril joined them as well. Having learned my lesson from going to the festival while heavily pregnant, I chose to stay home instead. I would much rather sit on the back deck and enjoy the refreshing air quietly anyway.

It was a good choice that I made. When the three returned they told me another pregnant woman named Mildred Pinkerton had gone into labor there. If I had gone, there would have been two women having children at the same time. I have already had enough jokes come my way from going into labor at the festival twice, so I was glad I avoided such a situation. Just as I began to feel proud of myself, my own labor pains came. I tried to at least finish my dinner, but the twins were impatient.

Eloril panicked at first like he had done before. However, he stepped up this time. He got over his embarrassment and the awkwardness of such an intimate situation. Of course, I had to do the same. We took baths together when we were young children, but this was something completely different. I mean, I love Eloril, but I never wanted him to put his hands anywhere near where he had to put them. He's my brother. Still, with two children coming at once there was no way I could have delivered both of them by myself. At least by the time they were both out, Eloril and I stopped focusing on anything other than taking care of them.

For his effort, I let Eloril name one of the twins. He picked the older and named her Iselith. I named the younger twin Saradith to match. I could tell Eloril was a bit disappointed that there wasn't another boy to add to the household. I remembering hearing somewhere here that it is the father's contribution which determines the gender of the child. I teased Eloril if he had a problem with so many girls then he should take it up with the fathers instead of me.

In the end, Eloril was correct. Seeing Iselith and Saradith's faces and smiles made my heart feel lighter than it had in so long. Taking care of them has been a joy. A challenging joy rightly, but not infinitely stressful like it was with Aravilui, Arluwen, and Amadrie. Being with the twins made time fly, and they aged up so fast that it felt like it happened overnight. Iselith inherited Rigel's unique coloring, and Saradith has my hair and eyes. Both of them lack my ears.

The days after their birthday went so well. Eloril and I had so much fun teaching and playing with them. Then that particular day came. Most of it passed so well. Everything was going right. The twins had been in a good mood all day, and Anondil, Cadrie, and Nikara came back from school all announcing that they had made the honor roll. Nadrien then called to tell her that she was pregnant with her first child. I thought nothing of it when I picked up the phone the next time it rang. It was Elaril on the other side. He brought my world crashing down for the second time.

In a quiet, cracking voice he revealed that Ureliel had died......