Out

I was surprised when I found myself dealing with some morning sickness this time around. The last time I experienced any was that awful pregnancy with Elrelas, Henduil, Silmalad, and Alyan. I pray that this nausea is not a sign of a large number of multiples, though I think I would have been able to tell if that was the case by now. Perhaps I'm carrying twins again. I will not know. I've decided to hold off again on finding out the gender of my child again. The excitement of being surprised at Raradia's birth has given me the patience to wait. Whether it's a boy or girl, whether it's one child or two- only at the birth will the truth be revealed.

Fifty

I know I've said this before, but ada and Eloril really spoiled me with their presence. One of the things I miss most about them is their ability to deal with the thieves. Since they were able to deal with them so quickly, the alarm was able to be turned off as soon as possible. However, now I have to suffer through it until the police arrive. I keep calm, and tune out the headache I get, by reminding myself of that horrible feeling when that first robbery occurred. The alarm truly is something I'm grateful for.

Decision

As I sat watching Elioviel swim, I kept waiting. Waiting to feel terrified, waiting to see my daughter be pulled under the water by some invisible force, waiting to see her gasp for air, and waiting for me to not be able to do anything to stop it. None of that happened. Elioviel swam peacefully without incident while Zuri and I watched over her.  No matter how much I anticipated the worst, the waiting for something bad to happen was the only bad thing that was happening.

Something similar can be said for Meldiron's death. Of course I'm terribly upset and saddened by his passing, but the horrible depression I was so sure I would fall into never hit. I'm still finding ways to enjoy life. Ada theorized that my resistance to the deep sadness can be likened to a callous. Now that I've experienced such a low, Meldiron's death, which was not as tragic or unnecessary as Cirabel's, won't cause that depression again because I've toughened like new skin over a wound. His words made sense, but I decided to keep waiting in case the feelings merely needed more time to sink in.