Gen Four- Chapter Fifteen

Sensitive topic warning: assault

Honestly, I would have never survived winter on my own. It came early as anticipated, and it proceeds to lay down its wrath each time the city begins to feel comfortable with the onslaught of snow. My previous main source of income would've be lost with the flakes burying any dropped money, which meant my pitiful hut would have almost certainly collapsed. I would have been stuck with the choice of freezing to death or giving myself up to the police to survive even before then. As I shuffled through the snow in the boots Coral bought, I pondered where the police would have placed me as, naturally, I would give myself up before going dramatic and picking death as the alternative. I seriously couldn't imagine my fate. I did laugh at the idea of me being put into a terrible foster home only to run away and find the warehouse regardless though.

But, surprisingly, winter's arrival proved a massive boon for me. There was no shortage of people who were willing to fork over money for someone else to shovel snow so they could stay warm and lazy in their house instead. The repetitive nature of the snow falling so frequently meant my worry about paying rent disappeared, for I made well over rent each day. I now had a solid savings started with Leo and Coral. Better yet, the people I shoveled for now were likely more inclined to want me back for other yard projects when warmer weather came.

     "Oh boy."

Some jobs were rough though. I stared at the massive driveway leading to the three-car garage coated in a foot's worth of snow and took a deep breath.

Well...I'd wanted a way to keep my stamina and physical abilities up. This was a good way to do it. I even managed to clean the whole driveway is just over an hour, which swelled my chest with pride. The reward wasn't too bad either. Some of the more well-off clients thought they were such saints for allowing me the privilege of providing me with manual labor that decent payment was unnecessary. This house, though, the woman gave me a hundred bucks like it was nothing. The high amount came from a combination of their snowblower being broken, her husband being out of town, and her having a recovering leg from a fall that prevented her from doing the job herself. I smiled wide when she welcomed me back anytime.

     "Ugh."

Then I coughed and gasped as soon as she closed the door and walked away. The frigid air cut into my lungs despite the strain of shoveling heating up my muscles. I could feel each and every inhale, my throat ached, and my mouth twinged with a strange, dry, metallic taste.

A sign of dehydration, perhaps. I curled and uncurled my toes in my boots to get blood pumping to my freezing feet on my decision to head for a place much closer than the warehouse. Pieter got a chuckle of how I came to his house far more often than he did. I understood why he didn't like being there, but how could I pass up a computer to study and research without the threat of being realized by librarians, a fridge full of decent food, and a proper bathroom to wash and do my business? In all seriousness, it took a lot of my willpower to try not to convince Pieter he and I should simply stay here all the time. He'd grown nauseous the one time I casually and lightheartedly slipped it into a conversation of ours. I had to give in and reveal The Company had figured out true robots to distract him from the hurt I'd pulled up.

Now he wouldn't stop asking me questions about DV1 and DV2 though.

Mr. Clay wasn't around when I slipped into the house using the spare key hidden under a step Pieter showed me. He did diligently go to work as said. I wondered if it was because it was the one last thing he still cared to do or if it was because out of obligation to provide Pieter a stable roof and money, even if he rarely came home. Being here did grow awkward thinking of that. It's why I made my cup of hot chocolate, warmed while it made its way through me, and braved to step out into the cold once more.

As always, I made a stop on the rocky edge overlooking the beginnings of Aspen Harbor's suburbs. It'd become a treasured spot of mine, although it'd taken me a while to understand why. The understanding finally hit on one morning when the fog rolled and left the treetops and roofs mere bumps of wood and tile beneath my feet. This spot was, literally, my way to stand above the world. The different perspective allowed me to step back, breathe, and realize what I experienced when I was a tiny figure walking in the distance like the people I watched was not all there was to this world. Problems grew smaller, worries quieted, and the tempting of that persistent horizon drove within my chest to will to push on, to explore what was beyond my sight and reach.

I didn't stay long this day though. Despite the hot chocolate and rest inside the warm house, my body persisted to shiver and quake.

Had that large driveway not done a number on me, I would have walked to the warehouse for some spare clothes and returned to Pieter's house to soak in a long bath. That plan flew out my mind when the drudge of picking my feet through the heavy snow the city couldn't clear off all the sidewalk sagged my shoulders in exhaustion as much as my chest heaved for longer breaths it couldn't catch. The bathtub at the warehouse would simply have to do. Lavender-scented bubbles frothed the top of the lukewarm water I gratefully sunk deep into. No one else needed to bathe today, so I closed my eyes and let my mind drift off.

Unfortunately, I tore myself too far from proper awareness to catch the door opening.

     "Oh, uh..." Gravel mumbled upon closing the door behind him.

A bad design of this room─ with how the door opened you couldn't see the tub until fully inside.

    "G-Gravel!" I stammered loudly, sinking down even though the bubbles already covered me well. "What are you doing?!"
     "So sorry. Jam said you were in here, but he didn't say you were bathing. I'm going, I'm going."

He hurried himself out, and I rubbed my hands over my burning cheeks. Now the water certainly felt like it was roiling.

Annoyingly, that moment right at the start of the bath ruined the rest of it. Peaceful relaxation refused to return, for every small sound of someone moving in my vague direction had my senses turning to 100 as I prepped to duck down in the water again. I sighed and figured it was just as well anyway. The chill seeping into the building stole what heat the water did have within minutes. What point was there to stay in at that point?

     "Jam." I strode to him after dried and dressed. Leo and Coral had gone for my idea, Tulip being shockingly on board and buying the expensive heated blankets herself. Still, covering ourselves as much as possible even in the areas with space heaters remained a necessity. "You knew I was in the bath. Why didn't you tell Gravel?"
     "I did," Jam frowned at my bitter tone. "I definitely did. Maybe he didn't hear or misunderstood me though. He started to walk away as soon as I said where you were. Did he burst in on you?"
     "Yeah."
     "Sorry, I guess?"
     "It's fine," I sighed. "It's not like anyone was doing anything wrong on purpose."

My attention then fell on the one on the couch right next to us.

     "Pieter." I frowned. "Pieter. You shouldn't sleep there. You need to go into one of the warm beds."

He let out a slur of indecipherable syllables as he buried himself deeper into the cushions. Having just gotten over a nasty cold, he didn't have the energy to do much today.

 
Tulip wandering over distracted me from prompting him before he fell into dreamland. I tensed as she came into view but took a deep, steadying breath. Leo and Coral remained quite absent from the warehouse. Since then, Tulip hadn't been so bad. Make no mistake that she and Cinnamon remained awful, yet the increase of responsibilities on her shoulders reduced her desire to make my life miserable.

    "Coral called. She said she'll drop off the replacement space heaters tomorrow morning. If you've got any money to hand over, I'm collecting it."
     "I paid rent already, so I'll be keeping what I earned today for myself," Jam said.
     "I made $140. I'm keeping twenty, so the rest can go into savings as I paid rent too."
     "Geez, what houses were you hitting to make that much in just a few hours?" Jam asked in awe.
     "That's a job security secret." I placed my hands on my hips.
     "Did Pieter say what he had or wanted?" Tulip motioned to him.
     "He hasn't been able to work much this week due to his cold," I frowned. "I can cover him if he doesn't have enough, but he says he should be able to go back to work tomorrow. Today is just his recovery day."
     "Alright."

Tulip collected our money and walked away.

     "Pieter?" I called.

But he was out. Shaking my head, I unrolled the nearby sleeping bag to give him some extra warmth.

I couldn't blame him though. My sore muscles and weary eyelids begged me for rest. The shoveling did provide good money, but boy did it wipe one out for the rest of the day. I couldn't rest now though lest I ruin an already miserable sleep schedule. Most nights I struggled to doze off thanks to lying around so much during the day. There simply wasn't much to do in the later hours. School was out, but the library obviously remained a risky place while being out in the snow sledding or playing didn't hold appeal after dealing with it all morning. I'd been tempted to buy a portable game console to alleviate the boredom of the long nights. However, I wanted to wait until I could be certain I'd still have a steady source of income before wasting my precious money.

     "Hey, sorry about before." Gravel popped into the other bedroom I was in now, as I'd been longingly staring at the warm sheets waiting mere feet away.
     "It's okay. It must have been a misunderstanding," I shrugged, clearing my throat.
    "Yeah. I thought Jam said you were planning to take a bath tonight, not that you were currently in one. I still should have knocked, but I was excited to ask if you wanted to go to a movie tomorrow afternoon."
     "A movie?"
    "One of my co-workers gave me these two tickets for free movie passes, but they can't be used on a movie's opening week. The one I want to see I think you should like as well won't be past that threshold until tomorrow."
     "Sure. That sounds nice."
     "Great," Gravel grinned, leaning close. "Hug and kiss as thank you?"

That'd been his usual request for gratitude for a bit now, but I pushed him back as he went to wrap his arms around me.

     "Sorry, but no. I've got this tickle in my throat that won't go away, so I'm worried I might have caught either Pieter's cold or something else. I don't want it to spread."
     "It's fine. I don't care." Gravel persisted in getting a hug and going for a kiss regardless.
     "I do," I rebuked, gently struggling.
     "It's fine," Gravel repeated. He squeezed harder to pin my arms and get his victory peck.
     "Gravel!" I huffed.

I shook him off and folded my arms tightly, prompting him to step back and humbly raise his hands.

     "Apologies again. That was too pushy. You're totally right─ we don't want illnesses to spread."

Despite the apology, my chest roiled with kindling indignance. I thought such was why Gravel left despite clearly wanting to spend more time with me, but he actually left to return a moment later with a present. Held before me was a new piece of Merge Monster merchandise─ a lounge robe. This one in particular was the highly anticipated koalamb version with the hood having koalamb's face and ears. All annoyance was forgotten then. I forgot so badly, in fact, I hugged and kissed Gravel on my own in excitement. The moment sobered when a weak coughing fit seized my chest. Gravel put the robe away so it could be clean until I recovered and sought out Jessamine to get me medicine.

I went to bed early in the end. I coaxed myself out once to eat my bowl of lukewarm noodles and sauce and to use the restroom a final time before I truly drifted off. Sleep stole me around eight, and I didn't wake until eight.

     "Aww, dang it," I whined.

The coughing started as soon as I came to consciousness. My voice came out weak and raspy. I was sick.

The quiet of the morning permitted me a few more minutes of rest underneath the covers. Coral's voice echoed throughout the rooms. She spoke to Jessamine and Tulip before I caught the struggle of her heaving the dead space heaters into the old car Leo had. While I wished to wait until the new ones returned the main area to its normal warmth, the hustle and bustle of everyone else gathering forced me up.

     "How are you doing, Cinnamon?" Jessamine glanced at me.
     "Not good," I replied, my words a croak.
    "That's what I thought. You don't look good either. It's your day to watch the warehouse, which should be a good thing. However, I don't feel comfortable leaving you here alone while you don't feel well."
    "I'll stay and help watch," Gravel offered. "I've earned my money for the week."
    "No, you shouldn't."

We all stared at Tulip and her unexpected, and irate, denial.

     "Uh, why?" Gravel obviously questioned.

Our heads swiveled back to Tulip again. I honestly think this was the most the two had ever spoken to each other. But, I dunno. Maybe they had some sort of background I didn't know leading to this moment. Tulip's answer I awaited with immense curiosity, but she fell silent after crossing her arms and glaring at the wall.

     "O...kay," Jessamine pressed on. "Gravel, that would be great if you wouldn't mind staying. Thanks."
     "Of course."

Tulip's glare didn't lessen, but she left without another word. Jessamine rummaged through the medicine cabinet to find what could work for me since Pieter used a lot. She promised to return with a restock around lunch. Food thankfully agreed with me. A solid breakfast of deviled eggs and a ham sandwich with orange juice hit the right spot. Gravel ran out somewhere quickly before Jessamine went on her way. I still couldn't stay awake despite the previous large amount of sleep, so it was just him when I woke to the sound of him entering the room.

     "I made some milk tea with honey," he explained proudly, setting the tray on the nightstand.
     "How did you make tea?" I struggled to prop myself up.

The sleep, medicine, and obviously the cold combined into a sludge of slugishness difficult to fight.

     "What I bought was a portable induction stove. I already have an appropriate kettle since I've been wanting to make drinks here for a bit. It seemed too superfluous a purchase though until everyone started getting sick."
     "That's so nice of you. Thanks. I'd love some tea."

Gravel fluffed my pillow, handed me a mug, and knelt down near me as I drank.

     "How are you feeling now? Better? Worse?"
    "Mmm, the same. My throat hurts, I can't shake the exhaustion, and my small fever is making my hands and feet cold despite the blanket."
     "Let me know if you want me to snuggle under the covers with you."
     "That's weird, Gravel." I scoffed in amusement and rolled my eyes.
    "Isn't that what people do in movies and books though when someone's cold?" he bantered brightly. "I don't think it's weird."
     "I appreciate the thought. I do. The cold isn't that bad though."
     "Just tell me whatever you do need."

We sat there for a while, him and I. That first mug of tea was a delight I couldn't stop myself from downing in an instant. Gravel began sipping on his own after handing me another. That one I forced myself to slowly nurse. No doubt the liquid would work through me fast. A million trips to the port-a-potty sounded miserable. Unfortunately, even the hot drinks couldn't stop my shivering.

     "Here."

Gravel sat me up before rubbing his hands together rapidly. He cupped my fingers between his as he had before, letting friction and the lingering heat from holding his hot mug transfer to me. Then he moved to my feet. My eyes closed as the relaxation of the gentle massage eased tension my strained muscles clung to. The shivers began to cease.

     "Gravel," I frowned.

He'd switched back to my hands but had started kissing them. From them he moved those presses of his lips up my arm.

     "They're get-well kisses," he said. Before I could say more, he dropped the kisses to my feet where one was on my ankle, my calf, my knee...

     "Gravel!" I thwapped the top of his head and pushed his shoulders back.
     "Sorry, sorry," he mumbled. While he retreated briefly, his head soon rest on my lap with his arms wrapped around my middle. "I just love you so much. So, so much."
     "I...don't...I..."

I didn't know what to do. Blaming the tea at first, the nervous nausea settling deep at the base of my gut wasn't anything like what normal nausea felt like. It only reminded me of that rainy night at the park. The officer's face flashed within my mind, and the shaking rattling my arms and legs now wasn't due to the cold. I shook my head. I was getting worried recalling something unrelated to this moment. Gravel was acting strangely, but he was still Gravel.

Why, then, did fear bubble up with every passing second? The reappearing sensation of hands on my shoulders willing me to move the opposite direction from him didn't shock or startle me. The weight was the only thing to calm me in any way when Gravel's head lifted and our eyes locked. His eyes had changed. They radiated emotion, intense and desperate with a frightful glimpse into his disconcerting readiness.

    "I don't like seeing you sick," Gravel spoke. The obsession tainting his usual comforting tone now turned frightening gouged a hollow hole in my chest. "You shouldn't have to work so hard. You shouldn't have to worry so much. That's why, hmm, yes...yes, just rely on me. I make plenty. I can make more. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I'll give it to you."
     "I-I don't need that much." I peeled off his tightening grip and slipped onto the floor.
    "You do. You deserve everything. I can give it to you, and all I wish in return is your love. Just you." Gravel boldly stepped at me again and caught me harder than ever before in hug that was more a grapple, reaching for what wasn't his. My upper chest flamed in terror as my heart raced and the invisible hands yanked.
     "That's disgusting, Gravel! Get off!" I yelled as much as my quiet voice scratchy and uneven could yell.
     "It's not. It's only me and you. I'll only ever be good in how I treat you, for I don't want to hurt you." He gripped the back of my nightgown.
     "You're hurting me now!"
     "Just calm. Just think. It would be such an easy life. I'm asking for so little in return. You'd have me forever and ever, never being lied to or betrayed again."

My fists flailed. I struggled and hit and shouted, but tears stung my eyes as searing understanding stung my skin like a thousand needles. I was so weak right now. The cold had me crippled. Even then, no one would hear me shout. Gravel, his tall height and muscles built by heavy manual labor, couldn't be stopped my someone like me.

My teeth sunk deep into Gravel's arm for a last-ditch effort. My legs were pinned between him and the bed where Gravel kept on yanking at the back of the gown. He cried in pain and let go. However, he didn't let go because of me. The sounds of the struggle had covered up the furious pounding of feet and the slam of the door yanking open.

Tulip said nothing as she wrenched Gravel back by his collar. He gagged and dropped to the floor, cowering under Tulip who snatched the last mug of hot tea to pitch at his head. It crashed and broke, but she was far from done then. Several well-placed kicks went to his soft parts. Gravel somehow worked through the pain to stand. Tulip just met him with a flurry of punches and slaps that ended with him whimpering against the wall. It was then that she tossed open the door and shoved him out.

The support of the bed kept me from falling. I listened, stunned and hardly breathing, to Tulip giving Gravel hell as she ran him from the warehouse. She was a wild animal let loose not letting up for one second. I finally forced myself to move after hearing his body tumble down the last few steps of the stairs. Tulip took the opportunity for more kicks to where it would hurt before proceeding to drag him out into the snow by his arm. She finally shouted at him, but the ringing in my ears didn't process the words. All I caught a glimpse of was Gravel miserably limping off in terror as fast as his hurt body would allow. Tulip watched him go, and my legs gave out.

An eternity passed as I sat there numb in shock. Tulip reappeared wiping her hands off on her jeans. There was blood. I noticed it the instant she hurried back up the stairs and knelt next to me. Her kind hand on my shoulder showed me I did still quiver while her thumbs wiped off the waterfall streaming down my cheeks that I couldn't feel.

     "T-Thank...you..." I whispered through quivering lips.
     "No, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to be thanking me. I saw what he was doing, but I kept convincing myself it wasn't what it was. I had no proof to back it up either, so I didn't even try to speak up. I should have tried to talk to you. I mean, I did, but I never followed through with what you needed to know."
     "Which was what? What was he doing?"
     "Grooming you. I'm unfortunately familiar with the process."
     "Grooming me?"
    "To be more susceptible or willing to accept the advances he was trying to take. It normally starts out with friendship. Then small actions of physical affection, particularly used as reward for favors or small debts. The boundaries are steadily pushed more to see what will be rejected or accepted. Excuses are made or lies are told to smooth over the rejections."
    "That's..." That's exactly what had happened. "Gravel didn't misunderstand Jam then when he told Gravel I was in the bath? He walked in on purpose?"
     "I didn't know that happened. I would say yes though."
     "Oh..."

I shook harder and clutched onto Tulip for dear life. Only when she tenderly embraced me did the weight of those hands on my shoulders relax and slip away.

     "Why a-are you here?" I wondered in a sob.
    "Obviously, the warning bells had already been going off for me. Gravel had grown more bold with you, and the opportunity to be here alone with you while you were in a weakened state was a clear, ripe chance if something were to happen. I...I just felt like I needed to rush back. Almost as if someone whispered in my ear. I'm glad I didn't ignore it."
     "Me too..."

Tulip smiled sympathetically. I didn't mind her reaching around me to gather me in her arms, which she did so confidently it was if I weighed nothing.

She brought me to Leo and Coral's room, which she unlocked with her borrowed key. I'd been meaning to complain to Leo when I saw him next due to Gravel having walked in on me, but now I was grateful the rest of the rooms didn't have locks. Tulip wouldn't have been able to stop Gravel had that been the case.

     "Are we going to be safe here with you running Gravel out? Won't he be really mad? I'm sure he'll tell on us," I fretted when she tucked me under the covers.
     "He won't," Tulip promised.
     "How can you know?"
     "Because he'll expose himself. By revealing our presence, that just forces us to explain why he was kicked out in the first place. It's true he and I almost never talked, but Gravel is not that stupid."
     "A-And what if he goes and tries to hurt someone else?"
    "I doubt it. He's in a bad state. Fear had him taking off on his own two feet, but it won't be long before someone notices him struggling and brings him to a hospital. He'll need to go. Since he's still a minor, they'll realize he's a runaway and hand him over. Then there's the fact that I gave him no mercy. His pants were bleeding when he limped off. It doesn't take much abuse to render that area useless."
     "Mmm," I mumbled.

I curled myself tighter into a ball and clutched the pillow tighter. Waves of emotion or pain coursed throughout my body, but it all came and went so quickly I had no idea what to latch onto or react on. I just let myself continue to shake and cry.

     "If this..." I whispered.
     "Hmm?"
    "Gravel barely got started with what he wanted. If even that is so scary, how much worse would it be if you hadn't come along? My mom..." I sobbed. "My mom definitely had to have hated me! How could she not?"
     "No, no, no. Shh. That's not true. I'm sure it's not. I was wrong to ever say it was."

I opened my clenched eyes to glance Tulip's way as she scooted closer and rubbed my shoulder.

     "It shouldn't have taken this for you to be nice to me," I pointed out.
    "I know." She dropped her head. "I was angry at you for things that weren't your fault, and I was irrationally jealous. I'm sorry. I'll be better now."

I had to give Tulip her second chance. She'd saved me. She'd been the only one to watch and notice the danger I was in even when she didn't like me. And, after having been betrayed again, her presence offered me safety and calm when I worried what might come through the door. Tulip stayed by my side until the tears stopped. She stepped out to make a phone call, which had Jessamine rushing back barely remembering to pick up the medicine I needed. It must have had a sleeping agent in it, for I slipped into blissful, dreamless rest not long after I took it. Leo, Coral, Jessamine, and Tulip having a soft, tense discussion on the other side of the door some time later stirred me back for a brief moment.

Two long days later, the final pieces of everything snapped into place. Leo came early one morning with the news. Gravel had needed medical assistance and having been found half passed out in a park meant he couldn't run from the paramedics. Police were called due to him being an unidentified minor as well as the suspicious concentration of attack points from the assault. That was when the police found Gravel's records. The reason he never said much of why he'd been chased from his home...was because he'd tried to do what he'd done to me to his actual little sister. His father caught him as Tulip caught him. Gravel had gotten away without much injury the first time. Now he was to be tried for his attack on her. The police urged in the news article about all this for anyone else who suffered by him to come forward for evidence, but that obviously wasn't going to happen.

I just wanted to forget Gravel ever existed. It was hard to do as each day the growing empty spaces in the warehouse reminded us of who was no longer here. Leo and Coral returned to coming as often as they had before though. Coral doted on me especially hard, and I clung to her like a toddler to its mother.

The fear started to ebb away when the snow began to melt. Winter lasted a long time─ keeping the city trapped nearly until the beginning of April. I had returned to working as soon as my cold cleared, thrusting all my worries away behind a wall of monotony and physical strain. The good things, like so many houses wishing to have me around to help even after the snow vanished, couldn't resonate properly. My feelings from before sprung up once more with full force. I couldn't imagine, couldn't handle this being my life for all my life to come. Working odd jobs, living in fear of discovery, forever being hurt...it was a threat of an inescapable nightmare.

     "So, you know lots about the outdoors, right? Camping and survival and whatnot?" Pieter asked.
     "More than the normal person, sure," I shrugged.
     "Great! Here's the idea!"

He went on a ramble for a little structure he wished to make near the ledge in his backyard. That way we could camp out there from time to time when the nights got warm. The idea sounded fun, and the fact that this topic was one of the few that caught my interest was definitely why Pieter went for it with such gusto. My apathy was obvious to all. Pieter was doing what he could to cheer me up.

April came. April went. The days passed defiantly even as I wished for time to reverse. I still thought often of the happy, peaceful years at home. The picture of Mom always remained in my pocket despite the dianthus bush I planted wilting and me sticking to my promise to never seek to speak to her again. Dad and Grandpa though, I was beginning to forget them. It was true I wished for the comfort of the past, but my longing for them faded. I only ever stopped to wonder if they'd adjusted to life in prison or if they struggled as I did to accept their new surroundings. I wondered of Mr. Mint and Mr. Nimbus, those who got out before the raid. Were they doing fine in their new jobs, or did they forever look over their shoulders now afraid of another snitch?

But, whatever happened with others, yes, life went on for me. Fog took control of the world as I walked by the little lake Skylar and I skipped rocks at. He, too, had moved on to something new. I wished he hadn't. Closing my eyes, I took several steps through that massive blanket of mist waiting to find myself in a place that didn't produce such longing. The quiet, empty street of dull asphalt shadowed by drooping willow branches was all that awaited me.

Oh well.

I continued walking forward.