My first thought...that definitely couldn't be her. That was her voice from our now distant past, but how on earth could I think my name fell from her lips once more?
"Amaranth?"
Yet there it came again. Unsure but desperate to snuff out the possibility as it hurt my heart too much, I slowly cracked open my eyes. When the first thing I saw was white, I swear I lost all my breath.
"E...Ethereal?" I could barely manage to creak out.
"C'mon, bud," she laughed lightly, and my chest fluttered at the sound, "You've had your nap, but it's getting closer to midnight. You don't want to lose out on all your chances to beat Charming in a race before we switch the channel to watch the ball drop."
Like trudging through lead, I forced my uncooperative body to move. Why was it so difficult? That was probably the least of my worries at the moment though. Seriously, why was Ethereal here? Why was she young? Why was I? We were at our house, and even Cerise's crib sat in the other corner. Nothing made sense.
"Ethereal?"
"Hmm? Yeah?" she questioned as she tilted her head to the side.
"I...I thought you were dead..." I struggled to whisper.
"Dead?" she repeated with a mild frown before smiling again, "No, I'm totally fine. Sounds like you had a bad dream, huh?"
"I guess so..." I agreed, although I knew I hadn't.
"Well, we should take your mind off of it. C'mon. Charming really wants to race you."
She started walking away, and she moved too quickly before I grab her arm.
"Wait, Ethereal."
I couldn't say her name enough.
"Yes?" she said as she stopped.
"Shouldn't you be green?"
"Green? Why would I be green? Was I in your dream? Is that why you're confused?"
"Must be." I did my best to smile and shrug.
My questions were answered when I walked out of our bedroom door. I don't know why it took so long to hit me. Seeing Ethereal and my friends as kids sitting there in my adult self's living room meant this could be nothing other than a dream. Mine normally weren't so clear or defined, but I was on some new medicine. Perhaps that was the cause.
My chest burned instead of fluttered now as I desired nothing other than to go sit with everyone and enjoy the moment while it lasted. Everything vanishing as I approached was the fear that kept me back. It certainly wasn't the first time I'd dreamed of Ethereal since she passed. Her disappearing before I reached her was a common predicament. Watching her from afar was much more satisfying. As long as she was there in front of me.
This dream Ethereal, however, wouldn't accept me staying back. I wandered over to the counter where bowls of chips and candy appeared from nowhere, and she darted to me from the couch.
"So, what kind of things do you want to accomplish in the new year?" she questioned merrily.
"I want to try to be kinder to Blaze when he's stingy. I've gathered he has a good reason for it. Hmm, I want to...I want to have a lot of fun with you and everyone. That's mostly it."
"Sounds like good ideas."
"What about you?"
"Me? I definitely want to go with mom and dad to Tropic Luna. I want to help Eden get a girlfriend. I want to get another dog to keep Button company. I want..."
And on she went. Ethereal rattled off a long list of things she desired, and every breath of hers enraptured me even when her words sounded more like her going down her Christmas list. Not a day had gone by when I hadn't thought of her, yet I had started to forget how beautiful she was. How charming her laugh could be, how bright her eyes could light up. She had been so sick for so long, the spark of life I saw in her now had died long before her body had.
I wasn't aware I'd started to cry until all the muscles in my face began to scrunch together. The small tears became large tears, and they scalded my cheeks. Rubbing at my eyes didn't help. There was nothing I could do to stop all the emotions bouncing around inside. At the same time I was ecstatic beyond words and brokenhearted as I knew this wasn't real. This dream was kind and cruel, and I couldn't tell if I wanted to wake up or not.
"Am, what's wrong?" Ethereal asked in concern.
"I just, I really thought you had died," I offered what I could for an explanation, "And I thought it was my fault. I missed you so much."
"I'm right here, and everything's fine," she comforted, and I clung to her like a leech as she tenderly drew me near, "It was just a dream. You don't have to worry."
"Mm." I nodded.
Peeking as best as I could through my tears, I saw none of the others has moved. They played their game oblivious to what was going on with us two. I sighed, sniffled loudly, and buried my head against Ethereal's shoulder. No matter how much raw pain her being there drew to the surface, I was going to cherish this connection with her no matter what. Her embrace was warm. Her breathing tickled the back of my neck. Her familiar scent offered me solace.
Don't ask me how, but I was able to stop crying. My eyes and cheeks dried with an unusual speed, and none of the pulling skin or tender softness around my eyes that typically accompanied heavy crying remained. It was easier to give Ethereal a smile.
"Thanks."
"Of course," she replied with a grin, "Want to go take our turn in the game now? This is really our last chance before we have to switch to channel 13."
"Sure." I said eagerly.
I started to walk by her, and as soon as I got a step past she gently took hold of my arm, turned me, and planted a smooth kiss on the side of my cheek. Part of me wished in that moment that we weren't kids again so the kiss could be a bit more than that, but the majority of me rejoiced in the soaring feeling of every inch of my body.
"Just figured you needed that right now." Ethereal brightly gave me the explanation.
"I did. Thanks," I said with a bigger smile, taking her hand, "You know, I love you a whole lot."
"I love you a whole lot too. More than anything," she answered back without hesitation, "Even more than I love beating Charming's butt at video games."
"Let's go make that happen then, huh? Sit next to me on the couch?"
"Sure!"
Her fingers interlaced with mine, and we walked across the way to join on our friends with my heart falling even more in love.
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