The overwhelming scent of chocolate chip cookies both delighted and repulsed my nose. On one hand, the treats were the most delicious and tempting baked goods to ever waft their smell in my direction. One the other hand, such a scent had been attacking my nostrils for too long that my senses begged me for a breath of fresh air.
"Here, let me get the door for you." Allium offered as I finished rolling up the final balls of dough into the tray.
"We finally made it, Charming. The last batch. I didn't think we would ever see the end of the tunnel." I joked as I slid those last cookies into the oven.
"Yeeeah, I'll be careful next time accepting the request to make stuff for Holly and Mimi's club's bake-sale. Two hundred chocolate chip cookies didn't seem like it would be a lot."
"How does two hundred of anything not seem like a lot?" I had to question with a smile.
"I've always been bad at math," Allium joked along with his trademark smirking grin, "Seriously though, thank you for your help. Since you had a hand in these, the cookies are going to sell like crazy."
"They'd better. Right now, I never want to see another chocolate chip cookie for at least a year." I laughed.
Allium set up the timer before turning to me nostalgically.
"Remember that school festival we had back in junior high?"
"The one with the eating contest? Yes, I remember it clearly." I replied in amusement, having known this story would pop up at some point this day.
"It seems as if it was just yesterday," Allium continued wistfully, as if I'd answered to the negative, "A gymnasium filled with young tweens, some of which hadn't learned they needed to start wearing deodorant. You looked adorable in that new dress with the ruffles at the bottom while I captured everyone's attention with my dashing ensemble."
"You were wearing a Mighty Fighty Heroes t-shirt and jeans I'm pretty sure you hadn't washed in over a week."
"Over to the table we strode, arms linked, prepped to answer the challenging call."
"You had to drag me over because I was certain a bunch of overeager junior high students shoving cookies into their faces would lead to someone eventually throwing up."
"You decided your role would be to support me as I valiantly threw myself into the chaos. Cookie after cookie I devoured, and in the end...I completely lost by a mile."
Already struggling to suppress unending laughter, Allium's abrupt tone shift from a dramatic storyteller to accepting reality with lighthearted realism unleashed the floodgates. The two of us both chuckled like idiots while I waited for my friend to finish off the story. So far, he had left one major aspect out of the tale. It took me a minute to realize he purposely left it unsaid, and I knew why he did.
"Aren't you forgetting the part where Amaranth came in second place even though he had the beginning stages of the stomach flu without knowing it?" I made myself point it out.
"I suppose that might have happened, sure." Allium shrugged.
Though I quickly prepared myself to say my words, I was stupid for thinking I could handle saying them. I should have learned by now that it was better to avoid any muttering of my husband's name around this time of the year. My heart instantly wrung itself like a washcloth while the happiness I'd had at forgetting about Amaranth thanks to the distraction of making cookies vanished like a fog being blown away by an icy wind. I couldn't keep my smile genuine, and Allium immediately caught on.
"You don't have to force yourself to bring him up," Allium told me gently, doing his best to comfort me, "I know it's harder to think of him around your anniversary."
"I just hoped that after three years of him being missing that perhaps it'd be a bit easier this time around..." I mumbled dismally.
Shaking my head to cast out all the depressing thoughts invading my mind didn't help at all. Frustrating tears wasted no time in burning the corners of my eyes, and Allium offering his embrace to me couldn't come soon enough. I didn't think about how tightly I clung onto him or how I buried my face against his shoulder. All my strength went into stopping myself from letting my emotions take over, because I knew if I started to cry I might really lose it. The chances to face everything that hurt didn't come often, and I had too much else to do today to put any hindrances in my way.
"I know how hard it is to keep smiling when you want to scream," Allium pressed on after a minute or so of silence, the sound of his voice constricted and tight, "I don't know when things might start to feel better, but you have us, Medy. Whenever you need someone, we'll be here."
My lips twinged for the briefest second into something that resembled a smile. Allium occasionally slipped in Meadow's old nicknames, usually trying to be cute or reassuring, and their usage typically proved effective. My time living in hiding obviously hadn't been simple or calm, but thinking back to my younger days it often felt as if it had been that way. What I wouldn't give to be that small Meadow doing her best not to show how much that dress with the ruffles itched her legs.
"I just want to know already," I sniffled, doing what I could to dry my eyes, "If he's dead or if he's alive, I just want to know."
Allium held me tighter. He placed a long, soft kiss against the side of my head. I pressed against him harder until I could feel his heartbeat echo mine before I shifted my head so I rested more in the crook of his neck. If you asked me if it was that small movement that led to things going off how they shouldn't have, I couldn't tell you. All I knew was that my cheek brushed against his, and Ethereal disappeared. My eyes closed, my mind granted my wish as in the darkness I could believe I was Meadow again. Maybe Sap had only just rejected me. Allium's body warm from working by the oven for hours called to me the way it had after he'd finished his workout well over two decades ago. His scent, so familiar and calming, made me forget about the cookies. The heartbreak aching my chest slowly dissipated as he kept me near. His arms were my haven, and as our lips drew closer I knew the relief that was to come. So, so softly our mouths entangled. For the first time in years, I forgot I was missing something. This was right, wasn't it? Allium and I loved each other. Hadn't he always been mine?
The heavy reality set in several seconds later. Allium and I snapped out of our daze at the same time. With both our eyes wide and unsure if we'd really just done what we'd done, we stepped apart in a flash. I instantly turned away, buried my head in my hands, and felt myself go into an agony beyond tears.
"I'm so sorry, Allium. I shouldn't have..." I could barely whisper.
"We shouldn't have. Both of us made the mistake. Guess old habits die hard, huh?" Allium spoke, his tone pitiful and ashamed, "I'm sorry, Ethereal. I've been thinking a lot about Am seeing you so depressed recently. I was hoping baking these cookies could help us both get our minds off of him. I let my mind wander too much though. It was if we were back in those days when we were together. I wasn't even thinking..."
"S-Same...I just..."
I couldn't say anything more. How could I excuse this away? What Allium and I had done was wrong no matter how much we hadn't intended any harm.
"Dahlia will understand. You know how open our relationship is. How open we are with each other. Dahlia knows very well how there is that lingering love between you and me no matter how much time passes. I can't say that she won't be upset at all, but it's not going to be the big issue that other couples face. She's seen other men, other women even while we've been married."
"But you discussed boundaries and rules long before anything took place. Permission was gotten at every step of the way, and you even got to interview those people."
"She'll forgive us." Allium attempted to comfort again, his fingers brushing my shoulder as he went to place his hand upon it but thought better and stepped back to maintain his distance from me.
"I'm sorry, Allium. It's not just Dahlia...it's Amaranth too. He hasn't been here for so long, but we're still married. This mistake probably won't feel so massive in time. I know Dahlia will forgive us. I know Amaranth would. Still, I think I need to go home now and lie down. I need to be alone for a bit to try and deal with it all."
"Of course." Allium agreed without hesitation.
Not being able to turn to face him, I could still see the smile that was his defense against his own emotions. A small nod was the most I could manage, and when I exited through the front door the wind rustling the thick summer leaves on the trees gave me enough courage to walk from the tense silence of Allium's house with a smile on my lips as my children at home greeted me with questions of whether I'd brought them any spare cookies for an afternoon treat.
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