I found her door cracked halfway open as I reached her room. When I spotted Ethereal standing there hovering over that generic snow globe both she and Amaranth loved so much for some reason, I could sense the weight of grief resting within my friend's chest. It didn't matter if Ethereal stood there like she stood now with straight shoulders and a neutral expression. A looming darkness thrashed against the chilling walls built that she didn't realize would freeze the rest of her in time. The cold had numbed all the warning signs she thought she looked out for. The path Ethereal blatantly walked down was one I was all too familiar with, and now that I knew what it meant this time I wasn't going to stand by idly.
"Oh, Lia," Ethereal jumped in surprise, turning around to greet me with a smile after I tapped on the door frame for a knock, "I didn't know you were coming over."
"Well, since it worked out that all the kids are off, I thought I'd pop over for a quick visit. It's been a while since we hung out by ourselves."
There was no coincidence in Ethereal's usually filled household being empty. It had taken Allium and I several days to plan it out, but we'd gotten all her children invited somewhere else to play while I requested to her other friends and family to not invite her anywhere. None of them were oblivious to her quiet suffering either, which made them all too happy for me to take a chance to steer her back on the right road.
I strode over with confidence. There was no point in taking the long way around for this conversation.
"Hey, Ethereal, I just wanted to let you know that you're completely forgiven for what happened between you and Al the other day." I started it off.
"He did tell you about the kiss then..." Ethereal replied, keeping her walls thick and high even as her expression sank.
"Of course. He told me as soon as I got home. I also told him as soon as he told me that I didn't care. I don't care. I've already let you two know at least a thousand times by now that I totally get the lingering attraction that exists between you. I'm the last person who is going to stop you if you need to borrow him for the night. There's no doubt in my mind you already know what a good cuddler Al is. Or if you want to jump right in and shake it up with cuffs and blindfolds, we've gotten used to those long ago."
A blush tickled Ethereal's checks, but she laughed loudly all the same. Most of it was genuine, which gave me hope this would work out like I wanted.
"Thank you as always, Lia," Ethereal chuckled, "Thank you for not being mad, and thank you for being, um, generous, I suppose. As I've said before though, I don't think it's a good idea for me and Charming to revisit what we had. It would just...complicate things."
I sighed inwardly. My propositions were always rejected by this one. Her rejection, and Amaranth's and even Allium's rejection, for the four of us to group up for a night still stung. Not that I was upset at them in any way, but I couldn't stop thinking of missed opportunities. Allium and Amaranth had said they thought of each other too much like brothers, and while Allium had some slightly curiosity about being with another guy even if he wasn't really attracted to them Amaranth had no desire whatsoever for that kind of experience. Ethereal felt the same way her husband felt towards my husband towards me.
Of course, the last thing I would ever do is push where it wasn't wanted. I'd learned way before I met the majority of people I saw in my day to day life that most others weren't like me. I couldn't help but continue to think that Ethereal was fucking pretty beyond all belief, but if she wanted to just be friends then friends is what we would be. She'd grown to mean a lot to me over the years, which is why I pressed forward towards my goal.
"That's fine. Whatever you want," I said, taking her hand to get her attention that I was truly serious, "Just let us know if you ever need anything. Al and I...everyone, really, has been worried about you as of late. We can't understand how hard it is to grieve over what's been taken from you, but we also know you can't not grieve either. That's dangerous. It's like refusing to rid yourself a poison caught in your veins."
"I'm fine, Lia," Ethereal smiled sweetly at me, and my stomach churned with disgust at her falsity, "Promise."
"You know those were the words my father spoke to me before he tried to jump off that bridge? They would have been the last words he ever spoke to me if they hadn't stopped him." my voice cracked as I tightened my grip on her.
The remnants of her smiled stayed on her lips, and the expression I received was sympathetic. Ethereal kept on standing tall, and her walls hadn't cracked a single bit. I wasn't getting anywhere.
"I would never do that." she said quietly.
"My dad thought the same thing. I'm sure Eden thought the same thing. The truth is, that kind of thinking can get anyone."
I was the one struggling to maintain my composure. My dad had gotten lucky and had been saved. It had been over fifteen years since that scary day, and I'd seen him only that weekend as happy as could be. It didn't make the ache of what could have been any less terrifying. It didn't rid me of the imaginings of watching Ethereal's children suffer in the way I could have if they lost her too. All the kids who lived on this street our families took over were as precious to me as my own. I would do everything within my power to prevent them from being dealt a blow none of them deserved.
"Maybe you're not on that path right now," I continued again, "But I can see you inching down that way. No matter how strong you feel, in the end, if the hurt wants to take you that way it'll give you reasons to forget why you ignore it. It will come to the point where it won't matter how much love you have in your heart for those around you. Everything you want to protect you'll think will be better off protected by doing the unimaginable. You won't know who you are anymore."
My gentle pleading was useless. Ethereal lightly patted my hand I'd placed against her cheek before lightly guiding it away. That damn fake smile remained stuck on her face.
"Thank you. You having nothing to fear as I really am fine, and everyone else is kind as you are to keep checking up on me. I can't go a day without mom and dad calling me twice. Eden's always coming over."
"You're fine, huh? I believe that you believe you are, but I don't think your words are true. Why don't we try this? Say Amaranth's name for me. You almost never call Amaranth by his name anymore. You say 'he' or 'him' instead to avoid bringing Amaranth up directly. Say Amaranth now. Say it over and over again until it stops sounding like a word."
Ethereal stood impressively stalwart, but I still caught each subtle cringe as I spoke her husband's name multiple times on purpose. 'Amaranth' had become a taboo word around Ethereal, which left everyone avoiding saying it as of late. Her mouth opened now to rise to the challenge. She failed. Her lips hung open and no sound came out. I let the silence linger.
"Dahlia, I-"
"Nope, that's the wrong name. Here, I'll help you get started. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth."
I varied the inflection. I went at different speeds. Eventually I went on to alternating between Am, Amaranth, and Amaranth Vivid. My repetition didn't last overly long, yet it certainly had effects. Unfortunately, not the kind I wanted. Ethereal's resolve to appear unaffected wavered with each utterance of mine. Getting her to cry was possible. The tears would be tears of frustration and perhaps anger though, which were not the ones of a release of heartache I desired. They would make the problem worse. Thus, I stopped speaking and pulled Ethereal into a hug instead. She sank into it after I whispered an apology, and I'd at gotten my message across that I wasn't going to stand by her bullshit any longer if the expression she wore on her face was any indication.
"I'd hoped we could make some progress, but I guess I'm not the right one to help you either," I accepted with a smile after taking a small step back, and Ethereal glanced up at me with curious questioning like a young child would, "Have no fear though. I know just the person you need."
I squeezed her hand a second time and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"She'll know how to get you to break."
"Maybe you're not on that path right now," I continued again, "But I can see you inching down that way. No matter how strong you feel, in the end, if the hurt wants to take you that way it'll give you reasons to forget why you ignore it. It will come to the point where it won't matter how much love you have in your heart for those around you. Everything you want to protect you'll think will be better off protected by doing the unimaginable. You won't know who you are anymore."
My gentle pleading was useless. Ethereal lightly patted my hand I'd placed against her cheek before lightly guiding it away. That damn fake smile remained stuck on her face.
"Thank you. You having nothing to fear as I really am fine, and everyone else is kind as you are to keep checking up on me. I can't go a day without mom and dad calling me twice. Eden's always coming over."
"You're fine, huh? I believe that you believe you are, but I don't think your words are true. Why don't we try this? Say Amaranth's name for me. You almost never call Amaranth by his name anymore. You say 'he' or 'him' instead to avoid bringing Amaranth up directly. Say Amaranth now. Say it over and over again until it stops sounding like a word."
Ethereal stood impressively stalwart, but I still caught each subtle cringe as I spoke her husband's name multiple times on purpose. 'Amaranth' had become a taboo word around Ethereal, which left everyone avoiding saying it as of late. Her mouth opened now to rise to the challenge. She failed. Her lips hung open and no sound came out. I let the silence linger.
"Dahlia, I-"
"Nope, that's the wrong name. Here, I'll help you get started. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth. Amaranth."
I varied the inflection. I went at different speeds. Eventually I went on to alternating between Am, Amaranth, and Amaranth Vivid. My repetition didn't last overly long, yet it certainly had effects. Unfortunately, not the kind I wanted. Ethereal's resolve to appear unaffected wavered with each utterance of mine. Getting her to cry was possible. The tears would be tears of frustration and perhaps anger though, which were not the ones of a release of heartache I desired. They would make the problem worse. Thus, I stopped speaking and pulled Ethereal into a hug instead. She sank into it after I whispered an apology, and I'd at gotten my message across that I wasn't going to stand by her bullshit any longer if the expression she wore on her face was any indication.
"I'd hoped we could make some progress, but I guess I'm not the right one to help you either," I accepted with a smile after taking a small step back, and Ethereal glanced up at me with curious questioning like a young child would, "Have no fear though. I know just the person you need."
I squeezed her hand a second time and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"She'll know how to get you to break."
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