Gen Four- Chapter Twenty

A comfortable chill settled in the air as night began to fall. The dying sun battled with the moon and stars for dominance, resulting in a brilliant show of gold and navy with a rainbow of hues in the middle. I'd stared up again and again until night started to win. My neck winced and so I kept my attention on what was right around me. Nowhere was more appealing to sit at the moment than at the fire. Fennel, Ginger's mom, and Sphene joined me. The mother and daughter were absolute chatter-boxes, but I didn't mind listening to their words.

     "I'd ask her every morning if that was what she wanted to wear, and every morning she'd say yes. The more outrageous the design and the more mismatched the socks were, the prouder Sphene walked."

     "Mooom," Sphene wined. "I thought we were only telling embarrassing stories about Ginger!"

    "I think it's a cute story, that you wanted to wear your socks over your pants. Fashion and how we dress is all made up and constantly changing. People have gotten on me for my ribbons even though I'm not pink. In the end, I've decided I don't care what they think," I explained.

     "Yeah, but now I think me doing that was stupid." Sphene slumped in her chair.

     "Haha, well, everyone does have choices they regret," I shrugged.

Sphene's mother turned to me.

     "Since you mentioned it, I did want to ask of your ribbons. Only because I think they're cute," she promised. "Do you just wear them for that reason, or is there something more to it?"

     "My mom died giving birth to me. She was pink, but I came out all brown like my dad. These ribbons are my way of staying connected to her."

Although, I thought often of getting rid of them. I'd let that dianthus bush wilt. I'd stopped talking to her like I did when I was young. The ribbons probably should have gone at some point too, but each morning I tied them back in my hair before I could stop myself. Sometimes it was as if an invisible force took my hands to place them on my braids. Compulsion was a weird thing.

     "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a sensitive topic."

    "No, it's fine. I don't mind talking about the basics. It's going too in-depth that I like to avoid," I comforted.

    "I won't prod further then. This is a night for fun, after all."

She shifted conversation back to embarrassing stories about Ginger to steer away from my personal life and to appease Sphene. I heard of how Ginger went through a phase of sticking his tongue out when yawning to look like a lion and how he got in the habit of jumping down the last few steps to land in a superhero pose. The latter stopped when he landed hard and injured his kneecap. We were all mid-giggles when Larkspur rushed over. While he approached the fire to warm his hands, he quickly turned around and stuck his tush out to warm that instead.

     "Lark," Fennel chastised. "You look silly. We don't want you sticking your butt out while we talk."

     "So? I was sitting on the grass, and it was damp and cold. This is the part of me that needs the fire."

    "I don't mind. Growing up with Ginger and all my male cousins, I've gotten used to the crass ways of boys," Sphene said, stretching out in her chair like a starfish.

     "See? It's fine," Larkspur said.

     "Doesn't mean I have to accept it."

Fennel then stuck her leg out with just enough reach to poke Larkspur's rear-end with the tip of her shoe. I laughed along as he merely hopped closer to Sphene, avoiding further attacks.

Eventually, the warmth of the fire stung my cheeks like a sunburn. I relished the relief of a fresh, crisp breath of air as I wandered towards our cabin excited at the prospect of nice shade and a moment of quiet. Most everyone else was outside, so I should have been able to relax on my bed. Pieter and I, however, shared a moment like Ginger and I had earlier. Out Pieter strode without warning, and I was only just able to step back in time to avoid him.

     "Sorry. It's limited space right here, huh?" I spoke more cheerfully than I felt, hoping Pieter had calmed some in the time we'd avoided one another. Unfortunately, it was safe to say that hope was killed with the next words out of his mouth.

     "Feeling better then?" he prodded, taunting. "Glad you don't need me to feel happy."

     "Pieter..."

     "What? Mad?" He folded his arms and stared curtly.

I took a deep breath, and his expression changed, perhaps softening or holding back guilt, when that anger he supposed didn't manifest on my expression. No. My shoulders slouched while my dispirited gaze lowered.

     "I'm not mad. Just sad. I'd been really looking forward to this little vacation with everyone, and most of it has been miserable so far. Seems like it's going to keep being that way," I said softly.

Pieter's lips tightened. He couldn't maintain eye contact, and I was able to step around him and enter our cabin without resistance.

The only other person inside was Jessamine. She was busy taking something out of her bag, but she still managed to spot me glancing through the window to watch Pieter walk away. The burn that'd been fading from my face flared once more upon noticing her questioning gaze.

     "You've been having a rough time of it. Cinny mentioned you weren't doing too well earlier, and now it looks like you and Pieter are fighting," she remarked.

    "I don't know if we're fighting, per se. Pieter's just been...acting unreasonably insulted. Me not wanting him there while composing myself has really pissed him off. More so than what's warranted."

     "Hmm. Well, we've both seen over the years he does tend to go the irrationally angry side of things when he's feeling off. That shouldn't be his default, but I always thought he's been doing better with your influence. Sounds like I might need to step in if he doesn't pull himself together. I'll try to talk to him tonight if it feels right."

     "Thanks, Jess. I didn't know what else to do other than leave him be."
     "Like what you needed, that also might be what he needs. We'll have to see. Anyway, did you come in here for a reason? Need me for something?"
    "No. I came here for a moment of rest, but Pieter acting up again just now makes a quiet moment with my thoughts sound awful."
   "Mind doing me a favor then? Everyone seems to be getting along with our cabin buddies real well. I think Ginger's dad is starting to grill up some got dogs. Can you check with him and see if his family wants to consolidate our foods with theirs so we can have one big feast?"
     "Sure."

The location of the grills being in the shade of the cabin and closer to the eastern section of sky more dominated by night got me my relief of cooling down. Ginger's dad indeed grilled hot dogs, but the coals only just started to pulse with real heat.

     "Excuse me, Mister..." I trailed off as soon as I began. Then I laughed. "I realize I haven't actually heard your last name yet. I don't know what to call you."
     "Our part of the family leans towards the more casual side of things. I'm Lightning, but you can call me Light. You're one of the Cinnamons, correct?"
     "Yes. I'm Cinnamon. The other Cinnamon is Cinny."
     "It's a pleasure to meet you. Anything I can do for you?" Light beamed.
    "Jess wanted me to check if you and your family wanted to combine our dinners together to make one big one."
    "That sounds good to me. I was worried my children might pick at your food inappropriately, so sharing solves the problem."

He laughed. He laughed, and my heart lurched. My eyelashes fluttered with great haste to push back the remnants of my flood of tears from earlier. Thank goodness Light focused more on his cooking than on me. I cursed my emotions for running rampant on me where, as if guilty, the intense wave backed off. Still, I rubbed my arm taming goosebumps and pondered how strange this was. I'd talked to Ginger. I'd talked to Sphene and her mother without issue. Why was it with Light every bit of my effort went into fighting an itch to hug him? It was if something screamed at me that if clutched to him, got him to really pain attention something would be fixed.

Thinking of what Cinnamon said, I wracked my brain desperately searching for what caused this urge. The only option though for where I would have seen an adult male in my youth would have been the Scarlet Dawn office. The workers there were intensely regular with anyone new sticking out like a sore thumb. I definitely hadn't ever met Light before then.

     "You brought a lot of hot dogs," I spoke, noticing the bad nearby.
     "Heh, yeah. Our immediate and extended family is massive, so I'm so used to cooking for a horde that I wasn't thinking when I was purchasing for just us four."
     "About a big family, Ginger mentioned something about his granddad having two sets of parents."
    "That would be about my dad. It's a long story. The short of it was he was kidnapped when he was little, got hurt so bad he had amnesia, was adopted away from his abusive 'father' by his one set of parents, and reunited with his biological parents when it turned out his biological dad had been friends with his adoptive dad as the two once lived in a Home together."
     "Damn, that is a story!" I chuckled. "Sounds like it would be a good book or movie."
     "And that tale wouldn't even the most extreme our family has. There's one where people were insistent it be a movie. We're trying to let it all calm down." Light instantly saddened. "Especially because a lot of what has happened in the past years has been heartbreaking."
     "I'm sorry to hear. I understand heartbreak well."
     "You've mentioned some of you are in foster care. Dad has told me stories of when he was in that life. It's true there's corruption and some kids suffer for it, but there's so much love that can be found in it as well, such as my dad's adoptive family. I'm happy for those of you who are in that transition that you've got such good support with you."
     "That the truth," I acknowledged tenderly. "All of us here, we really are more family than the friends and peers we introduced ourselves as."

Light found that a charming statement and offered me a maple candy sweet from his bag. As expected, he prodded more into the basics of my life. I avoided detailing how the others and I were connected and chose random stories about living with Dad and Grandpa to also paint the illusion I had a more normal home life. The first batch of hot dogs were well on their way to being cooked by that point. Turning to go grab our bags of food presented me the source of the scream that echoed out over the camp.

     "Moss!" Light reprimanded his wife, who'd snuck up behind Ruby to scare her out of her skin. "We're not with our family, remember? Not everyone is going to take kindly to being..."

Ruby, we thought, was running away from the source of her fright. However, the several furious strides forward she made while Light spoke were actually strides toward retaliation. Ruby shoved her hands into the little pond. Following to make sure Ruby was alright got Moss drenched in seconds. I hesitated, worried my friend went too far. Light and I were left to laugh with the others still by the fire though as the two cheered merrily at one another in the water war they started.

I dodged the splashing water and Ruby who actively attempted to get me involved. She let me be once seeing I brought out food to start preparing our meal, and Light and I were able to cook in peace. The main staples were, of course, hot dogs and hamburgers with chips, various salads, some puddings, and a huge veggie tray. Everyone ate until bursting only to conjoin around the fire to roast marshmallows. I ate a s'more or two before calling it quits lest my stomach get too angry on me.

     "I didn't think the night sky was too bad where we normally are," Cinnamon whispered in my ear as we sat on the ground near the fire searching the stars, "but even just coming here brings it to a whole new level. It was even clearer where you lived before?"
     "I'm telling you, it was as clear as could be. When I came to Aspen Harbor, not being able to see the spiral of the galaxy we're in made me feel blind."
     "I can't even imagine being able to see the spiral. It'd make me think I was in a sci-fi movie!"
     "Are you two talking about the stars? I love the stars!" Sphene hopped over.
    "Cinnamon used to live in a remote place before, so she's told me of how much more serene everything was compared to living in the city. It's something I really want to see someday."
   "Do you know a lot about the stars? I'm not an expert, but I love astronomy. I can help you find the constellations," I said.
     "Yes, please!" Sphene cheered.

She abruptly sat in my lap and angled her gaze up. Cinnamon and I giggled, and I pointed out what we could find above the tree line.

The combination of eating too much, sitting too long, and having someone sit on me didn't do wonders for my body craving movement. I almost missed being forced to run those laps to get a chance at climbing the rock wall. I volunteered to get going on the cleaning, and Ginger volunteered to help me. Everyone else who was too into hanging out or goofing off were content with us two accepting all the work.

    "I've gotta say, I'm glad this camping trip has turned out so well. I was afraid there'd be a camp here with a bunch of kids to bother us," Ginger said.
   "Now it's just your mom and Ruby declaring war," I grinned. Moss tricked Ruby into burning several of her marshmallows as revenge for the splashing.
   "Well..." Ginger hesitated, much to my confusion. "There's Pieter too. He's been avoiding most everyone and acting sour. Something obviously happened, but it didn't feel right to ask until now."
   "To be honest, I don't really know what's going with him either. I asked for a moment with him not there as Cinny and I dealt with something, and he grew so irate so quickly. There's probably something else, but he's clearly not in a talking mood at the moment."
     "You don't think it'd be me, maybe?" Ginger mumbled.
     "Did you say something that could offend him?"
     "No. But, you two are dating, right?"
     "You think he's jealous?" I wondered.
   "I...just putting out possibilities. I shouldn't say the first thing that comes to mind though," Ginger smiled sheepishly.
     "It's fine. But, hmm, Pieter's not the jealous kind. At least, he's never done anything to make him come off that way."
     "If you think he's fine with me, I could try to poke into what's going on."
     "Jess said she'd try too. Be my guest as well. I'll take an answer any way I can get it."

A flash of light in the now dark night caught our attention. The others had let the fire dim, and Larkspur stood in front of most everyone else prepped for what had to be a ghost story. To my relief, Pieter was one of the listeners and sat more relaxed than he'd been acting so far. Maybe Jess had found that moment to speak to him. Either way, seeing my friends and Ginger's family together acting as if we'd known each forever unfortunately also returned that longing sadness to my chest.

      "Something wrong?" Ginger asked.
     "I've heard of how you have such a large family, and you all sound so close. My family's always been small, and people come and go. I'm simply thinking of now nice it sounds to have a little community all your own," I had to admit.

I'd had Dad and Grandpa, and they'd betrayed me. I had the warehouse and everyone there now. However, Jessamine and Tulip, Cinnamon and Ruby, Larkspur and Fennel...we'd say our farewells eventually. Those who had come and gone already who promised to stay in contact rarely did. Cori emailed Leo and Coral for a bit after he started college. Then he'd gone silent. Jam was in that phase of coming slower and slower. Pieter's and mine future together was more optimistic, but obviously at the moment it felt like a dip downward.

     "Well, I don't think my parents will mind me giving you this. The reason our family is so large is because we tend to adopt anyone who becomes close into it pretty quickly. If you ever want to visit, this is my address." Ginger handed me the information he wrote on a napkin.
     "Thanks, Ginger. I'd really like to visit," I beamed.

I pocketed the napkin carefully, and we finally got down to properly cleaning. We snuck once done behind the ghost story circle at the end of the second tale to be the ones getting the others screaming this time. The screams quickly turned into laughs. Although it was clear I still shouldn't approach Pieter, the rest of the evening continued with good fun. Some people were having too much fun though. Ruby and Cinnamon forgot about their competition to woo Ginger as they entered a pranking competition with Moss instead. I'd just returned from brushing my teeth in the bathroom to be pulled behind the cabins by my friends wearing mischievous smiles.

     "What are you two up to?" I asked.
     "We want to know if you want to come with us on a small excursion later," Cinnamon answered.
     "It's already getting rather late. What excursion?"
     "So, Sphene let us know that her mom seriously hates spiders. Our plan is sneak out to that big store not too far from here that's open twenty four-seven. We're going to buy some fake spiders, Ginger says he'll get up to take them inside the room and place them on his mom, and then we'll wake up to her scream in the morning," Ruby explained.
     "That's a decent prank, but I'll decline."
     "Aww, how come?" Cinnamon pouted.
     "It's true that store isn't far, but I don't want to walk there in the middle of the night. I'm still rather paranoid what with what happened with that jerk attacking me."
     "Oh, we didn't think about it like that," Ruby grew serious. "Sorry."
     "No worries. I'd feel better if you took Jess or Tulip with you though, especially because you don't want to be caught breaking curfew either. They're sure to be willing to support the prank."
     "We'll ask Jess then. She's more likely to go along with it," Cinnamon promised.
     "Thanks."

The two quickly cornered Jessamine, and the plan appeared to be well received. I grinned to myself, did my best not to giggle saying goodnight to Moss, and snuggled comfortably in my bunk that was a cloud compared to the mattresses at the warehouse.

Sadly, the comfort did not last. I chalked it up to my worrying at first. Jessamine, Cinnamon, and Ruby slipping out of their bunks around midnight woke me up. No matter how much I reassured myself all would be fine my mind couldn't find rest again. This was true even after they returned from their shopping trip giggling and whispering to themselves. Soon their peaceful, slow breathing signaled all was indeed fine. My head only ached harder. My skull felt as if it'd become paper-thin while pressure from the inside swelled it like a bubble on the verge of popping.

I would have said something, but the bigger problem was that I was sleeping. It dragged me down like a drug. In a blank quiet I'd float, my eyes would crack open as the pain throbbed and my body ached, and then my eyes closed again for the process to repeat before conscious logic returned to have me remember moving was an option.

I also didn't recognize the spiral happening. How, in the daze, brief flashes of color and sound manifested. Again and again they returned with each brush of sleep, a broken zoetrope slowly putting itself together once more. It never fixed itself completely though. Blurry and wavering seconds of sight were the best I got.

     "I...ought I hea...ces. Unique...ime-visit."

Staggering and slurred sound was all there was.

      "Sage is...someth...so...Mal-ab..."
     "Nough home...rk, reason...ow. You two...vision...while wait?"

The myriad of voices pushed conversation.

Conversation I failed to understand despite many attempts. Conversation that sped from memory as soon as my eyes flashed open for real. Early morning sunlight streamed through the windows. The air brushed cool throughout the cabin, but I lay soaked in sweat. The throbbing squeezed my temples harder as if hands constricted to shove matter into my head. The sensation slowly numbed with consciousness returning, but the numbing only came due to my body reacting to the intense pain. The nausea churning my stomach wouldn't be content for long. I shakily stood, wriggled my feet into slippers, and drank greedily the cold morning wind upon stepping outside. It helped a little.

But not enough.

I shuffled just past the cabins when my legs gave out. Everything shook. My bones were as play-dough yet my muscles were lead. I froze and burned simultaneously, yet I feared being discovered more than I feared the state of my body. I had to get away to where Ginger and his family wouldn't see me. If they saw me, there's no way I'd escape going to the hospital. That'd leave me discovered and the others under a lot of suspicion when they suddenly scattered to avoid being discovered as well.

     "Cin─!"

I sobbed hearing my name begin to form. This was it. Everything was going to fall apart.

    "Nutmeg," Pieter then whispered in my ear. He'd shot over to me and knelt close with his arm steadying my quaking. I sobbed this time from relief. "What's wrong?"
     "It hurts. My head. It hurts so much," I whined through heavy breaths and thick sniffles.

I gagged and coughed before Pieter could respond. He recoiled at the threat of vomit, but adamantly stayed right there as my stomach somehow maintained its contents. Pieter rubbed my back, rest me against him, and was my comfort as the moments passed slowly. I breathed slowly to match my heartbeat with his and concentrated on finding what composure I could. Three, perhaps four minutes later the surge of agony faded for exhaustion and weary control took its place.

I couldn't muster enough effort to speak properly, but Pieter understood quickly my nod at the kitchen area. It contained a small sitting corner as well with a loveseat. I managed sitting on my knees. Pieter hoisted me up, needing to wrap my one arm around his shoulders and clutch his around my waist to guide me there. He rushed to get me a glass of water as soon as I sat, yet the better refreshment was him slipping underneath me to lay upon after I sipped it all down. A long, content sigh drained my lungs. I coiled around him like a snake underneath a warm rock. Proper sleep would have found me had Pieter not spoken.

    "Do you think you'll be alright? If you think you need medical help, I'll...I'll figure out something where they won't ask questions."
     "The pain is fading fast. I should be okay. I just need to rest," I mumbled, speaking requiring a lot of energy.
     "Are you sure? Does this have anything to do with what happened yesterday?"
     "No. Nothing at all."
     "Honestly?"
    "Honestly." I cracked what I could of a smile at his worried persistence. "Yesterday was just me getting struck by a weirdly strong longing for the kind of home Ginger and his family have, and I didn't want people to see me blubbering like a baby."
    "Mm." Pieter abruptly fell silent. He clearly struggled to gather his thoughts and felt pressured by the silence. Me though, I relaxed and snuggled more tightly upon his warmth. Even his soft words rang loud when he began again. "I'm sorry, Meg. You didn't want to tell me that. I didn't mean to make you feel as if you had to."

His hold loosened, but I pulled myself closed to him still.

     "I don't mind telling you now that more time has passed. I just mind how you were...well..."
     "Being an asshole?"
     "Yeah."

As opposed to my sigh, Pieter sighed loudly and harshly. The guilt I thought I saw yesterday manifested itself in full on his expression now.

     "I'm...I'm really stupid sometimes. It's hard to direct my anger and emotions in the proper way when they overwhelm me. Dad's always just let me shout and berate him however I want, so even now I'm having to learn better. The truth of it is...it's seriously stupid...I was acting out towards you because I was upset at myself for not being good enough for you recently."
    "That...yeah. That's a cycle of a problem there. What do you mean you haven't been good enough for me though?" I frowned.
     "I..." Pieter paused again. "I still think about it a lot. What Gravel tried to do to you. What he would have done to you if Tulip hadn't come. I was barely able to do anything for you then. I wasn't able to stop that jerk from beating you. I'm still hung up on the tests I failed. Then, yesterday, when all of a sudden you were hurting again and I didn't know what was going on, when I couldn't do anything..."
     "Pieter...I never meant to make you feel useless."
     "I know. Trust me, I spent all night beating myself up and getting myself in line. I'm not trying to make excuses either. My feelings of inadequacy are not your responsibility. I'm just...telling the truth."
    "I appreciate the truth, and I'll say this to it. The world is going to be cruel or kind no matter how much we stick to each other waiting for either. The moments will come when the come. I used to dread the future and wondered how I would ever find the strength to deal with this life for so long. I know you know how I've felt about that. You, though, you've made everything so much brighter. It's true I still worry, how can we not, but I stand around looking at possibilities I couldn't have ever imagined before. Getting a GED, get a real job, maybe buying a house one day, feeling comfortable with my place in the world. I trust us both to pass our tests. I trust us to find a home. It might not happen the instant we turn eighteen, but I know we'll get there. We've come this far, and we'll get that far."

Pieter listened carefully. He smiled after a moment. I seized the perfect timing.

     "I've been working on your dad too, you know. He's been acting more lively. He's trying harder. He's even got a surprise for you the next time you go home. I've actually been thinking of trying to make our family you, me, and him. I'd love to have a dad again." I held back a smirk watching Pieter's expression work through various ranges of disgust and rejection but being silenced especially by my last sentence. I kissed his nose. "Just think about it. That's how I'll forgive you."
     "I'll think about it," he promised reluctantly.

I peppered his neck with more kisses, and he laughed at the tickling it caused. He and I relaxed more, and we relaxed better when passing minutes returned me to something closer to proper health. We were on the verge of falling asleep like that when screaming pierced the campgrounds from the other cabin. Pieter panicked, but seeing as how he'd chosen to sleep in the tent with Larkspur and Fennel due to his temper tantrum he wasn't privy to what I knew. I explained the prank. Pieter remained wary, but once laughter rang from both cabin he chuckled and shook his head.

     "You should be glad they're leaving town," I spoke to my friends once dressed and in a good mood. "Moss is sure to have thought of something awful for revenge otherwise."
     "We'd be ready. I've already even snuck more spiders in her purse when she went to shower," Ruby boasted smugly.
     "You did that. I noticed Cinnamon and Pieter nice and close in the other building. Made up?" Cinnamon said.
    "Yeah. He was feeling kind of useless with that guy being able to attack me and then to have me reject the help he tried to give yesterday."
     "Wait. What was going on with you yesterday? I mean, I saw Pieter being standoffish, but I guess I'm really out of the loop," Ruby realized.
     "I'll tell you more once a bit more time has passed. I want to finish this morning off with fun."
     "Eh, fine. I'll wait."
     "You're such a saint," Cinnamon lovingly pushed her shoulder.

We grabbed fruit and made sandwiches for breakfast. I made sure not to eat too much though. The massive dinner lats night still filled me up, and that close call this morning had me cautious about stuffing my face even more.

     "That was the greatest thing I've seen in a long time. Mom's pissed now that she knows I helped, but there's not much she'll have the chance to do to me today," Ginger joined us merrily.
     "I'd recommend sneaking salt in her coffee or tea next time you dine together if she does choose you as her target."
     "A classic option. Sphene tends to go with that one a lot, so Mom will think she did it instead," Ginger noted mischievously.
     "You all seem to live in a world I don't want to be a part of. Once the pranking starts, it never ends," I said.
     "That's the fun of it," Cinnamon encouraged.
     "I would rather not wake up to find spiders, fake or not, in my bed, thank you very much."
     "Hmm, Cinny, we might have to get Cinnamon then until she has no choice but to come over to the dark side."
     "Try all you want. I'll just cry instead until you feel guilty enough to stop."
    "It's a good thing she doesn't want to join," Ginger chuckled. "With that kind of mind, we'd all be at her mercy."

The laughter continued until it had to stop. Ginger and his family had a less flexible schedule than us. We ate a bit more, goofed off as much as possible, and a phone from each side was used to snap pictures of the others for mementos. I stood next to Pieter glad everything worked out despite the bumps along the way. I ignored how Light's presence still brought up that weird longing. When he pulled me in for a quick side-hug when the goodbyes were said, I nearly clung to him as I had Pieter. He stepped away before anything could happen. Then, after some last words and wave, the family of four grabbed their things, walked down the trail, and were gone.