Gen Four- Chapter Sixteen

My chest caught as, on this quiet morning, a lively wind sped forward caring for nothing in its way. Bearing the tangy scent of salt and a brush of moisture, it'd clearly come off the sea. However, I closed my eyes and was thrown back. Memories always hit hard around this time of year─ when the changes that led me here had begun. In that moment I stood as if I stood in that river once more. The trees in the park played the same melody as imagination had me sure cool water tugged at my legs. The taunting sun's warmth hinted hotter days approaching while the dying watch on my wrist, long outgrown, tricked me into believing I had all the time in the world. I wondered what I would do...if I did open my eyes to find myself thrust into the past with the knowledge I had now. Perhaps I finally might be able to determine what I thought about the past at all.

     "Cinnamon? What are you doing?"

I shook my head and opened my eyes. The scenery around me didn't change. Memory was memory. I'd never figure out the answers, and I should have learned by now to accept that.

     "Just taking a moment to enjoy the good weather. This is my favorite time of year, the transition between spring and summer. The days are warmer, but there's plenty of spring's liveliness to make one feel refreshed."
     "Mm, yeah," Fennel shrugged. "I like all weather, so I don't care much about it for me. I just hope it makes people want to come out to the park. Do you think people will come?"
     "I think people will come. There's not too much to do here, but it's a common place for anyone walking to pass through as they go to all the city buildings and businesses nearby."
     "We'll sell a lot then!" Fennel cheered.
     "It'd be great if we do, but remember what I've been saying. Keep your expectations reasonable. Don't plan on everyone rushing the stall as soon as they see it, and recall that most people don't carry a lot of cash if any on them anymore."
     "It'll be fine! You need to be more optimistic," Fennel encouraged, boldly placing her hands on her hips.
     "I'm being realistic, as I said, not pessimistic," I pointed out.
     "Same thing," Fennel waved me off.

She promptly turned to park herself the few feet over by the borrowed table we were using for this bake sale. I shrugged lightly myself and took a seat on a nearby bench after double-checking the treats looked well and appetizingly placed from a customer's perspective. The bake sale was for Fennel's benefit, not mine. She had no problem being the one to stand there and call to the few people who began to trickle into the park as the work day began. While I'd wanted to do this on a weekend due to more casual foot traffic, an event this Saturday and Sunday meant we hadn't been able to get a permit for those days. Coral went out of her way already to dip her hand into getting a temporary selling permit despite opening us up to a bit more risk of our situation getting caught. Fennel was that insistent about having a bake sale regardless of the rest of us telling her the impracticality of it.

I understood her enthusiasm. It wasn't difficult to throw my memories back to those beginning weeks of living at the warehouse either. I'd felt such pride writing my list of ideas, but I'd also dropped my shoulders in disappointment having the vast majority of them shot down. Such was why I'd added my voice to letting Fennel try this bake sale at least once. She'd learn eventually of the hard decisions to come in order to survive like one of us. However, there was no harm in sustaining her childlike innocence a bit longer.

All in all, a bake sale wasn't an awful way to make a small income. People did find themselves drawn over to what was new and different in the park, and those who did have proper cash on them were usually willing to make change for those who only had big bills─ as the change we'd brought wouldn't last long if we accepted every twenty that came our way. Fennel had a good enough handle on the stall that I swiped a spare caramel brownie to munch on while I took a walk around the area. I'd planned to enjoy a seat at the fountain and listen to its bubbling rhythm play, but my legs barely bent before a familiar figure rushing down the stairs caught my attention.

     "Cinnamon!" he called brightly.
     "Jam!" I smiled back. "Good to see you. It's been a bit."
     "Yeah, sorry about that. I think about you guys a lot, but..." He looked away guiltily. "Life has been busy."
     "Hey, don't feel down. You know we're all glad for you. Life your life. Love what you have. There's no reason to worry about us. We're as good as we've always been."
     "Thanks," Jam smiled slightly.

He glanced around before his eyes settled on my brownie.

     "Mind if I steal a bite?" he requested with a smirk, sneaking his hand towards the plate.
     "You can go buy a square from Fennel," I bantered, moving the plate back and gently slapping his hand.
     "Fennel?" Jam wondered. "Someone new?"
     "Yeah. She's been at the warehouse about a month. She's hosting a bake sale today."
     "Anyone else come in since I last visited?"
    "Hmm, there's Ruby. She's a little older than Pieter and I. No one else has joined, but both Durian and Straw left."
     "And how are you and Pieter doing?" Jam asked with a playful eyebrow raise.
     "Just fine."
     "Just fine, huh?" he laughed.
     "Yup."

Jam went to say something but suddenly halted as a thought struck him. His wallet came out of his pocket where a fifty was placed in my hand.

     "Jam, you don't need to pity─"
    "I'm not pity-paying you. Promise. I just remembered that you and Pieter turned fifteen since the last time I saw you. This is a belated birthday present to share between you both."
     "I...thank you."

I accepted the money into my own little wallet. Honestly, even if the money had been given out of pity I still would have taken it. I wouldn't deny a prize like that if it came my way regardless of any humiliation gained at its bequeathing. It wasn't that I was in desperate need of money like I had been at the beginning, but my mindset simply focused on preparing for any eventuality. The vast majority of my income went into savings because of that.

     "I have to run," Jam explained. "I signed up for a summer soccer camp, and I was already late once this week."
    "Run then. It's nice you took the little detour to say hello. You'll pop by the warehouse eventually anyway," I ushered him along.
     "True. Bye, Cinnamon!"
     "Bye."

Jam bolted up the steps three at a time. He went up, but my heart plunged down. The smaller his back got, the larger the hole in my chest chilled me. Pieter had been accurate in his words that day Skylar had been found. People came and went. We suspected it was partly due to Skylar's return home that prompted Jam's abrupt departure in the spring. He took the risk to turn himself into the police, and he got lucky. His parents sobered their act after having their son running away for over a year. A loving, safe, and proper home met him. Jam visited the warehouse from time to time since his family did live in this city, and it was nice to not have him take off forever. However, the gaps between when he showed up grew longer and longer each time. It wouldn't be too much more before he stopped coming entirely. I stood on my tiptoes to catch one final glimpse of him before he vanished around the corner.

Emotion flared high from the hole in my chest I fought to control. Jam in my sight reminded me how much I liked him. Not having him in visual range only released with fervor what I felt when he was away─ jealousy.

The permit Coral got allowed us to be at the park all day. Thankfully, we didn't need the whole day. Fennel's stash of baked goods sold out at lunch when the office workers who'd passed by earlier returned with crisp bills from the ATMs. The stand was wiped clean, taken down, and locked back in the park's little building of supplies. Fennel bounced to the sky and back again and again as we made our way back to the warehouse.

     "I don't know why everyone was so against me doing this," she skipped and twirled. "It worked out well. I got seventy-two dollars!"
     "While I don't think a bake sale is a bad idea, it's simply not viable for income in the long run. We can only get a few permits for season, and Coral and I promised to only cover the cost of making the treats this first time, remember? Honestly, with how much we spent to make all those treats, the sale barely came up even."
     "Profit is profit."
     "You'll make better profit doing yard work like the rest of us. There's a number of people I don't have enough time to get to frequently. I'm sure they'd love to have your help. You could make more than seventy-two dollars in less time than the half a day the sale took."
     "But I don't wanna do yard work." Fennel spun around in circles as she danced forward.
     "Give and take is necessary if you want to earn enough money to stay at the warehouse."
     "Like Leo and Coral would really kick me out."
     "They're more stubborn about the rules than you'd expect."

But I couldn't be certain. Yes, Leo had temporarily kicked me out, but that'd been because he thought me to be a liar and thief. No one to my knowledge had ever failed to come up short with rent for an indeterminate amount of time. Would Leo and Coral make Fennel leave if she refused to take on the jobs to properly cover rent, or would the guilt of tossing out a young girl who needed help tug too hard on their sympathies?

     "Fennel!" I rebuked, heart skipping, when I glanced up from my pondering to see Fennel bounded into the street without a care in the world during her dance. "Come here!"
     "Sorry, sorry. My bad. I forgot."

I shook my head as she dashed to my side. It was difficult to say how terrible Fennel's home actually was. She was flighty, unobservant, and showed signs of suffering from some attention disorder, whichever one it might be. Her story was given that her mother wanted her out of the house, but I know many of us pondered if Fennel took her mother's intentions to an extreme. She often over-exaggerated the things we told her.

I took Fennel's hand to make sure she stayed by me. My action was met with her wrapping her arms around mine to nuzzle lovingly. Fennel was quite clingy. What she was doing hurt, but it was better than her darting into the street. She thankfully let go when the warehouse came into sight. Leo and Coral would still be at work, so when she announced she was going to hand her money over I assumed Jessamine or Tulip was her goal instead. I made my way inside much more respectfully. The timing really couldn't have been better with the end of the sale, for class was due to start soon. I turned on the oil lamps and flicked the switches of the battery-operated glow lights. Fennel was the first one down. The second student appeared without warning.

     "Mwah!" Pieter said aloud before planting a big 'mwah' on my cheek that Fennel giggled at.
     "Pieter, you stepped on my foot."
     "Whoops. My apologies. Does it need a kiss too?"
     "No. I need─"
     "What do you need, dearest?" Pieter gushed dramatically.
     "For you to sit your butt in your seat." I pointed to his spot.
     "Mmm, fine," Pieter jokingly grumbled.

He stole one more peck before following orders.

It was the most interesting thing. Pieter was his normal rambunctious self until he slid into that plastic chair. The most serious expression would take him over then as he became the world's most perfect student until I released him. Cinnamon chuckled and rolled her eyes at us, having just come through the door. The back desk with the cushioned chair always belonged to her. Ruby had tried to claim it once and got met with the worst of Cinnamon's scowls.

     "Has anyone seen Ruby?" Speaking of her, I glanced through all the windows seeing no trace of red coming this way.
     "She said she wouldn't be here," Larkspur announced, sliding into his chair. He was another runaway from the foster system who'd found his way here before Christmas. "Something about working on her tan."
     "That's fine. As long as I know so we don't waste time waiting for her."
     "What are we learning about today?" Fennel asked.
     "Sex ed! Sex ed!" Larkspur cheered.
     "Sex ed! Sex ed!" Cinnamon sarcastically joined in.
     "Don't you start." I gave her a look.
    "What? You promised to teach it eventually, and they need to know all the fun details public elementary school didn't cover."
     "I've got my lessons planned for the next month and a half. I'll add it in afterwards."
     "Teach it noooow!" Larkspur mewled.
     "No," I denied.

I turned to the whiteboard to begin the actual lesson.

     "Sex ed. Sex ed," Pieter whispered, prompting laughter from everyone. He smiled grandly at me snapping back around with my hands on my hips. "Sorry."

I rotated once more and let the tiniest of smiles slip where no one could see it. Okay, Pieter wasn't a perfect student all the time.

Everyone shut up and concentrated for the most part from there on. Larkspur and Fennel easily fell into a routine of whispering conversations each time I faced the board, but they were just as easily persuaded with the candy I rewarded them after class for good behavior. The bake sale had also worn down Fennel's exceptionally high desire for movement, so she was content to take notes by making the letters fancy.

The public schools had just gotten out for summer, but my classes lasted almost year-round. That was due to them only lasting three hours at most. Larkspur and Fennel just couldn't sit still longer than that, and there was the fact that I barely had a grasp on what I was doing. As I'd realized that first winter, it wouldn't be long before my education proved severely lacking. The studying I did for myself then slowly expanded to the point it was at now─ me teaching those who cared to attend in an old-fashioned set-up. I'd give the teens some relevant busy work while I taught a lesson to the kids, and then the kids would get busy work while I taught a lessons for the teens. Most of the time, however, I was only a few weeks of studying ahead of whatever I was explaining. It wasn't the best, but at least it was something. It also gave everyone under eighteen something to do during the majority of school days when we couldn't be freely out and about.

     "Were there any cupcakes left?" Pieter asked after class, interrupting me cleaning the whiteboard found at a flea market by wrapping his arms around me.
    "Everything got sold. Besides, you ate two cupcakes worth of the batter. I'm surprised you want anything sweet at this point."
     "Meg," he whispered so, so softly in my ear before talking normally, "I am a teenage boy. I could eat all day long and have room for whatever else came my way."
     "Well, here. Do you have change for this? Half of it is yours." I took out the fifty.
     "Half of it is mine?"
     "I ran into Jam at the park. He gave this to me for you and I to split. It's a belated birthday present. Twenty-five should be enough for you to go buy yourself a dozen cupcakes."
     "I don't have change, but how about this? You're free now. There's something I want to show you. We can stop at the bank to make change, get some cupcakes, and I'll take you where I want to take you."
     "Where do you want to take me?"
     "I figured it's obvious that it's a surprise," Pieter tickled my side.

Shaking off the attack, I agreed to the idea. My appetite wasn't as bad as Pieter's, but I had a harder time staying full than I did in my younger years. Any weight that did come on due to an abundance of eating only ever seemed to find its way to my cheeks. Jessamine and Pieter squished them relentlessly, much to my chagrin. Grandpa forever wondered if I would have a round face during my adolescence. Apparently, chubby cheeks were a Vivid family trait. I hoped I would grow out of them.

I ordered two large cupcakes each with a mound of frosting despite hoping that.

     "So, where exactly are we going? There's that smaller movie theater nearby. Is that something you wanted to show me a movie?" I guessed.
    "We're close," Pieter answered. Not knowing he stood so close, when I shifted our chests brushed together as he wasted no time slipping his hands in mine. "You have some frosting on your lip."

Such was true, but this fact was also an excuse to entangle our lips.

I'd known since I was twelve things would eventually end up this way between us. People came and went, but we stayed. Jessamine, Tulip, and Cinnamon stayed too, yet our connection was different. Pieter still insisted our meeting was fate while for me he was the only one who actually knew me. He dragged the remnants of 'Nutmeg' forth from behind the mask of 'Cinnamon' to keep her whole. My real name now felt weird to me when he said it, my sister's taking control far past what was intended. Pieter was what grounded me. It's why I didn't mind the kissing and the touching and the way Pieter looked at me despite the kisses doing nothing for me, the touches not being needed, and knowing I was not in love with him no matter how much I cared for him otherwise.

     "I think you got the frosting." I pulled back.
     "I know," Pieter smirked. "Bleh, I forgot you got almond frosting. Gross."
     "Anyway," I said slowly. "What's the surprise?"

Proud with shoulders squared confidently, Pieter gestured to the building right next to us.

     "It's this!" he declared.
     "I've...passed this apartment before, yes. Or are you trying to imply you bought the building? If so, what bank did you rob?" I teased.
     "No, no. Okay, it's not really what I can show you but what I want to tell you why I wanted you to come here with me."
     "And what's that?"
     "I've been looking at the prices for apartments. This building is the perfect combination of cheap yet nice."
     "How are you planning to rent an apartment at fifteen?"
     "I'm not. This is all me planning for the future. I thought for the longest time I'd stay at the warehouse forever, but...I do understand Leo and Coral now. It does really drain you, huh? I want something normal. There's my house and my dad, yet you know that's not a viable option for me. I want something that will work for us too." Pieter wore seriousness quite unusual for him. He stared at me with utmost conviction. "I know you don't like me back the way I like you. You said it when I first started trying to kiss you, and that's why I kept trying to win your favor. If nothing else, we're honest with each other. You and me get it, get each other. I don't need you to love me. I just want you to be with me. That's why this place is perfect. I'm studying hard so I can take my GED once I turn eighteen. I've got my savings, you've got your savings, and dad will fork over whatever money we need until I can find a job to support us. We can live normally. I know you wish for that too."
     "I-I do. But, Pieter," my voice quieted, "you know I'm not like you. Nutmeg Mountain doesn't exist in the system. I can't get a GED. I can't get a job. I can't apply anywhere for anything─ not even for a library card."
     "I know. However, look at how we've been living for these past years. It's not that hard to slip under the radar. Everything can be in my name, I'll get whatever you need, and who would think to question your identity? Besides...I've been asking around. There's...ways to add a person to the system."
     "Pieter─"
     "If you don't like that, take another look here. It's full of kids. You'd make a killing babysitting, and with you not being in the system the government's not going to come asking for taxes from you."
     "That's true, I suppose."
     "Just think about it." Pieter patted my back. "We've got three years left to go before any of it matters anyway."

Catching a whiff of the popcorn scent wafting from that nearby theater, Pieter and I ended up going to see a movie. Popcorn, pretzels, nachos, and soda filled us up for the moment. I didn't enjoy the unhealthy kind of full it was though. Pieter went to the library to study while I took the scenic routes to walk off what calories I could. It couldn't be helped that my lifestyle focused more on survival and anonymity steadily chipped away the heightened physical skills I used to have. While I could still run faster than most people, my abilities weren't what they used to be. My thoughts pondered over trying to build up to that again with my free time this summer. Then I spotted a familiar figure approaching me from the opposite direction of the beach.

     "Hey, Ruby," I greeted.
    "Oh, hey, Teach." She walked up as if she hadn't seen me. "Sorry I missed the lesson. The winter was so dark, and spring was so rainy. Surely you can understand I needed this beautiful day's shine upon me, what with you being so intelligent."
    "I do understand. The dark days are rough. It's fine if you don't come to my classes either. They're optional, as I've said. Just there for those who want them," I shrugged.

Ruby was...interesting. Sick and tired of being rebuked and ignored for not being as talented as her older sister, she'd found her way here where it was obvious the years of criticism and attacks on her self-confidence caused her haughty behavior. Yet, it wasn't really that she was haughty. I think, like so many of us, she was looking for normal. The condescending way Ruby usually talked to me came from many of the same reasons Tulip and Cinnamon had been bitches when I first arrived. She was scoping out the limits of my patience, getting a grasp on my personality, and determining how much I could be trusted. There was some jealousy in there as well. Ruby had hearts in her eyes the second Pieter came into her sight, but that got squashed when Pieter, not seeing the new arrival, bounded over to me to plant a big kiss on my lips. Ruby got over her desire for Pieter quickly, but the desire for having similar love and attention remained.

     "I'm glad I ran into you. Cinnamon and I are going to the spa tomorrow. We wanted to see if you wanted to come with. If you haven't made enough this week, we don't mind covering the cost," I offered.
     "I'd love to come. I will take your offer too. It's so hard getting adjusted to living like this and finding ways to make money when you're underage, you know?"
     "I remember the harshness of my first months here," I nodded, not giving in to her gentle taunt. "It gets better in some ways, but forever stays hard in others. I'm glad I've found other people to walk beside me through it though."
    "True. I bet you're especially glad you roped Pieter's support...somehow." Ruby folded her arms under her chest to accentuate her larger than average cleavage. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. While her behavior hardly affected me, there were some moments where her attempting to take these digs into what she incorrectly assumed would bother me was what was annoying.
     "I am," I replied simply with a smile. "Anyway, I came down here to take a walk and get some sun too. I'll be on my way."
    "Sure," Ruby said indifferently despite it being clear she was down-heartened yet again at not being able to get a rise out of me.

She took her leave without another glance my way. I continued my path the same way. Worse people than Ruby had been in my life, so by the time I reached the remnants of a dock I thought nothing of her. No, it was the horizon that captured my mind. My hand reached to trace the darker shade of sapphire where the sky and sea joined. The line hadn't changed in the five years since I first saw it, and the sight of something ever-permanent and consistent relaxed me.

But...inevitably, my gaze dropped. My eyes settled upon the rocks gently rolled back and forth by the lazy waves breaking against the shore. Tilting my head as I searched the nearby few feet I easily found what I was looking for. In my hands sparkled those two rocks, quite common from what I now knew, of white that sparkled rainbows as the ocean water glazed its surface.

     "I wonder how you're doing sometimes, Grandpa," I whispered.

The articles about him and dad had stopped after a certain point. Last I knew, Dad was in a special area of a higher security prison while Grandpa had been moved to a less strict facility due to his good behavior and willingness to cooperate. That news was three years old. The most recent comments on the articles looking for the answer to if I'd been found were two years old. People had forgotten the situation, and the world had moved on. The fear of discovery barely gripped me anymore.

Eventually, the rocks slipped from my fingers to be at the mercy of water once more. Those two matching stones like the ones I'd had for Grandpa and me landed close but separated by sand and other rocks. They'd likely never touch again, the water and passage of time wearing them down until they were dust finer than the forgotten longing of a faded memory. I stared at those separated stones, turned my back on them, and found a nice spot to sit and soak up the sun.

My time at the beach wasn't as enjoyable as I wished. Thirteen had been the magic year for me in getting jobs, majorly babysitting, that weren't exhausting manual labor. I'd filled my open schedule with as much as I could handle ever since. Hence why I had such a large savings that destroyed any worry about not having enough for rent this week. For Fennel's sake, I had cleared my schedule today. I also refused any jobs this weekend to give myself a bit of a break. Honestly though, I forgot how quickly boredom could sink in. Building a little sand village while doing my best to keep my shoes clean entertained me for just long enough for me to justify giving up and returning to the warehouse. Outside stood the two figures I hadn't expected to see much of for the rest of the day. Jessamine and Coral had left right as class began saying they weren't sure when they'd be back.

     "What are you two giggling about like school girls?" I interrupted, walking over.
     "Oh, just some...things," Jessamine straightened up from madly whispering in Tulip's ear.

My brow raised. Jessamine and Tulip got along better than they used to, but to see them acting so buddy-buddy made me suspicious. Both gave me big smiles hoping to push past the matter. It only made it worse.

     "Do your 'things' have anything to do with why you two were so secretive about what you were getting up to this afternoon?" I wondered.

Jessamine and Tulip hesitated. They were in a clear dilemma of wanting to tell me and not wanting to tell me. Both also knew how much I hated being lied to. Any false answer given would be caught by me, and they knew this.

     "I think it's okay to tell her, yeah?" Jessamine checked with Tulip.
     "Probably," Tulip agreed. "Okay, Cinnamon, you have to promise to keep the secret. We're working out the logistics, and we want the transition to go smoothly. Word getting around right now would complicate things and cause too much of a fuss."
     "I promise to keep the secret," I accepted stalwartly.
     "Good. What was going on was that Tulip and I were looking for apartments," Jessamine revealed.
     "...You two are moving out?" I panicked quietly at first. But I thought the two were prepped to take over for...

That was when the truth hit me.

     "Leo and Coral are finally passing the baton to you. They're going to be leaving soon," I stated.
     "Yeah. It's more than time for them to get to live how they want. The four of us decided it would make more sense for Jess and I to share the responsibilities instead of them picking one of us as the leader. It's been a couple years since we've started using our identities again. With no one coming to us addressing the fact that we were once runaways, it was the moment to look into purchasing a new address we can use for everyone since Leo and Coral want to move down south."
     "That's good for them. I'll be sad to see them go, but they've been wanting this since I came here. They're wonderful for sticking around for so long when they didn't have to. I'm grateful."
     "They'd promised they'd write all the time and visit when they can. They're not leaving just yet either," Jessamine encouraged.

I smiled, nodded, and spent several minutes listening about the different buildings scoped out. Tulip was really gung-ho about a small house for rent instead of an apartment in a skyscraper like what Leo and Coral had. Jessamine was concerned about the extra distance and higher price. Tulip said her income would easily cover the extra cost and that having an actual house would make many aspects easier in the long run. The two started a debate on what those things would be and what made more sense, which is when I bowed out. It took no longer than me reaching the stares for my smile to disappear and gravity to pushed me down harder with every step upward. I scarcely made it to my bed for the night before I collapsed onto it. Cinnamon striding inside five minutes later ruined my pity party.

     "Geez, someone's brooding again," she chuckled. "You've got that expression on your face. What's up?"

When I didn't answer, Cinnamon patted my back and made herself comfortable on the other bed. A silence persisted that I hated that was exactly what Cinnamon was going for. Her stare boring into me drove me extra crazy. There was no choice in the end.

     "I can't say everything, but I was just talking to Jess and Tulip," I mumbled.
     "Okay. And?"
     "It just...got me thinking about changes and the future. Also about the past. All of which has really been bogging my brain down today. Before my Dad and Grandpa were arrested, there was a building series of events leading up to that moment. It won't be too much longer before it's the anniversary of when they started happening."
     "What do you think about the past?"
     "I don't know. A lot of things."
     "What about the future? What are these changes?"
    "I...well, Pieter took me to an apartment building today. He wants to move us there as soon as we turn eighteen so we can live like ordinary people again."
     "You don't want that?"
     "No, I do. But..."

I couldn't finish the sentence. What did I even want to say? Apparently, Cinnamon knew more than I did.

     "You're conflicted about the past, and I think that's causing problems imagining the future. Pieter's offering what you want, but the expression on your face makes it seem like you don't believe it'll be that simple." She bit her lip and attached her stare to the floor to think before catching my eye. "Your story...you said you didn't have anyone to turn to after your Dad and Grandpa were arrested. Is that the truth? It's the only thing I can think of why you're hesitant to accept what should be a dream. That maybe you're like Jam or some of the others who have come by who will find what we all really want, our family that loves us, should we just take a leap of faith."

My chest grew hollow. My blood froze in place. Cinnamon had become my friend, but this moment made me wish we hadn't. She was too good with me. She even knew to leave me be after seeing how I buried my face into the pillow and went still. Another caring pat tapped by back before she departed the room.

I departed the room too. Everything in me went from 0 to 100. I told my brain that, yes, Cinnamon was right. Pieter was offering me what I wanted. He was offering me my dream. More than anything, I wanted the peace from my childhood. I spent too much wishing to return to it when here I was turning a blind eye to the option of a different way of having it. Me rejecting the earlier idea of illegally creating an identity was hasty. It was far different than getting into drugs or conning people or other illicit activities. No one would be hurt. All it would do was allow me to become a helpful member of society. I could finally figure out what I wanted for a career. I could get a GED like Pieter. I could rid myself of the last of my fears. I would live forever with my best friend. If Pieter wanted children, I wouldn't mind giving him some. Yes, it was ideal in every way.

So, no, I didn't need to harbor the idea of taking a leap of faith.

     "Hmm? Meg? What's up?" Pieter asked when I quickly found him alone in another room.
     "Kiss me," I demanded, wrapping my arms around his waist.
     "Uh...I mean, I don't mind, but...that's a really strange request coming from you. You've never been like this before."
     "Is that a bad thing? You don't want me to want to kiss you?"
     "Of course not. You sure there's nothing more to this abrupt desire though?"
     "Pieter..."

I whispered his name oh so softly against his lips with half-lidded eyes in lieu of a response, and that was that. Pieter's mouth opened for mine, and conversation was abandoned. Pleasure from kissing still escaped me, but security's warm blanket eased my tense shoulders instead.

Yes, this was my ideal.