Gen Four- Chapter Nine

The lower level of the library had become my favorite. It was quieter than the others what with it having more of the non-fiction books, less computers, and not hosting a desk for the workers. The librarians and people who put the material back on the shelves did wander through occasionally, but I didn't feel as if I was constantly watched. Everyone left me alone for the most part. It helped that I'd been more conscious about my time spent in the building. I only came on afternoons when school got out so no one questioned me about not being in class or on the weekends. I never spent more than three consecutive hours doing my studying, and I left before people began to wonder if I would be alright walking home by myself.

     "Today, let's do..."

I pondered over what to research. Naturally, I couldn't get a library card without having an address, identification card, or guardian. All my studying was confined to the building, so I had to be picky with what was most pertinent for my current need at the time.

Because, somehow, I was still managing. Weeks had passed since I'd said goodbye to Cala, which made it the second week of October. It was the backpack, surprisingly, that really made me feel as if I had a handle on things. I searched and searched the stores until I found the perfect one. It was good quality, had lots of room, had a waterproof inside, and even came with some anti-theft features like a hidden dial lock. The original price would have been way out of my budget even with the money I stole, but good luck had me finding it on sale. The woman at the register pointed out they had an all brown one, yet I'd gone with the brown and pink one still doing what I could to keep mom close.

The backpack allowed me to keep my clothes nice and dry. Several more sharp sticks I kept in the smaller outer pocket. My money went in the inner zipper compartment. While I budgeted what I could, for the moment I forced myself to spend a little here and there to build up a cache of supplies. There were some moist towelettes to wash my body, and a two-pack of traveling shampoo and conditioner for my hair. I had a bag of cough drops, a tiny flashlight, a box of plastic bags, and a spare battery for my watch. My most recent and one of the biggest expenses was a roll of cloth remnants from a hobby store and a can of beeswax. I'd been lucky again and found a lost twenty dollar bill fluttering in gutter on the side of the road. After the incident with the officer, I refused to return to the park. I'd found several spots to hide in for the night in the city if I was desperate. At the moment, however, all my effort went into creating my secret hideout in the woods by that little pond. Many hours had gone into collecting sticks and making grass ropes only to have a few hours of rain drench the grass and weaken the structure. Now I'd been able to use the beeswax to waterproof the cloth for enough of a roof and section of overhang along the wall to make the tiniest of huts I could be proud of.

If anything, dad and grandpa had taught me enough basics about survival what with the many nights we spent camping in the forest around our house to be as okay as I was now. The threat of winter and cold weather inched out from the section of undesirable thoughts in my mind, but I fought it back. I had time enough to figure something out.

A more consistent and healthier food source remained my highest priority in my daily actions. Again, due to school starting I couldn't wander the city aimlessly. My mornings and early afternoon I worked on my little hut set against the rocks until I was safe to move about without anyone being suspicious. Every penny I spotted, no matter how dirty or inconvenient in location, I picked up. I also had to admit to sneaking coins here and there out of wishing fountains or from unwatched donation boxes. It was never an amount high enough to hurt anyone, but the guilt did get to me. I had to eat though. The money helped me avoid sneaking food from the garbage as I could usually afford at least a large bag of nuts or crackers from a vending machine once a day. A few dollars I saved to use on Saturday mornings. One of those food trucks served the best omelettes, and they served them cheap each Saturday morning. I became a regular customer to the point where the staff gave me a larger serving than normal with an extra spoonful of mushrooms. Those omelettes got me through the day, for my body was adjusting to the lack of meaningful sustenance. I didn't need as much to make me feel full. This, I knew, wasn't really a good thing, yet if it meant fewer nights with a burning stomach I wasn't going to complain.

It'd been back on the first day in October when another helpful idea hit me. Cities were busy places, particularly when it came to community events. The library offered scrap paper and little pencils, so each time I went, in addition to taking note of the forecast, I scoured the internet and local newspapers for said community events to get details of. Some, of course, required an entrance fee or required registration, but so far I'd already come across several that were open to the general public. The best feature for me was the free food. Today I wandered to the area delighting in the pleasant music from the hired band jamming out song after song, yet I couldn't help but beeline for the little buffet line. My luck was seriously great. The other events offered mostly unhealthy things like pizza, candy, and cookies. This event had turkey and salads.

I made sure not to gorge myself too quickly on the treasure I'd found. If I acted abnormally, people were more likely to take notice and begin asking questions. The event's turnout wasn't over large, which made sticking out easy. I thus took a seat at a table with a few people chatting so intently with each other they didn't care for my presence. Me sitting alone would be problematic. As would me doing nothing but eating. I heaped two plates of turkey and salad before sitting and listening, and then I finally meandered about. The park wasn't large though. Only a sandbox provided any sort of appeal for children. While I wasn't particularly interested in getting messy, the intense lack of companionship beginning to leave an ache in my body had me approaching the two kids there regardless.

     "Hi, I'm Cinnamon," I began with a big smile. The boy barely spared me a glance, but the girl at least looked up at me.
     "I'm Bluejay," she said.
     "I'm Stone," the boy added without much care.
     "Mind if I join you two?" I pressed on.

Bluejay looked at me with more thought. It took until she stood and brushed sand off her clothes that I realized she scrutinized me and found me unappealing.

     "No, we'd rather you not," she rejected with a shrug.

I instantly inhaled and puffed up my cheeks.

     "Why not?" I demanded to know.
     "Stone and I just like playing by ourselves," Bluejay began, "and you're weird."
     "Weird? What are you talking about? You don't even know me."
     "But I can see you. You're all brown, but you've got those pink ribbons and your bag and then that purple on your skirt."
     "So?"
     "So, it's weird. You're supposed to wear the color you are, you know."
     "If you're a narrow-minded idiot still stuck in the past, sure," I huffed.
     "Wow, you're really mean too then, since you're calling everyone here idiots."

And I was already done with this short conversation.

     "Pampered bitch..." I mumbled, certainly not quiet enough for the words to be hidden as I walked away. The swear came easily now.
     "H-Hey! That's a bad word!" Bluejay stammered.
     "But it fits." I smirked over my shoulder.

She didn't know what to say to that. Stone said something to her, but I returned to the center of the park where food and good music could not insult me. A seat opened up in the back where I was able to sit and enjoy the flowing time unnoticed where two of my plastics bags got put to use. The turkey and salad wouldn't keep in my backpack, but the cookies on the massive tray should hold up reasonably for a few days. They could be something for me to munch on and fill my stomach when I couldn't get food otherwise or wanted to save some pennies. A good meal it would hardly be, but a meal it remained. I returned to the buffet line every so often to grab just one or two at a time to slip into the bag lest my actions prove obvious.

Which, to one, they were.

     "You must have an insane sweet tooth," the voice startled me.

I didn't jump much though at the intrusion, for the voice belonged to someone young. The boy who stood there looked no older than me.

     "Yeah?" I wondered.
     "How many cookies have you swiped now?"
     "Not enough." I grinned.

There was no reason to panic. What kid wouldn't take advantage of a bunch of free sweets? Even if this boy did go the route of wanting to blab about me being greedy, the adults likely wouldn't care or I could dash off before bothersome questions came my way.

     "Fair."

That was how the boy took the conversation, however. He shrugged, stepped forward to take a cookie for himself, and stuffed his mouth like a chipmunk.

Despite wanting to return to my seat, I stayed there by the buffet. The boy kept his eye on me signaling he wanted to talk. He'd quickly proven he was more amiable than Bluejay and Stone, so I was not opposed to conversation. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.

     "I'm Cinnamon, by the way," I introduced.
     "Pieter."
     "Pieter?" I tilted my head. "That's not a name I've heard before."
     "It comes from pietersite, which is a crystal."
     "Is the crystal green or brown?"
     "Does it matter if it's either of those?" Pieter questioned, but not accusingly. "You don't seem to be the type to mind going off the beaten path what with the pink and purple."
     "I don't care. I was just curious since I've never heard of the crystal before," I explained.
     "That's good. It's best not to be judgmental." Pieter smiled.

He grabbed another cookie, gave me a wave, and scurried off before I could think to stop him.

Not that I was fussed about making sure he stayed. As always, I couldn't make a scene, and I did get to talk more meaningfully with people here and there. The staff serving the omelettes were a good example. Then when I truly needed a jolt of interaction I'd usually head to the park to chat with the old people. Goodness, could I find a sweet couple or random grandmother who would become my momentary best friend. I avidly avoided conversing with the same people twice though. That was partially to make myself more forgettable, but partially because those moments reminded me of grandpa. He'd said it that day I'd lost my breath. He'd said it in the interviews with authorities. The reason everything crashed down was because he'd been the one with the sledgehammer. Grandpa had wanted me to be free in the world without the dangerous barrier of lies I'd been born into hanging over my head. Dooming himself to jail was nothing if it gave me everything. His love had never been a lie.

I shook my head as I walked down the street planning to do a bit more scouting for coin before I returned to my hut. If buying more cloth and beeswax could happen in the next week or so, preparing for colder weather might not be as daunting. Yes, those were the thoughts I needed to think right now. Not of my broken family. However, the more I walked the more I tensed. My weeks on the streets started to blossom to life a heightened sense of awareness. Right now it was as if someone was watching me. Jerking when the sensation grew too intense to ignore, I backtracked to peek around the corner I'd just come. No one was there, but I didn't accept that as the truth. I bolted. My speed hadn't failed me yet. I swerved down as many random corners and alleys as possible to lose whatever hunted me. By the time I reached my hut, the paranoia had definitively faded.

My grumbles continued late into the night at my lost chance of finding more money. Only three dollars remained in my backpack after buying Saturday's omelette. Three cookies did end up becoming my dinner, and I curled up tight that night with my cardigan as a blanket when the winds howled colder than expected. The temperature didn't pick up much even when the sun rose, so I chose my overalls for wear despite them needing a wash. Once a week I wandered my way to a small brook where I wore one outfit to clean the other two as best as possible. The dropping temperatures meant I wore today's outfit more frequently though.

Breakfast was two cookies.

Two cookies that didn't last. It finally dawned on me after moving around for a while that something was off. The cold that shivered goosebumps up my arms wasn't just from a bitter wind and weakening sun. My throat tightened with an itch, and my head buzzed with a throbbing warmth. Worse than that though was the nausea. I'd barely walked a mile or so from my hut when the churning of my stomach, the quickening of my heartbeat, the increase of saliva, and the numbing of my senses signaled the unavoidable. I couldn't find a good spot to lean against fast enough, so I leaned as far forward when the great upchuck came to avoid splattering the vomit on my clothes or shoes.

Throwing up was seriously the worst. My stomach did calm to a mild quease after getting the cookies out, and all I wanted to do was down some antacids and curl up in a warm bed for the rest of the day. Sadly, I had neither. The best I could do was search for a dry patch of grass drenched in sun for me to get what warmth and rest I could that way. I burped and gagged often enough for me to give up on heading into public for now. The disgusting noises and involuntary spasms couldn't be stopped, which meant the attention I didn't want would be on me. However, I couldn't spend the whole day doing nothing.

Once my stomach settled enough, I sat and recalled whatever I could of remedies for sickness and nausea besides typical medicine. Not much came to mind. I'd studied plants to eat for the sake of filling my stomach, not for making me feel better. Even for the former so many of what I'd seen looked too similar to one another for me to be confident in my choices. I walked and walked the easy, grassy slopes of the mountains hoping to spot something to trigger a memory. Dandelions were edible, I knew that. I think people made them into tea. At the very least I could try munching on them.

     "There's some mint over there."

For the second day in a row, I jumped and spun around in a mad blur. I would have honestly seen anyone, be it Mr. Flaxen or a cop, rather than realizing in yet another unnerving moment I'd heard the sound of someone who wasn't there. My stomach queasied once more upon me doing a mad circle, as my stupid brain thought I'd catch whatever figure clearly wasn't there by finding them in my blindspot in which they constantly hid.

     "Hello!?" I cried into the soft wind and birdsong.

As normal, the words that'd wafted like a whisper in my ear fell silent. I groaned, stomped by foot, burped and gagged again due to my jerky movements, and curiously wandered over 'there.' How was I supposed to feel when I found a collection of mint bushes exactly as pointed out? Could one's brain have its own voice and presence? The news article about dad and grandpa had words from grandpa on how he feared dad would use me for experiments past judging the types of lies needed to keep my ignorant and under control. He hinted dad had actually begun more harmful tests. Maybe the voice was a result of something like that?

I pondered those thoughts numbly as I filled a bag to bursting with leaves selectively picked from the numerous bushes, making sure not to harm the plants too much so I could come back for more. While not sure the best way to use the leaves, munching on one directly put that pleasant, well, minty taste in my mouth. The ache in my stomach did ease off after chewing several more.

Unfortunately, even the leaves did me little good in the end. I convinced myself heading into town that afternoon was possible. Money was more important than a stomachache, surely. The nausea, in fact, had vanished for the most part. Things went well when I ended up collecting a dollar fifty. A store I passed on the street offered small sleeves of sample crackers. What better for a sore tummy? However, it was the fever following the sore tummy that grew problematic. The season might as well have morphed to winter given how my body shook, frozen, despite how my head pulsed with a digging heat. I downed the crackers, collected as many low-lying leaves as possible for something of a bed, chomped on most of my mint, and used all my clothes to cover me for the night when I just about collapsed.

Nothing had gotten better by the next morning. A long sleep stalled the sickness, but as soon as I got up and moved around it trudged right on its way to my ruin. Any willpower I had besides marching into a store and giving over every last penny to ensure I received some medicine got thrown out the window. My marching was sluggish shuffling though, to be honest. The extensive trek up and over large hills from my hut to the place I wanted to go nearly did me in. Only the fact that things would go south for me indeed if I let on how ill I was pushed one foot in front of the other. I managed a nod at the worker tending the register when I walked into the small corner store. The place was otherwise empty save two teenage boys who didn't care about behaving appropriately.

     "Wow, good job, Castor. Knock the girl right over, huh?" The brown one pushed his companion jokingly when it'd been him doing the same thing that had backed Castor around the corner suddenly where he'd stumbled into me.
     "Like that's my bad?" Castor jibed back, lightly slapping his arm.
     "'Scuse us." His friend barely spared me even those disinterested words as the two pushed and shuffled past me to get to the shelves of candy I blocked them from.

On any other day, I would have cared more. Medicine still remained my priority though. The store only had a small selection of such in the back corner, but I was fine with whatever might help me due to the prices here being the only ones I could afford. I thought a box of both daytime and nighttime capsules was the answer to my wishes. While there was only four of each kind, the box was also on sale. Eight pills certainly had to be enough to get me back on my feet where a dollar or so should remain mine after taxes. I ignored the laughing ruckus the boys made on the other side of the aisle to scurry to the checkout.

     "Hello," the cashier greeted kindly.
     "Hello." I placed the box down with something of a smile of my own. It quickly fell when the woman picked up the box, look at it, looked at me, and frowned.
     "I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to buy this."
     "I have the money for it," I replied in confusion, already holding my precious dollars in hand.
     "I see, but that's not the issue. You have to be at least eighteen to buy this kind of medicine," the cashier revealed.
     "What?" I balked, my mustered patience wearing thing fast. "Why do you have to be an adult to buy medicine of all things? It's not like they're the only ones who get sick."
     "It's because of the ingredients. There's been a problem with an increase in drug use the past several years, and people have begun buying over-the-counter medicines to use to that effect─ taking a bunch at once or mixing the contents with other ingredients to create something more effective. Thus, at the beginning of the year a law went into place that restricts sales to anyone but an adult with a legal ID."
     "An adult with a legal ID is way more likely to use it improperly than someone like me," I started to snap. The cashier just looked uncertain and apologetic. "C'mon, you can probably see I don't look well. I am sick. Honest. I don't want these for drug use. I just want to get better."
     "I am sorry. I believe you and want to give this to you, but I can't. Surely there's at least one adult you know that you can ask? I can even let you use the store phone to call them if you want," she tried to appease.

When she took the box to place it in a cubby behind the counter and out of my reach, I scowled.

     "What medicine do you have that I can buy? There has to be something," I pressed.
     "T-There's not..."
     "If you believe me, can't you simply buy the medicine for me?" I tried to press my money into her hands.
     "The process is no different than me selling you it. It's highly immoral. I can't." She gave the money back and smiled more sadly. "Like I said, I can let you call─"
     "You think I'd be here by myself trying to buy medicine when I'm really sick if I had someone to help!?" I finally broke, my hands shaking and my eyes watering. "Not everyone's so lucky like that!"
     "I─" the cashier stammered.

I wrenched myself away from the counter and shoved my shoulder into the door to blast it open and burst onto the street. Whatever she had to say, I didn't care. I couldn't even care about Castor calling after me my emotions slammed into my chest so hard.

     "Hey, I can buy it for you! I'm eight─"

But I was already around the corner and flying far.

Emotions battled illness, and emotions won for the moment. One would definitely not think me sick seeing me bolt down the streets like I did. Many people got pushed out of my way, and I risked more than I should have crossing sidewalks at the very moment the final blink of the flashing signal signified that signal was about to change. Numerous heavy-footed drivers honked at me. I kept running. Run and run and run I did until my lungs protested with bitter fury. It was if they became immobile and refused to let me draw another breath. I slowed and search for a place to sit. A park on my right offered some hope as a few benches dotted the small lot, but an unfortunately higher than desired tally of people played or wandered about. Someone would come to me if I sat on a bench desperately trying to regain my air. The bathroom proved my only choice. I could hide in there, get some water ever, until I recovered enough to press on. What I would do once I could press on was a matter for later. I just had to get inside the bathroom. Little gasps was all my chest would inhale. Sickly yellow-tinted blobs of darkness consumed my vision more with each step. The open air was tar pulling and sticking to my legs intent on trapping me to my doom. Clearly about to pass out, I shakily trudged on. Fifteen feet. A mere fifteen feet was all that was left.

When the darkness took all of my sight with a vengeance and all sounds faded, I barely noticed the transition. I sank into the black maw gratefully, done with this horrible day. Recognition of if I'd made it to the bathroom or not vanished from my thoughts. There I hovered in nothingness, in peace until the outside world intruded. I was not allowed peace, it seemed.

     "Oh good, she's opening her eyes," the blue blob hovering over me as light assaulted my vision spoke with relief calming some of the worry in her panicked voice. "Sweetheart, are you alright? Can you hear me? Can you tell me your name?"
     "Mmm..." I grumbled. The blue blob who became a woman when my sight cleared some more placed her hand on my forehead, where when I tried to shift away she easily kept it there.
     "You don't want to move too much. You collapsed and smacked your head rather hard on the stone. You have an awful fever and seem to have trouble breathing as well. I called an ambulance, so they'll be here soon. What is your name? Is there someone we can call? Your mom or dad?"
     "...No." The panic settled in again. The burning nerves of fear and anxiety tore its way through my stomach starting from the inside and working its way out.
     "No, there's no one to call?" the woman questioned.
     "No," I repeated, ignoring the dizziness when I sat.
     "You really shouldn't sit."  She attempted to lower me back down and failed. "Are you trying to say there's no one to call, or are you not able to remember? I wouldn't think you'd have that great of a concussion. In any case, if you're worried I can go to the hospital with you. You won't have to be alone."
     "No."

My ears perked up. A whirring siren echoed into my buzzing ears. A siren that quickly sped in our direction.

     "No!" I squirmed and thrashed against the woman's hold more. With the ambulance came police. With police came fear and a forced pull into a direction I didn't want to step.
     "Sweetheart, you're going to hurt yourself if you─"
     "NO!"

My elbow managed to land enough of a forceful hit that the woman stumbled from her hunched position over me onto her rear end. With the yellow boy who'd been tentatively standing nearby locking up in uncertainty and all the others who'd been watching from more distant positions too far, I was free to spring to my feet and bolt once more.

A bolt that, as I continued, was certain with every pounding on my heel into pavement to led me to my doom. I weaved relentlessly caring even less for the business of the streets I crossed. All I could think was that I had to get away. I had to hide. My body might give out afterwards, but as long as I made it away from where the ambulance and police would search...

Somehow, I made my back into the city proper. My pace slowed, my head hung, and every inch of me went numb. The change of the warm sun shifting to cold shadows as I slunk around the back of the buildings pressed up against the massive division wall didn't matter. The slam on my body as I collapsed near the wire fence went unregistered. Whatever. It was fine. If this was where I had to take my rest, so be it.

And I drifted off. Any movement of time was lost on me. My eyes stayed closed, my ears picked up little, and it took someone gathering me in their arms to understand people were nearby.

     "Are...sure about..., Pieter?" A girl's voice spoke.
     "Yeah! You...have seen how fast...could run. She...knew...was following her, and...sped off...nothing I'd ever seen!"
     "Hmm, well...going to...lot of medicine...feet. You...not going...be happy."
     "Oh, they...complain...be fine."
     "...say so."

The girl struggled and strained for a moment but soon lifted me securely within her grasp.

The slow but rhythmic steps of her moving along lured me back into the darkness entirely. Then...that was simply it. I knew nothing, experienced nothing. Whatever happened in those minutes for however many of those minutes there were passed uselessly for me. I came back for one brief second where bliss relaxed any stress returning to my mind upon discovering I lay warm and comfy in a bed. Nothing had been so wonderful like that for weeks now. I was all too content to return to the dark one more time.